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 Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2021 9:58 pm
Waru woke and worked through the motions of being. Trailed through his home half awake like a ghost. Touched on little things as he trailed through the shoebox small samessteps space - wandered like a thought.
As he admired burn marks that lived etched in the countertop and card table, char that licked in the shape of old flames. Scrawled in such a way as they could’ve been handprints, could’ve been wire held hot enough to lay cracks like electricity run through. How he’d said not <******** all about any of it, because to question their existence would’be been to shed light on the fact that he’d noticed them there -- migtve given up the tell that he ran his fingers over them and smiled softly when he was alone. Picked at the edges and refused to paint them over or sand them out or buy a new ******** table -- because to do that would be to lose one more small thread of connection that bound.
Tied him to -- to everyone else. To them. To h i m.
People in his space that had become a home and how those things had steadily grown. Knick knacks and baubles and prizes. A sock from Alkmene and the scent of Lilith on a shirt, Celadonites ceaseless ire, and how the little fashionista made him smirk in the dead of night for the mere thought of it. The spaces they’d all carved into him where they slotted in his mind - in body and soul.
Dee’s pictures on his phone -- some that were still enough to be stock photos and postcards; except for the few that contained them. That held pigeons and people and visuals of meals that were magazine worthy.
How thought of food wound into thoughts of comfort, that led to him snapping awake to the sound of a whistle that screamed *hot* - steam that poured from a kettle spout. Killed the heat and let himself lull into motions that were memories etched into muscles. Except they were someone elses motions that he’d memorized. In form if not in function. Could put the look into practice, but retained none of the know-how for the why of it.
Waru was sure he let whatever flavor of brew it was steep too long in the mug that was made for coffee more than tea. Didn’t care if it was bitter and overdark because he would drown it in honey after. Would wind twine around a sweet little honey hive stick and toss the soggy silk pouch into the trash. Custom loose leaf thing and he didn’t care for the taste of it as much as he cared for the heat of swallowing it down. As much as he cared for the person who’d made it. Could’ve tasted like volcano ash and tears and he would’ve sipped on it like the finest wine.
Warmed himself with hot ceramic and sighed for how that kept the cold out. For all that it crept and clutched at the edges of awnings and window panes..
Shitty frost that wanted in…
Waru’s baleful look for how he wanted it out.
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 5:47 am
He asked Taenite, how long would it last? Taenite had no answer.
But Faustite knew it had to be finite. All the magic in the world, all its potent effects, and magic was nearly defined by its transience. Faustite felt it in his being — in the flaming core he called a part of his body — as the flame would surely eat him if he skipped too many meals. He felt it in how a princess could end him at any moment, as one ended his first personal youma. So there had to be an end, he told himself. He wasn't sure if it was assuring or not.
He wasn't sure why it would ever be assuring. He told himself he didn't know, as he vanished himself to an abandoned gas station. He told himself that no one would ever want a timer placed on their limbs, magical rental style and guaranteed to turn into more giblets once the clock told midnight. He told himself this as Faustite conceded to Eion, and as Eion climbed out through a busted window.
He told himself this as he crossed the street. He told himself this as he took a circuitous route around the neighborhood before finally stopping at Waru's house.
No one wanted their limbs vanished. It became a mantra. A turn of phrase whispered to find a meaning. A phrase repeated so many times that it had no meaning. He told himself to knock.
He told himself he didn't need the excuse of 'transient magical limbs with an unknown timer' to visit his subordinate. He told himself that's what this was — a visit. Penitentiary terms were his own automatic rebuttal, and Eion rolled his eyes at his own ridiculousness. At the way his hands shook when he tried to curl the should-be-gone one into a fist to knock on the door.
He hesitated again. He told himself. He told.
He told himself to say everything he kept meticulously bottled up. That it was supposed to be good for him. That Waru might better respect a leader who was more forthcoming. His hands shook, but he knocked. Swallowed the lump in his throat. Waited. Wondered how much was wrong with him now. Waited. Told himself that Waru would be happy to see him. Waited.
Knocked. Waited.
