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 Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2020 6:40 am
It was almost instantaneous.
They'd unpacked what was most necessary and set up the bits and pieces of furniture to make the first night comfortable, if still slightly cluttered. They'd eaten. They'd discussed arrangements for the following day because there were still so many arrangements to be made. Nothing could be completely settled in the span of a single afternoon. January knew that, but...
He'd retired, shut his door behind him, and the wave of dread that washed over him once left alone in the dark of his new bedroom was immediate.
What were they doing here? He'd had a life and a job and happiness in California- all three of them had. And to come back to DC in an attempt to resolve a situation that had happened years ago, at this point... That was ludicrous, wasn't it? But of course January couldn't not answer a call when the well-being of his siblings was concerned. Even for thinking that he might left a horrible tension of guilt in his chest.
But there was so little he could accomplish here... Destiny City was where he'd grown up, but it certainly didn't feel like home, anymore. He'd assumed all of his brothers and sisters must have felt similarly, since practically none of them had even bothered to try keeping in touch with him. He'd called, of course, it wasn't like they didn't all have cell phones, but at what point was it reasonable to just accept that they had their own lives to deal with and didn't need him, anymore...
So why was he here.
Why was he here, why was he doing this. Home was thousands of miles away, on the complete opposite coast...
The air felt heavy and smothering here. January's heart thundered erratic and wild in his chest. He could taste acid at the back of his throat, and it felt so tight he could barely breathe. Not unfamiliar sensations... though they had become less familiar in recent years. Less familiar with the comfort of the life he'd built for himself, with two people he felt close to...
'Stop it, stop it, stoppit,' His thoughts raged. 'Why are you doing this to yourself, there's no point. Just breathe.'
Who was this even best for? September and November had been capable of living perfectly content lives in California. They had been for the past ten years. Who was January to uproot that. Who was he doing this for? Not for them and not for the others who didn't even live here, anymore. For himself? Did he need that validation? January had always known he should only be here to guide them, and he'd failed, obviously, because they were gone. Gone, gone, gone..
He curled an arm around his waist, and the other reached to smother his lips, choking back the fear and dread and panic and uselessness, presumptuousness- who did he think he was? What right had he thought he had to go anywhere.
He leaned his shoulder to the wall, near enough to the window that he could peek through lowered lashes and out to the lights of the city at night beyond. Breathe. Just breathe.
It wasn't like he could do anything else.
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Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2020 9:47 am
The night came much quicker than expected. Everyone was exhausted from their journey, unpacking, and general need to hit the ground running after moving. There wasn't any time to really think about anything else besides what needed to be done.
Work, school, finances, responsibilities all hit hard at once, and September knew that if he was exhausted, so were his brothers.
So was January .
Now, September was truly a man of few words when it came to the outside word. If someone was struggling, or having a bad day, he didn't bring himself to care or try. A look was all it took to get his point across, so it made no sense to try any harder than that. But at home? He was kind.
Or atleast he tried to be.
In the hour after they all 'retired' to their rooms for the night, he stayed up a little later, fumbling around the kitchen for something that could atleast somewhat soothe his older brother. By now, after nearly spending his whole life by Jan's side, there was no way he couldn't recognize when things were eating away at him. Little bits here and there gave it away, like the slight crinkle near his eyes when his smile wasn't quite genuine, or when he grew quiet and reserved instead of bounding around with all his dramatics...
This evening, as things winded down, all of those flags popped up, and September was determined to make things better.
While he went about the kitchen, trying to make a snack or something along those lines, his thoughts wandered to the move. The more he thought about it, the less he cared.
Moving? Coming back to his home town? None of that mattered to him. Only Jan and Vem did, and since they were here and felt as if they needed to be here, he wouldn't think on it anymore. He had more important tasks, like figuring out how to make cotton candy with this ridiculous contraption that Jan was so fond of.
And it was a failure. Little lint-wads were formed in groups of 9 and... well, the best thing he could do was arrange them neatly on his plate to make look like an awkward flower.
Not perfect, but when were any of them? With his head held high, confidence in each step and that plate in his hand, he knocked on Jan's door.
"January... Will you let me in?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 11, 2020 9:58 am
It was fine.
Everything was fine.
He needed to relax. They were already here. The decisions had been made, and they were literally already here. There wasn't anything else to do at this point besides accept what they'd done and prepare for what they were going to do moving forward. Rationally, this was what was best for them, and what they'd had to do, besides. January couldn't ignore a call from his home, saying he was needed...
So why did his chest hurt so badly? January let out a shuttered breath and trailed fingers up from his lips to rake back through his curls, tugging lightly at his roots, while pinching his eyes shut.
Everything was fine.
