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 Posted: Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:35 pm
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As quietly as he could, Yuuri unlocked and pushed open the door of the apartment he shared with Misha and his brother, Lev. It was late in the evening, and while there was no set schedule for when the brothers went to sleep, he was afraid of waking them. Some of the lights were still on when he entered, so he assumed one or both were still awake. The door was gently shut behind him and locked once more.
He still felt like he was out of breath, the pain in his side making it worse. He was sure there was blood still on his face from the injury to his nose being agitated again. His hands were stained with the blood from trying to wipe it dry, and then rubbed pointlessly onto the inside of his sweater so if it was stained it wouldn’t be as obvious. His face was blotchy and red from being slapped and from the tears that followed.
The guilt still coursed through him. The dread at having to show his face to Faustite again after being told he disappointed him, that Faustite thought him better than this.
Yuuri’s heart throbbed, and he pressed his hand against his chest as though to try and ease the pain. Nothing helped.
Quietly, he made his way towards the bathroom, but even though the apartment was modern and updated, he winced when the door still creaked loudly on its hinges.
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Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2021 9:49 am
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Misha heard Yuuri’s arrival before the bathroom door creaked, but he gave Yuuri the chance to come find him first if he wanted to socialize, and when Yuuri didn’t, Misha gave him a little longer to use the bathroom. They probably weren’t close enough friends for Misha to bust all up in Yuuri’s toilet business.
Yet.
The lights were on in the kitchen, where Misha and his brother Lev were in the process of recording a mukbang, eating a large variety of food they’d ordered while answering questions posed by Misha’s fans online.
When Yuuri didn’t come out of the bathroom after a good ten minutes (okay, maybe it was more like five), Misha told his brother, “Hold on, we can edit this out,” and hopped off his stool at the island to make his way to the bathroom.
Where he knocked on the door and (perhaps obnoxiously) asked, “You okay in there?”
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Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2021 5:57 pm
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The knock on the door startled Yuuri, and he dropped the hairbrush he’d been using to try and work through his somewhat neglected hair. He washed it and all of that, but he hadn’t bothered to get it cut in a while, so it was a bit shaggy. He winced as the brush clattered to the floor, and then winced again in pain as he tried to bend down to pick it up.
“I’m okay,” he said through the door, and was about to leave it at that, but he felt guilty if Misha needed to use the bathroom or something.
Yuuri took a breath to settle himself and put the brush back in the drawer where he got it from. He looked at himself in the mirror once more, just to see if the water he’d splashed on it did anything to make it look better (it didn’t), and then turned to open the door and face his friend and literal roommate.
“Sorry, just… long night. I’ll get out of the way,” he promised, not wanting to interrupt whatever it was that Misha and his brother were recording.
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Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2021 6:56 pm
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“You’re not in the way,” Misha assured him.
Yuuri was very much out of the way, apparently hiding in the bathroom, which might have been a nuisance if they only had one, but as that was not the case, he wasn’t disturbing anyone or hogging space or… whatever sort of thoughts went through Yuuri’s head that made him think he needed to apologize.
Misha turned to lean back against the doorframe, taking in Yuuri’s appearance.
“What happened to your face?” he asked.
Yuuri’s skin was a bit damp; it was obvious he’d splashed water on himself, but it hadn’t helped in the least. One cheek in particular was suspiciously red.
“Did someone hit you?” Misha frowned, looked concerned, then offended. Uncharacteristically crude, he said, “Whose s**t do I need to ******** up?”
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Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2021 7:49 pm
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Yuuri certainly felt like he was in the way. Especially with how Faustite had reacted to his inability to speak. If he’d given him just a minute to calm down and breathe… but he also knew Faustite had suffered a great loss and couldn’t blame him for his rage.
“Oh…” he mumbled quietly and lifted his hand to his cheek. He didn’t rub it because it still stung, but he didn’t want to burden Misha with having to look at it. “It’s okay, I deserved it,” he tried to explain, his eyes lowered. His side still ached from his probably broken ribs, but it would be better once he was able to lie down. Maybe.
But something told him that Misha wasn’t going to let him get off that easily.
“I…” he paused, glancing towards the kitchen where he could hear Misha’s older brother crumpling up something aluminum and grumbling in Russian, which… he apparently forgot that Yuuri could understand from time to time. Or didn’t care about making rude comments in the same room with him.
“I really… messed up, during the operation. It was my fault that… that Faustite was so injured,” Yuuri said, keeping his voice low so that Lev couldn’t hear. But he could also feel his eyes starting to sting again.
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Posted: Tue Jul 06, 2021 7:56 am
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Misha frowned consideringly, eyes stuck on Yuuri’s red cheek even when he covered it. After a few moments of silence, in which it might seem as if Misha temporarily zoned out, he jerked back to awareness and offered a comforting smile.
