It was late into the Zenan winter night. A full moon hung heavy in the sky to light up the snowy fields and woods surrounding the isolated sanctuary. From withing the stone walls, Rhonann rose from her bed and wiped the sweat from her face. It wasn’t the heat that made the windling perspire in the warm room though. Something else that sat like a stone in her belly strained her mind ceaselessly. It was something that had been bothering her for years. Too many years.

After making certain that Kian had not been roused by her movements, she pulled on a thick robe and walked down to the sitting room of the living quarters. There, she could crack open the door and look out across glittering snow. It was so beautiful in the moonlight. The snow must have fallen while she slept, for it had yet to be marred by the steps of the animals residing in the sanctuary. The was crisp and clean like the air that her warm breath took form in. Beautiful, comfortable, safe… and she hated it.

If she were being completely honest with herself.. she had always hated it there. Not that she hated the sanctuary or Zena by any means! However, she hated what it all represented to her. When she looked around, she saw a self-imposed cage. She saw herself hiding and afraid to live her life.

But not even only that! She was hiding from the world, and had brought her boys with her and taken their freedoms that they had been born to have. Nights under the stars, the sands of Sauti under their feet, experiencing the rains of Tale… The world was supposed to be at their feet, and yet here they were.

A sloppy flop sounded down by her feet. Rho looked down and sighed heavily with a shake of her head. “You tryin’ ta get yerself frozen?” she asked as she plucked Mush off of the floor. The old spitorog’s large eyes squinted against the cold air that rushed from outside, but his gaze remained tight on Rhonann. "How did I let this happen?” she asked slowly. She gave the outdoors another long look before shutting the door back up. Zena was supposed to have been a temporary life; just until the boys were old enough to travel. She had been preparing to get back on the road, teaching them to hunt and read stars, but the lessons never left Zena’s territories. A threat outside of Zena still had its hold on her. Somewhere beyond those forests and mountains and hills.. someone had taken her life from her, and she let him do it. Now her boys were paying for her choices.

She even felt guilty when it came to Kian. They had both been wanderers, always looking for something new to experience and face down. With the arrival of the boys, Kian had remained faithfully by their side to raise and support them with her. Even he was partially stuck due to her fears.

The idea of leaving Zena was so tantalizing, but that horrible face always managed to stop her. The idea that Kylldra was still out there, and would not hesitate to harm her family should they meet again was a paralytic. No matter how many times she pulled out her old travel pack with the intention of filling it, she always found herself putting it back. She couldn’t put her sons at risk! Kylldra was just too much of a threat. The bandit had killed before, had killed her family when she had been young, and she had no doubt he would be happy to repeat the treatment.

“I don’t want ‘em knowin’ this fear,” she huffed, holding Mush up in front of her face. “It ain’t wrong fer me ta wanna keep ‘em safe, right? That’s all it is.” Her brow knit and she hung her head, dropping Mush back onto her lap. “That piece o’ slime took everyone from me,” she murmured, fighting off the heat threatening her eyes, “an’ I ain’t gonna let ‘im have my boys. Any o’ ‘em.” She gave Mush a squeeze and let out a long breath. “I’m tired o’ bein’ scared, Mush. I’m tired o’ lookin’ at them, my Azreal an’ Kuno, an’ seein’ ‘em stuck ‘ere. They should get ta go where they wanna.” She took a deep breath and stood. “Dammit, I should get ta go where I wanna!”

She marched back to the door and swung it wide open, the rush of blistering winter air chasing off any sleep that might have remained. Her blue eyes sought out the horizon while her knees battled to remain steady. “I can’t keep ‘em locked up, Mush. I wanna be back out there. Me an’ Kian…” She slammed the door shut again, wincing and holding her breath to make sure she hadn’t woken anyone else with her antics. Once the silence stretched out, she breathed again and walked over to scoop the spitorog back up. “I dunno what’ll happen, ol’ frog,” she murmured, “but I ain’t gonna let us rot away in ‘ere. I ain't gonna keep holdin' my boys back from livin'. I gotta go an’ make sure..” It was time to wake Kian and have a little talk.

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