December fidgeted anxiously with a pair of keys in his hand. He had taken quite some time to get to this point, but now here he stood in front of a place that he could finally call his own. Well, he could have called that his own for a while now, but with this last armful of things he had picked up from Ikea, it was finally home.

A year had passed since he had tried to start saving up for a little apartment. Since he corrupts into the Negaverse, his life had been nothing but couch surfing and staying in the barracks.

He would be the first to admit that he was rather uneducated. His schooling stopped at high school, and even then it was half-assed homeschooling done by May and her associates. He was lucky he could even do basic math and could read at a decently high level. But college? Any sort of secondary learning was way out of the question. There were no records of him anymore, not as who he was. He couldn't place his social security number anywhere, he couldn't figure out where he was born or the names of any extended family members beyond his brothers and sisters. All of that was burned up in the fire that consumed his childhood home.

Not that he had ever had access to that information to begin with. May had always kept everything under lock and key, away from any hands that would try to reach out and save him from that situation he was in. Even looking back though, he wasn't unhappy. Sometimes he missed that scary home, where people would come in and out of his room, sometimes kindly, sometimes with the heavy hand that left him beaten and bloody. At the end of the day he was still in a place to call his own. His room was a safe haven once the door was locked, where nothing in the whole wide world could get in.

Times has certainly changed since then, and what he once thought could be the worst of it all, simply enforce the fact that Murphy's law existed.

But rather than let his thoughts go far too dark, he shook his head, letting his mop of white fluffy hair shuffle under his little cap. Today was supposed to be a happy day! Not one filled with depressing memories and sad thoughts about the past. No regrets now! It was time to move forward in the first step would be putting his foot in the house!

Stepping past that front door revealed a small studio apartment, but absolutely vibrant in color. The walls were painted beautiful sky blue, though the ceiling remained white, a speckled popcorn ceiling that show the apartments age. Somehow, it managed to hold on to that pretty sparkling glitter that seemed to be thrown throughout it, leaving it shimmery even in the lowest of lights. To his left was a simple couch and dining area, nothing exciting but cozy and covered in pillows and a throw blanket over the back side. Numerous small plants seem to cover the nearby window, and a small TV was set on a stand before the couch. Everything seemed to cry out cozy, welcoming, despite the only one being here was himself.

Passing through the little walk-in area, he arrived to the kitchen, with his linoleum countertops and bottom shelf stainless steel kitchen appliances. The apartment's attempt at seeming as a place of wealth despite its rather questionable area. But the tiles were pretty, and the fridge had magnets of his own making, covering at least a top half that he could reach with smiles and letters typing out messages of inspiration that he could see on a day-to-day basis. The warm smell of lingering cinnamon cookies still seem to hang in the air from the other day, soon to be smothered out by the stronger smell of curry simmering on the stove.

It was tiny, there was no doubt about that. Almost pristinely clean, like a showroom rather than somewhere someone lived. Maybe that was because most of the time was spent in the Negaverse where his closest friend lived, rather than here in the real world where he felt like he knew no one besides his sister these days.

From the kitchen window he could see a bustling street below. This particular apartment was the best he could get with no credit, and just the cash he had on hand. There would always be noise, a constant rumble of people going about their lives regardless of time or weather. He could hear cars honking, sirens going off from the nearby hospital, the sounds of shouting and animals barking or hissing. Gazing out, they sky was grey and the mid autumn air seemed coated in a thin layer of fog. And yet every single bit of that felt infinitely better than the silence that used to come from being locked away in that small dark room, or the steady strange pulsing that existed within The Negaverse. And it was nothing that a little bit of music couldn't drown out.

A song came to mind, one that he had listened to many times while sitting alone and just contemplating the world about him. A singular phrase, small bit of a wish he never thought he could speak out loud... I just wanna be happier, Am I being too greedy?.

Even now he struggled with the idea of allowing himself to feel any happiness. Why should he be allowed this? Why should he, out of all the people who were in that house that night, be the one to survive? Had he paid enough blood and sweat and tears and pain and sadness and agony to finally be allowed to be himself? At what point would he be allowed to just finally admit that he wasn't happy? Could he now stay out loud that he would hurt curling up every night in his bed, squeezing a pillow, or Shoal, craving freedom from everyone and everything around him, and just be left alone to process the strange and terrible feelings he had?

Maybe the answer finally was yes, he could. Who else would know about this place? No one unless he told them. And he was stronger than he ever was back when he was a lieutenant. He can now resist the pull of That cruel a** general who tormented him, and he could banish away people who tried to come and talk to him. He wasn't afraid of draining people to the point where they lose consciousness. Because he knew now that in a way, it brought peace. Quiet. Sometimes he wished he could drain himself to that blissful unawareness, so that maybe one night he could dream a happy dream instead of nightmares that would come and go on such a regular basis.

But then again, what was the point of dwelling on that? He forced himself to smile as he finally put his shoes away, sitting down the keys in the counter, to go flop on his stupidly soft bed. Layers upon layers of foam and blankets and sheets all piled up to form what he would think of as a nest. There was no need to have a bed so big, he was on the rather short side all things considered. And the king size bed seemed far too silly for what a small place is area was. It felt like it filled up the entire room, with just enough space for dressers and a nightstand.

