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 Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2021 6:49 pm
Of all emotions, Jonah was most familiar with sadness.
He often thought he had no right to be sad. His family was… maybe not the most functional, but they were fortunate, and Jonah thought that meant he shouldn’t complain. The fact that he didn’t have consistent employment at the age of twenty-seven was only a big deal because his grandfather gave him grief for it; if not for that, it probably wouldn’t matter much at all. His parents wouldn’t let him go hungry. They’d never kick him out. He could stay in their house and not want for anything. In fact, the only thing he’d ever wanted in his entire life was to be understood.
Which happened to be one thing money couldn’t buy.
So Jonah was sad. He wandered the streets of Destiny City at night, feeling sorry for himself and tormenting himself with all the awful things his grandfather said to him.
Sometimes, Jonah thought he’d be relieved when old age finally took his grandfather away.
But Jonah was also kind and empathetic and as dutiful as he could be, and that thought made him feel even worse about himself.
It was a random weeknight in early February and Jonah was out in the cold, half drunk just after midnight. He was lonely and desperately needed company, even if that company didn’t talk much. If it’d been earlier in the evening, he might have asked Yuuri if he’d like to meet up for some food and a warm drink, but Jonah would feel bad disturbing him this late. Yuuri had a job and probably needed his sleep. Jonah tried to be respectful about things like that.
Which was why he found himself outside August’s apartment instead. August worked long hours and didn’t seem to have a regular schedule. There was a chance August wasn’t even there at all, but Jonah was in the area and figured he might as well give it a shot.
He stood with a slump to his shoulders, pressing the button that would signal August’s apartment and let him know there was someone out front for him.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2021 12:27 pm
Luckily for Jonah, he would not be standing in the cold, waiting all night for someone to answer. It was one of his few nights off and although he was spending it with probably the only other person who could tolerate his company enough, he wasn't going to deny a surprise visit from the mousey young man who he'd told Celeste about.
He had access to the video feed on his phone that went to the front of the building, and instead of saying anything he decided to just unlock the door for Jonah to let himself inside. The click of the lock was distinctive enough that even August could hear it from his phone.
"We've got company," he said to Celeste as he stood from the couch and set his drink down. "That guy I told you about. The one who stayed here for a bit and brought that other kid with him," he summarized in case she either forgot or feigned ignorance.
August made his way into the kitchen and pulled out another glass to pour whatever Celeste had pulled from the liquor cabinet (August didn't care what he drank), before heading down the spiral staircase to meet Jonah at the door to his apartment once he made his way up the building's elevator.
"You're out late, again," he said as he opened the door and handed Jonah the drink, before ushering him inside. It would be better to let Jonah get out his rambling inside the apartment instead of over the intercom or standing in the shared hallway.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2021 2:03 pm
Celeste was in the middle of bitching about work, which was what they always did when she and August got together to drink. Her brow lifted a bit when August announced they had company, but otherwise she didn’t look terribly interested.
She never really looked interested in anything. Over the course of her life, Celeste’s resting b***h face had been rivaled only by August.
She followed August to the stairs but didn’t head down after him, choosing instead to lean against the bannister, elbows supporting her weight and drink still held in one hand. Swirling her drink slowly around the glass, Celeste took her time observing this Jonah person, who August spoke about more frequently than he spoke about almost anyone else.
Which probably had less to do with August’s interest in Jonah and more to do with the fact that the only other people he encountered on a regular basis were coworkers or patients.------- “I…” Jonah began, but quickly found he was unable to finish the explanation.
He never knew when August was working. He should have texted beforehand, but figured if no one answered, he would just head on his way. Not that Jonah had any clue what he planned to do either way. He didn’t want to go home yet, but it was cold out and the thought of walking around Destiny City right now was… not ideal.
Of course, he felt like a bother as soon as August opened the door.
Dazedly, Jonah took the drink and sipped at it on instinct. He had a preference for fruity drinks, because it was easier for him to get drunk on something that didn’t taste like alcohol, but he was far enough along by now that he didn’t care much what it tasted like.
“Sorry, I… I didn’t want to go home,” he said, staring into his drink for a few moments before glancing up at August, only to see the woman up at the top of the stairs.
