It felt like such an innocuous statement - maybe if it hadn’t been so heartless - if it hadn’t trailed anger - trailed his lack of feelings towards her gestures. If he’d realized how terribly he’d spat on and stepped over all of the things that were ‘her’ that made ‘her’ who she was.
If it were him - he wouldn’t have cared - it wouldn’t have bothered him, the little fights and outbursts. Little bits that worked like a thousand paper cuts - not deadly - just irritating - wouldn’t kill or maim - would just add edges that stung to all the interactions.
They’d heal though, they’d toughen somehow against future cuts...
"Where are you going?"
She was not him though - he hadn’t thought - where he would’ve felt little more than a sting, that she would’ve felt a wound, that his ‘himness’ could’ve been a driving factor in it all. That it was him, because no, it wasn’t him, couldn’t be - he felt he’d been trying, somewhat? Maybe? It’ had to be her...Had to be….
Told himself all these things as he stared after her. Watched passively as she stalked away...wished she would’ve taken a swing at him instead….
Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 8:50 am
"Anywhere but here!” She un-cliped the house keys from the carabiner that had hung from one of her belt loops and tossed it on the couch. No point in holding onto them; more than likely he’d just change the door knobs out of spite just to make her ask, if not beg, to be let back in if only to get her belongings.
As it was, all that was with her, all she held onto was what would fit in her duffel bag. Nothing that couldn’t be replaced save for a spare change of clothes. Even her tooth brush and other bathroom necessities were still left inside.
“¡Eres un imbécil!” Sonia leveled a pointed glare at him as she shouldered past. If looks could kill then he’d be dead. And that tone… it went so far beyond anger that there wasn’t even a word in the english or spanish dictionary that could describe the frustration, the hurt, the everything she felt and none of it was good.
“He terminado con usted, con esto, todo.” Yelling at him in a language she knew he couldn’t understand was all she could do to keep herself from kneeing him in the groin or taking a swing at that deceptively innocent face of his.
“You will like it. You will feel welcome” His former words were mimicked with such disdain and like his daggers it felt like poison fell from her lips. “Bull s**t!” Sonia shouted just before she slammed the door so hard that it made her wonder if the window might have cracked.
You're an imbecile! I'm done with you, with this, everything.
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 9:01 am
"She'll come home eventually" it was what he’d told himself to the finality of the slamming of his front door. To the way it shook the lights and rattled the frame.
She’d come back eventually, where else was there for her to go after all? She resided there now, with him, even if only on the face of things. Got her mail there, had her things there, belongings and other such nicknacks, had dishes in his sink, clothing in a room in his home...
He had waited longer than he should have. Had maybe let his own stupid statement give him some internal comfort - let it all slide like water through the sluice of his mind. He had things to do after all. Had time to kill. Let her be that way, no consequence on him - completely inconsequential even, her brief little tirade. No matter that he was the cause of it, that he had pushed and driven and been bitterly adverse to the little changes she’d tried to impart upon their shared time in a shared space.
She’d come back when she was ready, and they’d both be cooled down by then.
That was what Reed had told himself. Had buried himself in his work like a mindless thing. Into his hobbies, into everything else that life required of him. Daily chores, his garden, little nuanced trips to and from the space beyond - made plans for a future rift trip in excel sheets with bullet points and plots - because he missed iolanthe something fierce, because he had plans for that stupid seed. Crystalline thing whose purpose eluded him still. Couldn’t grow it on earth, in soil, in his home. Figured he needed someone truly well versed in magical seedlings - needed her.
It was that thought that jarred him into action. Spurred him into checking things - hesitantly. He’d let himself wait, let days go on, let a whole week go on, had waited to see if the blaze of her had cooled enough that she’d return of her own volition. Had let his own bitterness dwindle down into a mere nothing of a thing. Let it grow idle and listless with nothing to snap at.
Waited - waited - waited - and the silence in his home became an edged thing. His own musings became sharp, being suddenly without her after a month. That she’d not contacted him even to tell him that she had ******** off somewhere and he could go find a ditch to die in. Those musings peck-peck-pecked hairline fractures at his carefully constructed plaster apparel walls. Left pin holes that became gaps and shed paint like flecks of blood. Reed had suddenly begun to think something had happened maybe.
Flashes of dead little girls who were far too young and ******** the white moon for picking up chibis, using children as fodder against a darkness that was uncaring of things such as youth or innocence or…
Swallowed the rising panic, because Hatsya wasn’t a child, she was a grown adult with an adult life and adult responsibilities.
