The change in seasons always brought about a cold, deep rooted melancholy for the deep night colored stallion. Change of seasons meant the continued passage of time. The continued passage of time leaving his scarred soul further anguished as it meant that the memories of a life long passed, a life long lived for, was gone. That it would never be and would never be an option for him. For Mataius, the coming of spring brought memories of a love he still yearned for. A quiet yet stinging realization that she would never return to him. Never return to their family. Forever would she walk the trails of the ancestors, the spirits of old and new. Some would tell him that she was still with him, that she still protected him from the grave. But Mataius knew better. He always knew better. The words of his family and friends did little to appease his pain.As Mataius stood over the clifftop near his sister’s home, he stood a quiet vigil towards the rising run. A brisk yet welcome breeze ran its fingers through his coat, chilling his body in comparison to the warm sun peaking over the mountains across the lands below. As such, spring was a time of change, a time to throw out the old and welcome the new. In some respects it already had in it’s own way. Despite his anger towards his sister, he couldn’t help but feel the swell of love towards her as well. For it seemed that time also decided to play it’s other hand of trying to heal wounds. Did he still blame Matania for Saevara’s death? Yes, yes he did. However, Mataius couldn’t help but begin to feel the inkling that holding a grudge for so long was what his soul wanted, or needed for that matter.
“Healing doesn’t always come in the form of the physical, Mataius,” the whispers of Saevara’s wisdom echoed from memories long past.
A sigh left his lips, “and yet to find healing, I must forgive the cause of your death. How can you expect me to do so?”
All his memory of his love did was smile serenely towards him. The quirk of her lips meeting her eyes in the only the way that could bring Mataius to his knees. And with a quick shake of his head her memory and image faded from his mind’s eye. How could he accept that? How could he accept his sister once more? Matania’s error cost him EVERYTHING.
But did it really?
Despite Tiamat’s plans to destroy his family and the unified herds she failed. They drove her into a corner, captured her, and jailed her. Never again would she wreck the havoc she so desired. His parents, siblings, friends, and comrades were safe. At least, they were for a while. Death happens in conflict. Mataius knew this well. The unified herds weren’t always at peace. They didn’t always fly under one banner. And in fact they were still at odds with the heavenly like herds across the shores from them. Death came in all forms, not just one. He’d lost many friends during their fights. Buried them with the rites of their herd lands. Each one leaving their mark on him, including Saevara.
And yet, Mataius slowly came to realize, he took the death of his love too personally. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. A saying that was ingrained into them at birth. He was no exception, his siblings were no exception, and neither was Saevara and the others. Mataius was a leader, a confidant, a warrior. And he failed in keeping with his herd’s most trusted moral. A pained laugh escaped him. Did his family really have the right to have him in charge?
“I see you’re up early,” the voice of Matania spoke behind him, “morning meditation?”Turning his head Mataius gazed upon the mare, neither hostile or welcome, “you could say that. Spring has come.”
Matania hummed in agreement as she came to stand beside him, a respectful distance apart but not enough where they couldn’t speak privately.
“Aye, that it has. And with it comes another year of vigil.”
Confusion couldn’t help but lace Mataius’ brow as he looked over at his sister, “vigil? What are you mourning?”
Gazing back at him Matania almost looked surprised, “what do you think? It’s been my constant companion for the past five years.”
Saevara…
“I…” he began, not quite finding the right words to say to her, “why do you mourn her?”
“There’s not a day that goes by where what happened doesn’t haunt my dreams, brother. I can still smell the smoke from the flames and screams of those who are no longer with us. Saevara gave her life so I could live and bring word of Tiamat’s imminent coming to destroy us. Our comrades gave their lives so that one of us could be spared. The blood of the great herd Gelkmaros forfeited their existence so Asmodae could be spared from her wrath…I will carry that for the rest of my life.”
A pair of twin colored doves dove and circled around Mataius and Matania then, dancing through the wind and with each other. The warmth of the sun casting it’s glow across their forms. Mataius didn’t know what to say, or to think. He had not anticipated her words or her feelings. But he didn’t back then either. His pain was too great to ignore. His desire to avenge Saevara’s death was at the forefront of his mind. Sharp words of anger long ago, words that stabbed his sister repeatedly to make her feel his pain, shattering their relationship forever. And yet, with her words to him now he began to learn that she felt just as much pain as he did. That she blamed herself for everything that happened.
“Healing doesn’t always come in the form of the physical, Mataius.” The familiar words of his love pressed against his mind once more.
A lone tear threatened to fall down his cheek, not that he would ever admit it to anyone, “It seems that you and I did not fall very far from the tree little sister.”
“Not very far indeed,” came her reply.
A pregnant pause ensued between the two of them then. The doves being met by a pair of blue birds also dancing in the sunlight and wind. Snow continued to melt into the ground, nourishing the grass below them, bringing life back into the kawani lands. Lands that Mataius, despite being from the far north, missing home, and a leader of their herd, he wanted to explore and learn. However, in order to do that Tiamat needed to be brought to justice for her crimes. If Matania and himself did nothing she would obliterate everything here, and then some. Gelkmaros was but one victim to her chaos. Their friends and loved ones yet another. They had a job to do first.
“Tiamat I’m sure is waking from her winter stupor,” he spoke after a moment, “she may be patient, but her one flaw is her overt thirst for blood. She won’t continue hiding for much longer.”
“True, but this is nothing you haven’t told me when you first came to me with Tanzi in tow.”
“She must pay for the blood she’s spilt, the lives she’s ruined. And this includes yours.” Mataius offered doing everything he could to not hesitate.
Matania stared him down, at a loss at what to say to him.
“What happened that day still weighs heavy on my mind. That will not change for quite some time. But this spring in particular seems to have Saevara written all over it. While I still harbor that pain and anger, I recognize now that……” Mataius stopped for a moment to close his eyes and take a deep breath, “I recognize now that you harbor as much pain as I do. That I was wrong to blame you solely for her death. I allowed my pain to cloud my judgement, and not look at the root of the problem. I have failed you Matania, and I am sorry.”
He shifted his gaze towards the now risen sun and white snow mixed with the bright vivid green of the trees cascading below them. In his mind he could feel the warmth of his loves smile and gaze upon him again. Saevara was proud of him. That much Mataius was certain of. This is what she would want of him and his sister. No more of this chasm between them. Quite suddenly, he felt something press against his side, and his head turned to look down as he heard his sister sigh against his neck. One of her purple wings coming to rest upon his back, leaning against his own. This was something they used to do as foals all the time after they got into a fight.
“Thank you,” she heard him whisper, “I don’t blame you for how things unfolded.”
All he could do was hum in answer as he laid his head upon the top of her own, closing his eyes and welcoming the warmth the sun gave. It was like a giant ball of darkness had lifted from his chest. A much needed relief he now acknowledged that he needed.
“Spring is a time of renewal, and bringer of change. I’m so proud of you.” The inner whispers of Saevara’s voice echoed in his mind.
While the memory was of a time when he was less than enthused about the changing seasons, especially where the training of new recruits was concerned, it was also when he first was made commander. The thought could help but make Mataius smile.