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 Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 1:25 pm
Xander is always quiet when he comes back from Uncle’s place. They both are normally but, Xander’s quiet somehow seems especially abnormal. He’s already quietly responsive to their Mother, watching her without quite lifting his eyes to hers, never speaking back, clutching his travel bag like a shield and a duty both. He was ushered to the door, held it politely while she swept inside with the sort of laser focus that said she was still somewhere between a case and Jace’s studies and frankly dissatisfied with both. Xander followed, surpassing a sigh as best he could, a shuddering and quiet breath as he sought out his adoptive Brother to offer a quick smile that vanished almost as fast so he wouldn’t be caught with it. Thankfully, your mother swept towards her office like a storm cloud filled to bursting with energy; as soon as her door closed, and locked Xander’s shoulders sagged, and he let out a sigh of relief and then pointed towards his room. “Lemme like…drop my s**t off; I missed you, man.” He whispered. “They like…grounded me immediately; I couldn’t even email.” He whispered.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 2:17 pm
Xander's silence spoke volumes, and there was a visible panic on Jace's face despite his best efforts to conceal it. He had been almost entirely useless during his brother's absence, too distracted by every little thing. All this thoughts were drawn back to him, worrying about what could have possibly happened. A week without hearing anything had made it hard for him to sleep, to pay attention to anything but his phone, of checking death reports and obituaries, expecting that if something had happened to Xander, no one would have told him anyway.
He had become obsessed with news in the area--traffic reports, accidents, the weather, freak news stories. He spent more time scouring for articles, social media--anything--than he did studying. Which was impressive, given how much his mother had hovered over his shoulder and chastised him for his distractions.
She'd threatened to send him there if he was so interested in it, and he'd almost agreed. Almost.
She was the only thing scarier than an isolated little farm in the middle of nowhere, where the shadows felt like knives on your skin and every glint in the darkness was a pair of eyes, watching. Waiting.
He nodded immediately at his brother's words, and Xander's whispers brought his own volume down. His hand rested on Xander's wrist, only he didn't remember when he'd put it there. In lieu of a hug, he squeezed his wrist instead, just enough for him to know that Xander was real, in front of him, and to express the same to Xander.
"Yeah, go," he said, and had more energy than he had in the entire week he'd been gone and he seemed like he was ready to burst. His voice was little more than a whisper now, too. "Just set it down or whatever, get comfortable. I'll put a movie on in my room, come watch something. I'll get drinks, I already have snacks in here."
Part of it was performative. An excuse to sequester themselves in his room and lock the door and be quiet, so their mother would have no reason to disrupt or criticize. But, that meant safe, and as soon as his mother had mentioned that Xander was coming home, Jace had pulled out extra blankets and pillows, had collected favorite snacks, had pulled out favorite movies.
Everything was ready.
He just needed Xander to get back.
Now, here he was, and Jace looked at him with barely tempered worry that silently spilled out in all his micro expressions, anyway.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 2:29 pm
There was a relief in that offer, the soothing balm of spending time with each other after something they both understood. A discomfort long since written into their bones. His hand moved for a moment to rest on Jace’s own, squeezing it though he knew it showed scraped knuckles and a few bandaids over blisters from hard work that stretched from dawn to dusk. “Sorry.” He whispered like it was his fault, the whisper that carried wishes that it could sweep away that worry. “If I hadn’t gotten grounded.” He added and gave a wan smile. “I brought you something, though.” He added a soft chuff of a laugh because that’s what you did when you traveled places, little traditions, and small trinkets. He hesitated a moment and then pulled you close into a hug, arms wrapped firmly around you, warm despite the season and that he’d come in wearing only a long sleeve shirt, jacket carefully hung over his bag. “I’ll be fast, I’m gonna fish out my bunny, and I’ll be right there. I promise not to quote movie lines this time.” He teased.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 2:54 pm
Jace's eyes drifted to the Band-Aids, to the wear and tear, but a second's glance was all he needed to see before he was nodding firmly, eyes locked on his brother's once more. Until the hug, at least, because the invitation was accepted and he gave Xander a little squeeze; his arm was heavy around him, but he didn't apply any great pressure.
The farm was painful, he didn't know what else was scraped and bruised.
"Did you bring me another rock?" he asked, far from serious. He wanted to tease, wanted to slip back into the easy exchange, but sometimes it was better to be careful. Poking and prodding were fine, until you hit a bruise, or an open wound. Xander had some scrapes he could see, and some Jace couldn't. Yet.
He didn't wait for an answer. "--I don't care if you quote the movie. You do it better than the movie does. Sometimes. Get whatever you need. I have blankets. You know. In case we get into a marathon or something and have to pick back up in the morning. It'll save time if you're already in here, so I don't have to bother waking you up and dragging you over."
