|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2020 11:07 am
Name: Rory MacTurlough
Nickname: none; he punches anyone who calls him "Red"
Gender/Pronoun: he/him
Age: 19
Birthday: 1 December
Sign: Sagittarius
Gemstone: Citrine
Blood Type: O pos
Fav. Food: Shepherd's pie, made the CORRECT way with ale or stout; also loves a good curry and fish and chips (again, made the CORRECT way)
Hated Food: Black pudding. EW.
Occupation: Part-time itinerant landscaper, more than part-time busker and session musician at whatever passes for an Irish pub in Destiny City
Hobbies:
Music Man -- Despite his work on a landscaping crew, something he takes great pride in, music is the thing that truly moves Rory's soul. He's one of those musical savants who plays a number of instruments well: pennywhistle, fiddle, and guitar are his primary go-tos when busking on a street corner or sitting in on a session, though he can also play a bit of concertina and even uillean pipes (the Irish version of a bagpipe, powered by an arm bellows). Ever seeking new and different ways of making music and appeasing this drive, Rory is constantly learning new songs and new techniques, and even new instruments -- he has half a mind, for example, to learn the Gaelic harp. Music burns in him, and he feels compelled to keep this inner fire of his well-stoked lest it burn out for lack of sufficient outlet and expression. Funnily enough, he's not much of one for singing, preferring to let his instruments sing for him.
In Search of Craic -- "Craic" is an Ulster-Scottish word (used mostly in Northern Ireland) that loosely means the best of good times, and that is something Rory is constantly looking for: a good time with friends, music, and booze. This is one of the reasons he rotates between the various Irish and British pubs in Destiny City. Even when he's not playing in a session, such as when he's at a non-Irish-themed pub, he's still seeking out the elements that make for that sense of convivial friendship and good times. He has managed to make himself known enough that the barkeepers and regulars at these establishments know him by name, and that goes a long way to scratching that need in his life. His problem is that he has something of an irresolute streak simply due to his circumstances; he is therefore prone to superficial feelings and diffuse emotions regarding friendships, not wanting to make anything lasting in case there's trouble and he gets deported.
Virtues:
Honest Rogue -- In some ways Rory lives up to the stereotypes of young Irish males as rogueish party animals, ready to flirt with anything that moves and tell a tale as long as your arm. And in truth he can spin as good a yarn as any. But he can't tell an outright lie to save his soul. Oh, he'll try, goodness knows, but his little "tells" always give him away -- a glint in his eye as he fails to look directly at you, a little smirk or even a little chuckle that escapes accidentally, a reflexive shrug preceding any of these. At least he's good-natured about getting caught in a lie, since it happens all the time...
Fearless -- You'd think a young man who comes to a new country then stays beyond his legal welcome is going to be filled with fear, right? Normally yes, but Rory isn't exactly normal. He is gifted with a courage far beyond his relative youth, and that is in part what keeps him in Destiny City instead of returning to the safety of Ireland before he gets caught. Don't get the wrong impression: he does know what fear feels like. It's his ability to look beyond the fear and deal with a situation head-on that makes him courageous. He transfers this courage and fearlessness into action on behalf of others as well -- whether they are someone he considers close to him or not.
True Heart -- Despite his tendencies to avoid lasting friendships, Rory is one of the best and most loyal friends you could ever want. He doesn't have many close friends -- you can count them on the fingers of one hand and still have fingers left over -- but those few he allows himself to become emotionally invested in can count on him to be there for them whenever they need help. He grew up in an atmosphere of warmth and congeniality; it is easy for him to project these same feelings onto friends and family-of-choice. He is very intense in his feelings and remains passionately attached to the people he cares about.
Flaws:
Hothead -- It's a little cliche to say that Rory has a temper, since he's a ginger and Irish, but sad to say it's true. He can take an insult or argument directed at him well enough, though he does have a tendency to raise his voice and swear profusely and eloquently when caught up in a disagreement. But when it involves the people he likes and cares about, all bets are off. He is a ferocious, dirty fighter with a vicious streak a mile long who won't demand that someone meet him outside for a fight, but won't turn down such a demand made of him. In other words, he won't start a fight (usually), but he'll by god finish them.
