|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2022 3:32 pm
He didn't think he'd ever been lazy. Even when Fysarius wasn't excited for a particular task, he would only verbally balk at how dreadful it was, rather than ignore it. He liked to share his impressions with his comrades, and he thought it was useful for them to know that there were things he did not enjoy, but that he would do when necessary. Things would get done because he had energy to burn and was usually happy to have something worth doing.
Now he wasn't so sure what it was exactly that was worth doing.
Surely there was something. There was only a whole planet just outside his door that most of his species had never explored. He'd experienced hardly a drop in an ocean of all the plant and insect communities, of which surely there must be something useful to splice onto any developing flora at home. It wasn't reasonable to even begin to think that there could be so much diversity and expect that none of it had something more advanced and efficient than the limited crops and scrubs they were capable of producing. Something that survived longer or was hardier or required less water or nutrients. Something he could break down to a handful of genes, bottle up, and say he'd found something worth even looking at trying to integrate on Velencia.
And if he didn't feel like doing that, he could study the cultures. Cul-tures. So many different ways of living here. Not unreasonable, he thought? The planet was so large... Or the architecture, or the food, or the fashion, or the music, or the atmosphere... As far as he'd heard, the rest of the Vanguard had taken up assorted interests. The ComTech was out of date on much of what this planet offered.
But what was the point, really?
They were stuck here, maybe indefinitely, while most of the people at home probably only had the faintest little inkling that their world wasn't sustainable, if any inkling at all. It wasn't like anyone had told him as much until he was already off of his planet. Better to not upset everyone and make them feel like- well, this, he supposed.
Nothing worth doing. Just existing here, trying to uncover some secret that no one else had been able to find, living in a city with a handful of dissenters and humans meddling in affairs that they had no business being in. Easier to ignore it, probably. And lay on the floor. And watch the ants.
They belonged outside, he knew. They were happier there, where aphids were more common and they knew where the sweetest fruits were. But Fysarius reasoned that they could leave his room, if they so chose. He wasn't keeping them contained, and even if he tried to barricade off the exits, they were so tiny, slipping through crevices he couldn't even see.
He'd lined the wall beneath his window with a few seed packets picked up from the grocery store. Some sprouted. Some didn't. Some turned into small flowers. Some were just lumps of leaves. Some grew bright red little seed cones, too small to even be a bite for Fysarius, and green at the tips. They were edible, apparently, but he found them unpalatable. The ants liked them, though. The ants liked strawberries. They crawled in through the cracks in his window, following the sunbeams and climbing the tallest plant leaves down twisting vines to the strawberries. When they aggravated the stems enough, the remains would plop down as little gooey drops to the saucers beneath the plants. Then they would go there, too, collecting what they could before leaving in a little line, back to the colony.
They came and went, but as long as there were strawberries on the vine, Fysarius could watch the ants. And stay in his room. And pretend the world didn't exist. And not do much else.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2022 8:14 pm
Andreiya could be a little pushy. He didn’t mean to be rude, but sometimes, when he was nervous, he came on a little strong. He’d been thinking about Fysarius all morning.
Partly because he hadn’t actually seen him in longer than he could remember, and partly because he had seen color in his window while he was out this morning.
“Fysarius,” he said, knocking attentively on his door. “I think you are in there. And if you are not, I will be back to knock again. But if you are in there, please open your door. I was outside and I saw your window! You are growing something! I am growing something, too. I am growing lots of somethings, but I am not going to tell your door that. I would like to see you, will you please let me in? You can say no,” he said, but he wasn’t very good at hiding how ready he was to pout about it if Fysarius did say no.
It was hypocritical, he got frantic whenever anyone wanted to see his room, and he always had an excuse and was quick to sneak in and out so no one could peek in.
But this was different!
Fy had plants growing!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2022 7:00 am
He flinched at the knock, bright golden gaze swiveling over his shoulder as he twisted to stare at his door. He couldn't conceive of a time when Ny had ever knocked to enter his quarters. His space was her space; there was no notion of privacy between them. Then he didn't think anyone had ever knocked on his door since they'd arrived, so his first impulsive thought was to assume there was trouble or he was about to be assaulted.
But Andreiya's voice came from the other side within the same beat as the first rap upon the wood.
"Oh. Andreiya..." Fysarius dropped back to his elbows, sparing a sharp glance fully around the room: to where his clothes were discarded on the floor, to a handful of empty jars toppled over on his desk, to the kicked and unkempt sheets in a heap on his bed, to the potting soil in a trail from a half-filled and crumpled over bag on the floor to the pots beneath his windowsill. Well, it wasn't like he was going to do anything about it now... With a resigned sigh, he muttered out. "Yes, you can come in."