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 5:53 am
Half lidded reddish-browns that reflected the swirl of liquid he downed, as his gaze slid from deep within his cup over to the door. Mug clutched briefly as he sipped a little more and waited to see if another knock would follow. Waru took the time to pause, tilted his head to listen. Hoped to catch some sign of sound that would give the person away before he had to go and check for himself. Knew his neighborhood was less than neighborly - that solicitors were a rarity. No one here to sell s**t to, no point in risking it. So someone actually knocking? A questionable thing... His own curiosity that overrode his caution when nothing else came -- when the approach had seemed so carefully quiet. His poorly insulated little shoebox kept out so little. Was only standing and comfortable for all the haphazard time and simple repairs he’d put into it. So when he heard nothing but silence beyond the singular knock-- How that set him to seeking out windows and peepholes to peer through. Caught a glimpse of -- caught his breath — and the mug splashed as it was set too hard on countertops forever stained with circles that no cleaning would tame. Set him padding over tile that had replaced the linoleum long since peeled; tread onto carpet that had been taped at the edges of where it met said new tile, because Waru would pull the nails and replace that too - at some point - would rip out brown shag and tamp down something that reflected the earthy greens he admired in nature, that would’ve made his place feel less abandoned slumhole and more ‘him’. The knock had been tentative and the frame beyond it was slight, and the frame of the door winced as locks and bolts were thrown like dead weights with speed. As it was wrenched open to-- “ Where the ******** have you been?!” words that bled open on being accusatory, actions that showed how little they reflected on the amount of precious care, because Waru was reaching for Eion before he had a chance to say anything. To shift, or flee or -- would fight him to the ground just to get his hands on him and drag him into a hold. Into a hug.Wanted to be gentle - but he’d been worried.
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 8:57 am
Got reeled in with the sound of Waru's irritation and pressed into a hug before Eion could answer. Felt some of he air crush out of his lungs and into Waru's tit for how he was smashed against the boy. Didn't mind the heat or firmness of it — he found the world too cold when he wore Eion's skin. Delayed response, but Eion's arms found the boy's waist and wrapped their way around. Spindly little return of the hug, technique rusted for how seldom he did it as a burning General.
"They wanted an eval." Assumed Waru would know that he meant their shared employer. "Wouldn't let me back to work right away. Can't keep a General for long."
When he escaped, he'd visited Kamacite first. Couldn't sleep anymore. Kept wondering when those limbs would expire, when he would expire. And his friend had been so terribly distraught over him when Taenite took him up to the Queen, looked so red-eyed and broken over it, and Eion hadn't felt the shock of it in his bloodless state til afterward, til after that awful Lieutenant. Had to make the time to see Kama first.
Then came Taenite, demanding thing, already expecting his dues for saving him from certain death. Wanted and wanted and wanted — company in the shower, in the bed, in the kitchen, wherever. Eion subservient. Eion taking whatever Ren wanted to give. He still enjoyed himself, but without sleep, he thought it unreasonably exhausting, too.
Then he had to be coached on how to deal with Lysithea. He wanted to try Ashanite's method for the success it purportedly saw, but he couldn't fathom it, all that care for someone with no memory of what happened to her. Needed Fafnir for that, and the meeting had been terribly relieving for how normal it felt. No concerned looks, no are-you-okays because he shouldn't be going back to it after getting blown apart. Fafnir didn't know, didn't read the report, didn't ask questions — just mocked together a viable rendition of Lysithea's life with him as a brother, listened to a few tweaks from Faustite, and gave him coaching on how to make that encounter real.
Then he met with Lysithea. Still so full of hope and trust and optimism, she trusted his every word. Remembered his name, somehow. Felt terrible for lying to her, but desperate for it all the same — if it got her to stay, for how sorely he needed friends. For how he craved even a shadow of family.
It was only after her logistics were settled that he could venture out to see anyone, and Waru was first pick. Eion still felt exhausted, jittery, too light, expectant, but he hoped Waru wouldn't notice. And if he ever did, hoped the boy wouldn't draw attention to it. Didn't want to feel reduced to his damage.