“Oh, am I… is this a bad time?”
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2021 5:51 pm
“You’re not bothering me,” August said without Jonah having to apologize specifically for bothering him. It was already well established that Jonah thought his presence was a nuisance and felt constantly in the way, physically and conversationally.
His tone was matter-of-fact instead of harsh or annoyed. He didn’t roll his eyes or sigh in exasperation as Jonah walked into his apartment, although August had a feeling that Jonah was expecting it at any moment. Years of conditioning did that to a person. Jonah didn’t just wake up one morning and decide that he had no confidence in his own existence.
“Stay here if you don’t want to go home,” he suggested, before looking up at Celeste leaning against the bannister. “Celeste Durand,” he introduced, before placing a decisive hand against Jonah’s back, ushering him towards the stairs, but instead pressed the door to the tiny elevator and pushed Jonah inside once it arrived on the landing. He had no idea how much Jonah had been drinking and he wasn’t going to carry him up the stairs. That’s why he had an elevator… so he didn’t have to carry anything up the stairs.
“We went to college together. She comes over to complain about work,” he explained, not thinking Celeste needed any kind of fancy introduction. She was like a cat, allowed to come and go as she pleased, and she did as she pleased most of the time anyway.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2021 6:38 pm
It was always a shock whenever August touched him, mostly because August rarely did so, but also because his touch was firm without being unkind.
Jonah stumbled into the elevator, swaying a bit on his feet, unable to take his eyes off of the woman leaning against the bannister.
She was pretty in a cold way — like an ice sculpture, all pale skin, pale hair, and pale eyes. Tall, too, like a model, and thin, but in a way that seemed as if she was the active type. Her expression was not quite blank but not particularly revealing either. Other than vague interest, Jonah couldn’t read much from her.
But he hadn’t expected her there, so even if her presence was a little nerve-wracking, Jonah couldn’t look away.
“Are you…” he began, stumbling out of the elevator when it reached the upper floor. Jonah looked between the two of them nervously, deciding it was best to pose the question to August instead of a woman he didn’t know. “Is she… your girlfriend?”------- Celeste laughed as much as it was possible for her to laugh about anything — little more than a quick “ha!” when she couldn’t suppress her amusement.
That wasn’t the first time that question had been asked, and it likely wouldn’t be the last.
“You couldn’t pay me to date him,” she said.
Just as Jonah looked over her, Celeste looked over Jonah. He was of an average height, but skinny in an unhealthy way; wavy hair, a little fluffy around his face; and big, scared eyes that looked larger and more terrified the longer he was the subject of scrutiny. He definitely wasn’t what Celeste would expect August to take an interest in, but then again, August had always been a bit odd.
Which was probably why they got along in the first place.
“You must be Jonah,” she observed, since August hadn’t bothered to introduce him to her in turn. Celeste took a sip of her drink and let her eyes glance over Jonah again, from the top of his head to the toes of his green converses. “August might have mentioned you a time or two.”------- Jonah flushed faintly.
August hadn’t mentioned Celeste at all.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2021 7:08 pm
August hadn’t thought it was necessary to introduce Jonah to Celeste, since she clearly knew who he was without it. It would have been a waste of words.
His reaction to Jonah’s question was even less than that of Celeste’s. August glanced over at her, not acknowledging her comment about not paying her to date him. They’d definitely been asked if they were dating before, but it would never happen.
“We’re not compatible,” he said simply, not offended by Celeste’s comment. He knew that Jonah would say something along the lines of how it would be rude for him to assume otherwise, but August thought it was pretty obvious that he had no interest in women.
“Sit down,” he offered, gesturing to the couch that had been vacated. “Why didn’t you want to go home?” August was still waiting for Jonah to start his rambling. He’d already told Celeste about it and it would be a little disappointing if he didn’t get at least a small stuttering ramble. Although maybe Celeste’s presence was throwing Jonah off.
“Ignore her. She looks at everyone like that. You’re not bothering us,” he repeated as he reclaimed his own seat, knowing the frequent reminder was needed.
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2021 12:52 pm
Celeste snorted.