He could force the tension to leave his shoulders, even if he couldn't quell his incessant thoughts. With another quiet breath, January limply settled his weight to the window frame and peered out to the city beyond. He twisted the end of a curl around a finger, anything to keep from being still. When the knock came, his pastel pink gaze darted rapidly to the door, as if caught doing something he oughtn't be, and his reply felt strangled in his throat.
"Of course-" But the words were choked, weak, drowned by the tightness in his throat.
January swallowed thickly as he pushed himself into a proper stand and moved back toward the door. "Of course, September," he said softly as he opened it. Muted, but more definitely a sound. Better than his first try. His gaze flicked down to the plate in his younger brother's hand before flitting back up. "What's this...?"
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 7:06 am
That sound... The weak sound of January's voice made him frown. His chest tightened, and he had no desire to hide that when the door finally opened.
"Cotton Candy Lumps." Without warning, he pushed into the room, closing the door behind him in a single movement. "I figured, you would like something sweet before bed, but I'm not exactly proficient with using that machine of yours." A quick gaze about the room told him that there wasn't any motivation to decorate, or to start claiming this space as actually his.
"I didn't think it would be fair to be alone in my own room tonight, so I fully plan on being here. And with that being the case, I need you to help me find my pillow." It was an excuse, of course. His pillow was nothing special, he rotated through them each and every night. But asking for his specific pillow allowed him to give a goal to Jan, something that would motivate them to go through the boxes and maybe rummage through some memories together.
Anything to distract Jan from delving too deep into his own mind alone.
"Plus, I swore I packed my favorite earrings in your stuff some where. We should find them before I head into the Bar tomorrow. Looking my best and all that."
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 5:21 pm
"Mm. That is what it looks like," January admitted softly with a scrutinizing look as he accepted the plate from September's hands. His attention held raptly on the coils of spun sugar presented to him, refusing to rise to meet his little brother's obvious bait. His heart still thrummed, tension tight as a cord stalling his movements beyond what it had taken to reach this point.
This was not how he was supposed to be while in front of them. The thought was ever-present in the back of his mind. It didn't matter what September knew about him, how he would rise to combat January's tumultuous feelings. It shouldn't be his job. It wasn't fair to put that burden on him. January's breath escaped him in a soft hiss of air. The decades had made it easier to freeze the anxiety in his chest, to smother it down and hide it away beneath a dazzling facade of bright eyes and a playfully tilted smile.
"So needy, September," he crooned lightly, prodding at one of the cotton candy lumps with his index finger. "I went to all this trouble to find us a nice place," he pouted. "Somewhere big enough for all of us, and you won't even try and enjoy your own room? We haven't had this much space since-" The homes within their tax bracket in California had been functional but hardly spacious. And when they'd lived in DC previously, it had been with all of their other siblings... January's lashes fluttered slightly, a seed of doubt lacing his tone when he spoke next. "-ever, I suppose."
He turned sharply, putting his back to the younger man and laying the plate on his dresser.
"I'm sure your pillow is in one of the boxes in your room." He beckoned September to follow him. "But my jewelry box is in the closet. Perhaps your earrings are in there."
But the distraction of something else to spite hung tantalizingly before him, and January latched to it with all the viciousness of a viper. "But I've no idea why you have to look your best at a bar, of all places," he quipped, striding into the bathroom and further still into the walk-in closet beyond. "It's hardly the place. Filthy drunks and degenerates don't deserve you at your best."
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:18 am
"Just because we've moved somewhere else with more space, doesn't mean I need to change what I enjoy doing. If I feel like I can be most comfortable here with you, then that's where I'm going to be." He needed to make sure that January understood that he wasn't about to leave.
No matter how many points he pushed. He wasn't leaving. Not tonight.
"I'm only half invested in finding those things, honestly. I look my best because I can make more money. More money to buy black hair dye and black clothing and the like." September didn't exactly follow his brother, choosing instead to flop on the bed and make himself comfortable.
"No one truly sees my best. Yes, I look amazing on the outside, but do you think I treat them kindly? No. I pour drinks, and give bad advice, and then tell them to go ******** off somewhere else. The only ones who gets my best are you and Vem. And I know you know that."
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:51 am
There were a handful of stacked boxes pushed to the wall of his walk-in closet. Most of them probably contained his myriad of garments, with one or two dedicated to anything he'd been working on before they'd left California. He'd tried to keep those to a minimum, since it would be so odd to try and pick up something unfinished right where he'd left off, while being in this new place under new circumstances, but... Well, it would be a sad day to be 'finished' with everything, he supposed.
He nudged those boxes to the side and took up a seat on the floor with his legs tucked neatly beneath him so that he could rummage through the first of two labeled in his own large and swooping script, 'ACCESSORIES.'
