Backdated to October 24, 2020
There were times she almost, almost forgot it wasn’t just some horrible nightmare. She could allow herself to believe it for short periods, that those events were merely figments in her mind. Warped compilations of previous events, and maybe spiced with her own knowledge of local and foreign folklore. But those moments didn’t last all too long, usually. All too soon, she’d recall the sensation of sleeping on a straw mattress, the creeping of dread and trepidation along her spine as night had approached. Clinging to Realta, Athalia, or Shaowei as the monster banged against doors and shrieked in the night. People vanishing. Athalia vanishing.
Every now and then she’d send him random texts.
Did you hear about the new cafe on Griffith St.? We should go some time.
Careful today, rains are supposed to be pretty heavy. Even if you’re in the car with your partner, they’ve got flood warnings up.
Let me know when you’re open to giving me more pointers.
Did you see that movie yet I mentioned before? It’s cute, might actually make YOU laugh.
You’re at least eating, right?
And before you answer that, keep in mind I can ask Nami for confirmations….
I’ll start sending care baskets based on Nami’s input.
Which. She did.
She also sent him various videos she had friends or relatives take of Raja running around like a nut or playing with some of her toys. Just random things that had other people laughing, so she thought he might get a chuckle out of.
He’d been keeping his distance, mostly only giving one-word responses. She hadn’t felt it proper to intrude further beyond her pestering texts and random deliveries she’d had Realta and Nami help her with. Or at least, if he was really in trouble after everything that’d happened, she trusted the guardians to alert her if she needed to just bang at his door till he opened the damn thing. Or the Mauvians let her in.
After the creature’s attacks, after whatever he’d endured beneath that gnarled tree and the cellar…
Lilith rubbed her forehead, fingers pausing on the keyboard at her desk. Raised bumps told her all she needed for the keys, a digital voice in her ear reading out information on the screen when she spoke specific commands into the attached microphone on the headset. Her chest was tight again. She could see in her mind the frozen image of a copper-silver figure laying on the ground. Realta had confirmed to her who it was a head of them in the battle. The light of his energy—his life energy—had been all that had kept her from screaming. Dread had iced her veins. In the worst of her nightmares now, she would see that light go out. Each time, she’d wake up choked by sobs, the overwhelming weight of I failed you, too causing her to curl into a ball beneath tangled sheets. I’m not strong enough. I’m not enough.
What good am I to anyone?
She’d woken up in the wee hours of that morning to a similar dream. Shaowei had kept away a bulk of the shadow creatures sent out by the monster, aided further by Nami and then Realta when the Savannah had gotten to them. Metis had tried to hurry up, but despite all the other targets that had been—both in dream rendition and real—attacking the monster within the clearing, the thing had slashed and cast aside the Dark Mirror Senshi and the Mauvians. Drove the claws down. Down. In the dream, Metis screamed, willed every ounce of her magic to do something to throw it aside. To protect him. Something.
Instead, she felt only emptiness answer her call. Her magic could do nothing. Her source, that distant, distant little world… stood cold and lifeless. In a moment where she begged for it to aid her, give her something... it had no answer for her. No aid it could provide. She watched as Athalia’s life energy waves outlined the creature’s claws, watched the darkness slice into him. And those bright, strong waves flared, a defiance that could only fade into darkness in turn. She’d screamed and screamed, trying to push through a thickening darkness that began to slowly absorb all the energy waves that outlined and defined her world as Metis. A harsh buzzing began to grow in her ears, a metallic, sickly sweet scent filling the air that made her stomach churn and adrenaline spike. The shadows shifted and lost their shapes, pressing in tighter and tighter around her. Any attempt to strike back was met with nothingness that only further constricted around her. She’d no shield of her own. She’d lost the closest thing she had to that. Fury roared within her, scalded her veins and she pushed back against the encroaching oblivion.
Fight back.
Fight back.
Fight back.
But whatever she reached for. Whatever she grappled for—her magic, her source, her own body and drive?—it all was gone. Empty. A void was all that answered her, leaving her bereft and spiraling into the nothingness.
I’m not enough.
- I never was.
I’m so sorry I failed you.
- Please, please forgive me.
Haroeris, I… I’m sorry I wasn’t faster. Please… please be safe…
Lilith felt her eyes burn, and pressed the heels of her palms against them. She had sick time she never used. Her inability to focus beyond that dream seemed a fine enough excuse as any. She collected her things, sent off a quick notification email to her team leader and HR, and headed out.