There had been a slight thought in his mind when he had originally bought it, that maybe one day he would have someone over, a friend to curl up with. It was mainly Milo who is on his mind, one day he would be saved and might need a place to stay if he didn't want to go back to his family. And December certainly wasn't going to deny him his space. A vague thought crossed his mind. If Milo had regained his freedom, and have become a person again rather than the adorable squiggly little lizard beast he was, would he remember Fettellite? Right now, as Shoal, It was safe to say that he did remember who this little captain was, and that feelings of friendship and camaraderie were shared. It took a bit, but it was said! And It was said so quickly and readily that it brought tears to the poor boy's eyes.

But what would happen if all of that was forgotten the moment he was human again? Will there be anger because of the fact that the Negaverse had done this to them? Would he still become resentful because he remembered being human, and realizing that December was part of that organization that took his humanity away from him? ... Would December be able to cope with suddenly losing the only friend he felt like he had?

No, nope, not right now. Again, December had to force away all those doubts out of his head. He kept struggling with just focusing on the good, Even as it laid out before him in plain sight. He would repeat in his head over and over again that he didn't have to worry about that right now. And this moment, he could be happy, he was allowed to be happy, and there's no one to tell him otherwise. Nothing except for that lingering voice that whispered in the back of his mind constantly that he was nothing, that there would be a day where all of this would be lost because of his own stupidity.

It was times like these where he missed his first love.... Nat had been controlling, Cold at times, but there was safety beside him. And it was nice to just let his mind empty out completely, and let someone else take charge. It happened so long ago it seemed, that little bit of happiness he remembered out of a sea of cold and pain. But even then, maybe he had become greedy. Now that there was less pain, and there was less fear grasping any thought he had, he started to speak up more. He became independent, getting a job, going out on his own to do his work for the Negaverse. To the point where he started to speak out against his first love. That he wanted more than what the man was willing to give.

And that was okay. Up until the moment where they decided to go different ways because they just didn't want the same things anymore. They moved a different paces, they just didn't match up anymore. It was around that time that December finally realized that it was okay to want more, and that it was okay to finally move away from being a victim. Not that he was victim blaming anyone or himself, but that he had a power somewhere deep inside of himself that would allow him to move past all of this. And it was then that he grew angry.

Why did he have to suffer?! Why was he the one brought down low every time he tried to become a better person?! Why did he have to be the one targeted a Play toy or a punching bag for someone else's venting?!

I just wanna be happier... echoed in his head again, and he could feel his chest tightening as he finally curled up on that bed of his. Long, slow breaths were taken in and out as he tried to calm down his racing heart. And he told himself time and time again, sometimes whispered out loud, sometimes into the pillow under him, that having a little bit of happiness like this was okay. He had earned this, despite what that little angry voice in his head wanted to tell him. And he would continue to earn more, with every animal he helped saved or lieutenant he guided in the right direction. He would earn the right to keep this little bit of happiness. And from there he would earn more and more, to the point where he would drown out these depressive thoughts.

A hand grasped at his own chest, curling around the thin fabric that covered up scars and scratches, reminders of just how badly he had once been treated. December squeezed his eyes shut tight, fighting back the overwhelming sadness and anxiety that always seemed to threaten to well up and spill over his carefully crafted barriers around him. He knew he could change, he knew he could become better, and WAS well on his way to it. But.... It didn't change how lonely it could be.

For now, he would dream and work on the next few steps. He could check off of his list that he needed to get a home all to his own. Next came physically improving himself. Powered up he was strong, stronger than many really. But as a civilian he was weaker than most. Lack of nutrition growing up and an overall poor diet and lack of exercise left him scrawny with poor stamina. But he knew he could change that about himself pretty easily. He had already taken the first steps to making that improvement by going to the gym, and had even made a new acquaintance that way...

And then, maybe one day he could reunite with that man he once loved. Looking back, reflecting in on himself now, there was no way they could be together again. Too much had changed since then... Yet he hoped that he could atleast meet him head on as an equal. To tell him that he could smile now, and it was real. Nothing forced, not an act he put on to ensure that no one worried about him because he was weak but because they truly genuinely cared for him.

That led to the next thought, that one day he would have friends that wouldn't be made because of what he could give them. Maybe someone would actually like him for once for who he was. Not what they could mold him into or what he could be used for. But he didn't want to think about that right now. No, all he really wanted was sleep, and that seemed to come easy once he finally let his mind think about something other than the worries that plagued him day to day.

He would fall asleep dreaming about what next he could ask his youma, and what weird food he could try to feed him next. Maybe he would have to make an extra portion of that curry to offer him, and see the funny little expression he made. Maybe some for chip too! Did cats like curry? What about that partner of his that was grumpy all the time? Would he like Curry too? All that and more kind of drifted in and out of his mind as he finally gave way to the list that he called sleep, and this time, he had no dreams, just a gentle and engulfing darkness that would lead to the first night of peaceful rest in his very own apartment.

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