"Ah, only half invested?" January hummed as he pulled out a jewelry box and flicked through an assortment of his own bangles and necklaces. He wasn't sure if his voice would even carry back to the bedroom. "That must be why I'm the one in here searching... To help you pay for all your unattractive dyes and ridiculous goth fashion. It's like you live to spite me, little brother..." It was only partially a tease, but January's fire for snark felt dimmed under the circumstances.
It hadn't ever been particularly strong when they'd lived in Destiny City before, anyway.
He found and plucked two silver earrings from the tangle of his own embellishments and held them in his palm. They certainly weren't his, as January had little interest in jabbing holes or making marks on his perfectly acceptable warm, dark skin. He moved back to the bedroom, and laid the earrings on the bedside table closest to his brother. "Here, September. These are all I could find."
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 1:48 pm
Were it any other day, September would have gotten up from his spot on the bed and helped his brother find the missing jewelry and pillow. Jan wouldn't have to ask for his help, wanting to help came naturally. He felt no greater joy than to enjoy the time spent with him, no matter what he capacity.
But right now, he had to be stubborn, since Jan could be that way even more so. It wasn't often that he tried to out do him, but tonight, January would not win.
"Yes, half-invested. I can provide my support from the comfort of this cozy bed. And I suppose now that you're coming back now, you can join me with the plate of not-quite-cotton candy and perhaps pick out a movie we can watch." He saw the earrings, and sat up, taking a look at them. Huh, he found them far sooner than he thought.
"You know I'm here, right? You don't have to always be strong... And I know, I know, you want to be, but for gods sake, please... Remember I'm here. And I'm never going to change, even if we move again and again and again."
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 3:12 pm
January was already moving toward the door at his little brother's suggestion that they watch a movie together. He'd come in here claiming to need Jan's help, so of course that was the task January was going to set himself to. Though he didn't recall with any particular clarity that September had ever had a specific pillow that he slept with more than any other, this seemed to be the game the younger man was playing at tonight, so January may as well let him.
"Oh, no, I don't want you to be uncomfortable, September," he answered breezily. "So you can stay, and I will go look." Because that was just how it went. Whenever his brothers needed something from him, he had to put everything else down.
He'd felt like an adult, like a provider when he'd moved away. And things certainly hadn't been easy. January didn't need 'easy.' But DC made him feel small, coerced into unbreakable old routines. Like everything he had some degree of control over was slipping out of his fingers again... His hand layered over the door handle, and January smothered down that encroaching sense of entrapment to shoot a smirk over his shoulder. "Yes, you busted in quite loudly. I know you're here. I can see you."
He moved into the hallway. "I'll go have a look and see what I can find."
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Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2020 4:29 pm
No.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
What ever plan September had to make his brother relax was quickly backfiring, and he could only sigh about it. There was a reason why he tried to go for honest rather than coy when dealing with Jan.
There was never any push back, just a somewhat annoying tendency to just go with whatever he asked. It was beyond frustrating, and he rolled his eyes at the sarcasm.
The moment the door opened, September was out of bed, by Jan’s side and grabbing his wrist. Perhaps it was a bit more forceful than he had meant, but Jan was in his arms now, and he wasn’t going to let him go.
“... Seems like my plans to distract you failed. Doesn’t matter.” Now that he was back in the bedroom, he closed the door and locked it, the other keeping Jan in place.
“Come on, Jan... I know you’re miserable here so far... So can’t you just trust me and say it? I don’t need any pillows or earrings, I just need you to talk to me. And not shut me out.”
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2020 4:47 pm
Tension licked up January's spine as September snatched up his wrist. Narrowed pink irises snapped up to the younger man's face, and there was an instant where his fingers curled, his posture tightened, and he held firmly in place as though he might wrench away. He might. The thought of it didn't cross his mind, but the flicker of annoyance in his eyes and the displeased set of his lips warned of the possibility. January didn't enjoy being yanked around.
But the moment passed. September tugged and Jan followed, melting into the other's embrace as fingers skirted up his chest to crimp in the fabric of September's shirt. Even as he leaned to settle his head against his younger brother's shoulder, January couldn't resist a quiet and catty, "You are the one who barged in making demands, September..."
While Jan had been peacefully minding his own business in his bedroom, no less. It wasn't like he could just break down and cry and admit how he hated it here. He hated. They shouldn't have come. They should've stayed at home-
They were already here. There was no time for that.
"I'm not shutting you out. My door is always open for you." His fingers traced the seam of September's shirt along his shoulder. "And there's nothing to say, besides. This is our home now, so whatever is different... We'll just have to get used to it." January was sure he could do that much. He already knew this city, and he should be... More of a well-adjusted functioning adult than when he'd left.
He hoped.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2020 9:01 am
”Yes, I know. As I misplaced distraction, and for that, I am sorry.” September let out a soft sigh of relief as Jan did, in fact, listen to him, returning to the room and into his arms.