"Some of the new senshi got assigned to me. Had to get them settled." There was likewise Mizuki, and Ilse, though only one of them wanted for room and board. He didn't know them like he knew Lysithea, but Ilse knew the unicorn, wanted to keep close to her. Mizuki knew no one, and knew no fear. He supposed she would be his first SpecOps recruit for that reason. But all that — it was work.
Better not to work right now, he told himself. The tension in his bones warned him otherwise.
"Sorry," he added at the end, because Waru seemed upset, and Eion didn't know what else to say or do to ameliorate that. Some people just wanted to hear the deference, the apology. Waru probably didn't, but he didn't have a ******** roadmap to the towering oaf.
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 8:25 pm
Waru was two steps from telling him to shove his ‘sorries’ down and swallow them for all that they were unwanted. For all that Eion didn’t owe him one. Should’ve been him saying it, if only the words would’ve come. Cared more that the body in his arms was breathing, was alive enough to speak and be. Reluctant to release him at all, like a boa firmly constricted, because Waru wanted to be ******** sure.To feel firmness of flesh and creak of bones beneath his fingers, to whine for tears that threatened, uninvited things, but he’d seen what he’d seen - no amount of anyone else looking at him like he was crazy and telling him otherwise would undo that. Picked enough pieces of people outta his drains that he wouldn’t buy anything else. Even if he let it go - said ‘oh’ and went on about the business of living. Propped the rest on the back burner and buried himself in spending time with Livi, and Lina and Syrus. Left Alkemene to his sister with an image of Haymitch buried in her ample bust saying that everything would be okay. Didn’t ask people how they’d bury Faustite—Because there was no one to bury and people didn’t look like they’d have liked him asking. Hunted down Dee like a bloodhound after he realized she’d gone a little too silent. Left that door ******** closed. Marked it with caution tape that read * later* in sharp neon yellow. “ Shut up —“ words whined into Eions hairline while he wondered at exactly what an eval meant when paired against the backdrop of their mutual employer. Wasn’t about to go and ask how they’d humpty dumptied Eion back together with all their horses and men. What dark ******** thing must’ve been done — though he did snarl at the idea that they’d gone in and piled on more. More people, more tasks, more…He should’ve been happy. He would be, later, after the white hot lance of something other had settled. After he decried the failure of others to delegate tasks down - sniped at the idea that Generals did that kinda thing - if only in his head. Except maybe it was just that he wanted to cry in general and was feeling pissy for it. “Just….did you know that I’m s**t at making tea? How many times have I watched you make it and I never ******** asked like..specifics...” words that fell loose from center field of his mind. Stupid things from his stupid tongue. “You should really—-you should come inside and show me how to do it properly, yeah?” and though the words were parsed like a tangled wet question of a thing, Waru’s stance suggested the only answer he would willingly accept was yes. For how little he loosened his hold, for how wary he was to allow enough room even to draw breaths between them. Wanted Eion to stay and would say it that way. Needed Eion in his home, in his hands and in his head. Needed Faustite—was always better at showing than speaking.
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 9:00 pm
Eion was silent for a time, counting its passage by the number of heartbeats that Waru passed. Listened to their dissonance, their rhythm interrupted, the biostory of Waru's unadmitted anguish. He didn't know what he felt about it — maybe that his time was stopped, his mind was tethered to that experience while Eion tried to make sense of it. Tried to understand how a body died but didn't, how it endured trauma without changing. It was the antithesis to all of his experiences as a half-youma officer. It was true, and simultaneously untrue, that he was blown to bits. But as he listened to Waru's heart march stubbornly on, it imparted that tenuous assurance that he still lived. That every beat put distance between himself and the events of that generator.
He never objected to any silence, thought it was difficult to comprehend silence from Waru. Were it not for his heart, Eion would have assumed he died where he stood. But slowly, surely, perhaps when he got through all those arrhythmias of feeling, Waru started to speak.
