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 Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:40 pm
Sterling had been sure that he heard something. The absence of the dogs had alerted him to the fact that something was wrong too, and he got up, shivering slightly and taking a moment to grab one of the smaller blankets from the bed to wrap around his shoulders.
...He would kick himself for that for the rest of his life, he was sure.
By the time he made it out into the kitchen, he was gone. There was a half written note and his phone...Yu had left his phone.
Quickly, when his brain had caught up, when he realized that Yu had been here...that he had missed him, he darted to the front door and opened it quickly, stepping out into the frigid night without any shoes on, beginning to shiver as he quickly padded down the driveway, looking frantically for his boyfriend. “Yu?”
His shout seemed so loud in the silent night, and Sterling had begun to tremble violently, as a gust of strong wind swept over the street.
Instinct told him to power up, to go looking for Yu as Qingcheng, to find him and carry him home, so that they could talk about everything...let him know that he had secrets too, and he wanted to share them, since Yu’s were shared without his consent.
Sterling did none of those things, instead walking slowly back into the house, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. Idly, he looked through Yu’s room before going to find Priam, he couldn’t tell if anything was missing. Well, nothing except Yu himself. How he had simply been hoping that he would go in the room and Yu would still be there, packing up his things.
A sob broke its way through Sterling’s throat and he broke into a stumbling run, going to Priam’s room once again and half falling onto the bed, his skin chilled. “...He...he’s gone.” The words were croaked out and another heart wrenching sob came from the male as he clung to Priam.
The crumpled half letter was still in his hand, held tightly, as though it would vanish just like the one who wrote it did.
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:58 pm
Priam had been sleeping still; he was usually a light sleeper, but exhaustion and fatigue had kicked in and he was out--until Sterling was talking, holding onto him.
"What?" he asked, needing a few seconds to process what he was saying. He didn't have his glasses, he couldn't really see much of anything, but he could tell Sterling was quiet and his brain suddenly shocked itself into a fully alert state.
"Who is gone?" he asked instead, but his heart was already sinking into his stomach, which had flipped twice in such a short time period that he thought he might vomit. The dogs weren't in bed, and he briefly wondered if one of the dogs had gotten out--but he knew.
"What happened?" he asked instead, blindly groping behind him for his glasses.
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 1:58 pm
Sterling held out the letter and gave another sob, shaking his head. “I heard a noise. THe dogs were gone. I was cold and grabbed a blanket and when I got to the kitchen, he was gone. There was his phone, his house key and this letter...it..he’s upset because we got that stupid letter...he wouldn’t even talk to us!”
He wouldn’t even say goodbye. Wouldn’t give them the decency of...a conversation.
He bit his lip, a sudden wave of anger rising inside of him, and for a moment, his vision seemed to go white. “...How could he...how could he do this...I...He knows...he knew...How could he just leave. How could he just leave, with no words. No goodbyes...no nothing…he…”
Sterling shook his head and a fresh wave of tears began as he hid his face against Priam. He could be strong for a lot of things. But being abandoned was not one of them.
...But. How long would it be until Priam left too?
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:26 pm
Priam stiffened; his heart was pounding almost painfully in his chest and he shoved his glasses onto his face so quickly that he almost hurt himself. He wrapped his arms around Sterling tightly, leaving no confusion that he wanted to hold Sterling, and he was willing to give whatever he needed to if it meant holding him together.
"It's okay," he said, even though it wasn't. His mind was racing, replaying every conversation he could think of, trying to find some hidden clue, some giveaway for where they could find Yu.
"He's scared," he justified, trying to find some explanation. "Sterling, weird things have been going on. Maybe he's just scared. You know he loves us. We both know that."
Priam would rather believe a lie than a hard truth; it was easy to convince himself that there was an explanation. It was so easy to tell himself such things, to believe them. He believed in the explanation before it had even formed in his mind.
"Maybe he's doing it to protect us. Maybe something happened. Yu is smart, he's crafty. He knows how to take care of himself. Maybe he thought if he talked to us, we'd be in danger. Just." he smoothed Sterling's hair, desperate for any justification that would get through to him before he threw himself into a panic attack. "We'll figure this out. Maybe whoever left that letter for us got to him. We'll find him. We'll make this right."
His heart was pounding so hard he felt dizzy, like he was going to pass out or throw up--or maybe have a heart attack. He kept his voice steady and held Sterling close, stroking his hair and kissing atop his head--desperate for any sort of reassurance that he could give to calm him down while his mind raced to figure out where Yu could have gone--and what could have driven him to go.
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 3:50 pm
“You don’t just leave someone without a word…” Sterling murmured, voice quiet as he rested in Priam’s arms, still shaking with both cold and the sobs that continued to escape. “You don’t just...leave without talking to someone. Yu has never been such a coward, and I don’t...understand. I don’t understand.”
How could he just run out on them. Why would he think that was something…
Why would he think that was okay at all?