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 4:19 pm
“NOOoooooyes.” He said trying to look innocent. “I was going to bring a dried ear of corn, but the pigs got that…stupid pigs.” He made a face. “But yeah, super cook rock, looks like a butt, totally worth bringing home.” He grinned. He grabbed his travel bag again and skirted down the hall towards his own room, where it would be left half unpacked on the bed and the only things that he would ‘rescue’ from it would be the bunny, his toothbrush, and the well-abused pillow he persisted in keeping. “Mmm Marathon sounds amazing.” He added before ducking briefly into his room. He did normally manage to change faster, which implied soreness if nothing else. He slogged back out wearing sleep pants, an abused t-shirt, and his bathrobe, the bunny sticking out of his pocket and holding a small ‘parcel’ which was a handkerchief tied with his red hair scrunch. “My gift to you!” He declared as soon as you were both safely shut into your room, dropping it into your hand.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 4:28 pm
Jace did not need a rock. He especially did not need a rock that looked like a butt.
But.
He wouldn't say that. Not now. Not ever.
He paced while he waited for for Xander; he got drinks, and crept through the house like he was trying to hide from a serial killer lurking around the corner. He was in his room, rapidly setting things up, and then he was waiting.
He should have changed too, into something more comfortable, but he was already determined to look as professional and hardworking as possible, in case he needed to prove to his mother that he was working, and he was working better like this. His computer was still open to the work he'd been going over for the past five days, so really, it wasn't like he could have deteriorated in quality, anyway.
The parcel wasn't heavy in his hands and he pulled the scrunchie off and held it out to return it as he unfolded the handkerchief. He knew how easy it was to lose scrunchies, and it's not like he could go around wearing it.
He looked at the rock for a long moment, rolling it over in his hand.
"It looks like your face."
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 4:48 pm
“See? I’ve given you a very solid reminder of me. If I get sent to the farm again all you’ll have to do is look at the rock and it will be like I’m right there.” He placed a hand over his heart like it was the most heartfelt declaration. He found himself a comfortable seat, absolutely stiff now that you weren’t in sight of anyone who might judge him acting like an old man. “Did you need a sounding board?” He offered waving a hand at your computer. “Or are you down To start movies and snacks? Because holy heck I am tired of oatmeal.”
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 5:08 pm
Jace blinked at the rock and then shook his head, setting it by the computer.
"I've been staring at it for days. I couldn't focus on any of it. I kept checking the news over there," he grumbled, suddenly embarrassed. He didn't want to sound like some sort of stalker so just cleared his throat and pulled open the drawer at his desk, gesturing to the hoard of snacks he'd acquired in the days leading up to this one.
It was full of favorites, of his and Xander's, meticulously planned but made to look like it was just haphazardly thrown together.
"Mom says we're on our own for dinner," only, he sounded surprisingly happy about it. "She's got a dinner meeting and dad won't be home tonight. Means we can order anything you want. But in the meantime," he gestured to the snacks. "I want to wait until after she leaves to order. Don't need her judging my diet, too."
He hadn't been eating much of anything in the past few days, and suddenly snacks and fast food from five different places sounded good.
He already had a movie in, and when he turned on the television, the screen had loaded. "If you want something else on, just tell me. But then, we have all night. Or however long it takes to get through whatever we want to watch."
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 5:34 pm
“Did I ever say, you are my hero?” Xander said with utmost solemnity. “You are the wind beneath my wings...” He reached in and snagged a singular leftover moon cake, one of the double yolk kind he favored for the filling more than the egg. “I’ll snack, we wait till she goes and then we can pick food - sound good?” “I’m... really sorry. I didn’t mean to get in trouble the second I stepped out of the car. Apparently I ‘looked’ like I was giving him lip, and it sort of went down hill from there. He sighed. “Not my best visit. I’m glad you didn’t get sent. I think he was just in a piss poor mood.”
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 6:07 pm
"It's fine," Jace assured, not because he wasn't there to listen, but because he wanted to insist early on that Xander didn't need to apologize. These were simply circumstances, and Xander was a leaf caught in the raging river of his mother's fury--and she and their uncle were alike in many ways.
None of them good.
"I read about bad rains in the area. Said there was a lot of flooding. That it was bad for agriculture, that a few houses got really messed up. That the rising water was making the game move further North. So, um."
He shrugged, like he hadn't been stalking topography maps to make sure that Xander hadn't been swept away in some big rain.
