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 Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2021 12:30 pm
Nadiya was still living in a fog some days, but others seemed much clearer as of late. She wasn’t completely certain what it was, whether or not it was just the appointments by the strange Yaeli doctor who seemed to study her or if it was just the passing of time dealing with her shock, but something seemed to be different lately. However, she still couldn’t use her voice even though everyone was trying their best for her. It was locked tightly as if someone was constantly grabbing her very soul and keeping it stowed away. There were days like this one when she didn’t want anything to eat or drink and for some reason it seemed to bring more clarity, something that she hid from others whenever she poured her drinks into the plants or fed the few stray perzi that wandered around their apartment in Oba. Perhaps it was just because the hunger pains allowed her to think through the numbness of her inner turmoil, but Nadiya was not quite capable of putting anything together...not yet.
Either way it was supposed to be one of those days when the doctor took her out for fresh air and she was surprisingly okay with the idea even if she seemed distant. At least she had stayed still while her maid helped her into Oban attire and twisted her hair into a long braid that went down her back with golden ribbons, which was a positive in comparison to days when she wouldn't get out of bed or was tossing books around in frustration. Still, despite the good beginning of the day there was still some hesitation and the songstress was already startled whenever she walked outside into the bright sunlight with a crowd already gathered in the streets. It was not the sunlight that caught her amber gaze but rather the passing funeral procession that had stirred the crowds. A nobleman had passed away and the family was coming through with friends and supporters to mourn his passing. The very sight brought a tight feeling to Nadiya’s own chest as she thought of the one that she had lost as well. Her lashes fluttered down as she closed her eyes against the sight and took a step back so that she was pressed up against the warm stone wall of the building, her heart throbbing in her ears. Maybe, maybe it would be better to go inside and just let her maid pour her a cup of tea while she tried to forget about the pain in her chest.[Nadiya 1]
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2021 9:17 pm
Tac had his nose in his notes as he headed for the uptown apartment for his appointment with the silent siren. There wasn't much to look over, honestly. Any visible progress Nadiya was making seemed to be minimal, and he had yet to hear anything beyond a frustrated snarl come from her lips. The brother had seemed to imply noticing a difference, but perhaps it was something that only a sibling could notice.
Progress was progress though. It might not have been in the direction that he wanted, but it wasn't exactly the wrong direction either. So, here he was, walking to yet another visit.
He came up to the apartment as the procession passed by, and saw Nadiya's reaction to the funeral. The brother hadn't mentioned any recent deaths though. He looked at the passing casket for another look. Did she know the one that had passed? Or was there a past death that still caused such a reaction? Either was a possibility.
"Miss Nadiya," he greeted in his usual flat, professional manner. "Are you ready for our walk today, or do you need a moment?" He gave the procession a pointed look before meeting Nadiya's eyes again. At one time, he would have told her to suck it up and get on with the appointment. Now, he could appreciate the need for a moment for composure and for usually approaching a touchy subject rather than jumping straight in.
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Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2022 3:01 pm
A Yaeli. The very greeting made her throat tighten and Nadiya had to close her eyes for a moment longer, shoving away the painful memories that the doctor brought. Even if they were completely different there were just moments like when he called her 'Miss Nadiya' that plucked at those strings of memory. Even if she wanted to make noise, a sound of protest the girl simply didn't have it in her. What did it matter? It wasn't as if her tears had done anything to bring him back nor had it resolved her sudden inability to speak.
So Nadiya simply reached out towards Tacrith, her hands shaking slightly as she touched the doctor's arm. It had been months now and she couldn't keep hiding inside. Nadiya had seen the painful expressions on her brother's face and knew that her family was worried about her. Still, it took a lot of energy to crawl out of bed and even more to actually walk outside into the sunlight. The fact that she had made it so far today was a sign that surely something could change, right? Nadiya winced at the thought, her fingers gripping tightly onto Tac's jacket as the final members of the procession walked out of sight. Her amber gaze slowly raised to look at Tacrith, her cheeks stained from recent tears and her eyes shadowed from lack of sleep, but there was a determination today that flickered here and there as she prepared herself to go on today's walk.
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Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2022 12:06 pm
Tac nodded and held out his arm to escort his patient away from the house. It would only be a short trip, but at least Nadiya was getting some fresh air and movement. As a bonus, he got some gentle exercise for his leg rather than the quick walking he had gotten used to doing as he rushed between patients. After a silent moment, he reached into one of his pockets to pull out a clean handkerchief. With a mental sigh, he held it up for Nadiya to take and make use of. He could easily get another one anyway. "Did you know the deceased?" he asked softly, glancing back at the departing procession.