It wasn't locked to bar against intrusion, though Fysarius now wondered if that was an error in judgement on his part. But since it wasn't locked, he saw no reason to get up from where he lay on the floor on his stomach, chin propped on folded arms as he watched the meticulous movements of a continuous stream of ants.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2022 8:19 am
With permission, Andreiya eagerly entered. He paused, blinked at the state of the room, and then let his eyes settle on Fysarius. “What are you doing down there, have you fallen? Are you hurt?”
He closed the door behind him instinctively but hurried over, only then realizing that he was staring at something. What were those–bugs? …What were they doing in the house?
He was crouched next to Fysarius and leaned forward just slightly to peer at them.
“...I am very confused,” he said after a second. “What are you doing?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2022 11:23 am
He should be embarrassed. This was disgraceful, to let his personal quarters be found in such a sorry state while he just... laid on the floor and did nothing. He was worthless to their mission. It was one thing for Ny to see this; he did not expect her judgement. Or if he did, Fysarius at least knew she wouldn't think less of him for it. But Andreiya, on the other hand... From where his face was propped in his palm, he didn't have to turn to see the other boy's face. And badge.
"No, I've not fallen," he said on a sigh. "And I'm not injured." Hurt? That was something else, but he didn't think there was much for anyone to do about that.
He sat up a bit, what Fysarius thought was enough to constitute polite conversation. "These are Tetramorium immigrans, sugar ants." he said, gesturing to the little trails as they wove their way across the floor. "I expect they came in looking for food. My strawberries." He gestured again, pointing a finger toward the pots in the window and the small buds of fruit hanging from thin vines, and then down to the spotting remains of fallen strawberries. "I can't blame them, and they do seem to be making better use of the fruit than I am."
Though that didn't explain why Andreuya was here now, all of a sudden. "Anyway, they are not hurting anything, and I'm sure that wasn't the reason you came over. Was there something you wanted?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2022 8:34 pm
“To see you. And your strawberries. I saw them in the window, I could not identify them from so far away. Did you grow them yourself?” he asked, and–knowing now that Fysarius was not harmed, he felt comfortable enough to give more attention to the Tetramorium immigrans that were investigating the strawberries.
It was dangerous, he thought, and voiced his concern without much thought for censorship. “They are tiny! Were you laying there so you did not step on them? I will have to be careful where I step. There are so many of them!”
He wanted to get on the ground on his hands and knees so he could peer at them closer, but he resisted the impulse.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2022 12:58 pm
Fysarius squinted toward his window, as if trying to judge how much could be seen from outside. Certainly it felt like he could see well across the yard from his current position, but hopefully it was just... the time of day letting enough sunlight into his room for passerby to be able to peek through the glass, and not a constant that anyone could wander by and see the state of things from the outside.
His strawberries only needed a few hours of sunlight a day, anyway. The rest of the time, the curtains were closed.
"Early into our arrival, I picked up a bunch of seed packets from the grocery store. Have you seen them? There must be... hundreds, hundreds of little envelops with different types of seeds in them." He gestured lightly to his shelving, and even some discarded packets near the window, perhaps a dozen different seed varieties. "The strawberries seem to do well enough here. Some of the others less so." Another flippant gesture toward pots with dried stems poking from loose soil that looked significantly less well-cared for at this point. "I guess it's hard to stop doing what you have grown accustomed to doing, even in a different place." He'd been a botanist and a geneticist. Now he didn't know what to do with himself here.
For all the sugar ants took notice, Fysarius and Andreiya may as well not even exist. They continued along dutifully in their trail.
"I came down here to see them better." Each was hardly more sizable than a speck of dirt. "There are a lot of this kind here, but there are other kinds too, like the plants. So many different species of everything. The humans don't like the ants very much, though. When I tried to look up what information they'd gathered regarding this species, the most prominent research teams were, erm. Orko. And Orthen. No, no, it was Orkin and Ortho. They are companies that the people here pay to come kill the ants."
"I guess they are a nuisance, pests, because they like to eat human food. They do seem to like my strawberries. Ny likes my strawberries too. But there is enough for everyone."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2022 8:54 pm
“Yes!” Andreiya said enthusiastically. “I have many seeds. I have planted them, the Commodore gave me permission to purchase land. So wild, right? Humans are ridiculous, as if their planet is a thing to be bought. But I have a greenhouse, and many seeds growing! But no strawberries. I want some, now. But big. Very big. Tomato-sized big. I have never had one but they are very cute. The ants are, too. They are a pest,” he admitted, but there was no malice in his voice.
“But they are a natural part of the world. Their lives must be hard. They are very tiny. If the humans would rather not have ants around, they should not leave their food where tiny little creatures can get into them. I have set traps for the pests that would interrupt my experiments. Rabbits and mice.”