It was nonsense. Eion ******** nonsense. Always came back to nonsense. Of course Waru didn't know how to make tea —
"Fine," he answered, but it was a softer fine than his usual irritated concessions. Withdrew his arms from Waru's sides, though when he tried to pull away, Waru kept him fast for a moment longer. It had to be reassuring, he supposed. He wondered, while he was stuck, if he would ever tell Waru the extent of what happened to him. Wondered, then answered the question in silence.
When he was let loose in the apartment, Eion treaded over tile and ratty carpet to Waru's insignificant little kitchenette. Raunchy thing wouldn't have had the capacity for tea were it not for him, and whatever items he deemed the place needed. Kettle, of course, and not the ridiculous s**t that sat on the stove and whistled until the plastic melted off. Eion much preferred the electric kind, with a blue LED display, that plugged in and boiled in scant minutes. This, he pulled from a bottom cupboard, hidden behind a stack of pots that saw little use.
He'd hid it there, guardian jealously his trespasses in the apartment, but he thought it
wouldn't matter now. Pulled it out, filled it with filtered water from a carafe in the fridge, plugged the thing in, let it start. Found the tea that Waru made, still in the teapot, and poured it out without a first taste. Decided he didn't want to know what tea sins Waru committed this time.
Would leave that to sit in the sink as he pulled a different teapot. This one needed a different tea, too — something warm and full-bodied, with fruity undertones. That demanded another rummage through the loose leaf tins until he found a suitable English blend, less heavy on the bergamot, and started folding it into the silk sheets that would soon become pyramids. Tossed three into the pot, and by the time he was done, the LED kettle beeped over a vigorous boil.
"Black tea steeps for two to four minutes," he told Waru, though he was sure the boy didn't care. He poured until the teapot was full, covered it, then enveloped the thing in a decorative tea cozy with watercolor sakura trees on it (he thought it was cute at the time, and would be given to Yuuri, then he got wondering if that was a bit racist, and kept it for a backup, then it meandered into Waru's home). Finished up by setting a timer on Waru's shoddy microwave.
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 9:39 pm
The counter became the thing to bear his weight better than his own legs, after he’d shoved the world shut on the other side of a door. Had bolted it out and trailed after. Scrubbed at his face and pretended it was because he was * tired* rather than * exhausted* to the point of tears, that there was nothing to grieve over when everything was fine. Was so fine that it was in his face and so it’d be great if his eyes could just — not. Because he needed to see. And for once? Waru failed to fill the air with his voice, found a way to be quiet and feel settled in it; let the gentle popping boil be sound enough. Eions presence, alive and in his home. Alive - and if he spoke he might’ve missed him dying a second time. Wanted every breath and word etched in. What he’d gotten before wasn’t enough - could never be enough - how he embodied in the most ironic of ways hypocrisy while standing in his own kitchen. Had preached so easily of ends, but only when they were his own. Waru recognized that and fixed himself to stand watch. Managed some small self-admonishing smile for the realization of such… Tracked Eions every pivot, where he stood poised ever so precisely atop tile that looked slightly dirty even when it was scrubbed clean - some faux classic marble look - they’d called it Capri, he’d called it a buck forty per square at a local hardware store. Had enjoyed somewhat having enough downtime to tear up the ‘aged past its expiration date’ 70’s style linoleum. Enjoyed even more having Eion standing over it, his meticulous little motions that ended up scrutinized under Waru’s watchful gaze. As if he could see— Didn’t even know what he was looking for. Just that he was looking and couldn’t stop himself from doing it. From wanting — “How do you pick out the leaves for each bundle?” would talk around the want instead. Tread carefully lest he tripped over the wounds he knew of — <********> —he knew they were there where he couldn’t see! Little land mines and endless hurts always where he couldn’t see, and never was there anyone he could tear into for causing them. No fate, no cosmos, no living bodies he could bear his teeth to. Huffed some frustrated sound that screamed - <********> - sigh that hissed like the hot water while he touched the tea cozy and thought ‘ how cute’ - while he wondered when Eion had come to live in him and with him without his say so. Since the beginning…maybe? Since— “All the flavors you make, it’s not like the store bought stuff. S’always better when it’s you making it.” left the cozy to keep the tea happy and warm as was it’s due. Left his hands idle, chewed over the slow realization of what he would’ve done with them if they weren’t, and how obvious that would’ve made him. Would’ve killed the game of it all — if he stripped Eion where he stood — checked for things he couldn’t see and took what he wanted without ever saying the words.