He’d gone searching - done everything shy of summoning a youma to hunt her down, because wouldn’t that just be the ******** up thing to do? To send a starseed hunter after her - sick one on her scent only to find her tucked away at home with her family. Her warm, loving, caring family. Her complete family. Would surely make her that much more - no - make himself that much more deserving of her - her everything - her hate or...her derision..or….
He hunted her on her communicator instead. Searched the corridors of the dark castle, not because he thought she’d be there, but because he knew if he did it he’d buy her more time to answer him. To ease his gnawing concerns, make him feel stupid and irate for having worried without cause.
Tried her phone eventually..Didn’t leave messages, didn’t apologize, for what was there to say sorry for? To placate, to beg her back? To beg her back with a lie because he didn’t feel sorry - not yet - not if she was fine, if she was just...
That was the point he started stalking her favored spaces. Set up watch rounds at her home, hunted her known acquaintances, coffee shops, restaurants, workspaces….
Worked himself up into being livid again with the wait of it. Into being so concerned that she was well and truly gone, dead, because she wouldn’t have abandoned her family, not for anything, not even to save herself. Swallowed around the thought of failure, if some white moon had found her. Worse, one of their own with a grudge - if an enemy of hers had found her and - and - and -
How wide his eyes were when he finally caught sight of her, when he realized she’d been under his nose the whole time. Been right ******** there, at that ******** studio!? Prehnite was both relieved and rabid. Clipped pace as he strode in, strode up to her door and demanded entry - couldn’t think beyond the clipped piss of words that sloshed in his head - “Where the hell were you!?”
She was safe, safe and alive, and he should’ve been happy. He was. He was! Glad she was alive, pissed she hadn’t answered him, mad more at himself for having worried when she was clearly well and whole - like he had expectations that she’d tell him that - like she should’ve known what her absence would’ve done to him when they were still barely more than strangers. Heaped so much of himself on her that he knew he was coming off as less than pleasant.
A poor reintroduction of himself into her spaces…
Shanyume
Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 2:07 pm
With each text or pointed message, she should have anticipated the day would come that Reed would finally find her. It wasn’t as if she was hiding from him so much as she’d simply changed her typical routine enough that she’d be hard to pin down.
Rather than doing her patrols in the evening, Sonia went to bed early, woke up at about 2:00AM, and stayed out for about three hours or until sunrise when people were starting their days with morning jogs. One thing she learned from it was that there were fewer powered signatures up at that time; including Prehnite.
Energy gathered, she then went to her parents home, used their shower and took a nap in the guest room for a while.
Work hours were unavoidable; however, she was certain that she’d never left him with her weekly schedule. Although, if he looked the studio up online he’d have found their class times available for print or view. Even so, when in the main floor area, she often wore her hair up and kept her back to the windowed entry way; if that was unavoidable then she made sure to wear her helmet so she at least blended in with the other students.
Today it seemed that he grew half a brain and just waited until sometime after closing.
Sonia didn’t see him when she’d exited the equipment area to turn the lights off at the front of the shop. Didn’t hear him when he entered the front, something she would have sworn had been locked. Earbuds in each ear, listening to music from Two Steps From Hell loud enough that if anyone had been standing beside her they would hear the melody clearly.
Suddenly he was there, standing too close for comfort when she turned around.
Her eyes went wide in startled horror, jumped back, away from him with a startled yelp. The chair swiveled and rolled out from behind her, offered no support when she tried to grab on and inevitably sent her stumbling in a manner similar to when they first met. This time, however, she wasn’t as lucky.
One earbud fell out when the back of her head hit the edge of the desk with a resounding thump that rattled the length of the built in wood surface. Pens and paper scattered the floor around her and all she could do was glare up at him and snarl, "The ******** does it matter to you?"
The throbbing sensation in her head was near dizzying but she refused to allow herself to appear any more weak and stubbornly pulled herself up only to then turn around and pick up the mess he’d caused her to make.
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 4:44 pm
“What does it matter why it matters to me! Have you been here this whole time? Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” Made it about himself, made it selfish, pointedly so. Put it on her because he couldn’t admit to being unable to carry it himself, his own feelings, his own fears.
Put it on her. He’d have her answer for her absences, have her explain why…
Please why? He was sorry, why couldn’t he say as much?
Why couldn’t she have come back and he’d shown it! He hated using the words. The words were useless, didn’t mean anything, or didn’t mean the same thing as actions. Words could be retracted, could be false, and he could show her he’d worried, welcome her back with..with gestures, with something?!
Shanyume
Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 4:56 pm
"Oh that's right,” while still out of order, the paper was placed back on the counter beside the printer. Tomorrow she’d sort it but now was not the time.
