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 Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2022 6:25 am
Fysarius grumbled as he scrubbed his thumb against the shiny black metal around his wrist. It was his new weapon, that he'd had the pleasure of conceiving and producing himself, so he understood the need for adequate practice, particularly since he was more accustomed to fighting with a blade or training hand-to-hand in close quarters with Ny...
But he still shot an annoyed glare at Cypher's back for dragging him out here. Fysarius didn't really want to go anywhere or do anything. He wasn't interested in Earth's experiences because this wasn't home, and he was petulantly determined to stay entirely unattached. He had not made any allies among the White Moon who would call him a traitor, nor had he made enemies of the Negaverse who would be out to hunt someone who did them wrong. As far as he was concerned, no one on Earth even knew he existed, and if he stayed in his room and did nothing, it was likely to stay that way.
Not that he'd achieve anything by executing such a practice, but maybe he just didn't want to achieve anything, anymore. Maybe he just wanted to be a nondescript nobody among all the strangers and dissenters.
But he had been goaded out this time with promises of something really amazing among the trees surrounding the clearing where they'd be training. Seemed like a lie. Fysarius was a little suspicious of the sudden interest in such things. But he had somewhat enjoyed specimen collection excursions before... everything else had happened. And there were still so many little bugs he hadn't seen- like bees. He'd still never actually seen a bee, despite how important they were to Earth's ecological sustainability.
So he was grouchy. Fysarius was grouchy and wouldn't pretend otherwise, but he would go out to the little forest clearing with Cypher because- well, what else was he doing, anyway.
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2022 6:36 pm
“I can hear you sighing.” Cypher looked back over his shoulder, eyebrow raised in mild amusement when he caught sight of Fysarius’ supremely annoyed glare. “You know, you could have declined my invitation.” They were of the same rank and he held no authority over his comrade. “It’s much different out here at night.” Fewer people wandered the paths and yet the evening felt just as alive as it was during the day. “I’ve encountered many nocturnal animals and insects. Some that might fascinate you…” In the brief seconds between conversation, there was a symphony of noises around ranging from chirping crickets to croaking frogs and an owl’s hooting from above. “According to one of my classmates, there is a wetlands area if we follow that trail.” Cypher nodded towards the right where the path became a ‘Y’ up ahead. “An ecosystem, that attracts many insects.” He knew where Fysarius’ interests were and would gladly explore that area once their training was done. Well... more like he would allow his comrade to explore and collect data while he patrolled the vicinity since Cypher’s interests did not fall within the living sciences as opposed to mechanical or technological.
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2022 10:35 am
"I wasn't trying to hide it," Fysarius retorted stiffly, not shying away from eye contact as Cypher glanced back at him. Rationally, he accepted that he had no real reason to decline the other man's invitation: thus, why he'd come. He was not performing any other necessary activities, and if he wasn't with Cypher, he was condemning himself to simply "doing nothing." Being useless. A waste of space. He felt lost, a foreign and difficult feeling that Fysarius knew wouldn't relent if he stayed solely in his room.
This outing was... at least valuable in terms of social contracts, if nothing else. And if they were to continue to advance their training, it meant there would likely eventually be more opportunities for him to be worthwhile in the future. Maybe the prickly feeling of loss would abate.
Potentially, not definitely.
Accompanying the myriad of chirps and calls, a grasshopper leapt out of the path of Fysarius' boot as he walked. A glowbug blinked into existence at the edge of his vision, then faded out just as quickly. There was so much life here. His heart wanted to be excited for it because it was important for them to utilize whatever avenues they could for the betterment of their home. He'd been passionate about Earth and its insects, their unusual patterns, their unfamiliar sounds, quirks of their biology. Now he just wasn't as sure all the good he'd hoped for would come out of it.
"Do you think it matters?" Fysarius questioned as they strode beneath the canopy that concealed the path.
Not a petulant shot, but an honest question: did it matter what they accomplished here? It was supposed to be for home, but it seemed like only one thing would do Velencya any good, and it wasn't researching the biodiversity or genetic stability of some foreign planet... It wasn't what Fysarius had hoped they'd be doing when they set off from home.