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Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2021 3:00 am
"Mm…" Eion stared at the cozy, hands against the counter and elbows locked as he leaned on it. It was a valid question — something he never considered before. Likely because he wasn't asked how to make tea by anyone. "Trial and error," he answered at last. Went back into the tins, pulled each one, opened their metal lids for Waru to investigate them. "Not every tea leaf's a leaf. Some're balls, or seeds, or sticks. Learned not to put too many sticks in so I don't poke through the silk.
"The rest…" Shrugged lopsidedly. "Just about learning what tastes good, in what proportion. Might like mint, but it'll overpower everything with more than a pinch. Maybe you want to mix lavender and orange blossom, vanilla and peach blossom, or you want to try safflower. Rose and lychee."
Waru wasn't one to care about tea, however. Wasn't one to know how it was made, or how Eion did what he did. Certainly didn't hug him with tears in his eyes because he ******** up a pot of tea. He —
Wouldn't even be making tea, Eion realized. That wasn't much in Waru's habit.
So something was eating him. It was Eion's habit that he tried to mimic, so — he must've seen. But he hadn't mentioned a damn thing about it, so Eion was back in the twilight of wondering if he had any right to the pervasive unsettlement he felt with the way his body so perfectly survived it. Survived what it shouldn't have.
Sans eye contact, still staring at the shitty formica countertop, he broke the settling strands of silence between them. "You're thinking about it, aren't you."
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Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2021 4:57 am
*IT* - two letters for such a nebulous thing. Could’ve been anything at all, so much’ it’ going around, like an illness, like a plague. So many it’s and instances that had happened over the last few months; left Waru tempted to play the fool. To be brazen a** enough to ask ‘ what’, and make Eion pick an ‘it’ out of a pile. Couldn’t find the air for it and swallowed all the words that weren’t worth speaking, thick congealed sludge of them, crowded his mind and mouth worse than any mid morning traffic pileup. All his words were accidents waiting to happen. He just knew it — he knew — could say a thousand things — didn’t matter if all the things he said were wrong and amounted to nothing. Said them anyhow, winced for the rawness he felt, granular sounding s**t; cement slow pour of them from his mouth, but it had to be said— “I’m always thinking about everything firebrand—“ wanted Eions eyes because he was alive and in his home. Would’ve preferred the fire that flashed in coals like embers, would’ve wanted to feel himself seared for how he reached out — willed steel into his bones to abate the shake that threatened him. Where he pressed roughened pads over the sharp angle of Eions jawline and pressed up, demanded more. Because if he was going to bleed out — he wanted a witness — “All the ******** time, I’m never not thinking about any of it; ever. Right now though? I’m thinking — I didn’t make myself clear enough when I told you to take better care of yourself. I’m thinking of how I should’ve…imparted your importance to me a lot more firmly then I ******** did. I’m thinking of how ‘I failed you’ and I’m — I’m so ******** sorry —“ and next time? Didn’t know if ever there would be, but if there was — if he had to lash himself to Eion. Leash himself to Faustite with cords of flesh and blood? So ******** be it — so long as he didn’t go alone - didn’t die alone.
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Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2021 3:27 pm
Touch —
Feeling warm fingers on his jaw was ever a delight. Breathed a rush of air for it, felt the urge to shut Waru the ******** up with lips and tongue and everything else he wanted to push into that face. Told himself to stay that thought, because Waru looked like he was about to shed half his bodyweight in tears, that there was still more to say, still ways to dance around the ugly happening-didn't-happen that should've expired him for good.
Eion didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to think about the queasiness it left behind.
But Waru, he wasn't talking about the fine blood spray. Wasn't mentioning how he came apart. He was back in Faustite's office, back in their fight, yelling at him to look out for himself already, goading him to set the place on fire. And Eion wanted to remind him, however petty it was, that his office was still a wreck because of it. That he still hadn't gotten new furniture for all that Waru ruined it.