“Come on,” he said, motioning for Yuuri to follow him.
Lev was always cranky; Yuuri shouldn’t take it personally, but Misha knew he still would sometimes, even when Misha told him not to. Misha led the way to their room where it would be quieter. They shouldn’t talk about Negaverse stuff where Lev could overhear them anyway.
Once the door was closed behind them, Misha sat himself on the edge of the bed and frowned up at Yuuri again.
“How is it your fault that Faustite was injured?” he said. “Is he the one who hit you?” Misha paused, releasing a huff and a ‘tsk.’ “I sort of liked him, but if he goes around hitting people for no reason, that’s going to change my opinion real quick.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 7:11 am
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“That’s bullshit,” Misha said, not aggressively, but like he was stating a fact. “Sorry, but it’s true. Faustite led the mission. He brought his youma along. He had to know there was a possibility it might be killed.”
Misha leaned back, palms planted against the bedding to support his weight, insignificant as it was. He wore a small frown, unable to keep a smile on his face, eyes once again fastened on Yuuri’s red cheek.
At least his face wasn’t swollen. Slapped instead of punched, then, unless Faustite threw a weak one.
“You don’t bring something valuable into battle with you unless you understand the potential consequences,” Misha continued. “Otherwise you’re an idiot. Not you, sorry, I meant in general. You’re not an idiot. You did everything you were supposed to do.”
Got injured doing it, too.
“You should sit down and rest. Do you want some tea? Or hot chocolate, maybe?”
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Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2021 7:20 pm
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Yuuri frowned sadly, not upset by anything Misha said, but sad that he was being dragged into Yuuri’s troubles. He wanted to try and hide his injuries so Misha wouldn’t worry, but even if he acted like an airhead, Misha was quite sharp.
“Oh, um… thank you. Hot chocolate if that’s no trouble?” he asked quietly, wanting to be polite when Misha was being so kind to him. As for sitting and resting… Yuuri shifted awkwardly from one foot to the next, before moving to the edge of the bed to sit down.
“I panicked,” he admitted after a moment, before Misha could get up. He pressed the back of his hand against his cheek to cool down some of the sting. “I… get like that, sometimes. When I can’t speak or breathe. Faustite must have thought I didn’t want to talk to him, or… that I was ignoring his questions. I thought… I mean, I helped him through his own panic attack a few years ago. I thought… maybe he would give me a moment, and then I could answer him.”
But that wasn’t the case. Instead, Faustite, who was already hurting from the loss of his youma, reacted in defense of himself. Which was completely understandable if anyone asked Yuuri.
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Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2021 11:24 am
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Misha waited to rise until Yuuri sat himself down, but then Yuuri spoke, and Misha had no intention of moving when Yuuri felt like talking.
Yuuri didn’t talk often. Then, if he did, he didn’t talk a lot, so the fact that he even bothered to explain the situation, that he was voicing an opinion that vaguely stood up for himself… Misha was glad to hear it. (He could stand up for himself more, but… baby steps.)
“Okay, so he sounds like a jerk.”
Which was unfortunate. He rather liked Faustite before this. That wasn’t to say Misha hated him now, but he was disappointed and suspicious and certainly intended to keep a better eye on things.
“Self-centered, maybe,” Misha continued. “I get that he just lost his youma, and that sucks for him, but there’s no reason to take it out on you. You did everything you were supposed to, and more.”
Misha flopped back onto the bed, laying there with his legs dangling over the edge. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, frowning as he imagined what Yuuri’s confrontation with Faustite must have been like. How could anyone look at Yuuri in the middle of a panic attack and think he deserved to be slapped?
With a sigh, Misha turned his head to look at Yuuri again. “Do you have panic attacks often? You know, they make medications for that sort of thing. I’m not saying, hey, you should get on meds, I’m just saying it’s a thing that’s available to you if you feel like it might benefit you and you haven’t tried before. I can help set you up.”
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Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2021 6:52 pm
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“I used to have them more often,” he admitted as he watched Misha flop back over onto the bed, feeling a little guilty for opening his mouth and distracting him from getting up to do whatever he was planning on doing. But then again, it wasn’t very often that Yuuri felt comfortable enough to talk.
Misha made him feel comfortable. He was patient and always had a kind word to say. Yuuri only wished he could repay his kindness one day.
“I do have medication, I just… It happened so suddenly. I didn’t have time to think,” he frowned, fidgeting a little nervously as he sat on the edge of the bed. He didn’t want Misha to suddenly decide he was too pathetic to hang out with. If Misha decided to kick him out, Yuuri supposed there was always Negaspace to stay, but he wasn’t looking forward to that.
“I’m sorry for bothering you with this. I didn’t want you to see,” he mumbled quietly, again nervous that maybe this was going to be too much.
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Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 6:06 pm
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“You’re not bothering me,” Misha reassured him.