“Bad things happen when the warden loses a prisoner. Did someone come knocking on your door and threaten you with a demotion?" Was that something they even did? Could he be downranked to lieutenant, to a rank she’d be able to flip off or ignore without worry of repercussion.
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 5:16 pm
“I would dare them to try!” As if he’d ever cared about promotions. “I - this has nothing to do with that! You vanished and - and what if…” spiraled just a bit - heard her words and seethed “I’m not your warden, you can leave if you want, but ******** say something so I don’t think you’ve died! You - Ill mannered, irritating…” had no words, had hisses of sound and a frantic tangle of mind to compete with, because she’d made him worried, he wasn’t - wasn’t spinning a tale - wasn’t lying in that moment.
He’d cared and she was spitting on it. Grinding it beneath her too perfect heels…
The twinge of dejavu - of familiar - of his own manure and baited jibes and slashed sentences thrown back at him. The way that field his own fires for the argument that had to be.
Shanyume
Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 5:23 pm
"Don't..." she snapped. "Don't pretend something like that actually worries you." Her death would be a blessing upon him, freedom to have his life and home back. "Be honest, it's the inconvenience of having to get rid of my stuff that bothers you more." All he'd have to do is contact Anton and he'd come pick it up for him.
Of all the people she's met, why was he so damn good at making her so goddamn angry. His judgmental presence was all it seemed to take to make her want to hit him.
"I'm done with this 'it's not you it's me' crap. I'll tell it to you straight, it's you, Reed. You." Yes she was to blame as well but she wouldn't shoulder all of it. "Things aren't going to change overnight, these fights will keep on happening until you stop thinking of me, treating me like a problem that needs fixing."
"I've been trying. Three weeks and I've moved in. Respected your need for privacy, left you alone while you're in your study. I've tried to make it so you didn't even know I was here." Some sounds were inevitable, such as making dinner or having to take a shower. "I've been trying but I don't know what else to do to earn your respect."
Sonia reached into her back pocket and pulled out her pen; a few words were spoken and now stood before him powered and ready to fight if she must. She summoned the golden ball of energy; a full quota that had been gathered in her time away, and tossed it on the ground between them.
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 5:36 pm
To say he didn’t know what he was doing - to say anything at all - and there lay a gauntlet at his feet. Golden glowing orb, vibrantly accusing him of all his failings. Proof that he couldn’t handle even the simplest of things when it came to this - dealing with another adult.
Not a child, not an errant subordinate, but another human being who he’d brought into his home. Forced into his home, what choice did he have, what choice had he given her?
“Your things…” focused on that because it was easier. Simpler to disseminate. “…your things are just things, hardly an inconvenience. I’d have them burned before troubling myself with sending them anywhere.” Breathed through the anger, and felt cold without it, felt alone for looking at her and feeling how much she despised him. Of course she did, why shouldn’t she?
“You don’t need my respect….clearly…..” and she was strong enough that she shouldn’t have cared if she had it or not. “Better off without it, there’s so little I respect, so little I actually care about.” Breathed and “I do however care about bodies” dead little girls and apatite's ceaseless hunger “- I don’t need your ghost living in my head. I don’t want it there. Do you honestly think I’d have done any of this - that I’d have tried it at all - if I didn’t care?” Swallowed the rage at that, the bright burning thing that made him want to stab something - hated that he’d failed in such a short time span.
“I’ve failed, that’s abundantly clear, at being any semblance of - of livable. Fine. “ he could accept that, he would, he’d never been meant to take on her type of responsibility.
“Don’t tell me that I don’t care though. Make me a ******** list of - of what you want changed - leave if you need to. Tell me you're leaving when you do, but don’t belittle what I’ve offered simply because I’ve done it poorly.” he wondered that they’d not had that conversation from the start, or that it’d taken her so long to lash out at him properly. That she hadn’t simply stabbed him in his sleep for his transgressions. Would’ve made it all easier.
Shanyume
Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 5:36 pm
If he cared as much as he claimed to, then why was it so difficult for him to say that he wanted her there? A question that begged to be asked but she dare not speak out of fear he'd just say it and have it lose any and all sincerity.
"All I want..." her heart wrenched at the sound of her own voice. A fractured thing that teetered on the edge of breaking completely.
Why? Why was it so difficult to give him what he asked for? A list of things to change, a way to make things right between them. But what was the point? It was his home, his rules; she was just a temporary thing staying there.
How could he relate to the things she desired?
Freedom.
Belonging.
Choice.
To not be treated like a tool to be used and discarded once broken. To not be belittled or looked down on. To have earned at least a measure of respect and not left feeling so alone. True, they shared a home together but the problem was in that it wasn't a home to her. It was a house, a roof over her head. It had no life, no laughter, no love for anything but his precious plants. Not that she thought of him in that regard but there was no other passion in that empty house.
