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 Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2022 2:23 pm
TW: Near-suicide, suicidal thoughts & actionsMonoceros felt completely helpless. Powerless. After his fight with Arsenolite, he'd been hiding from everyone more than ever. He didn't want to talk to anybody ever again. He felt so... sick, and used, and like a long-forgotten special sock beneath a teenage boy's bed. Ugh, that imagery made him want to vomit, which he supposed was some kind of bonus, since he at least felt something besides numbing anger and a void. Maybe there was a solution, though. He didn't seem to have any kind of good life. He was beaten on by all sides. He had no memories. He couldn't decide if he was good, or bad, or some nebulous inbetween that still made him feel like absolute scum. Everything he'd been told was something terrible, and everything he'd learned under the lies was also something terrible, so... if he didn't have a life worth living... He supposed the least scary option was... And with a thought, he was back in Negaspace and walking to the Hall of Shadows with intent. If he let himself think about it too long, he might chicken out and start this whole horrible cycle of sickening depression all over again. And yet, as he reached the door, he stopped in front of it, wondering if maybe getting close enough would make him feel something. He pressed his ear to the door, and was almost... disappointed when the slithering whispers from inside failed to even make him shiver, or his heart skip a beat, or even send the tiniest drop of fear down his spine. He laid his hand on the knob.
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2022 6:41 am
He often came down to the Rift — often had reason to visit the youma, just as the officers among them had reason to visit their superiors. This time, he had a chitinous youma to visit. It was one who knew to wait for him near the entrance to the Rift, where they could discuss next steps for the hat-wearing thing that dusted it time and again.
Faustite rounded on and dropped down the stairs, swept into the grand hall that prefaced those two ominous doors. Their fingers and eyes open and splayed, the crystals jutting from their surface, they were uniquely obvious to all who passed them by.
Every member of their ranks knew what those double doors meant, which was why he found it curious that a corrupted senshi lingered at the doors, ear pressed to their surface.
Initially he thought nothing of it. If it was one of the depressed ones that wanted to feed their starseed to the youma, then it was the best decision they could've made with their worthless bodies. They didn't need soldiers that moped and whined about how disadvantaged and disconnected they were. They didn't need soldiers who would defect from their rank. Better that they were a source of food, then, for the guardians behind the Wall.
He never understood people who gave up their lives. He never would.
But this one — as he drew closer, he squinted. Then he blinked, from the far end of the hall to the near end, and a black hand on the boy's elbow stole his arm away from the door.
"I know you." Fmale eyes searched the boy's face for recognition — see what holes were there.
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Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2022 3:51 pm
Monoceros jumped nearly a foot in the air at the sudden touch, flinching back and wondering why he cared so much to flinch, considering... well, what he'd just been considering. I know you.Yeah, Monoceros had heard that one a lot. Heard all the lies. But... it was better to just fake his way out of this, now that he was in this, especially with a General. He didn't want his death to very suddenly not be on his own terms. "I'm sorry, I don't know you," he said softly, scratching the back of his neck and offering an awkward smile, "I never had any memories."
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Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2022 3:14 pm
Faustite didn't keep after the youth when he flinched; he remained where he was, watched, rested his knuckles against his hip.
Interesting that this one claimed he never had any memories — as if their absence precluded any possibility of having memories and then losing them. Faustite supposed there was no reason to correct him.
"You were at the battle on the hilltop. Rescued me. Would've died otherwise." His head canted a margin at that; he was still White Moon when Faustite stared up at him. What had happened between then and now? Who had gotten ahold of him?
And why? He could've been a useful mole, if he thought that saving Generals was a good idea.