Not snakes, Dylas was an angel and could stay in his greenhouse for as long as he wanted. Maybe Andreiya would have done more to keep out ants and bugs if Dylas didn’t like to eat them, but they hadn’t caused any harm so he didn’t need to intervene.
“Do you want me to take any of your plants and see if they grow better in the greenhouse? You can say no. But they look sad. You looka little sad, too. Do you want to come visit my greenhouse with me some time? I have so much research to do. But I like to share. Except for my tomatoes. Fae-Fae likes to eat them, I had to get a whole other plant together to distract her so my experiments can continue uninterrupted.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue May 31, 2022 5:21 am
The Tetramorium immigrans were something the humans deemed as 'invasive.' It was a word they'd given to species that had been accidentally transported out of their natural range and were becoming a "pest" wherever they'd landed. It wasn't the ants' fault that they were here; they were small and weak and couldn't cross giant bodies of water without help from something else. But people hated them and insulted them and tried to kill them, anyway. The ants could certainly kill his strawberry plants, and any fruit they ate was fruit he or Ny did not get to enjoy.
But Fysarius couldn't be mad at them. He couldn't dislike or insult them. They probably didn't want to be here anymore than he did, and they had to find some way to go on existing. He didn't know why Andreiya thought he had any right to call them "pests," but Fysarius' weight shifted ever-so-slightly, as if to better put himself between the other Vanguardian and the ants.
He didn't even want Andreiya looking at them, if he was just going to insult them.
...Didn't really want Andreiya looking at his plants or him, if he was going to insult them, either.
He felt heat rise to his cheeks, probably some combination of embarrassment, distress, and upset that his comrade would insinuate Fysarius was not adequately caring for his plants, despite it being his actual job. If he overlooked the suggestion that plants could have expression of emotions, despite having no nervous system, Fysarius expected the intent was to communicate that they did not look well and should be taken from him. His tongue pressed tight to the back of his teeth, and his fingers curled against the wood floor, nails scraping over the solid surface. "Mm... Can you get out?" He croaked quietly through tight throat and clenched teeth.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2022 1:33 pm
Andreiya bristled at first, maybe because he thought it strange that Fysarius felt the need to intercept, or maybe because he could see the color in Fysarius’ cheeks. Maybe it was the way he seemed tense, or the way his nails moved over the floor.
He looked offended at the request and immediately flustered.
“Why?” he blurted, before he could think of any other way to say it. His brows furrowed and his face settled into a frown, and of course he would leave, there wasn’t any resistance at the suggestion, but he was confused by the sudden request and the change in Fysarius’ demeanor. His mood had shifted quickly; he’d been excited to talk about the plants, but now he felt defensive and confused so he looked at Fysarius as if answers were going to suddenly manifest before him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2022 9:00 am
Fysarius had said it first. "Pest" in reference to what humans called the ants. He'd practically been inviting Andreiya to agree with the sentiment, so it wasn't reasonable or rational to be offended at him for it. But Fysarius had never been great at hiding these irrational feelings, despite the social benefits of just going along with it. And he didn't think he could just sit here while Andreiya insulted him and thought less of him.
He was probably about to think even lesser of him, now.
"Because you're being insulting!" Fysarius snapped back, voice higher and a little strained. "They live here. This is their room. They're not pests; they're not hurting anything. They can't go anywhere else besides where the food is, and everyone is mad at them for it. Don't look at them if you're going to be mean to them." They were too small and scattered and numerous for him to properly shield them from Andreiya's insults, and they probably didn't care what he called them, anyway.
But he could at least protect his plants from Andreiya pitying them and thinking they were sad and uncared for. Fysarius did scooch himself across the floor and properly between the other boy and the potted vegetation. "And you called my plants sad like I'm not able to give them what they need. They have water and sunshine and plenty of carbon dioxide because I'm in here all the time. It's good for them to be with me, and it's good for me to be with them. No, you can't take them. And I would like it if you weren't in here, judging me and all my things."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2022 10:27 pm
Andreiya’s face turned just a bit pinker, maybe from embarrassment or frustration. He held his ground, but he wasn’t the tallest Velencian, or the most well built. But he was a Corporal! Lyndin trusted him, that had to count for something.
“It was not an insult,” he insisted, maybe a bit desperately. “I do not think any less of them for being what they are, and I think they have a place on this world just the same as any other. You are very passionate about protecting them but I did not come in here to insult them or you. I am not mad at them. I thought they were interesting. I said if people did not want them around, they should not be tempting them with food. I said they were small and probably had hard lives. I think it is admirable that they work so hard. And I think it is impressive that they work together so well.”
He seemed like he might have been ready to defend the ants, too, but he deflated quickly.
“Fysarius, I came here because I was worried about you. And your strawberries looked interesting. I would not have said anything about your plants if you had not said some of them did not grow well here.”