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2022 4:33 pm
Normally the question would just slip away from her and she would simply ignore him. Today, however, Nadiya felt a strange twisting sensation in her chest as if she could actually feel something there again. It was painful and stabbed at her very core instead of leaving her feeling so numb and distant like she had been the past few months. It was....strange. As she took the offered handkerchief the Matori found her lips shifting as if she intended to open her mouth and speak, but the words never came. Even if her mind was finally grasping at the reality about her the Matori still could not speak. All she could do was clutch at the fabric in her free hand after weakly wiping at her face, a somewhat normal gesture even though she barely had the energy for it. Perhaps it would be best to go inside again instead of going forward?
Nadiya actually flinched at the thought and shook her head as she turned her attention to the doctor's question. While she did not know the deceased she had lost someone and the very thought had her glancing over the doctor, studying him with her haunted amber gaze. Did her brother have to bring a Yaeli into their home like this? Didn't he understand? Nadiya's lips pursed tightly as she held onto Tacrith, her fingers digging into his arm for support before tugging him towards the left suddenly. She recognized this street and sudden determination seemed to make her move forward. It was like she was possessed as she crossed the old cobblestoned streets of the lower city, the mixture of sand and dirt not even bothering her as her slippered feet and silk skirts swished across it all. She didn't even seem to care about the doctor as long as she kept hold of him, hoping that he would follow along until finally she reached a memorial. A stone slab with names written in Oban, many of those who had been lost in recent wars and included even the skirmish with the Dretch. His name may not be there because he was listed as missing but either way Nadiya wanted to embrace the pain, determined to keep her clarity instead of simply slipping away into the fog again. If his name was there then that meant fellow mercenaries had noticed his disappearance and cared enough to inscribe it along with others.
Nadiya let go of the doctor's arm so that she could run a hand over the inscriptions, her expression full of sorrow as she slowly looked back towards her companion. Even if she did not have words she would find someway to communicate before she faded away again. She had been afraid of the pain those first few months, but she couldn't continue running forever. Once she had believed you honored those who were gone by holding those dear memories in your heart, but she had been a hypocrite who had tried to hide them far away instead.
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Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2022 4:15 pm
A soft grunt of surprise was his only verbal reaction to the pull, stumbling only a little before managing to catch his balance again. She had never been so direct before, and Tac wasn't about to stifle whatever impulse had come upon Nadiya that would make her take such initiative. The main difficulty was that he couldn't study her expression while they walked at such a quick pace. Any stumble at this speed would have him pulling the both of them down. He peeked over when he could, but kept the majority of his attention on the cobble path.
He let out a sigh of relief when they finally stopped; however, the sight of the memorial sent a chill down his back. He had seen his share of the wars. It was one of the few events in his life that refused to let itself be seen in a purely objective manner...
He turned his attention to Nadiya instead, and the look on her face was clear enough that even a socially awkward guy like him could read it as plain as day. "You did lose someone," he said softly, his eyes drifting over the multitude of names etched into the stone. She wasn't pointing to any particular name. Was the person she lost not on there? Missing... He couldn't help the strained press of his lips, instantly understanding. To lose someone precious was bad enough, but to not know their fate..? "I take it they went to war, and then never returned? ..I am sorry." He spoke as gently as he could, which was a rare tone for his voice to take.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2022 9:54 am
Nadiya's expression wavered with mixed emotions at the question and apology from the doctor. Her mouth opened as if to say something but the pain in her throat felt like a thousand knives and she instead simply reached out to clutch at his arm. After a moment the Matori's fingers moved towards the doctor's ears, standing on tiptoe so that her fingers could gently tug at the edges. Said fingers only lingered for a moment before moving again to tap against his chest and back towards the memorial. Her missing someone had been Yaeli as well, something she wished to express but at the same time Nadiya didn't know if it truly mattered. The doctor's appearance had been painful at first, but over the weeks spent together she had started separating the two individuals despite the haze in her mind. The doctor was the doctor while....well the other had been someone completely different.
Tears welled up in her eyes at the thought but Nadiya simply knelt, her fingers fumbling for anything until she found a silk scarf that she left in respect for the departed. She didn't come prepared with flowers or incense but she wanted to leave something rather than nothing at the memorial site. She waited a moment longer before looking back towards the doctor. Earlier his expression....she swore she had seen something like understanding. Had he lost someone as well? Nadiya studied him, her sorrowful gaze surprisingly sharp instead of distant as she watched her companion.