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2022 2:41 pm
The question he posed gave Cypher reason to pause. If it wasn’t that he trusted Fysarius then he might have suspected that this avenue of conversation was in some way a trap to get him to admit his own doubts. But he wasn’t that kind of Velecian. He was sincere in his emotions and wore them like a second skin. When they first arrived, Fys and Ny were inseparable and in her company he beamed with excitement to learn about Earth and its inhabitants. Exuded an eagerness that had even managed to get Cypher out and exploring; more like being body guard but he didn’t care much for the specifics of the reason he was there, just that he had been invited. But now he appeared more than just lost… Fysarius’s shoulders hung in a manner that seemed almost defeated. His gaze as such that when he observed the blinking lights of fire-bugs his sights were somehow set beyond everything to something intangible, something so very far away be it in the past, future or a distance they could not reach. A longingness for home. Although it was difficult for Cypher to express his own emotion, he shared similar worries and regarded the question with respectable consideration before responding. “I cannot say with any measure of certainty that what we are doing will have an impact on the outcome of this mission.” “It is of my honest belief that our success relies completely on Commodore Lyndin and his Majesty, Caedus. The battlefield was not a proper place for the Vanguard to learn of true intentions or past events.” Loyalty and trust were all they had when traveling across space to this world that promised hope. However, in the wake of the ambush, Cypher was left feeling disillusioned and deceived. “It is of my personal opinion that the mutated starseed holds more relevance than we may yet know.” “I will say that the main factor that separates our home from here is that Velencia has survived for hundreds and thousands of years whereas Earth is thriving. Until we return, there is no knowing whether the samples that have been collected can be sustained in our world. The molecular composition of our dirt and the nutrients provided by it might not be enough to allow even a simple fern to grow.” He knelt town to pluck an end off of one of the serrated looking leaves. “But we might be able to find something similar and can possibly recreate biospheres or ecosystems that can transition us from simply surviving to a comfortable existence.” “In terms of technology, I do believe we are advanced in some ways. Things that are still considered science fiction to humans are part of our everyday lives.” Space travel, for one, was high on that list. But even their ComTech was on par with their smartphones and internet, if not better. “What we do here may not matter to the overall mission. But it is important to find something that matters to you.” Cypher stood, moved to close the short distance between them, and placed a firm hand upon Fysarius’ shoulder. “It’s hard to find the joy in being here when our hearts and minds are still with home. But when we do make it back, make sure you return with something worth sharing. Even if none of this matters, your families will want to know that you tried, to see the samples or images of the places you’ve been or explored.” “We may not bring anything tangible back with us but we can bring hope.” And hope was something that mattered to them all. Indigo_Plateau Lmk if I need to change anything.
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Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2022 12:51 pm
'That starseed was your goal, you said you can't go home without it.'
Fysarius thought about those words often. He thought about the woman who'd said them, with her sardonic little smile and mocking sympathy, in her world of crystals, darkness and monsters, surrounded by an army of her soldiers. He thought about how she didn't sound like an ally in any way that suggested trust or loyalty. There was no implication she cared what became of them. The Vanguard didn't have friends. They didn't have allies on this planet. The Negaverse sided with them for convenience, and the White Moon actively impeded the Vanguard for the only thing they'd come here to do.
He thought about what the words meant, 'You can't go home.' Both because they didn't have the resources for a return trip to Velencya, and because- Because to leave meant accepting that they'd achieved nothing. To return home put them in a worse shape; all the resources they'd expended on this trip, and nothing to show for it, to a world that didn't have excess to give or to lose.
'Velencya is dying. Our core is failing.'
When would it? How long did they have? Days? Years? Decades? He expected no one knew with any certainty. Maybe it would be centuries, long enough in terms of human lives. Maybe it would be hours. Would anyone besides the Commodore even know if the worst happened while they were trapped on this rock? ...Would he tell them if it did? Or would he think it was better to let them hope that one day they would be able to return to a world grateful to see them back.
No one cared. Fysarius could not get that thought out of his mind. No one cared how long they might have. No one cared that they'd had a solution that half of them had actively rejected with no alternatives in mind. He'dd watched them. He'd heard them through the walls of the house they shared. They acted like they had endless time to experience Earth's culture. To go shopping. To make friends. To grow plants. To enjoy new hobbies and experiences. Listen to music. Try the food.
It broke his heart, just the thought of his comrades, his friends abandoning their world for this one. When this one did not care about them at all. He felt alone.