But he looked Waru in the eyes, even if he didn't smile.
"Not your job to protect me. Didn't know that was going to happen, either." Even if there was a loud intimation of it, he wanted to believe that their generator could hold on a little longer. Could suffer another pulse through all the aliens and White Moon that charged them. Like that last pulse was worth pinning their hopes on — whatever danger it posed to him was furthest from his mind. It had been so easy to think about the mission and nothing else. To throw everything away for the Negaverse, for Laurelite, for Metallia. Like that was all he could hope for —
"So stop apologizing." Straightened off the counter, took the hand on his chin, laced his fingers in it —
then the timer on the microwave shrieked. Eion sighed, disappointment writ into his narrow frame as he relinquished Waru's hand to unveil the pot and fish out the bags. "Don't ******** wring them out, okay?" He added, scowling over at the boy while he tossed the three into the sink.
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2021 6:06 am
“Doesn’t stop me from wanting, yanno? Saying the things — doesn’t change that I want to keep my people safe, doesn’t make you any less *mine* to want to protect.” snorted wryly at himself for how inane it all must’ve sounded. How he knew in his head that he couldn’t have protected Eion from the unexpected any better than he could’ve protected himself. Still would’ve tried— “It’s ********, it’s an ingrained thing— like..and I get it — doesn’t mean I like it —“ so many ******** ‘it’s’ and waru was about tp consider taking up an issue with each and every one of them. Was just about ready to sit Eion down and have a whole a** convention on the dangers of the innocuous ‘IT’; settled on breathing past that instead. On curling his fingers into a fist, as if he could’ve held trapped the warmth of where Eions had been laced in his own, however briefly. Wondered if he should’ve put said same fist through his microwave instead, taught the innocent machine a very permanent sort of lesson for daring to interrupt. b***h of a cooking implement deserved it. Hell, something, someone, somewhere, deserved his fist be put through it— “Why would I wring them? Their not rags? Though...” smirked down at the dark curls and creased features of Eions face, plucked a bit of light from within himself enough to tease. “Usually I just squeeze the rest into my cup, yanno? Till whatever comes out of the baggie is clear.” threatened the silk pouches with a glance that promised problems while he took up space where Eion had been. Reclaimed it a little while he clutched thick fingers around the lip of the sink and leaned there — wondered if he would get honey, sugar, cream? Wondered if he had found all of Eions secretive little stashes of goodies. Felt better for having said the stupid words — better enough to breathe just a little deeper with the knowledge the doing so wouldn’t set the floodgates open just yet. Wouldn’t have done, to drown Eion in tears. Not when there was so much more to say…better things to do now that he had him there… Had to make himself do it while he had him. Though waru hated the thought of that — pressing for things like there wasn’t time enough. Didn’t know math or science well enough to have had the ability to measure what enough time would’ve looked like anyhow. Would have to take what he had instead, would do better at using the moments of *now*.
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Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2021 5:27 pm
Eion would rather listen as he worked, tried his damndest to ignore the impulse to backhand Waru across the mouth for all his showboaty nothing. Wanted to protect, wanted him, wanted to save. All a fat wad of words spat at him with nothing to show for it. If Waru wanted to protect, he ******** up big when that generator went off.
It was a simple thing to add honey to Waru's cup, could do it one-handed. Did so, and poured tea over the mass of it while his free hand rubbed the inside of his shoulder absently. Garnished with heavy cream next — because full-bodied tea deserved a full-bodied cream — and stirred until the dark lightened to a honeyed golden color. Could smell the tea notes wafting up on the steam, small smile for that. Pushed the cup down to Waru for when the boy finished flapping his jaw.
"Shouldn't squeeze them out, either. Shitty etiquette." Finished his own glass with honey and cream.
Spared himself a minute to sip the tea. Burnt his tongue on it, too, and stared at the cup in consternation. Took longer than it should have for him to realize why, and pinked a margin around the ears and cheeks for his obliviousness.
Maybe he should've gone straight into it, then, nerves be damned.