The day was warm for October, the heat of the sun gentle on her face. It was a startling sensation against the chill that refused to leave her. Her chest still felt weighted, a pressure she couldn’t escape from beneath. She felt like crying again. Why, though, she wasn’t entirely sure. The feeling of guilt hadn’t left her even a moment since she awoke from the dream.
That she’d done... something.That she’d failed someone close to her. Lilith grit her teeth, focusing on the present as she meandered through the usual crowds on the sidewalks, listening to the usual sounds for the crosswalks and clicking her tongue now and then to help visualize her surroundings.
Athalia was alive. The jury was out on if he was well, but he was alive. She’d failed no one. Shaowei had done wonderfully, the guardians had fought hard considering the restrictions of their bodies. Athalia had gotten back to his feet, and he’d still fought in the best way he could in that situation.
The hell did she have to feel guilty about?
The emotions gnawed at her, and her impatience grew with it. Her intention had been to just go home. Curl up in bed with Raja, enjoy the warmth and company of her favorite girl. But that annoyance grew, furious it’d not leave her a moment’s peace. Aware it was the mid-afternoon, she set a course for one of the various parks in the area, one with a generous amount of tree clusters. Usually, she took the dog there for walks. Played fetch and the like, went to the dog park so she could let Raja run around freely without the constraints of her training. But there were always attacks there. Odd occurrences. Youma, agents, and Order alike all seemed to enjoy parks for some reason.
Even with the dwindling days causing the leaves to fall from all but the most hearty of trees, the dense packing of trunks and shrubs offered coverage. Lilith wandered until she felt she was deep enough in the paths were only the most confident of joggers seemed to trod.
Gripping her pen in her pocket, she murmured soft words.
“Metis Eternal, Make Up.”
Energy flared around her, her hand passing over her forehead as she felt her tiara and blindfold form beneath her fingertips. Heavy skirts settled around her legs, her satchel and cane gone to whatever corner of subspace all such things went when she was powered up. Lifting her left hand, it was easy to call forth the cell phone that she’d been using for a number of years by that point. The digital voice greeted her, and she said simply, “Take me to my asteroid.”
More energy. This time, white light illuminated the tucked off area she’d ducked into, overtaking the green of so much plant life and her own copper-silver.
However the teleportation worked, she felt herself grow light, white ‘blinding’ her. And then, a gravity took hold once more. The white light faded, and she stood within the cobbled square of a cluster between the cross of three streets. Green energy waves from grasses that broke through cobbled streets, and overgrown shrubs and trees outlined the stone and wood buildings they coiled around. Some in worse shape than others.
The dense clustering of the buildings told her enough of where she likely was—the capital city of her little world, Veilcrest. She’d been here a number of times already, exploring the winding streets that mapped out like threads of streams fanning amongst a great river delta. The large palace and surrounding grounds that acted as the city’s main sector of both religious worship and political forum also served as the starting point for the vast majority of the delta expansion. Smaller roads split into other directions around the palace, but she’d only determined them to lead to small keeps where guardsmen and other staff lived, and some private manors of nobles secluded from the vast majority within the first few strokes of the delta. One large road, a pilgrim road and wide to allow easy travel for groups and even caravans, lead beyond the palace up towards the hills and mountain range. The Chateau she’d been to once before was up there, a pit stop for those going up further to the largest mountain, the Conduit, itself.
But she was further down in the delta, she was pretty sure.
These buildings were smaller, two floors max that she could tell. Some had a third in spots, though most were shorter varieties. Compact. These were residences of what she guessed to be the approximation of a middle to lower middle class. Working class. Some wider buildings existed, wooden frames that sat before their entrances making her think of broken shop fronts. Other streets crisscrossed and weaved into the road she began to walk. Her hands clasped behind her back, head turning lazily this way and that to take in the shapes outlined by living energy that bounced around in her mind’s eye. The buildings seemed sturdy, at least, to have withstood so much of nature’s reclaim over the thousand or more years. Her heels clicked hollow along the stone.