Very Superstitious -- It's also a little cliche to say that Rory is superstitious, but he is. He genuinely believes in ghosts and spirits and the Fair Folk and the don't-do-this and be-careful-of-that admonishments that permeate Irish folklore. He will swear up and down that it's real, that the things he believes in actually exist, that curses actually works, that the old admonishments are legit. There are also a number of little rituals he follows that he's very particular about, such as which shoe he puts on first (right) or how he enters a building (crossing himself before crossing the threshold) or leaving a wee bit of his food and drink for the faeries. It interferes with his life because he's always thinking about it and making sure he doesn't step out of line -- about the only time he DOES follow the rules, even if they're just rules he made up.
No Impulse Control -- At his core, Rory's nature is quick and volatile. His temperament is very unruly and rebellious, and this manifests most often when he's bored. Ever ready to discard the old and usher in the new, he will bounce onto the latest shiny thing to catch his attention, at the expense of the too-familiar. He's a bit of a novelty seeker and is prone to discontent over the same old thing. He will say or do whatever moves him in the moment, be it a person or a thing he wants or a shiny new musical instrument to learn. Responsibility goes right out the window, with Rory going out another window in pursuit of whatever caught his attention.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Light blue-green, almond shaped; they squinch up almost closed when he smiles or laughs. Straight brows, long red lashes.
Hair: Rich dark red, hanging in a thick wavy mane to his shoulders with a bit of shorter fringe in front; the weight of it tends to keep it fairly smooth around his face. He ties it back in a ponytail when he's working a landscaping gig, but lets it all loose when busking or playing a session.
Face: Almost too pretty to be a boy; softly squareish face with a straight nose, fullish lips and dimples when he smiles, which is quite frequently even if it's just a little smirk. Heavy freckles cover his entire face, not just his cheeks and nose but his chin and forehead as well. Everywhere. Even his ears.
Skin Tone: Extremely pale, with a cool pinkish undertone; he is literally covered with freckles in huge masses all over his arms, back and shoulders from being out in the sun, to the point that on some parts of his body you can't see his base skin tone at all.
Body Type: About 5'10", slim almost to the point of waifishness, but whippy-muscled and strong from manual labor. He doesn't work out -- doesn't really need to, not with his physical line of work.
Clothes: Usually t-shirts or tanks when he's working a landscaping gig, paired with ratty dirt-stained jeans and heavy work boots. He cleans up nice when he's busking or at the pub, he is fond of plaid shirts, often with the sleeves rolled up, nice comfortable jeans and sneakers. He has a battered old biker jacket he was gifted from a friend that he absolutely treasures and wears everywhere.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2020 11:44 am
Senshi: Sailor Lohengrin, Senshi of Geasa. 9505 Lohengrin is a main-belt asteroid first discovered in 1973 at the Palomar Observatory. It is named for the Grail Knight Lohengrin, found in German Arthurian lore as well as the subject of an opera by Richard Wagner, who was sent to rescue a maiden whom he forbids to ask his name. He arrives at the castle he is bound to protect in a boat pulled by swans, and leaves the same way when the geas is broken. Challenge: "Can't allow that to happen…." Fuku Colour: White Main Color: Celtic Blue #246BCE Secondary Color: Gold #C6930A Fuku:Collar -- Celtic blue cowl with gold trim around hood opening and cowl part that ties in front, with straps buckled under his arms, usually worn with the hood section down Bow -- wide gold leather belt with Celtic blue straps, buckled in front with gold fittings, with Celtic blue sash tied to it at his left hip Bodice -- white close-fitting tank top, the bottom of which hangs to his upper thigh, edged with Celtic blue and slit up the sides to his hips Brooch -- plain gold brooch, round and set with citrine in the center, fastened to knot on cowl Bottoms -- white close-fitting leather pants laced up the sides with gold cord Tiara -- gold winged circlet set with citrine Shoes -- Celtic blue and gold boots with gold buttons Accessories -- plain gold leather bracers around his wrists and lower arms Attacks:Sailor Scout Attack: Geas of Truce! Lohengrin can place a geas on an enemy to not attack for a set period of time. He calls out the attack name and points his finger at his target, an opponent. The target is then under the compulsion to not attack the senshi. If the target fails to do this and attacks anyway, they find themselves becoming intensely convinced they have done a Bad Thing and that something incredibly bad will happen to them, such as being punished severely by their superiors -- unless they stop attacking, then the terror of retribution goes away. The senshi can then walk right up to them and attack or talk to them if they choose, and the target can do nothing to stop them lest