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They had agreed, with Kor gaining more weight, that strength building was something he needed to do. Even if he was thinking about purifying, he knew he couldn't get away with never fighting again. So, Kor had agreed to it.

That's why he was powered up in the middle of this field, after midnight, waiting on Alexandrite to show up. Rutile wasn't comfortable. He hated powering up. He was always so paranoid a higher up was going to come after him as soon as they felt him, and beat his butt for going MIA or not meeting quota. No one had actually done anything for him to be this paranoid, but he had heard rumors that some could be like this if you crossed them.

Rutile's hair was growing back, it was a puff on his head, a small one of kinky hair that was silky to the touch. Even still it didn't move in the summer breeze that threaten to overheat him, even in the dark.

"You here yet?" He called out, green eyes darting around.

With his space taken up by Alexandrite, Rutile could almost relax. The physical contact and kiss helped soothed his ever fraying nerves. Rutile's lips quirked and he nodded when the other said they wouldn't be out here long. Good. He had someone to get home to that was probably pissed he snuck out of bed.

"Uh. ...Maybe not for now... Mine's basically a sword." He was aware he was a rank ahead of the taller agent, but he was going to be physically weaker. Still, he didn't need to accidentally stab the other.

"I guess just start squaring up."

And he did, his stance shifted. Kor's feet spread further apart and he brought his hands up.

"Right..." He had to think about leaving bruises on Alexandrite where his boyfriend couldn't see them. Or at least not be that worried. Thinking he could bruise this tall man was laughable giving how withered Rutile was. With a deep sigh, he nodded.

"Okay, come at me. Let's see what my blocking's like."

Technically he remembered how to do it. It'd just been so long and he lacked muscles.

Rutile's hand came up to block that weak attempt at a punch and he couldn't hep but frown.

"I know I haven't done this in a while, but Alexandrite... you can't treat me like a kid. I'm going to get hurt. I'm..." he sucked in a breath before looking around. There was no doubt in his head he would eventually be beaten black and blue again.

"You know this ain't gonna be my first fight, and it won't be the last. I'm not as weak as I used to be. C'mon."

With that, Rutile threw a real punch. Yes, he was going to pull it if it landed, but the threat was still there, and he hoped it would at least leave enough of a mark to wake the taller man up to the fact that Rutile wanted to take this seriously. He didn't power up for no reason, and playing it safe wasn't a good reason. "Please."

"Then fight me!"

It was becoming misdirected anger. At himself. At the words Alexandrite spoke because they were true. He let out a growl as he swung again, stepping right into the taller man's space. He was going to pressure Alexandrite to punch him properly if it took everything he was. Rutile needed this.

"Then show me! Show me you will treat me like everyone else. I don't need sympathy! I don't need it."

The panic did set in. He never thought the other would lift him, and dangle him like this. He kicked his feet, scrambling to grab ahold of Alexandrite's wrists as his eyes went wide and instantly teary.

Then he went sailing through the air. Not hard to do when your powered up strength was buffed. Rutile landed on his side, bounced and rolled once, landing on his back with a pained wheeze. The tears spilled out of a mixture of panic and pain. His ears were ringing while there was the deafening sound of his own heart, hammering like a drum.

Alexandrite was coming after him again, and real, honest fear kicked in, causing the Captain to scramble back, boots digging into the ground to put as much distance between him and the other one as he could get.

The words registered once he realized the other wasn't going to grab him again, but he might as well have.

This was what he wanted to avoid. This was the talk he knew was going to happen because all he did was use people. That's all he did. Rutile felt like he wanted to throw up. His heart was in his stomach and he could only sit there, mouth open, trying to come up with anything to tell him. All that happened was choked off words as his throat tightened and the tears became a steady stream.

"Yo-...I..."

What could he say?

"I'm...sorry..."

He got up, got to his feet, and slowly started to back away. Flight kicked in. This wasn't something he was ready to face. He wanted to run.

It was an order that got Rutile to not run. He wanted to. Everything in him was screaming for him to get away. This was hostile, too dangerous. The reason he wanted to purify. Negaverse was going to come after him in some form or fashion.

He recognized when Alexandrite was about to cry and it ripped his heart in two. The sniffle, the way he was scrubbing at his face, slowly Rutile stepped forward. One step closer. Then another.

This wasn't something instinct like, but feelings knew better. He swallowed, getting down to his knees now and brought one hand out to Alexandrite's cheek, cupping it gently, thumbing just under his eye. He was going to have nightmares, there was no getting around that. Rutile would probably isolate himself completely downstairs once he got home, but right now? Right now Alexandrite needed him.

"....You're good...good enough. I'm... a bad person."

"You can... later." He still wasn't saying if he was okay or not. He wasn't. Rutile wasn't going to be okay for a couple more days. This was not just a spar gone wrong, but it hurt something between them, when he was picked up and thrown.

Of course he wasn't going to believe Alexandrite's words. Rutile knew he was a despicable person who didn't deserve any form of happiness he had. Derek, Alexandrite, Azurite, Kazuo... He didn't deserve any of them. They could all do way better than him. They didn't need him in their life. He was nothing but a burden on all of them. He only--

He'd definitely have to go to therapy soon. He was not okay. He wasn't thinking about hurting himself, but he was thinking about running away.

"...I'm sorry."

It's all he could say.