Ships passing in the night except for when night came and it was time to patrol then they'd actually do something together.
From this engagement of theirs, the most she could ever hope or wish for from it was a friend, someone she could trust. Someone to lean on when things got tough. For a while that was Imara, but things between them ended abruptly when her so-called friend began dating the guy that had originally asked her out. The other woman still considered them friends up and through the time the two had gotten married; but Sonia never opened her heart, shared her feelings, or confided anything to her again.
Trust was such a fragile thing.
"I don't know what I want," her voice sounded flat, emotionless despite the inner turmoil that ate her from within. She knew what she wanted but simply put, didn't want to leave herself vulnerable by saying them aloud.
Why couldn't he just know without her having to spell it out?
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 5:38 pm
"Wonderful then, that makes two of us. A wretched little pairing of people who wouldn't know what they wanted if it were handed to them." the words spat like fire, bitter acid bile, meant for himself far more than her. He couldn't give her what she wouldn't ask for, and he couldn't offer her what he was unable to speak for himself. Could only stand stalemate for time immortal until one of them crumbled before the other, gave enough pride to take the knee and give it all up to someone else.
Fear of that - fear inherit in becoming someone else's burden, and driving them away from that instead. He thought it far better that she hate him, could stand the shatter of her voice and venom so long as it was aimed at him.
Prehnite snarled at the floor - as Reed pulled on power, became other. Scooped the glowing glorb of energy up, cast it away into the void to be provided - given up for her quota so there would be less questions - so he wouldn't have to offer anything of himself. "Now are we done with this - this....Are you coming home with me or am I leaving?" felt rooted to the spot despite his words, would've rather cut her out from the ground, cut her down and dragged her back if only to assuage his own fears of what could become of her.
Was nearly ready to throw her at the white moon, suggest she take her stupid family, and her stupid life, and go run to them with it for sanctuary rather than continue to torture each other the way they had been. He could stand to be lonely in his own home, could stand to forget her if he thought she'd found somewhere better to be - wouldn't know if she died or lived and that would be far easier.
Shanyume
Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 5:40 pm
The air around them was thick with tension.
Hands clenched at her sides, fingers itching with the near undeniable desire to summon her magic. To wish it into the physical plane and throw it at his face. But that's not how her swords worked; they dissipated once let go, and he had yet to summon his own weapons. As it stood, it'd only keep him from teleporting away, it would offer her no advantage.
"I can't keep doing this, Prehnite. I can't..." Every night she came home it was in anticipation of active avoidance or inevitable fight. She was an emotional wreck because of this, because of him. A live wire ready to zap the s**t out of the next person that came too near.
"Do you want me there?" Her stomach churned aggressively, feeling as if some long-clawed beast grabbed hold of her guts and was twisting it into knots. "Forget the Negaverse, your orders. What is it you... Reed. What do you want?"
"If you prefer things to go back to how they were before I moved in, to be alone then fine, just say it. I'll find some place else to stay. But don't demand I come back out of some obligation to someone else. "
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 10:45 pm
He froze at that - at her questioning. Wanted in that moment only to do what he'd said he would do. Take her home. Took in a deep draw of breath, felt his eyes water for it, frustration in layers and it lent to anger that wasn't himself so much as it was years of service piled high that dragged him into being an absolutely unbearable b*****d of a person.
Knew that was a lie as well - he'd always been terrible - made him easy marks for the organization, made him simple to slate into place and slot into functioning for them. The darkness had already been there, this was just its manifestation. The power, the chaos, the way he did harm without meaning to do it. Breathed around the sob and snarl for that. The way she sounded so exhausted with him already and it'd not even been a month.
"I don't want you there..." honesty, because he wouldn't lie to her now, he could be honest, he had a bevy of words he could speak openly. "..But I-I need...I need someone there." would've taken her, would've taken anyone. Had made it her though, had grown used to her even if only in bitter failings and pieces of interactions. Couldn't do it again - to let her go and get someone else so soon after. Knew it wouldn't have gone any differently no matter who the individual was.
"This...this isn't about that, or them, and I keep saying as much, and I feel you're not listening?" clipped and hurt in tone, flinched as he met her eyes and wanted to sink his blade into her like he wanted to sink his words into her. Make it stick, make it all stick and make it understandable.