Not compatible, indeed.
Of course, August and Jonah didn’t seem compatible either, but here they were, existing around one another, talking like they were semi-friends. She’d never known August to particularly care about anyone, so his repeated assurances toward Jonah were strange in their newness.
“Actually, you are bothering me,” she said, far less concerned with Jonah’s feelings than August was (or pretended to be; she couldn’t truly say whether his mild, distant sort of concern was genuine or not).
Celeste turned around to lean back against the banister, sipping her drink again as she stared between August on the couch and Jonah shuffling his feet against the floor. “You could have called to say you’d be coming over. What if August was working?”
Not that she cared, but she liked to watch the kid squirm.------- “I…”
Jonah was unsure how to begin. He knew why he came here, but even as he made the decision to see August, he hadn’t known what he meant to say to explain himself. He wanted company, even if that company was cold and often unapproachable. At least August didn’t insult him. August told him he wasn’t a burden. August thought he was helpful, as much as Jonah was capable of being that.
But Celeste’s blunt disregard stopped him in his tracks. Before that, Jonah was in the process of following August to the couch. Now, he skidded to a stop and lowered his gaze to the ground, staring at his shoes, which still had snow clinging to them in spots. Damp heat burned his eyes. Jonah swallowed to hold the emotion back, forcing himself to go without blinking, lest the lowering of his eyelids caused the tears to fall.
“I… I’m sorry, I… I thought… If… If he was working, I…”
He didn’t know what he would have done or where he would have gone, but he didn’t want to say that to her.
“I can… go… I’m sorry…”------- “Calm down,” Celeste said — not with the intention of being unkind, but her voice was noticeably lacking in emotion.
August wasn’t joking when he mentioned the stammering, then.
“You’re going to give yourself an aneurysm with all this stress,” she added. “Or an ulcer. Or a panic attack. Either way, I’ve had a long day and don’t particularly care to deal with it. August said you could stay, so stay. My opinion shouldn’t matter to you.”
But he seemed the type to cringe away from even the most harmless people, so he probably thought her opinion mattered quite a lot.
Celeste finished her drink and wandered over to the coffee table to set the empty glass down. “It’s late and I have work in the morning, so I’ll see myself out.”
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2021 3:47 pm
The slow turn August made on the couch to look at Celeste should have been enough that he didn’t think he needed to say anything. She already knew Jonah was prone to being nervous and stuttering because he’d told her, or maybe she just wanted to hear it for herself.
It was true that August did not usually take interest in anyone, mostly because they couldn’t tolerate his less than friendly face, but apparently Jonah was desperate enough to want to visit him on more than one occasion.
While August hadn’t wanted Celeste to leave, he was afraid that the damage was already done and Jonah would probably be whimpering and bluthering for the rest of the night. Or however long he decided to stay. At this point, he expected Jonah to decide to leave as well.
August watched as Celeste sat her glass down. Knowing that she would need to get her coat and snow boots, August stood back up from the couch to see her out. He hadn’t gotten the chance to tell her something important.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. There’s something that might offer you more entertainment than your job can offer,” he said, not wanting to tell her what it was in front of Jonah, and hoping she wouldn’t press the issue.
Making sure Jonah didn’t make a dash for the stairs or elevator, August walked with Celeste to see her out, before turning back to find his emotionally unstable guest.
“You are welcome to stay,” August reiterated once he’d found him. He doubted he could undo the damage Celeste had just caused on Jonah’s already fragile ego, but he supposed he could at least try.
"You don't have to call before coming over. I can give you an access card to the apartment in case I'm not home," he offered, not thinking he was overstepping at all.
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2021 7:21 pm
Celeste rolled her eyes when August followed her, but didn’t argue. She raised a brow at his cryptic words, unsure what could possibly be more entertaining than taking phone calls from people who had no idea how money worked.
Just kidding. Pretty much anything would be more entertaining than that.
Except perhaps teaching. Children were awful creatures.
“I’m riveted,” she said, with no change to the tone of her voice to indicate sarcasm, though August knew her well enough to tell that was exactly what she was going for.