“I am not sorry for atleast trying to cheer you up. And that’s not what I meant by shutting me out. Of course your door is open, but what of your thoughts? You should know by now I’m not simply going to let you deal with everything on your own... If you hate it, then tell me. If you want to go back to California, then tell me. I’ll find a way to make it work. Your happiness is just as important than anyone elses, regardless of what you may think.” His hand came up slowly to pet that curly hair on his older brother’s head. September wasn’t the most gentle, or kind of people, but for January, he would constantly and consistently give the most effort he could.
“... And if you think we should stay regardless of our feelings, then we will. But then let me know what I can do to make it all worth while. Or to make it so that this new place can feel a little more like the home you loved. Should I find a way to get you back to the ocean? Or perhaps bring the ocean here...? I’d move mountains for you, Jan, I hope you know that.”
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2020 12:05 pm
January gave a tight shake of his head. "I don't intentionally keep things from you, September," he grumbled, tucking his nose against the other's neck. "But sometimes there's not anything to share. It's just a feeling I can't shake and can't explain..." He stepped back, pink eyes narrowing briefly on his brother before he whipped around, taking long strides back toward the window as he threw a hand up. "Like of course I didn't want to come back here; there's nothing for us here, anymore!" He complained as he slouched against the wall to peer outside.
"...But it's more than that. It's more than just how we left a perfectly functional life behind. It's more than just being back in the place where so many of our family died. It's more than knowing the only reason we're here now is to pick up all the broken pieces left for us..." His arms folded, and his fingers curled, pinched, and tugged at the airy fabric of his shirt where it hung off his torso.
"This place isn't right," he muttered. "But there's nothing for you to do about it."
Moving these mountains wouldn't make Destiny City a more tolerable place. January wrapped a hand around the cord that held the blinds up and gave it a tug to pull them down, blocking out the view. He wasn't usually a fan of blinds. They were a tacky window accessory, at best. Curtains. He wanted his curtains. But not now. He slipped over to the bed, slinking his arms beneath a lump of pillows and dragging them down to coil around. "Bring me your cotton candy monstrosities."
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2020 8:21 pm
”Is that so..?” It was hard to deny just how hard the move had been on all of them. September had been content back at home, and Vem, well, hardly anything startled that boy... But it was clear it took the most out of Jan... He could only managed a gentle petting of the top of his head before the man was off again, back deeper into the room.
And he listened. There was the urge there to talk back, to explain that September could have come back on his own to take care of things. He was plenty old enough to handle all of it, and to relieve that burden from January’s shoulders. Yet he held his tongue.
A lecture was the last thing the eldest Bloom needed.
As instructed, September gathered the monstrosities with the slightest of frowns, and went back to his side, taking up a proper seat beside the other on the bed.
“This place isn’t right.” He echoed back, sighing and rubbing gently on Jan’s back with his hand. “And once these pieces are all picked up, and the dust settles, we can go back. There’s no reason to stay here after that, right? We can go back to our house on the beach, and be happy together once again. We’ll make the best of the here and now, because we’ve always been good at that, and... You know there’s some sort of happiness to find anywhere we go. I still have you, as selfish as that sounds. I’ll follow you anywhere.”
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2020 7:44 am
September moved to take a seat as his side, and January's pretty, narrowed gaze pulled just barely up from his nest of pillows to peek at him as he did. His arm slunk from beneath the pillows to coil around September's legs, and he tugged himself closer to rest his face against his younger brother's thigh. "No, we can't," he grumbled, voice muffled from where he'd tucked most f his face away. "You know we can't."
"I love our family, and I know you do too. This is where our family is, where everyone left lives. We shouldn't have gone so far away in the first place. This is our home, no matter if it's right, or not, and maybe if we'd stayed..." His breath left him on a quiet exhale, and it was as if his body crumpled with the loss of it, going completely limp where he lay. "Well, who knows what might have been different," January finished softly.
He took another inhale as Jan tried to gather himself away from these thoughts, and he sat up on his knees, one hand down on the bed to steady himself while the other slid long fingers over the line of September's jaw to his cheek.
At least he wasn't here alone.
What would he have done? How could he have lived with himself? But September was always there, beside him. Following him anywhere... "I love you," he whispered as he leaned to touch a kiss to the corner of September's lips. "I don't think I could go anywhere without you..." He tried a smile, a wavering, hesitant sort of thing as he reached for one of the cotton candy blobs his brother had brought him.
"They aren't very pretty," he pointed out, as he pinched a shred from one of them. "And they're a little grainy..." He popped the bite in his mouth, sucking the sweet from one of his fingers as he did. "But I suppose it all sort of tastes the same. It is just sugar and all."
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