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2022 2:58 pm
Tac's brow rose with confusion when Nadiya began poking at him. It took a long moment, but soon enough his eyes were widening with shock and he took a step back. "You mean.. the one you lost.. was a Yaeli? Like me?" There's weren't many Yaeli around here. What were the chances that she would lose one and find another in a doctor trying to help her recover? Her behaviors from their initial meeting and over the following weeks suddenly made sense.
He remained silent as the waterling knelt in front of the monument. It was surprising that she had been able to tolerate his presence. Women could be quite emotional, after all. Very emotional, even...
"Ah! Is that why your voice has left you?" he asked, suddenly delighted by the dots connecting in his mind. "A physical response to emotional trauma. When you lost someone special to you, you also unconsciously made yourself lose part of your own being that-!" Blushing furiously now, Tac clamped his mouth shut. Once, he would have continued rambling on about every detail of his theory. Now though, he had just enough social awareness to know that this just was not the time, and to be utterly embarrassed by his behavior.
"Th-that being said... I do apologize if my presence has caused you any undue pain. On a positive note, you have made a lot of good progress today." He attempted an encouraging smile, though that remained half awkward still. Her eyes were surprisingly locked on him, not distant or wandering like usual. It made him want to pull her into a comforting hug... and that in itself was a shocking feeling. "And.. thank you for letting me know. That must have been difficult."
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2022 6:14 pm
The one you lost...was a Yaeli? Like me? The fact that the doctor was verbally confirming her meaning made Nadiya freeze. For a moment her gaze widened, the pain tightening its claws around her heart again as her whole body seized at the reminder of her loss. Even if she had been the one to bring up the loss, actually hearing it made her whole body break out into goosebumps. Slow, even breaths kept her from completely collapsing, the woman's hands tightening as she clutched at her skirts while the doctor continued talking. Could that be why she had lost her voice? It could make sense....at least her companion seemed to think so considering his sudden excitement at the revelation.
So what had changed to make her suddenly start having more clarity? She couldn't help but to think of the last few weeks, the constant presence of the doctor as he studied her and kept her company during her worst moments. That didn't make sense, right? Nadiya frowned as she opened her mouth and closed it again, her throat still burning like glass was wedged inside instead of allowing her to utter any sounds. Still though there was a determination as her thoughts struggled to keep up with the new ideas. She had to fight the fog of pain, she just had to! Nadiya's gaze burned with more unshed tears, her confusion growing as the doctor's stance seemed to change. For once it appeared like there was a softer expression...but was that simply a trick of her mind which had been so unreliable as of late?
Still, her own expression softened at the sudden appreciation from the doctor. Nadiya swallowed against the rising emotions before simply nodding her head, her gaze darting down to study the ground instead of looking at the Yaeli. Her aching heart had done a strange flip at the sudden thanks and she wasn't quite certain what to think about it. It had felt nice to have an actual conversation again even if it wasn't your most typical one considering her inability to speak, but it had sparked a feeling of hope within Nadiya and she wanted so desperately to cling to it. Her jaw clenched in determination as her gaze suddenly shot back up and she found herself reaching for the doctor's hands, her fingers squeezing his as she watched his expression, questions burning in her bright gaze. If he knew more about her could he now help her to recover faster? Could she get her voice back? Was it possible?
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2022 6:54 pm
Though he had managed to control his outer excitement, his mind was still spinning with the implications. He had been correct from the very beginning... The cause of the silence was more emotional than physical. Despite the pain of the memories, Nadiya was much more responsive and alert now than she had ever been before, simply after allowing someone else to learn the specifics of her pain... Surely her voice would be able to return in this case, but how?
The grab for his hands made him jump, the sudden contact quite unexpected. His eyes slid to meet hers.. there was so much depth to those eyes now. He wasn't the best at reading people, but Nadiya's current expression was like a book compared to her usual placid expression. Not necessarily a book he could read, but it was definitely filled with words. It was nearly overwhelming, and rather frustrating at the same time. Could he possibly crack the code...
No, he was never to put himself before the patient.He hated to admit it, but.. "Nadiya, I may not be the doctor you need. There are those who study the function and workings of the mind much more thoroughly than I do. I believe you continuing to share what you have gone through is the key to getting your voice back.. but such conversations are not my forte."
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2022 11:42 am
Just as quickly as her hope had risen to light it faded. Nadiya's expression fell as the doctor suggested sending her to someone else. The Matori could only shake her head, her fingers that had been clutching his hand suddenly finding themselves limp and falling to her sides. There had been a moment of clarity but now confusion crossed her features. Was it simply a trick of her mind that she couldn't speak? Frustration made her shake her head before she stood abruptly and fixed her skirts, the indigo silks swishing as she took a few steps away before stopping again.
