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 Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2022 2:29 pm
Ilse wasn't sure what to do with herself, anymore. More than anything, she knew that she couldn't let anyone know she was having doubts; doubts were dangerous, and might mean that whatever happened to scramble her brain would happen all over again. And that was the last thing she wanted, now that she was thinking clearly again.
She swallowed, unhappily. It was becoming her habit lately to plop down on a bench and contemplate her various miseries, of which she had many. Even knowing that she needed to tell Lysithea the truth, even knowing that her best course was still to get out of the Negaverse (how? Cosmos hadn't wanted her, before. Maybe someone else would help? But who? The Princess from the battle? That seemed...risky) she wasn't sure how to do that.
Everything sucked. Maybe things were better when her head was all scrambled and she couldn't have all of these doubts.
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 3:29 pm
The night was crisp and there were talks of a light snowfall later, so Langite was out on a walk which had turned into a patrol halfway though. The feeling of another corrupt in the area gave him pause and made him find out just who it might be, walking over to greet the when he realized that it was the very same girl who he had worked so well with to bring that wayward soul where she belonged.
She looked upset though, conflicted, and as Langite came within speaking distance, he said in his deep, soft voice.
“A penny for your thoughts, Ilse? You look troubled.”
Shaking back his sleeves, he joined her on the bench, raising his eyebrows at the corrupt who seemed to have magic that was so similar, and a color palette that was so similar.
“Can I assist?”
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 3:46 pm
Ilse blinked, and looked up, and gave Langite a slightly wobbly smile.
"Ah, hello," she said, voice soft. "Good to see you again, Langite."
They'd worked together, bringing in that pretty Squire. That had been...an experience, certainly, and Ilse wasn't sure, now, if it had been the right thing. On the other hand, what the "right thing" was varied so wildly for different people....she had certainly seen those that seemed wholly comfortable in the Negaverse. So maybe that had been okay. Just....not her.
"I...I suppose I am," she admitted. "Troubled, that is."
This was dangerous. This was stupid. But she looked at him, slightly pleading.
".....Have you ever questioned your place? In the Negaverse, I mean?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 3:51 pm
He tilted his head after nodding in acknowledgement of her greeting, and then thought through her question, finally shaking his head. “I have not. When I was recruited, it was with the promise to keep this city safe. To keep this planet safe. I fully intend to do that by whatever means necessary.”
Langite looked at her, brows furrowing just slightly.
“Are you questioning your place? You must be if you are here asking if I am doing the same.” He folded his hands in his lap, thoughtful. “What has caused these doubts within you? I do not condemn them, but I wish to know what has caused you doubts.” Perhaps he could help her get past them, and if not.
It wasn’t his place to force her to change her mind. Just to offer his support.
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:03 pm
Ilse nodded, thoughtfully. It made sense that he would never doubt, with a promise like that coming with his recruitment.
"I was told the same thing," she acknowledged. "I'm just....starting to wonder if what I'm doing is the best way." She stared down at her lap. ".....This is going to sound silly," she admitted, "but I promise that it's very serious. I....there's this girl."
Oh, it really did sound stupid when she put it that way, didn't it? Like her silly little heart was getting away from her.
But that wasn't all.
"I've bene havingt hese doubts for a while. I went on an expedition to the Rift, and...Langite, people died. I almost died down there. The leaders,t hey were willing to risk all of our lives to recover some scales from a youma that allegedly had value. And I'm okay with risking my life for the right reason! But that didn't feel right at all." She wrung her hands. "And I met her. LYsithea. She tried to help me get out, but...Hessonite caught us. I think she did something to me, because until recently, I couldn't think clearly, couldn't make myself work through all the doubts I was having. And then...and then..."
She hiccuped, felt tears well in her eyes.
"She...she got corrupted. And the General that's responsible for her, he told her all these lies, about how she was one of us before, and she was saved from the other side, and she's his sister, and--and I lied to her, too. I'm complicit in tricking her. But there are people on the other side who love her. Who want her to come home--to her real home, with them. And I think...I think that's my real home,. too. Or it could be."
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:13 pm
Langite didn’t interrupt her and let the words die and the silence stretch for a few long moments before he spoke. “First off, I don’t think that a matter of the heart is silly. If it is a girl who you have feelings for, who tried to help you, I understand why that would be a big factor in everything. Second, that expedition sounds terrible and they should have done a better job in taking care of you, or not allowed you to go if they knew it was going to be so dangerous. I am very glad that you didn’t die. And I will say a prayer for those who did.”