Celeste pulled her long hair out from under her coat and left with these parting words: “He’s an adult sized baby, August. I’d say you could do better, but you’ve proven time and again that you can’t. Still… I won’t wish you luck.”
She left before he could say anything else, closing the door behind her with a firm thud.
He seemed much more interested in getting back to Jonah anyway.------- Jonah couldn’t hear what August and Celeste said to one another. They were too far away and they kept their voices too low, but even if he could, Jonah was sure he didn’t want to hear it. Celeste was… well, she was like August in a lot of ways, but she didn’t seem as interested in making sure Jonah was comfortable.
Not that Jonah expected anyone to care if he was comfortable. He certainly didn’t blame her; he had intruded on their evening.
Jonah took a seat on the couch, almost collapsing onto it, slouching over his thighs miserably. He gulped at the drink August had given him simply to have something to do, hoping the burn of the alcohol would offer enough of a distraction that the tears would go away. It didn’t work. If anything, his eyes stung worse than before.
He was relieved when the door closed behind Celeste, then sniffled when August’s offer registered.
“You don’t have to do that,” Jonah argued, but his voice was weak. “I’m not worth the trouble.”
It’s no trouble, August would probably say.
He was one of the few people who thought that, if it was true.
“I really am sorry,” Jonah continued, able to speak without stammering for once. He had to. He’d start crying at the first pause. “It’s late and it’s cold and I was lonely and I didn’t have anywhere to go because I don’t want to go home and face my grandfather.”
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Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2021 8:57 pm
“It’s no trouble,” August said as he sat back down on the couch, one leg crossed casually over the other.
He knew what it was like to be beaten down until you were just a shell going through the motions. Perhaps that was why he had taken an interest in Jonah. No, he didn’t know everything that Jonah was going through, or his history, but his mannerisms were enough for him to make some educated guesses.
Apparently his grandfather was the source of a lot, if not all, of his torment and misery.
“Then don’t go home. Use my guest room,” August suggested, lifting his own glass to sip from as he watched Jonah fight with himself. And if he was cold…?
August reached over to pull at the throw blanket on the back of the couch, using one hand to place over Jonah’s shoulders, so it wasn’t exactly the neatest but it did the trick.
“Take off your shoes. Stay a while,” he insisted. “I just put what’s left of the Chinese takeout in the fridge. Help yourself. Or I can get some for you.” So what if Jonah was an adult sized baby. Celeste was right in that it wasn’t as though others could tolerate being around him.
“I’m going to take a guess... your grandfather likes telling you that you bother him and you’re not worth the trouble.”
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2021 1:43 pm
If he was being honest, Jonah would admit he was hoping August would offer to let him stay the night. Celeste being there seemed to complicate matters, if only because August had a single guest room, but she was gone now and the guest room was free.
Even so, the relief was short lived. Jonah hunched in on himself, grateful for the blanket but unable to verbalize his thanks. No matter what reassurances August gave him, Jonah felt like a burden.
But he kicked off his shoes, nudging them with his toes until they were lined up neatly beneath the coffee table.
“He—…” Jonah began, only to immediately choke off.
He took a stuttering breath, but couldn’t stop the tears from falling. They streamed down his face against his will. At least they were silent, not joined by embarrassing sobs.
“He’s… not wrong,” Jonah said.
Worthless, his grandfather called him. You’re a disappointment. You’ll never amount to anything. Stop crying. You’re a grown man.
So far, he’d been right about everything. Jonah had nothing to offer anyone.
“I… I’m twenty-seven, but I… I don’t have a job,” he admitted. “I’ve never… been able to keep one. I… I’m too… n-nervous, and I… I don’t know… what I’m doing. I can’t afford to move out, so he… he’s never been… proud of me. I’m just… stupid, even though I… I try, and… I don’t know what to do anymore.”
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2021 2:56 pm
August knew he had a reputation for being cold and distant. He made it as a doctor only because his patients were usually in too much pain to argue about his bedside manner, or were already unconscious. Celeste was one of the few people who could tolerate him for any length of time, and somehow Jonah ended up on that very short list.