they break the geas. Lohengrin can use this three times per battle, on one target at a time; the effect lasts a total of 25 seconds. The target can attempt to resist, pushing through the psychological effect to attack anyway.Super Sailor Scout Attack: Geas of Peace! An expansion of his initial attack, Lohengrin can place a geas on an enemy to not attack for a set period of time. He calls out the attack name and points his finger at his target, an opponent. The target is then under the compulsion to not attack the senshi. If the target fails to do this and attacks anyway, they find themselves becoming intensely convinced they have done a Bad Thing and that something incredibly bad will happen to them, such as being punished severely by their superiors -- unless they stop attacking, then the terror of retribution goes away. The senshi can then walk right up to them and attack or talk to them if they choose, and the target can do nothing to stop them lest they break the geas. Lohengrin can use this twice per battle, on one target at a time; the effect lasts a total of 30 seconds. The target can attempt to resist, pushing through the psychological effect to attack anyway.Eternal Sailor Attack: Geas of War! With this attack, Lohengrin can place a geas on an enemy or group of enemies to attack their allies. He calls out the attack name and points his finger at his target, one or more opponents. The target(s) is then convinced that their allies are in fact the true enemy and fall under a compulsion to turn their attack on them. This can result in a melee of enemies fighting each other and completely ignoring the senshi, who can then escape or attack their enemies at will. If the target(s) fail to attack their allies, they find themselves in psychological anguish and fear that they have failed their side somehow and will be severely punished for their transgressions by their superiors -- unless they attack their allies/partners, then the terror of retribution will go away. Lohengrin can use this once per battle, on one or a group of targets; the effect lasts 45 seconds, more than enough time for the enemy to lay waste to each other. The target(s) can attempt to resist, pushing through to attack anyway, but they will fall prey to the same psychological anguish that they would experience if they outright broke the geas.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 9:25 am
Hi Pixie!
I'm in a bit of a unique position with this one as you're writing about a character that comes from where I live, so I'll be able to provide some critique around some of that for you where I feel it's necessary, but as always, this is your character and you are free to ignore it if you see fit!
In terms post order, i'm going to look after the important bits first which is arguably to make sure he fits guidelines for you and can get his stamp. Afterwards I'll give you a little bit of critique as you requested and let you do whatever you'd like to do for each case. n_n
We'll start with the things that need to be addressed to guarantee you get your stamp because let's be real, these are the most important bits. =P
Senshi Powers:
Senshi can't immobilize a target for more than 15 seconds. As his current super senshi ability reads like he immobilises the target for 30 seconds, this wouldn't get through under it's current form.
This is something we have in place to essentially stop being from one-shotting their opponent, 30 seconds is a long time for someone to be stuck and your guy may decide to stab them through the heart!
As a compromise I would suggest lowering the length of the attack and instead increasing its uses. Move it from one use, up to two uses and so on.
I appreciate that you have actually nerfed him very heavily since he has much lower skill usage, but this is one that we aren't really inclined to bend on which is why I'm suggesting the boosted usage. Spreading it in to two may also give you the chance to spread it out and get two openings versus one.
I would also make it a little more clear in both Basic and Super magic that a person can choose to try and ignore these feelings if they would like so that they can continue to attack. Some are certainly going to stop, but others are more likely to go "Who cares?" and push through a little. While our players are generally very good at being fair, it's always good to reassure them that the flexibility is ok for any characters they may feel are particularly stubborn.
Eternal abilities can only last for a maximum of 45 seconds, so you would need to bring the 60 seconds down to this duration. In general, this shouldn't have too much of an effect on the overall spell and it's more of a guideline change for this one.
Having checked the baseline powers he doesn't seem to conflict with anyone in terms of related spheres so these are really the only tweaks you'll need to consider making.
Uniform:
You may need to consider how his frontal chest bow is represented, his 'back bow' is fine as his belt/sash combo, but it would be worth considering how you would like his chest bow to be interpreted.
Personality and Hobby wise he's up to standard so I've no call outs for you there, he's good to go in that respect and if we can get your powers tweaked I'd say he's in a good enough position to be stamped!