"I mean, I get it. Are you..." His lips
pressed into a tight line and he collapsed into his chair, digging his heels into the ground and rolling the seat a bit. His fingers tangled together and he hunched forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His eyes didn't meet Xander's and he feigned looking for something to eat in his drawer.
"You know. Okay?"
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 6:43 pm
He really didn’t mean to string apology after apology. But sometimes , that was just how it came out. Maybe in a previous life he’d been utterly unapologetic but not this time. He wanted to lie, but that would just make things worse. Jace needed to know that he trusted him. He took a breath and let it out slowly. “After Mom leaves, maybe you could help me out? I don’t want her stepping in and having reason to ask Uncle how -he- thinks the trip was.” The answer was soft, almost lost in the crinkle of the wrapper as he peeled the moon cake. “It’s not as bad as that time with both us there, it just smarts.”
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 7:00 pm
"Yeah," Jace answered immediately. "That's fine. When she's gone."
Because that's when they were free. That's when there wasn't slinking in the shadows and hiding away to avoid her. When they didn't have to keep to whispers, when they didn't have to worry about breathing so hard or something stupid, and earning whatever ire she'd been building up from her own personal frustrations.
"I looked at houses," he said, with an enthusiasm that was oddly misplaced and almost abnormal for him. They'd talked about moving out before, but it was usually in jest. Something said in an exasperated moment, or something just to be annoying. "And apartments. And everything."
He wasn't looking up, taking the excuse to stretch his fingers, and strain them until they cracked. He pretended like it brought him some relief.
"...There are some cheap places. Studios."
There was no world where he could imagine his mother letting him leave. But she needed him too badly to be sending him away for weeks at a time, not when he was so pressed for time in school, and apprenticing with the firm.
But Xander.
Maybe there was a world where Xander didn't get sent away, with no contact, with no word, no comforts. They had friends, who had played with the idea, too. A group of them could make it work. Maybe.
Maybe he was just dreaming again. It was hard to imagine a life without his brother right next door, because for all the blood they didn't share, he was his brother, and a week without him--knowing where he was but not knowing what was happening--left him sicker than he'd felt in a while. If he was across town, but doing well, not crushed under the weight of expectations from a woman who would never be happy...
There was no perfect solution. Not yet. Maybe.
He didn't know.
Didn't know anything except his brother was back and he wanted to keep him safe, because someone had to.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 7:16 pm
“Unless you’re telling me you’re down with bunk beds... I’m not leaving you here.” Xander said firmly. “I mean, if nothing else I’d burn the place down on accident, and it’s hard enough for you to see your friends - if she thought I was remotely distracting you she’d cut me off from seeing you all together.” He gave such a look at that idea. Yes he wanted to be away from this, but he didn’t want to leave Jace behind because as much as they loved her for being family, his mother was a millstone. She both hung the weight of her expectations around the necks of her family, and if given a chance she would grind Jace down till he was ready to be shaped into what she wished him to be.
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 7:29 pm
"Well," Jace protested, biting his tongue now because he didn't want to argue.
"...Just think about it. It's an option. And it's not like I'll be here forever, either. I've got my studies, I've got her lessons, I've got that test," he said, speaking with such disdain that there was no question which one he was talking about. "And, you know." He shrugged. "I'm making progress on things. And maybe I'm not working as hard as I could be on others."
He shrugged and dug his heels into the floor again, only this time he wasn't moving the chair anywhere.
"But you know it's coming next, right? No self-respecting lawyer can live at home with his parents, whether he works at their firm or not. And if I don't have a place of my own, you know she'll make me live at the office," he said, finally looking up and cracking a half smile. It was his attempt at a joke, but it was also too believable for him to actually laugh at the idea.
"So...I mean. If you get out first, just thinking of it as laying the foundations for me. I'd take a bunkbed. Or a couch. Or the bathtub, if you pull your hair out of the drain first."
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Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 7:49 pm
“I will, I mean, I do… I just…” He sighed. “I know you won’t be here forever, I promise, but I just…” he started anxiously. “I’ll think about it, I promise. But you do … you work so hard, and you’re smart as heck and, U don’t know. It’s dumb.” He said softly and dipped his head. “I’m really…really grateful to have you as a brother, especially having lost my folks. But… It feels like if I leave you behind, you might vanish too.” He admitted. He made a small huffing laugh. “… I suppose a good paralegal would prep your new home office for you in advance would be the next argument, right?” He teased. “Besides, if anyone slept in a bathtub, it’d be me; you know my hair is on a secret mission to consume the world. If I don’t watch it, next thing you know, it’ll be floor length, and I’ll be able to use it to fend anyone who tries to fight you in court. They’ll just mysteriously vanish, just chewing sounds and my hair tie saying ‘feed me.’
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