He looked at Fysarius’ plants, with their dried stems and loose soil, and then back to him. “I thought, if you were worried about your plants not growing well here, I could offer you some space in my greenhouse until they perked up. But if you’re happy with them here, I would not take them from you. I am not judging you. Or them. Or your ants. I hoped we could bond over a mutual hobby. I hoped we could become friendlier. I did not come here to upset you, or judge you, or insult your friends, or any of those things. So I apologize,” he said, still flustered and worried and pinker than usual. “And if you still want me to leave, I will, but I don’t want you to be upset with me.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2022 10:07 am
The discussion of these types of feelings was probably uncommon ground for most of them. Fysarius had always been perfectly happy to feel whatever his gut told him to, without worrying what anyone else thought of it or bothering to assign a 'why' or 'how' to what it meant. His gut had not been particularly kind to anyone recently. He couldn't say with any certainty, but he was pretty sure it was an insult, if he felt insulted by it. The resulting feelings mattered more than the intent, in regards to interaction between two people. That felt like the accepted standard.
"Well don't," he spat back. He didn't need anyone worrying about him. He didn't want anyone peeking through his windows. No one needed to tell him what to do with his things. If he'd wanted his plants elsewhere, he would've moved them elsewhere. He didn't require Andreiya's permission.
'Liar.' The accusation was in his throat, but there was heat prickling the corners of his eyes and the one word felt too solid to force out of his mouth. Fysarius had eyes. He had ears. He could see that Andreiya was getting frustrated with him, but if that was the case, he should just go. Fysarius didn't want to bond. He didn't want to be friendly. He didn't feel like he even knew how. He just felt terrible all the time.
He didn't think he even could be not-upset.
He didn't know if he was going to scream or cry... or turn violent. His arms pinched tighter to his sides, hands balling up as if to hide them. He didn't want it to be like this, but it just was.
He didn't know.
And that was worrisome.
His mouth opened, and when no sound came out, he closed it, tongue passing briefly over pursed lips before a second attempt at least managed a quiet, "Get out. Please, just get out."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2022 8:58 am
Andreiya should have been better at hiding his emotions. He should have been professional and kept his heart out of the conversation.
He hadn’t, and it was too late to go back on any of it.
His lips pressed together tightly because he had wits enough about him to force them not to tremble, but that was all he could manage. He didn’t keep Fysarius’ gaze; his eyes dropped to the floor, and he didn’t look up again as he shuffled to the door.
Andreiya’s pride was wounded, sure. He hadn’t come in here to pick fights or insult Fysarius. He hadn’t even thought he’d said anything offensive, but he now he was going to spend a good while alone, replaying the entire conversation in his head and trying to figure out what he’d said wrong and what he should have said instead.
His feelings were hurt, on top of the confused guilt and embarrassment.
He hadn’t wanted to cause any problems or upset him.
Andreiya didn’t protest when Fysarius told him to leave again. He was competing with the growing warmth and wetness in his eyes, so it was all the more reason to hurry away. He didn’t trust his voice enough to offer an apology, and he didn’t think Fysarius would have cared to hear one anyway. Andreiya tried to leave without causing any more disturbances and closed the door quickly, and quietly, behind him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2022 9:50 am
Fysarius stared at the closed door, wet dotting the corners of his eyes and heat prickling in his throat. He'd got what he wanted. He'd asked Andreiya to leave, and that was what happened. There wasn't really any reason for him to expect anything else, no reason for him to want anything else. If it upset him to have the other Vanguard nearby, making judgy eyes at his ants or his room or him, Fysarius should feel better to just be by himself.
Why did he feel worse?
...Everything made him feel worse.
He curled his legs beneath him where he sat on the floor, arms folded over his chest, and body twisted so that he could lay his head against the side of his bed and watch the ants troop through his strawberry plants on their food collection journey. There was still a small swarm of them, having been completely undeterred by anything Fysarius or Andreiya said. But they wouldn't linger forever. They had an actual home to go to beyond Fysarius' walls, and a whole colony that was probably eager to share the spoils of any findings.
Sniffles chased the tears in his eyes, tiny, choked sobs bubbling forth as it felt like his throat was actively trying to close against the intrusion of this world's dirty, smelly, vile air.
His eyes pinched shut. He pressed his thumbnail into the bend of his elbow and sawed back and forth along that crease until sticky, wet, red coated his thumb, and that stinging hurt was at the forefront of his mind, clouding out the rest, more prominent than any other. His exhale was shaky, but chords of tension unwound as he pressed his palm over the little laceration and stared at his strawberry plants and the ants marching through them.
Well, if he didn't want to have this problem again, at least there was an easy solution: he stood and flicked the curtains over his window closed, drowning out the light in his room.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
