Welcome to Gaia! ::

The sunlight beat down hard on the streets of New York. Another violent subway crime was committed, and once again the words of ol' Rudy rang true: "The Borat video is a complete fabrication. I was tucking in my shirt after taking off the recording equipment." Somewhere at a newly minted location in Bedford-Stuyvesant was a converted warehouse that served as the all new Club Marauder. The old one had been taken over by a Russian syndicate and rebranded to a fine-dining establishment where the only war crime committed would be the crazy prices for cheap Californian wine. The music bumped as a man in uniform, looking very much like former professional wrestler Currin, played the sickest ******** beats EVER from his crows nest booth. The girls were hot, the men were important, and the cops were defunded and preoccupied.

Ready for war Joe, how you wanna blow they spot
I know these dirty cops that'll get us in if we murder some wop
Hop in your Hummer, the Punisher's ready
Meet me at Vito's with Noodles, we'll do this dude while he's slurping spaghetti
Everybody kiss the ******** floor, Joey Crack
Buck em all if they move, Noodles shoot that ******** whore
Dead in the middle of Little Italy little did we know
That we riddled some middlemen who didn't do diddly

A 900 lbs man stepped onto the stage and started to rap, the party-goers popping hard. He stomped around spitting rhymes, only the best for the MMI's VIPs. TTYL, GTG, CYA. Nicky Delabonte Jr. followed the larger rapper into the spotlight, bumping along to the jams. "All the kids in the ghetto call me Don Cartagena!!!!", Nicky screamed out as he leaped into the crowd and started to crowd surf. His purple t-shirt and puke-green pants glistened in the strobe lights, causing seizures and vomiting among the especially sickened guests. Finally the young-gun found himself in the arms of an especially weak woman and fell to the ground, slamming into it with such force that many thought it may leave a bruise. "It's fine...It's fine, I'm...Oh boy..."



A demented, drug-laden cover of LMFAO'S timeless classic "Party Rock" took the attention away from Nicky for a moment as Patrick and Chris Voros made their way into the party. They made sure to take selfies with the guests, stopping for each and every one as their music continued on. Nicky began to violently shuck and jive on the ground to the music and rose like the Undertaker, slapping hands with everyone in reach. The three than converged in the center of the dance floor as a robotic voice bellowed out "Everyday I'm shuffling!" A wild dance party broke out and everyone leaped up and down as the strobe lighting picked back in pace. Literally EVERYONE was there. Jerry, Bob, Clint, The Great Khali, Brantley Summers' cousin Paul, Gilbert Gottfried's Ghost, Neil F. Sexton, The Maverick Jet, Jerry "The King" Lawler, Stefon, NYC Mayor Eric Adams, CJ from GTA San Andreas, Joseph from down the block's grandmother, and of course Julio Shin-Mozas. It was the BIGGEST party of all time, and the host who opened up Club Marauder for everyone knew that this was it. This was the time. He broke free of the party and made his way back on the stage, grabbing the microphone from the now deceased body of the 900 lbs rapper.



The crowd continued to dance with the Voros Twins while listening to the supreme big d**k v****a boy's big time speech. A man in a toga walked into the room, once again being Guga from GugaFoods, serving delicious prime cut new york strips that were fried in pepperoni oil. A sick puppy coughed in the corner of the room, laying down in a ball. The sound of ambulances delivering people to the hospital from the earlier subway shooting echoed from the building next door.



The crowd pops and the Voros twins drop to the ground, laughing hysterically and rolling all around. They quickly gather themselves and join Nicky on the stage. "Hey, Dillathedude, have you ever heard of dumbbell soccer?" A man in a gorilla suit quickly shuffles over and hands both Voros twins a dumbbell, to which they quickly drop them to their feet. "Yeah, it's just like soccer, except...You use dumbbells!"

Patrick lightly kicks the dumbbell as everyone laughs. Chris quickly leans down and picks it up, acting like a goalie. "Okay, let me put it back in the play!" He tosses the dumbbell towards the head of his brother, and before it can hit him directly in the face...SPIDER-MAN enters the room through a shitty "portal". He shoots out a sperm wire and knocks away the dumbbell. The music kicks back up really loud and everyone starts dancing once again.