No birds, no animals. Certainly no chatter of passing people. The world was as devoid of life as she’d last seen it. Beyond the plants, anyway. She thought again to the emptiness she’d felt in her dreams. Calling to this world for aid was, within them, pointless. It’d no strength to give her, no card up its sleeves. Not beyond what it’d already gifted her by virtue of bearing the mantel of its soldier and guardian. A gloved hand came to settle over her chest where soft feather and cloth wings backdropped a brooch of an eye and star. Beneath it, she was pretty sure, was where her starseed sat. Not at her heart, but a little over. Or at least, that’s where the agent had plunged his hand into her years ago.
Before Iris saved her and cut off the young agent’s head.
Metis winced. She’d been so callous. Grateful Iris had killed him to keep her from losing her own life. But she hadn’t been the one to just kill another kid. And they, children themselves. She’d been… what, still sixteen? Maybe seventeen? And she wasn’t even the youngest out there. But she’d thanked Iris profusely, and had been glad the kid was dead.
What had Iris gone through, knowing she’d then had blood on her hands?
She thought of other confrontations. Her magic was good to distract others. Temporarily. It wasn’t useful to defend. Or attack. If anyone around her was in peril, she could do nothing. Unless she could use her magic to distract the opponent, but that wasn’t a guarantee. She’d scars to prove that.
Could she use her own hands to put out another’s light, if need be?
The very thought made her pulse tremble and her shoulders hunch.
What good am I?
The thoughts from her dreams surged, and Metis felt bile rise in the back of her throat.
Around her, the road opened up again as she came to a larger square of sorts. This time, a meeting of six or seven roads opened up a large swath of smooth stone. Within the center, a fountain cascaded water. She could hear the gushing flow and trickling of stray droplets before she even entered the square. Somewhat amazed such an area would have a large statue and display like this, she approached it curiously. A four-legged creature stood tall within the high, raised center of the fountain, shimmering areas under the slab of stone it stood upon being where the waters fell from. The energy waves she emitted couldn’t fully reflect off the moving surface, but couldn’t entirely pass through it, either. They flickered and wavered, shimmered. Plants grew around the sides of the fountain, taking in the spray happily. Some had roots that grew up and over the stone walls and into the pool. Metis tilted her head this way and that, walking around the display slowly to take in the details she could of the artwork. A long, thick tail was up in the air like a banner, the creature’s head dipped as if perhaps bowing.
Bowing?
Why did that not seem right to her..?
She sat carefully upon the wide edge of the pool of the fountain, feeling droplets spray out and mist her hand once she took off her glove. Fingers dipped into the cool water, trailing her fingers through it. The back of her neck prickled, and she froze.
Frowning, she lifted her head, slowly scanning the area for other energy waves. Only plant life and her own moved through the air. Her brows furrowed. Goosebumps formed along her arms. Was she cold? The sun wasn’t as strong here as it’d been on Earth. It was reasonable enough.
Dark locks danced about her face as she shook her head gently. Her fears and guilt from her dreams lingered on.
“They’re no charms ‘gainst plague or anything else. Would be better to have that sort carved and thrown on top of a fountain.”
Her brow quirked, and she looked towards the older youth who dragged a barrel behind him. She winced at the sound of wood grating and groaning against stone. He was going to file down another side and make the thing wobbly like he’d done to others. Small though she was, she carried her own barrel with her arms wrapped tight around it. The inner parts were covered in wax and other hardened, dense serums that sealed up the barrel from within. Making it easy to fill up with water and—minus the weight—carry back to awaiting wagons or houses. A number of other youngsters were doing similar to they, filling various containers at the fountain to lug back home.
“I mean, look at it. It’s gonna attack.”
He huffed again towards the statue atop the high pillar of the fountain, under which the water flowed. She turned her gaze towards it, head tilting slightly as she stared. Grey-green stone was carved and shaped into a four-legged beast with its tail raised high and head lowered. It’s large ears, bigger than its head, were alert with one pointed towards the front, and another swiveled to the side. The slender muzzle was nearly touching the ‘flag stone’ it stood upon. No eyes gazed back. A solid plating of bone covered its forehead and where eyes might have sat. Even the stone seemed to be rougher there, more grey-brown than grey-green. The rounded dome was directed towards the front, facing up the main road they’d come down.
“‘S’not attackin’,” she said with a snicker, leaning over to nudge him with her arm. He wobbled slightly before flicking a raised brow at her.