Hope? He had no idea why Cypher spoke of such a thing. Fysarius thought of himself as eccentric, but not unreasonable: there was nothing for him to base this hope off of. His friends, once determined and unified, were now divided and distracted by all of Earth's varied offerings, while his family back home waited and expected them to do something heroic. But so many of them had turned their backs on their leader and his plan. Now what did they have? What were they doing to stop Velencya from dying? Just... bumbling around...
Cypher turned to him, put his hand on Fysarius' shoulder, and he knew there was nothing to be gained from trying to make the other man feel as terrible as he did. There was nothing to explain because Cypher had all the same information he had.
He'd meant to just say, 'You're right,' and let them carry on.
But the words stuck fast in his throat, heavy as a cement brick and lodged just as tightly. If nothing they did here mattered, there was no point in doing it. He could not find something that mattered to him here because he hated this world and how it broke them. He didn't want to be here. All the things he'd wanted to like were ruined now. He sniffled, knocked Cypher's hand from his shoulder, and tried to inconspicuously smear his watery eyes against the fabric of his forearm to clear them. "Let's just get it over with, already."
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Posted: Tue May 10, 2022 10:47 pm
Cypher looked down at his hand as if he had somehow been burned by Fysarious’ reaction. It didn’t hurt per se but he still felt shocked if not a bit startled by the metaphorical wall that had been shunted up between them. Usually, it was Cy that kept others at a distance; most of the time intentionally but happened regardless of his efforts to connect with others. Whereas Fysarious had been much the opposite; usually quite jovial and eager to include others in his research. But lately, his comrade’s demeanor had drastically changed. When they arrived, both he and Ny were openly friendly toward everyone. However, things shifted not long after the ambush; when plans were revealed and the Vanguard was split. Some sided with His Highness, Caedus, while the others remained loyal to their Commodore. In the wake of that event, when it seemed that their mission had been a failure upon realizing that Caedus’ Starseed was horrifically mutated and that just holding it had caused Lyndin significant harm, the morale for many had dipped. No longer did Fysarious invite others to join in his excitement or musings and rarely did Cypher observe him engaging others in casual conversation. Not that he could blame his fellow Cadet. Their venture thus far has been a failure in the eyes of many; and several, like himself, felt like there was no direction. He could not fault Fys for his reaction and if he was anyone else, it’s likely that Cypher would have given more of a reaction but in this moment he attempted a more compassionate or at least understanding approach. “You’re not alone,” Cypher replied in even tones then turned to continue walking down the path. There was more he would have liked to have said but felt it necessary to allow his comrade, dare he admit friend… time to gather himself rather than make his emotions the focal point of their conversation. Indigo_Plateau lmk if anything needs to be adjusted
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Posted: Wed May 25, 2022 6:45 am
’Liar.’
Fysarius refused to verbalize the accusation, but he felt it almost as something physical, something weighted and heavy inside of him that he didn’t have a word for. Some combination of anger, offense, despair, and maybe guilt- he should be happy that his comrades were happy; he should be happy they could adapt better than he could. But he wasn’t. He just felt alone, and all the myriad of unpleasantness that came with it. Cypher could say otherwise, but it meant nothing, and Fysarius didn’t know how to reconcile with that. No one felt how he felt; he wasn’t even convinced anyone understood how he felt.
A chill had swept through him, making his heart feel like ice and his movements almost mechanical as he walked the little tree-lined path toward where they’d have their practice.
…It was beautiful here. Green and alive with a measure of untamedness Fysarius couldn’t even imagine seeing on Velencya. This was part of the reason for being in the Vanguard, to see more than their synthetic world was capable of. To explore, to experience, to discover. Everyone should be thrilled to see it. Fysarius wanted to be thrilled to see it. …Just not at the expense of his home.
He also wanted to pull himself together because it couldn’t possibly be reasonable or useful to feel this upset, but knowing as much hardly helped the situation. And for all Cypher’s sudden geniality from someone usually so reserved, Fysarius found the enthusiasm difficult to share.
He scratched at the bright gem inlaid into the back of his spider-themed metallic black glove and triedto be focused only on what they’d walked out here to do. ‘Training’ was what they’d said, but it should at least be a distraction, if nothing else. Fysarius walked in silence the rest of the way to the targets Cypher had set up.
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