Sterling wiped at his eyes and drew away from the embrace, his lip trembling as he tried to focus on his breathing. He could get himself under control. He could get himself under control to understand the situation better. “The...his present is being installed tomorrow...he...won’t even get to see the double oven…”
God. He thought he was calming down and the dam broke again, though this time Sterling simply curled in on himself instead of moving to Priam. “...Who am...What do I need a ******** don’t need the oven...he was the one...it was for him...to make him...make him happy…”
What could have been so bad that he would do this?
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 6:11 pm
Priam didn't let Sterling disappear away from him; he moved closer and wrapped his arms around him, stroking his back. "Rest against me, Sterling. Don't shut down. He's not dead, he's just gone. That means we can find him. That means we can bring him back. This might be a misunderstanding."
It had to be. Yu wouldn't do this to Sterling. Yu had worked so hard to support them, to make them feel safe, to take care of them.
He felt like adrenaline had been stabbed directly into his heart; he was ready to throw on his coat and go out, ready to call the police for a missing person, ready to hire a dozen private investigators.
...But if Yu was scared and hiding, being followed was only going to make it worse. They'd figure this out. Priam had a brittle ache in his heart, a distant thought that kept repeating itself, that he was the toppings on a Sundae, that he wouldn't be enough for Sterling.
It was stupid, and self-pitying, and confused and anxious and sour, and it was like his mind was trying to poison him because Yu being gone wasn't enough.
He pushed them away as good as he could and kissed atop his head again, holding him tightly. He gathered the blankets closer, trying to bundle Sterling up, trying to hide the way his own hands were trembling. "We'll get to the bottom of this, Sterling. But I need you to stay with me."
He felt hollow and stretched far too thin; his words seemed logical but he couldn't remember saying them. "We can't give up. Do you want to go out looking for him now? ...Maybe he's still in the area. We can power up, we can go together or split up. This is just a mistake. Everyone's been under so much pressure. He'll come back. How could he not? This is home. You're home. How could he not want to be here?"
He looked at the paper Sterling was holding; he wanted to read, but he didn't want to let Sterling go.
...He didn't want to see the words, didn't want this to be real.
He didn't want any truth to shatter the illusion he'd already built up and clung to.
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 7:12 pm
Priam pulled him back into his arms. For a moment, Sterling wondered if things really would be okay after all. His fear that Priam would leave receded slightly, and he pressed close to the male once more, enjoying the kiss. Enjoying the feeling of being bundled close.
The blankets were so warm.
“...It’s cold outside. I...went out. He wasn’t there...I...I did try. If I would have just been faster. Or more quiet. Or anything...I might have been able to stop him.”
But he hadn’t been. He had been too slow, too loud. Yu had slipped away.
“...He forgot his phone, Priam...I...he’s supposed to work tomorrow, right? We can check the restaurant then...surprise him if we can...we’ll...you’re right. We’ll find him. We’ll make him come home and we’ll tie him to the bed if we have to…” With a sniffle, Sterling again wiped at his eyes, feeling suddenly drained and utterly exhausted. “...I love you, Priam...please don’t ever leave me...I’m not sure...not sure I’d survive it.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 7:29 pm
If circumstances were better, Priam might have laughed at Sterling telling him not to leave him, as if Priam really had such a tendency to leave anyone. He couldn't leave when staying was bad for him, why would he leave when it was the best thing he'd ever had?
"You did your best, Sterling. I know you did. This isn't your fault."
He didn't let Sterling go, too afraid that he might change his mind and wander out into the cold darkness and something bad might happen to him, too. He could hear the clacking of paws on the floor; the dogs were finished meandering through the house and now seemed interested in the noise and disruption. Penny was in the bed first, and Odie was crawling up afterwards. Their noses pressed into Sterling and, sensitive to such things, they had both laid down next to him.
"I love you, too. I'm not going anywhere. We'll go to the restaurant as soon as it opens. We'll go get him, Sterling. It'll be okay." He laid him down gently, making sure he was tucked in and nestled close to him. He worked the paper gently out of Sterling's hand, straightened it, and allowed his eyes to focus on the words.
Every word hurt. Every word made him wonder how much pain Yu was in, how afraid he must have been, how awful he must be feeling. He wondered if there was anything they could have done differently. They should have gone to the restaurant, maybe, and surprised him there. They should have done something.
They should have known.
His stomach churned again; his mouth was dry and he felt like he was going to be sick.
Not now. Not while Sterling was like this.
If he thought hard enough, this would work out. The alternative was seeing how many bottles of wine it took to drown himself, but he'd been doing so good.
He didn't need the wine.
He did need Yu.
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Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2020 7:44 pm
He wasn’t going anywhere. They could go to the restaurant tomorrow.
Sterling felt himself finally relaxing in Priam’s arms. Even more so when both Penny and Odie came up to snuggle with him. His eyes slid closed and the male rolled over, pressing his face once more into Priam’s chest, letting out a long, shuddering breath. “...You’re right. It’ll be okay...We...we’ll be okay. We’ll have him back soon. We just have to.”
...He didn’t know what he would do if they didn’t.
He didn’t want to think about that. Couldn’t think about that.
But, as sleep pulled Sterling down into the abyss, his dreams were nothing but thoughts of his life without Yu in it.
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