“How’d you know that? Thing’s tail’s up, and it’s head’s lowered. The head down bit’s what the tuskers do before they ram ya.”
“Tuskers do that so they don’t poke ya. They just hit you with their heads. If they wanted to stab ya, they’d just run right at ya. But nah,” she scoffed, pausing to heave her barrel over the edge of the wall of the fountain so as to submerge it somewhat in the pool. Bubbles gurgled out of it as it began to fill. “This guy’s listening to ya, that’s all. Or...” Again she paused, this time frowning as she turned somewhat to look back towards the way they’d come. High above the city, she could see the rise of the mountains. The Conduit’s peak was, again, lost amongst the clouds. “Oh, right. He’s listening to the Conduit.”
The youth furrowed his brow a moment, disbelief mixing with confusion before a light seemed to go off.
“Oh! They uh… uh…” His fingers snapped repeatedly as he formed the words. His barrel splashed into the pool, belching out air bubbles as it began to fill. “They listen to spirits, right?”
“Duh.” Her deadpan expression made his cheeks color and he scowled.
“Don’t pull that with me. I don’t like listening to these stupid stories. I just need to know those things have big, sharp teeth, and they can find ya no matter how you hide. Oh, and they’re quick enough to get past a tusker’s tusks, which is why we keep findin’ the herds gettin’ hit ‘round spring and all the lil’ ones are born.”
Because the canines also needed to feed their young. She nodded her head somewhat. But a scowl of her own settled on her features, and she cuffed him on the back of the head when he dipped it down somewhat to check the amount of water in his barrel. “They’re not stupid, stupid. They listen to the Conduit cuz they can hear the spirits, and they can see without their eyes. It’s why I can do it,” she added with a smug little smile, standing up all the taller in her preening.
He rubbed the back of his head and rolled his eyes. “Why, one bite you? You gonna lose your eyes early and go on all fours?”
She hit him even harder that time, slamming her fist into his shoulder. He yelped, dropping his hold on his barrel. Took him a moment to fish it out as she hissed. “I wasn’t bitten, you bluntting tusker. Nevetira says I can do it because they taught the first guardian how to see without her eyes. So she can actually do her job and mediate with the spirits and the living. Can’t do that without seeing them. So whenever a guardian awakens, their blessing comes with it.”
She stared at him, focusing on that spot within her, beneath her breastbone. That core of her that was so linked to the core of Metis. She pulled at it, internally directing a piece of that core, a strand of its energy, up, up, till she felt a pressure briefly form at her forehead. Heat flared, and just like that, her vision shifted. Above her normal sight, she could see his copper energy radiating out from his core. His whole figure was illuminated by copper. So was the kid who was beyond him, and the ladies at the stall further beyond them. A feline chased after a small rodent, and both their yellow energies briefly skittered across her vision.
“If a guardian can see that way, it means the spirits accepts them as our guardian and the bridge. The Veil hounds kinda act as its um… representatives,” she offered, pulling the weightier barrel from the pool.
“So it’s just… watching people? And listening to the spirits?”
“Yep. It’s tail’s up cuz it’s happy about whatever it’s seeing. The head’s down so it can better see the world. If it wasn’t happy, the tail wouldn’t be up.” She thought everyone knew that—but then, he often helped his family with their tusker herds. Any Veil hound was a bad hound, in their books. Friendly didn’t exist—they just wanted some mutton.
“C’mon, you done yet? We need to get these back to the wheel if we’re going to leave tonight. I don’t need Gram yelling at me more ‘bout responsibilities,” she groaned, nearly spitting out the last word.
She heard him begin to snicker something about a lazy guardian, but something snagged her attention. White light, white energy, began to flicker about in the waves that roamed through the empty air—
She sucked in a breath as she wobbled on her feet. She’d stood up as she’d done when she’d pulled the barrel from the pool—not that there was any barrel with her now. She again sat down, hand at her forehead over her tiara. A memory. Hers, but not hers.
Her head tipped back, taking in the outline of the statue. A Veil hound. She… remembered them. Sort of. Fox-like, but larger than wolves, they lived below ground, the original inhabitants of the tunnels the Metidians would repurpose for travel and storage uses. Not to mention the tunnels that enabled any passage through the Conduit.
If a guardian can see that way, it means the spirits accepts them as our guardian and bridge.
