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While Lenka contemplated her new place in the world, Acubens was reflecting over the way in which her existing place would be changing in the future. Rotating the ring on her finger absently as she thought, she wondered how being married might change her as a Senshi. She knew Remarque had adjusted his life as a Senshi around his marriage, as had Lesath. Admittedly, Lesath had made more adjustments, preferring her civilian life as a wife and mother to her life as a Senshi. Not that Acubens blamed her one bit, but it was amusing that, like clockwork, whenever something serious happened in mirrorspace, Lesath was knocked up within the month.

Would she be like that when she was married to Chione? Would she retreat as far back as possible into the safety and comfort of her civilian life while the trauma of powered events ran their course? Living together as they did, marriage really was just a formality -- a formality both were more than willing to indulge in, but a formality none the less. And so far, Acubens' life as a Senshi had changed very little. She had adjusted her patrol schedule to fit with Chione -- they tried to go out together, or at least be home as civilians as much and for as long as possible. And it helped that Chione knew how much this court meant to Acubens...

Then again, maybe things wouldn't change... Acubens hoped that they wouldn't. So much had in so short a time... her engagement, Misha's return... she needed to strange stability of Acubens and what it meant to be her. She raised her eyes automatically, instantly finding the point in the sky where her star blinked and shimmered. Though she could never again visit the jungle some whence her power once came, she none-the-less still felt irrevocably connected to the star. Like a strange pulling in her chest that she could not answer but longed to all the same...

Acubens sighed then, trying her best to push the rumination from her mind. Even if things did need to change, dwelling and wondering would do no good, right? Chione meant everything. Chione was everything. And Acubens would of course make any adjustments that she needed to make her happy. Hell, if Chione asked to break both pens and leave senshi life forever, Acubens would. She'd ache terribly, and miss it with everything that she was... but she'd do it for her.

And any changes that needed to be made in marriage would, of course, be made without a second thought.

The decision to do whatever it took, coupled with the sudden tugging sensation of a familiar feeling of dark mirror energy pushed the last of Acubens' musings away. An eternal, but one that she did not know. Strange... Acubens was certain she knew all of the active eternal senshi. Perhaps this was one who wasn't as active as the others, and Acubens just happened to catch them...

No time like the present to make a friend, right?

She followed the feeling easily, carefully adjusting her hair and fuku to make sure that she was as presentable as possible as she approached.

"Hey there stranger," she called as soon as she was able to make out a shape in the shadows. "It's nice to see you, I hope you don't mind the intrusion, but I didn't recognize your signature, I'm Acu-" her voice caught. Her voice caught and her feet rooted themselves to the earth, causing Acubens to nearly fall forward.

Pink hair, full and gathered into a high ponytail of loose curls. Summertime green and sweet fuschia fuku reminding Acubens of backyard parties and picnics in the park. Black teardrops. Black sleeves. Gauze.

I couldn't be. I shouldn't be.

It was.

"M... master?"

Acubens watched as Lenka centered herself. Watched as she gathered all of her strength and watched as it utterly utterly failed her. All Acubens wanted to do was run over to Lenka and wrap her arms around her. Act as a physical barrier to everything that was hurting her, even if it was from the inside.

But she didn't.

She couldn't.

All that would have done was drive Lenka further into her own despair. Acubens needed to fight everything that she wanted to do and make the conscious choice to do what she needed to do. And so she closed her own eyes, swallowed thick around the lump in her throat, and fought the shaking in her limbs.

"I'm not happy," Acubens croaked, "Because I know it wasn't."

Of course it wasn't. Lenka who had fought so hard to keep Acubens on the straight and narrow. Who had been so completely broken by her betrayal. And Acubens knew that was exactly what it had been. A betrayal that she would never be able to atone for, and never be able to fix, no matter how much she believed in her own choices.

"So... you pissed Leto off then," Acubens offered, laughing mirthlessly. It had been an attempt to add levity to the encounter but... it fell flat. So instead she moved on to the next topic.

"If you wanna leave so bad... what's stopping you. Do you... not know how? Because I can show you... if you want." Not that she wanted Lenka to leave. Honestly, she had wanted this to happen so differently. She had wanted to convince Lenka that this was the safest option. She had wanted Lenka to agree to this. To come home willingly. For this reunion to be tearful and joyous and like a homecoming. Not like this.

Never like this.

Another mirthless laugh. Yeah... b***h in camo was about right.

"Yeah, that's... that's Leto." She would normally say that her bark is worse than her bite but... that wasn't necessarily true here, was it? And when it came to anyone outside of their court... Leto's bite was unthinkably worse than her bark, much to Acubens' dismay.

"Forced corruption is... a terrible fate," Acubens admitted, taking a slow cautious step forward as Lenka turned from her. "And I wish more than anything in this world that it wasn't yours. I hate that you have to go through this. And..." she took a deep and shaking breath, trying to still the quaking in her hands that was no longer from the chill of early spring nor the shock of seeing Lenka in black. "I am... furious with Leto for making it so."

At least now I have some friends... kind of...

Acubens' heart shattered in her ears and she was unable to stop herself from closing the distance between them. Her hands hovered in the air above Lenka's exposed shoulders for a long, tense moment before landing lightly, almost fearfully. She had no idea how Lenka would react. Would she lash out? Would she lean in? Would she run altogether? A risk, but one that Acubens had to take. She hand to make contact. If only for herself...