He understood what it was like to have so much pressure pushed on that the weight of it was crushing. Like being held underwater, and no amount of struggling or attempting to swim to the surface was enough. Drowning was just… meant to be. It was only a matter of time.
Celeste might not understand why August was bothering with this nervous young man, but maybe there was something there that reminded August of how things had been for him, and if he could help keep Jonah from drowning, maybe it would be enough for August to make up for his own flaws.
"Do you want him to be proud of you?" he wondered, already loathing a man he'd never met. He sounded like a waste of time, but August didn't say that out loud. If this man was someone Jonah somehow respected, he didn't want to offend him by telling him he was better off cutting all ties.
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2021 4:23 pm
“Of course I want him to be proud of me,” Jonah said, gasping the words out through his tears. He took another breath, trying to control himself, but it was difficult to hold back now that it was all spilling out. “He’s my grandfather.”
How could he not want his own grandfather to be proud of him? He saw how his grandfather looked as his mother, who took over the company for him after he retired. She made him happy; her success brought him peace of mind. Jonah saw how his grandfather looked at sister Haven, too. He was pleased by her success. He doted on her, as much as a cranky old man could dote on anyone.
But Jonah couldn’t remember the last time his grandfather looked at him with anything but contempt.
“I’ve tried and tried, and… I do what I can to be helpful, but… it’s never good enough for him,” he explained. “And sometimes I… sometimes I wish he’d just go ahead and die, and then I feel awful because he’s my grandfather, and I just… I hate feeling like this, and… I don’t want to be a burden.
“I’m sorry,” he added, wiping at his face with his sleeve to try to stem the flow of tears. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to… be like this. I only came by because I… I didn’t want to be alone, and I thought…”
He thought August might not want to be alone, too.
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2021 6:27 pm
Even though Jonah said that he wanted his grandfather to be proud of him, August wasn’t convinced that it was necessarily an achievement that Jonah should strive for. At this point, after years of disappointment August had a feeling that nothing Jonah ever did would be enough to satisfy the old man.
It was a shame, because it didn’t seem as though Jonah wasn’t trying. He was just stuck in the cycle of being told he was worthless and a burden, and then thinking he was worthless and a burden so he was too nervous to actually do anything, and then was back to being told he was worthless and a burden.
Even that was enough for August to feel dizzy.
Slowly, so as not to startle Jonah in his delicate state, August shifted over on the couch. He wasn’t good with comforting people, but Jonah seemed like he needed something. He carefully placed his hand on Jonah’s back, giving it a gentle rub.
“You’re welcome here whenever you don’t want to go home,” August insisted. He had tissues somewhere, but not in reach. Jonah would have to be content with his sleeve for now.
“I’m actually looking for someone to help me with clerical work.” He wasn’t. “I hate answering emails.” That was true. “It wouldn’t pay much, but you’re welcome to stay here if you think you’re up for something like that.” Celeste was going to have a field day with this one. Was he coming off a little desperate? He wasn’t sure. He just knew Jonah needed an escape, and August was sure he could figure out work for him to do.
For some reason, Jonah tolerated him. That had to count for something.
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2021 1:14 pm
Jonah tried not to tense when August touched him, but he wasn’t used to being touched in general, so he didn’t manage to hold the reaction back. Despite the initial tension, the touch was comforting and Jonah found himself leaning into it a little. August was neither the warmest nor the most comforting presence, but Jonah could tell he was trying.
That was worth more than August would probably ever know.
With a sniffle, Jonah wiped his sleeve across his face again. He glanced up at August, confused by his offer.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “Like… a job?”
Nervously, Jonah lowered his gaze, staring at his hands while his fingers fidgeted, picking at a bit of dry skin along one thumb nail.
“But… I don’t know anything about… medicine, or… or the sort of stuff you do,” he said. “I don’t know if I could… I mean, I don’t want to be… ungrateful, but… I… I don’t want you to be… disappointed… when I don’t do well.”
Because how could he possibly do well? He studied history in college because it was interesting and he didn’t know what else to do with his life. He could read books and primary sources and write lengthy papers about ancient battles and famous dead people, but that was nothing compared to the things August did. August was a doctor. He took care of people and saved lives. How was Jonah supposed to help him with that?
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