"Waru." Set the traitorous cup down with a solid clunk on the countertop. Shitty formica thing, he kept thinking, as if that proved a better distraction. "Tried to fit a lot of molds. Everything that other people told me a General should be. Never figured it out for myself -- never had a good role model." Felt like a waste of words, saying all of that, but he told himself that there was justification for his behaviors inherent in that. That his long unspoken history had something to do with his now.
Turned to face Waru more fully, then settled a hip against the door handle to the oven. Cup in hands, he ran his thumbs over its rim restlessly. "Read a lot of books on leadership, philosophy, whatever. Learned about the Negaverse's historical leaders. Thought I had to be like that if anyone was going to follow me. Thought I needed to be better to justify your trust. So I worked harder." Despite your lecture went unsaid.
"They had me on a body cart. Some ******** bullshit contraption from the 1800s stuck in my arm, with some freak of a Lieutenant telling me that he didn't know if human blood would work on me, or what my blood type was, but he grabbed the first bag out of the fridge and we'd see if it worked. Reminded me that I already died once, so I was living on borrowed time anyway. But he was ******** with me to prove a point.
"Laid there a while, waiting for something to happen. Didn't know what to expect. Sweated about it, then I stopped giving a s**t. Started thinking about other things. About all those other Generals out there, and their teams. Thought, there had to be too many rules. That there couldn't be one clonable recipe for someone worth following.
"Decided I was tired of keeping up appearances. That I didn't ******** care if people thought me irresponsible, or rash, or impatient. That I'd lead my own way."
Took another sip of tea, and found it a more tolerable heat. After a third sip, he resumed. "Going to make some changes. To start, a ******** carrot won't encourage you to hit Eternal any faster. You have to believe in the goal, believe in yourself for that. Thinking you could use some stress relief now, not six months on when you've got another metal and some chicken ******** cutlets stuffed in your bra."
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Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2021 12:03 am
“You are…you’re like whiplash sometimes, you know that?” Wide eyed worry wound around wonder, a brief smile felled into something thinner than it was. For how Waru felt like he was falling through molasses where Faustite was gliding through air. The most words he’d ever heard from the man, and he didn’t know how to feel for them. Didn’t know where to start picking himself apart to feel for them. Thought he should be apologizing - again - for something surely, for everything, maybe? For all that he’d been told not to. There were people who owed Faustite apologies and he was damned well one of them, for having ever made him feel…. Lesser, unworthy, undeserving of something he’d never had to earn in the first place. “I never meant— or, no— I only meant—“ thought he should commit word murder in alphabetical order, end his stuttered sentences lives letter by letter before they had a chance to grow legs and get the ******** away from him. Before they could grow big enough to cause trouble. Except the words wouldn’t stay dead, full grown things that popped up time and again like daisies no matter how swiftly he culled them in his head. “Okay — just — for ******** starters? I don’t need to stuff for s**t. If you’re saying my chest is small? I will smother your a** with it, and if you survive? Then I’ll hear you out… *like I’d ever use ********? When I said ‘better’ — I should’ve said nicer — I should’ve said for yourself — to yourself? I should’ve said it better then I did, because that wasn’t how I meant it Eion. I wasn’t trying to make things harder...” found breath and felt frantic for it. Felt the need to take his tea then, to keep his hands in one place, had to be careful with it so he didn’t crack the cup.
Had to sigh for how the heat of the mug was a reminder of all the things he wanted to hold. Standing before him as some human thing, telling him things honestly.
“Except you kinda found your way there on your own to — to what I did mean, sorta?” shouldn’t have had to die to have reasoned out he was good enough for them, that his own way would have always been the best. That Waru trusted him with his - his everything? As a person as Albite -- as — and maybe he should’ve offered up his soul a second time, maybe he should’ve sat down with agni? Maybe he would? Have a nice chat with Agni by the fireside about finding that lieutenant and kicking his teeth in, not all of them, just a few.
Just enough to keep him from speaking for a while, until he learned some better bedside manners when dealing with *dying people*.