"I am sorry...I'm-I'm sorry? Is that...How do I make it clear that I need you in my home, without...." flailing of hands as he gestured to her curtly. Hissed a breath, because it was stupidly hard to make the words, felt like chewing glass
"Tsk, without seeming monstrous, or - or needy? Is the want better, is that the better word for it. Would it even change anything for you if I said it that way instead?" because there was what he needed to have for his own sake, and then there was her. "Don't make me your warden, nor your prison guard. If that's how it's to be then - then we'll find another way..I can be somewhat flexible." he could, would bend himself to the task of it even if it'd become a burden, even if it'd drive him to madness to have failed so utterly and completely in the single task of providing for her - the solitary goal he'd had for himself of having a roommate, and the way he'd manipulated the situation into being that for his own selfish desires.
Shanyume
Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2021 8:00 pm
She watched as he spoke, observed the way he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, threw his arms up in exasperation. Gestures just shy of throwing a fist, or dagger, in her direction.
But beyond that, she heard him. Heard the exasperation, the frustration, but above all else... the honesty. It hurt, some of the things that were said was like a swift lash across her back. But alongside that pain was an acute awareness of the parts of himself he held behind a thick wall.
That wall, the non-physical thing everyone builds around their hearts to protect themselves with. Some are short and easy to climb, while others so tall the only way to reach the other person was to break through. Something meant to shield oneself incidentally hurts them as well; isolating them from the things they want, things they need.
Perhaps it's why she felt his response was all that more jarring. Not one, but two sturdily built structures were reduced to rubble and ruin and now they both, in a sense, she at least regarded him with a new understanding.
Hatsya's shoulders sagged, the fiery anger in her eyes banked. With a sigh, the corrupt powered down, uniform now gone as was her signature and any sort of threat she'd imposed. The pen in her hand fell through loose fingers and onto the ground beside her. A careless thing to do but she had no strength to hold it, the burden of it much too difficult to carry right now.
Hesitantly she moved toward him, each step carefully measured until she stood toe-to-toe with Prehnite. Defeated was perhaps the best way to describe her expression, her body language. He had won, she was done. If he wanted to go home she'd put up no fight.
"I'm sorry..." Sonia wanted to reach out to him, to hold onto his jacket as she'd done the first day they'd met. A gesture meant to ground herself with something real, something that would not fall if she did. "I walk along a dangerous path, if I'm not careful, if I'm pushed much more, I'm afraid I'll make the same mistakes."
"I don't want to hate you, or resent you." He had been trying from the start, she recognized that now and perhaps noticed it from before. But now she acknowledged it for what it was. "I want to be able to trust you, to earn your respect," to maybe someday be more than just co-workers or roommates; friends perhaps or equals. Hell, she'd settled for partners, not in the romantic sense; neither were in a place to consider such things. But as a team where they could actually work together without him always barking orders while expecting her to follow.
"I know it will take time. Just..." It was a struggle to look up at him, to look him in the eyes. "Just please be patient." Her whole routine had been shifted to make this work and she was not adjusting to it well.
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Posted: Sat Dec 04, 2021 1:22 am
His laugh sounded cracked even to his own ears. Sounded off, something tinged with other, but he couldn't help himself. Watched her drop her form as if that meant something to him, as if she were waving a white flag before his face. He would take the peace for what it was - the charred and singed olive branch she waived before him - but...
"Don't - don't ask for my respect." and he spat the word like a curse, he didn't want to be the sort of Captain, the sort of person, who others needed to beg respect of. Didn't want to have his rank be the thing that cowed others into following... "You don't need it, you're...hah...you're above it." easier to say now somehow, easier to say now that he'd already started saying everything else. Why bother to hide the rest, to stem the tide of crashing waves now that they'd opened the floodgates and let the whole of the ocean in.
Didn't know if he could trust her so easily, if he could ever work his way into being trusted by her. Almost thought it was better that she didn't, that they kept that one final layering of brick between them for survival's sake.
"You can hate me all you want...resent me..I told you, I told you I expected that. I can bear that from you." easily, he could've born it light as a breeze, so long as she'd stayed, so long as they'd had time to try at it. "There are worse things than you Sonia..more deadly things than you" and he'd seen them, and fought them, and thrashed at dreams of them.."That you think you'd scare me, or no, that you fear yourself so much that you worry for what mistakes you would make around me? Like you're a threat." and he didn't mean it as an insult. He didn't, she was dangerous, he knew! He'd never feared the corrupt senshi though, had always had fondness for them, for the youma, for all else.
It was the lonesomeness he knew, that it had dug into him, carved something out and left it hollow to leave him like this. Made his expression crumple, as he scrubbed at his eyes while she stood before him looking just as hollow as he felt. He didn't want that - wanted something alive in his home. Was sorry - didn't know how to parse it in words that she would accept. He could be patient, he could try! "********...." adequate, the only word that was for the whole of the situation.
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