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Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2022 1:37 pm
Monoceros tilted his head, mirroring Faustite, as he looked at the General, analyzing him for... something. Signs of lying, he guessed, but Faustite had no tells that Monoceros could see. "I'm not the sort that likes the idea of people dying," he said quietly. "At least, I think so. People dying... they have a life, no matter what you think of them, y'know? That's a whole person. They had people they loved, that loved them, and things they loved, foods and shows and hobbies... A whole perspective on life, just gone. Never really was a fan of death." He shrugged, wondering if this was why he'd saved the General before he'd become an agent of the Negaverse. Why he'd saved someone on the other side. It felt right. Like it had meant something to him. He liked that. That maybe parts of him survived the incredible loss he'd suffered at the hands of the Negaverse. The thought came like lightning, but the only outward reaction he had was a slight hitch of breath, and he hid it by glancing back at the door, and back to Faustite, before looking at the ground again.
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2022 1:21 pm
"Interesting, coming from someone who was about to walk through those doors," he returned, dipping his chin toward the path to the Hall of Shadows. "Guessing someone told you where they lead, why you shouldn't enter." If they hadn't — plain negligence.
"You saved half a person that you never met. What makes you so different?" Faustite eyed the boy with flame eyes for as much as he was eyed. There was a great cost of memories, he knew, when someone left one side for the next, and the Negaverse had a habit of wiping them clean if they struggled. He wondered, then — which was it for this one?
And why did all these former White Moon senshi bemoan their lack of memories? They couldn't remember what they lost. Yet there was Cybele, who was waiting to die; Nembus, who never seemed fully present; now there was this one, who was trying to walk into complete erasure.
Perhaps a switch was flipped, and they simply couldn't function anymore.genovianprince thank you for the reminder! heart
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Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2022 12:12 am
He ducked his chin, staring at the ground. Damn. This was... he didn't know. It was certainly making him feel things, though. "Yeah, I know what it is," he said quietly, eyes flicking to the door and back to his own shoes, before looking back up at Faustite. "I don't know what makes me different. And that... well, that's the whole problem. I don't feel like a person anymore. What perspective do I have? What people love me? What do I like, what hobbies do I have? I don't know anymore, and I can't figure it out, and I can't go find my family because I have nothing left. I just feel..." He sighed. "Empty. And I've felt that way for months. I kept hoping it would get better... But it hasn't."
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Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2022 5:31 pm
"You kept hoping," Faustite repeated, staring at him. "Hoping for what, for someone to fall out of the ******** sky, love you, serenade you with your life's ******** story?" His gaze grew lidded as he continued to stare at this scrambled little senshi.
Then he rolled his eyes. "Think I felt like a person when I became part youma? Was fifteen. Didn't know anything then — what my perspective was without my family, without society to color it in for me. Didn't know my hobbies without the people who loved me. Couldn't go beg them for advice when they'd think they were talking to a sentient ******** ashtray."
Circling around the senshi, he stopped when he could lean against the shut doors to the Hall of Shadows. A hand curled at his hip while the other played along to the tune of his words.
"Took a long time to stop staring at the shut door. Pining for my lost access to all those things.
"Your connection to who you were was severed. But that grants opportunity to be who you are. Stop wasting that chance by trying to feed yourself to the youma."
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Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2022 12:07 am
Monoceros couldn't help a snort at the word serenade. But then—God, part youma at fifteen? He shuddered and forced himself not to react in any other way, the last thing he needed to do was insult the General by looking at him with any kind of pity. "Who I am..." he mumbled, eyes straying to the door. "Just feels like I can't be a someone in the now without any clues. But..." He faced the door again, shoulders back. "I won't open this door," he said firmly, mostly for himself. "Because you're right, General. Thank you."
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Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2022 2:13 pm
He caught the shudder, but that hadn't been what bothered him. Even though his obstinate whinging grated on his nerves, that wasn't the source of his perturbation.
What had him rolling his eyes was that the senshi thanked him, as if he was trying to pay that one a favor. As if saving his life warranted anything in return. As if Faustite was ever nice to any of the self-pitying, moribund recruits that haunted the Citadel's halls.
If he rolled his eyes any harder, he was liable to have a seizure.
"Consider this your mission and your clue: Alkmene, Albite, and Fafnir. Find one of them. Tell them you know me. Ask them to take you wherever they fancy. Learn what you like, learn what you don't.
"Dismissed," he finished, his sibilants sizzling.
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