“I could use the stress relief every ******** day, yeah? Just not if the person I’m getting it with is feeling used. I’ll always like chasing cars Eion. I’ve never needed to catch ‘em, because for me, personally? There's no point in grabbing up power if I’m not using it in service of someone else. I don’t need it for myself anymore than I needed the carrot. Never really needed the carrot even— I just wanted you. That is - just ******** ‘you’, okay? As yourself. Not for something, not to be someone else, and only if you want it, too.” Breathed fragrant steam as he heaved out words and wondered if Eion would leave him, too.
If — and the tea looked good. Tasted better. Made himself sip it long enough to shut the ******** up. Liked the smell of it most, the way it filled his nose and made him want to rifle eternally through tins in search of recreating all those scents on his own— of playing at trying to do it when Eion inevitably did leave…
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Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2021 2:24 am
The consternation for hearing that he was whiplash was sewn into his furrowed brows. "******** you, I'm straightforward." Or he thought he was straightforward. Thought logically except when he didn't, kept his emotions in check except when he couldn't, and kept to himself at all times about all things concerning himself. Unless someone decided to pry. Then he was understandably upset. So if Waru thought him opaque and confusing? That said more about Waru than it did about him.
Then Waru soldiered on, and Eion splashed tea as he giggled into a sip. Hearing the boy so zealously defend his chest size -- "think my a** will survive," he muttered under the tirade.
Waru could fire up so easily, easier than Faustite sometimes. The smile hadn't left his eyes as he looked up at the boy, watched him continue down this road of eternal bluster and baggage. He was sweet, too. Heartwarming, really, for how greatly he cared about Eion, less so about Eion's misinterpretation of his message. Eion hadn't told him that he didn't know how to be nice to himself, didn't know what it looked like, didn't know what it meant. Didn't know how the Negaverse would tolerate it, though he was certain Axinite would agree with his subordinate. It was then that his attention returned to neutral.
"Something happen to you before? Don't remember saying I felt used." Took another sip as he considered the strange comment. Did he do something to express disinterest in Waru? Was it the fact that he tried his level damndest every day to keep it in his pants and not stare at Waru's abs for too long? Thanked Metallia for putting some ******** clothes on that boy with his next upgrade, but --
Set the cup down half-empty. "Thought I was obvious. Should I spell it out for you?" Arms folded, he leveled a quizzical look up at the boy.
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Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2021 4:20 am
Nearly snorted fresh fire water for the idea of Eion being any sort of straight. Man was a goddamned nautilus shell of a thing. ********, burning tinderbox on stilts, and the straightest part of him was probably his grate on a good day. Waru set to wiping his mouth, felt the smile stick, despite himself, and tried a sip that was more sweet and less stupid mess all over himself. Let the soothing taste of thick cream over sweet honey occupy his time as he tried to figure out how to answer - oh - any of that with something like coherent thought and well organized words. “You put yourself up as a prize Eion..” and Waru had liked the play of it, even if he wouldn’t have taken the bait — not that way — not without the very obvious ‘come ******** me’ offered up inhis lap like a platter piled high with things labeled ‘eat’. Though maybe Waru was also projecting a little? Knew ‘used’ as a thing a person could be. As easily as he knew ‘ kept’. Was trying to stop hurts before they happened, trying to read Eions mind and — the trap of it all — always a trap of his own making — guessing at what his firebrand wanted and trying to do the thing that would cause the least amount of harm. Only for it to blow up in his face for how wrong he often was. “Spell me this instead…” let the cup go with reluctance, gentle scrape as it was shoved away from the counters edge. Traced the edge of it like he wanted to trace Eions features. Left off the soft semicircle of a handle that resembled the smile he wanted to hold. “That night — if I’d have stopped you? If I’d dragged you down n’ asked you to stay? Would it still have been ‘get to eternal’, there n’ then, or did that change because of ‘now’.” didn’t know why it mattered, because it didn’t. Not really. Not if what Eion wanted was —- Well…every single ******** thing that Waru had wanted. Changed the how maybe - the approach of how he took on those wants. The way he looked at them through a very specific sort of lense. Might’ve changed that — wouldn’t make him want any less though.
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