****
And now I'll move on to the significantly less important bit which is the top-line critique. I'll keep this short and sweet as there's only two little pieces of info that, as a native, is a little jarring to read! As I mentioned above you can absolutely ignore this if you choose, this won't impact whether you get your stamp!
'Craic' is not an Irish word, it's an Ulster-Scots word. It's been used for several hundred years up in the Northern Part of Ireland (a different country for some of the population) and used to be spelled 'crack'. In the 1960s/70s Ireland's major brands like Guinness borrowed it for a PR campaign as they liked the word! Since there isn't a "k" in the Irish alphabet they adjusted the spelling to read 'craic'. Honestly the marketing was so successful that we even adopted it up here. From a personal point of view I actually prefer this spelling anyway so I'm totally down with that change.
I'd encourage you to readjust where you say the word comes from as your current definition is wrong. You're much more likely to here "What's the craic?" if you head up North into the UK part of Ireland, or if you're in Scotland. While used in the Republic it's not quite so widespread or prevalent.
As an aside 'Craic' can be used in a variety of scenarios, but yours is correct based on what you've picked!
His Irish Form Name - You won't find that on any birth certificates passed the 1600s. If someone is writing it this way they're probably trying to be provocative or controversial. The "Ruaidhri" is fine, that is actually the way I've seen his name spelled in several regions, but Ireland likes to have regional variants of multiple names so Ruaidhri/Rauri/Rory and so on, they're all interchangeable! The only part of his name that raised a brow was the conversion to Gaelic as unless you changed that by deedpoll, you just wouldn't see it here unless you went fairly far back in time at this point as most names were adjusted a fair while ago.
As mentioned, all of that is just a wave from someone from your chosen country for this concept and your character is your own to play with so if you would like to pursue a more romanticised version of the nation then that's perfectly ok. n_n
Annnnnd now I'm done with the wall of text!
Give me a shout when you've had some thoughts around your powers and made whatever adjustments you'd like and I'll be back to take another look. All being well I'll slap a stamp down on him and we can get the ball rolling to get him properly approved. x3
EDIT: Apologise for multi-quotes, I found some typos and I couldn't let them sit there. >(
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 9:40 am
aaaaaah THANK YOU for the incredibly detailed feedback, as well as the Irish culture lesson! ^__^ I was really trying to avoid making him an Irish cliche, and I'm glad to see I was mostly on the mark XD I used the Gaelic for his name cause he's originally from Galway, in the Gaeltach region, but I will change the last name to the current way of doing things in Ireland. I will also get on adjusting his attacks and fuku for you and get back to you with the corrections later today! ^__^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 10:11 am
and corrections have been made and marked in green so they can be easily spotted by you! ^__^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 12:24 pm
Okay, last wee bit from me and I'm only saying it because Kyu will shoot me if I'm any more biased towards the Order. If I had my way I'm 99% sure that the Order would be OP and the war would be over, then we'd have nothing to do and it would all be a tad mundane. 8D
Can you adjust the Eternal Magic for me one more time? I don't think we can let you have the three uses of it as there aren't any other Eternals that can do that.
Since his magic doesn't seem to fully stun them and they have the option to resist you have the choice of:
1. Drop the use to 1 and up the duration to 45 seconds to let them have a long-term brawl.
2. Drop the use to 2 and up the duration to around 25 seconds per use.
I've found examples of other senshi at Eternal stage with the second option on certain types of powers so a secondary would be workable; however you may also prefer to return it to the full long-lasting attack if you'd like.
(Also the fact he comes from Galway is fab, I worked down there for six years and his love of music matches perfectly. Some of the best traditional bars and music are in the central part of that city and it has a lot of local buskers, I dig it!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 12:44 pm
hi! I went with option 1 for Lohengrin's Eternal attack -- brought the times he can use it to once per battle and made it last for 45 seconds so we can have some nice crunchy brawls XD hope this does it for you! ^__^ (and cool that you worked down in Galway! and glad you like Rory! ^__^)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 12:48 pm
This works for me!
Thank you for being so patient and working with me to adjust his attacks, I really appreciate it. <3
A GM will be along to make everything official but for now, here's a lovely Trial Stamp to admire! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2020 8:23 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