Glancing at her for a moment, Langite sighed and closed his eyes before reaching one arm out to wrap gently around her shoulders. “I am not one for physical contact with most strangers, but you are in a great amount of distress. If this makes you uncomfortable let me know and I will stop. If you want that to be your home, if you feel so strongly, and have felt so strongly that you want that to be your home, then I think you need to go for it. Tell her, tell this Lysithea what she means for you, and tell her of the lies. Guide her home, help her get out as she tried to help you. You can’t protect the city and this planet if your heart is torn in two directions.”
It was the obvious answer. She was distressed and overwhelmed, and she would end up getting killed if this went on. If she didn’t want the duty that was placed on her, she should leave.
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:20 pm
Ilse nodded. At least he wasn't brushing her off, or treating her like some lovesick fool. And when his arm came aorund her shoulders, she leaned over, and buried her face in his sohulder, and started to let herself cry.
"I--I'm sorry, I know this is probably a lot more than you bargained for, I just--I know you[re right," she said, and she swallowed, hiccuping on a sob, "and you're not the only one that's told me that, but it's going to be...very hard. And very scary." To say the least. One attempt at escape had already been thwarted. Now she would have to do it for herself and for Lysithea, all over again, under Faustite's nose. And Lysithea would probably hate her forever, which would only be fair.
"But I....I love her," Ilse admitted, softly, "and I think that means I have to do what's right by her. No matter what else happens."
She hiccuped on a sob again, and forced herself to straighten up.
"T-thank you. I'm sorry. For being such a mess."
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:31 pm
“I asked you if you were all right. I was prepared for tears if it was that bad. If I had not wished to deal with you, I would have kept walking. You are my ally, Ilse. I would not leave you to suffer.”
He was quiet as he tried to think of how to offer to help. Honestly, he didn’t know. He had no desire to leave, and had no real notion of how that was even done but.
“If she grows angry, if she wants nothing to do with you, do you still wish to leave? For yourself. If she weren’t in the picture?”
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:37 pm
Langite’s question gave Ilse pause, and she took a long moment to think reaching up to wipe her cheeks while she did.
“…Yes,” she said, finally, but it was with absolute certainty. “I wanted to get out before I met her. I think I’ll still be a poor fit for the Negaverse, regardless of if she wants me around.”
She took a deep breath. Let it out. Wiped at her eyes.
“When I tried to purify before…she called on an entity known as Cosmos, but Cosmos didn’t come. Maybe…maybe it was because Hessonite was lurking around. Or maybe it was because Cosmos didn’t think I was ready. But I….I am now. So if Cosmos won’t help me, I’ll find someone who will.”
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:41 pm
Squeezing her shoulder, Langite finally drew his hand away. “Perhaps then, Ilse. You should leave first. You need to think about yourself first. Get yourself to safety. Get a net behind you so that when she jumps, you’ll be able to better catch her, rather than you both jumping and not having that safety there. Find your way out, and you can better find a way to help her, if that is the path that she wants. If it is not the path that she desires, then you’ll still have your freedom.”
He looked at her after a moment and gave the ghost of a smile. “I do wish you every happiness, Ilse. I hope that this choice brings you all that you desire and long for.”
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:48 pm
Ilse nodded, slowly. That seems reasonable—maybe she should leave first. But part of her rebelled against that. She didn’t think she’d be able to feel alright until Lysithea was safe. She would just….have to keep sliding under the radar.
She reached over to take the hand that wasn’t around her shoulders in both of hers, and squeeze, and gave Langite a watery smile.
“I think it will,” Ilse said. “No matter what happens, I…I know I’ll be happier once I’m on the other side.” She swallowed. “…This is a little childish, but. Will we still be able to be friends, even after I leave?”
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:55 pm
Langite nodded, without having to think about it. “I can’t see why we wouldn’t be able to. I have no grudge against you, Ilse. I wish for your happiness. If this is the path that you must take, so be it. But I will miss your companionship and your assistance with others. We worked very well together.”
Gently, he detached his hand from her grip and stood up, bending down to lightly brush her cheeks with his lips.
“Good luck with her. Good luck with your future. May all of your wishes come true and your goals find fulfillment. If you need me, I hope that I will again be on your path so you can find me, and if you need me while you’re still with us, you may contact me any time. For now though, farewell.”
He straightened up and began to walk away, one hand behind his back as he did so. There were other things to do, and he couldn’t continue to tell her to make her own path. Not when he wanted nothing more than to ask her to stay. She was smart and clever and he didn’t want to lose that.
But. So long as she was happy. He would be content.
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