Someone in Yuuri’s life made him feel the need to say things like that. “Sorry for bothering you,” and “I didn’t mean to get in the way,” and “I deserved it.” Misha was inclined to believe it must have been one of his parents — or both of them, maybe; he didn’t know much about Yuuri’s family. He supposed Yuuri could have been bullied in school, or treated like garbage by someone in the Negaverse, but Misha could never escape the impulse to blame family.
The fact that Yuuri never spoke of them, that he lived on his own before Misha met him, then with friends before that…
Little bits of information like that tended to add up after a while.
Misha offered him another smile, reaching out a hand if Yuuri wanted to take it. “I promise you’re not a bother. You can tell me this kind of stuff, you know. If someone’s a jerk, or… if you’re mad or upset. If you ever feel like you’re going to have a panic attack when I’m around, just tell me, or give me some sort of signal, and I can help.”
As much as Misha liked to talk, he also liked to listen.
“What happened wasn’t your fault.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2021 1:06 pm
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Even if he wasn’t bothering Misha, Yuuri still felt like he should be able to handle his own problems. He’d always had to before, so it was strange having someone to help him work through them now.
His face still stung, and he kept his head down in shame even as Misha promised that he wasn’t a bother and that he could tell him things. He appreciated it, of course. He didn’t have anyone else to talk to. And hadn’t, for a long time. Just Kisa. But admitting that he talked to a roomba was just asking for his mental state to be questioned. And maybe it should be. Isolation and loneliness had more of an effect on him than he cared to admit.
Yuuri nodded at Misha’s offer, still appreciative, but unsure how he was supposed to signal when he needed help. Sometimes he didn’t even realize he was starting to have a panic attack until it was too late, and by then there would be no way to signal anything.
“I feel like it was,” he admitted, awkwardly shuffling his feet against the floor. “I feel like I should have done more. I should have been able to say more, to let Faustite know that I didn’t get his youma killed on purpose. That I didn’t know why the youma followed me and not him when he went after the other Senshi. I knew the princess would be where I went, but… I’d just used almost all my magic, I was hurt, I was trying to get away from a group of White Moon. I thought getting closer to the other Generals would be safer… because I only have you and… maybe Faustite that I know would help me if I needed it.”
It had been an act of desperation, to place himself where maybe one of their allies would take pity on him and help if necessary. But he managed to call the retreat soon after, and others found Faustite for him.
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Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2021 6:03 pm
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“You shouldn’t have to say more,” Misha gently countered. “Obviously you didn’t get his youma killed on purpose. Only an idiot would think you did. It’s not your fault the youma followed you. It’s not your fault the Princess killed it. Faustite ran the mission. Faustite brought his youma. He had to know there was a chance a Princess might show up. No one could guarantee she would, but I mean… come on. Cause enough trouble and one’s bound to show their face eventually, right?”
Then again, Misha was a relatively new Senshi. Maybe he didn’t know enough about any of it to say these things with the confidence he displayed. But it made sense to him, based on what he knew about similar circumstances.
Make enough noise, and you were going to get someone’s attention. Step into someone else’s territory, and chances were you’d face the consequences eventually.
Plays stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Hadn’t he said that to someone already? The conversation was affecting parts of Misha’s brain too much for him to remember accurately.
Misha waved a hand like he had pesky thoughts floating around his head and he could simply bat them away. He sat up to shift closer to Yuuri, not invading Yuuri’s space so much that they touched, but placing himself where Yuuri would surely feel his presence.
“For what it’s worth, I think you did awesome,” he said. “Things didn’t go perfectly, but nothing ever does anyway.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2021 6:26 pm
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Yuuri didn’t move when Misha scooted closer. He didn’t mind Misha being close to him. If he minded, then he wouldn’t be sharing a bed with him. But still, he wasn’t used to attention given to him by someone else, and he felt as though he was going to do something to make Misha change his mind about wanting to help him.
“Thank you, Misha,” he quietly responded, and although he didn’t smile, he didn’t look quite as miserable. “I never want to have to do that again. I’m not made for making big decisions like that. I wish it had been someone else. Your General, maybe. He came later, didn’t he? I thought I heard him.”
He still wasn’t sure what to think about General Jet, but he seemed to make sure Misha was treated well. And he had experience with other Senshi, so that was good.
Yuuri lifted his hand to his face again to gently touch his cheek and winced, his hand going instead to his side where his ribs were still horribly bruised.
“I’m not made for a lot of things…” he corrected, wishing he had avoided getting kicked. Or hit in the face. Or slapped in the face. He didn’t want his nose broken, but despite the blood he seemed to have gotten lucky.
"But you're doing pretty well. Better than I did when I started. I'm sorry I kept trying to protect you before, when you didn't know about... everything. I know you can take care of yourself, but... I was worried."
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