What was she supposed to do now? Nadiya quietly reached out to touch a hand against her throat, the muscle moving there as she swallowed against the pain. Why couldn't she talk? Why couldn't she seem to think clearly anymore? This wasn't like her! A shaking breath left her lips as her gaze suddenly burned with tears. Losing him had taken a piece of her spirit but Nadiya felt so hopeless again. It didn't make sense truly...but she didn't have much time to even try to consider anything as a group of Oban teens rushed through, one of the boys abruptly shoving into her, and the Matori found herself tripping forward as the group continued running along the street. A wince crossed her features as she braced to tumble to the ground, her eyes closing tightly.
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2022 8:01 pm
Now that was utterly unexpected. Tac's brow knit with confusion and concern. The clarity Nadiya had been showing was quickly fading from her eyes, and tension seemed to be taking over her posture. Was suggesting she find someone else throwing her off that much? Perhaps throwing off the consistency of his presence was like a crack in her delicate state? Perhaps it would be better to ease her into the change, and arrived with the new doctor for a few appointments before he-
The roughhousing teens startled him out of his thoughts. "Watch out!" he yelped, both with irritation at the teens and concern for Nadiya as she stumble toward him. He stepped forward to catch her, but his leg wasn't used to such a sudden action. It gave out, and they both went down. Still, his arms wrapped around Nadiya protectively, and let out a grunt of air with the impact of his back against the ground. It took a couple seconds to get his breath back, his cheeks warm as he released his arms from around his patient to let her get up. After all, first and foremost, he was her doctor... "Are you alright?" he panted out, shifting to look at Nadiya with concern.
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2022 9:06 am
There was a sudden warmth in the darkness. Nadiya blinked in confusion as she slowly cracked open her eyes, her gaze widening as she pieced together what had happened. The doctor had tried to catch her but had fallen as well! The protective embrace caused a strange twisting feeling in her chest and the Matori couldn't help letting out a faint sound of pain. Still, Nadiya took a few long moments before slowly moving away. She still felt faint, the daze of everything making her almost sluggish though there was part of her somewhere trying to express something. Maybe it was her subconscious that caused a deep flush to cover her cheeks as she looked at the doctor who was a breath away. The silver iris against the darkness confused her for a moment, her heart skipping a painful beat as she leaned forward for a moment....
The release of his arms around her snapped Nadiya back into reality, her lips abruptly pulling back as she pushed herself up in a hasty retreat. The Matori stumbled a moment before nodding and forcing herself to glance back towards the doctor, a hand reaching out to help him up. While she couldn't verbally express her apologies the expression was evident on her delicate features, her long lashes covering her gaze as she looked down. He had fallen because of her and then she...she had the audacity to do that! Nadiya chewed the inside of her cheek in frustration. Home. We should go home. Once she helped Tacrith they could return home and then she could try to....try to what? Try to get a better grasp of what was happening now that she had a moment of clarity? Would it go away with the morning though? The very thought made her expression drop even more, sorrow pushing her shoulders down as the weight of everything slammed into her once again.
What was she doing anymore?
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2022 10:30 am
Tac hesitated for a long moment as he watched Nadiya rush to stand. He must have been more tired than he thought. Surely that hadn't been what it seemed like. She had not leaned leaned toward his face with those soft lips gently pursed.. and he certainly had not frozen up to nearly allow unprofessional interactions to happen! He absolutely was not feeling the hints of a flutter in his chest that he hadn't felt in a very long time...
He let out a sharp breath and pushed himself up to stand. He was definitely going to have to introduce a new doctor to the plan. If he was going to be feeling like this around a patient, then he shouldn't be around her at all. He simply couldn't put either of them in that kind of position. It might have been a slight overreaction, but considering how disconnected he usually kept himself from others, even this faint hint of emotion was dramatic in his eyes.
The last time he had begun to allow himself to care for something like that... He glanced at the wall of names, silently imagining a certain name from his past on there. If only he could blame the war...
He brushed his clothes off and unhooked his cane from his belt. It hadn't been a bad fall, but enough to where he knew the extra support would be helpful. He headed back to Nadiya's side and extended his free arm to her. "Come along. You made good progress today, opening up about your.. friend." That was all it was. He just reminded her of someone else that she missed. Once he eased himself out of the equation, she would be able to continue healing and maybe find her voice again.
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