"Oh Lenka... of course you have friends here. You have me... at least. I know I'm not much, especially not to you anymore but... I mean what you were told was right. If you repurify you'll be someone else entirely. You'll have to start again. The only benefit you'll have is that you'll be wearing white. And if that's enough benefit for you then... I'll take you where you need to go to purify."

And it would break Acubens' heart. But just like she'd turn the world over and reverse the polarity of the planet for Chione, she'd do the same for any of her own.

Even if her own didn't want her anymore.

Acubens drew her hands back, scorched by Lenka's words. But beneath the hurt there was anger. Lenka still didn't understand. She didn't understand what Acubens had done. What she had become.

"You're wrong, Lenka," she said tightly, curling her hands into tight fists at her sides. "I never wanted this for you. Not like this anyway. I knew this was the most correct choice... for me. But I also knew that I had... and still have... no right to make that decision for anyone else. And I would never have done this to you were I in Leto's position. Not to you or to anyone else. What I wanted... what I always wanted... was for you to be safe." another mirthless, this time bitter laugh as Acubens' voice ran away with her.

"That's why I didn't come looking for you again after that night. Did you think I couldn't? I knew where you patrolled, Lenka. I knew your haunts. you taught them to me. I could have staked them out, followed you wherever you went."
Desperation and impossibly deep hurt overtook the anger in just a few words, coloring Acubens' words with repressed grief that she could feel dripping from her lips like oil.

"And what about that night? How did that go, Lenka? When I revealed myself to you, what happened? Did I fight back? Did I do anything? Of course not. Don't you think that I could have knocked you down, tossed you over my shoulder, and taken you to Leto that night? Or worse, sought you out again and brought her with me? Ask yourself why I didn't."

Acubens took a deep breath to steady herself and push the deep, long ignored hurt from her voice. But tray s she might, her damnable mouth ran away from her time and time again, stole her voice, and did what it pleased.

"And you're right, that is the image I have of you... because that's all I know of you. But remember Lenka, you asked me to leave you alone that night. You told me to leave you alone, and that was after you threatened to kill me. So the incorrect image that I have of you is a direct result of that. And the same way I have an incorrect image of you in my mind, you have an incorrect image of me in yours. One of... of a monster, who at the first sign of trouble, went running into darkness and ******** whoever I left behind, and it kills me that you think that because nothing could be farther from the truth. Because even if you don't believe me. Even if you don't want me to. I still love you, Lenka."

Was she crying? When had she started crying? ********. This was petty. This was weak. This was cruel. To the both of them. Did Lenka think that she had the monopoly on pain? Acubens could tell her about pain. She could tell her about the senseless slaughter of innocents in the false name of good. A false name that Acubens herself crafted and pursued. She could tell Lenka about attending her own funeral. Mourning the death of a life that Lenka herself would have to do. She could tell her about what it was going to be like, watching your family mourn and weep and bitterly curse the universe for taking her from them.

She could tell her what happened to her in those first months alone, sobbing under the weight of ink-black wings, just as she was now. Just like she did in every moment where Fear and Guilt raised ugly, twin heads and watched her with pitiless, blank eyes.

Acubens could tell her about realizing that the lie she had told herself for so long... that she was twisted by Bischofite and left because of him... was just that. A lie. She could tell her about the painful process of realizing that she used Bischofite as much as he used her, as an excuse. That she let him twist and turn her until she was no longer good enough for anyone but the Dark Mirror.

As Lenka gave Acubens precious tidbits about her life before Leto, Acubens held them in cupped hands and peered into a life that she'd known nothing about. Fear and Guilt slipped back under obsidian wings, whispering in accented voices as Acubens lost herself in tidepools of a life that she had no right to see, but was being allowed into anyway.

"I'm sorry," she began shakily, trying to piece out emotion and rational thought, "what happened to you is unthinkable. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Not for one ******** second."

And as long as they're exchanging stories... "I attended my own funeral. I didn't see you there, but I also wasn't surprised. You knew what really happened to me. You might have the opportunity to do the same, and I'm not sure I recommend it. I watched my parents grow apart, divorce, and move away, all because of me. I lost my brother..." Her voice grew thick and she nearly lost her tenuous grip on what little control she had left. "But then... I started building a life. I clung to Remarque and Lesath until I learned how to stand on my own legs. I made a home, discovered I had some green thumbs. I started... I started a business. The Farmer's Daughter... maybe you've been? I..." she twisted the ring on her finger again, smiling fondly as the image of the woman who gave it to her slid into her mind. "I asked someone to marry me. A woman who is... lovely... and beautiful... and so so patient...

"Please... correct the image of you that I have in my mind, Lenka. Show yourself as you are now. Teach me. And if you don't know yet... let me help you find out who you are now. If you'll let me... I'd like to correct the image that you have of me too..."

Acubens was stupid. She was stupid, and impetuous, and impulsive. She was rash, and infuriating, and childish. She knew these things. So why couldn't she fix them? Why did she keep falling into the same put falls that she always fell into? Why did she keep hurting the people she loved so much when all she wanted to do was help?

Why was she so bad in a crisis?

It was like if she couldn't hunt it and fight it and kill it she had no idea how to deal with it.

So she did what Misha used to do with her when she was in crisis.

She sat down with her. Acubens had calculated the distance so that she wasn't crowding Lenka, but she was still within reach. From subspace, she drew a pillow that she kept for Kiuchi and placed it between them. Something for Lenka to hang on to while she came around a little. An anchor, since Acubens couldn't be that herself right now.

"You take all the time you need, Lenka. I'll be right here waiting. I won't leave you again."