Metis flinched. She’d been able to see using that second sight since the moment she’d awoken. She’d needed it. Fighting wouldn’t have been possible without it, at least not for a long, long time.
“...not sure why you’d accept me,” she murmured, apologetic as she gazed up at the Veil hound. “I’m sure the spirits must be furious with me. I haven’t been a very skilled or successful guardian.” Her chest tightened, and again her eyes burned as she felt that guilt settle over her.
“I… I’m sorry you got me. I won’t stop. I can’t. So I’m afraid you won’t be getting another guardian for a long time. I don’t plan on sending this starseed back to the Cauldron for quite a while yet,” she added with a small laugh. “But… I am sorry I… am not what I used to be. Or, am her, I suppose. She… seemed to be far more capable than I am, even alone.”
Again something about that felt… off.
When she said the words, guilt and bitterness rose all the stronger, and she recoiled from the surge.
Am I really so alone?
Am I really so much less than she was?
She thought of the battles she’d fought. Alone, with allies. She thought of how she pushed back against the dread and fear of the monster. How she was still there, even after so many years. And losses. Memories flickered. Approaching Athalia, asking him to teach her to fight more competently after learning he was skilled himself. Didn’t matter that he was a first rank. She’d just been delighted to meet someone capable of helping her and actually understanding her reasoning for why she needed to learn. Never mind gaining from it all someone she felt comfortable talking with, being around. The Asteroids. Iris had been similar. A friend. Someone she trusted, someone she believed in enough to follow. *********. Realta. Adored, cherished friends. Hinata, someone she’d grown close with. Altais, too. She’d felt safe with them. Could count on them. Caedus—an alien she’d actually met. Doubted, but… her cheeks colored as she thought of how she’d jumped to conclusions. Only for them to share common goals. She wondered how he was doing since returning to his world—
Her thoughts derailed, attention snagging. White energy waves rolled through the empty air. Small, but… there. She turned her head about this way and that, searching for the source.
They were emanating from… up? To her left. And up. She scrambled to her feet, not even hesitating to climb in over the wall, into the pool of water. It splashed and sloshed as she stepped forward to the central pillar. Though high above her, the head of the Veil hound was lowered just enough for her to reach up towards it. Her brows furrowed. The energy was… coming from it?
Her bare hand skimmed across the statue’s nose, and she froze as she felt a spark zing up her arm. Warmth bloomed beneath her hand, rolling over her gently as the white energy flared stronger. It illuminated the statue, focused at the head where the bone plating would have been on the creature.
Tears ran down her cheeks, and her breath snagged.
I’m not lesser.
I’m still learning.
There’s still so much more for me to learn and do.
They were thoughts she had to push into her head, repeat a few times. Likely repeat a lot.
In the span of seconds, the light… was gone. The statue stood cold, dark save where her energy outlined it. Gently, she pet the muzzle. She felt… still somewhat adrift. But instead of being lost in a sea, she’d caught a glimpse of a beacon. A lighthouse was out there. She just had to get herself to it.
When she returned to Earth, boots filled with water, stockings and skirts soaked, she was grateful the shift back to Lilith meant all that went away. She breathed out, the white light again taking over briefly as her mantel of Metis faded away into Lilith. She felt her cane forming in her hand, the weight of her satchel at her shoulder.
Dry socks and shoes.
But she… she froze.
Her brows furrowed, turning her head about this way and that.
Her hand dug into her pocket. The pen was there. She wasn’t… she wasn’t Metis.
She was Lilith.
So why the hell could she see as Metis?
Her head spun. The same green energy of plant life lit the world around her. Instead of copper streaked with silver of her senshi self’s aura, she now only saw copper waves and her own body illuminated by copper light. The source being, per normal, at her chest where her starseed was.
Tears again began to streak down her cheek, small sobs causing her to slowly sit on the grass as she looked about herself.
“Oh,” she breathed, a watery smile coming to her features. “I… I… thank you.” She placed her hand over her mouth, smiling even as she felt herself shake and sobs form.
“Thank you.”
They’re the world’s… representatives.
“Thank you.”
If the stories meant anything, perhaps the spirits had been talking to the Veil hounds, she thought with a laugh. Guilt was smothered. Joy and elation took over, and for the first time in a good long while, Lilith felt like the pen in her pocket didn’t cripple her with a burden she wasn’t suited to carry.
WC: 4536
