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 Posted: Fri Jan 24, 2020 9:02 pm
The past few days had been an utter blur, but she was pleased that Raven had accepted her, and the children had as well. It was always so nice to sit with Raven, letting her brush out her long, raspberry colored hair. The blonde had been so warm and gentle to her since she had arrived.
And they all took care not to call her Millie anymore.
She had been working hard to find a new name, something that she could respond to, and something that she wouldn’t utterly detest on principle. The baby name books were all spread out in front of her as she lay on the bed, kicking her feet in the air and feeling a deep sense of boredom and rapidly approaching depression.
It happened all too often, and with a sigh, she buried her face in her arms and trembled slightly, shaking her head. She was nobody. And she would be nobody until she had a name but…
How was a person supposed to choose a whole new name…how…could she deal with changing so many things so quickly?
The ever ready tears began to flow from her perpetually burning eyes and she was glad that she was alone and that she had a pillow to muffle her sobs. It was so hard to gain any hold on things now. And every time she thought she had found even the tiniest toehold, it would crumble beneath her.
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Posted: Fri Jan 24, 2020 9:10 pm
Someone was always home with her, and while Raven had gone out with the girls Jett was keeping up with the homestead. He had done some work from his computer; moving the store to the digital front had been a much needed improvement to their system, and now that he was the one making all of the decisions it meant that he had unlimited potential to grow.
He wasn't much a fan of the silent house, but it had it's benefits. Mostly, it was easy to make sure he could check up the newest member of his family.
He had heard her tears before today, but each new batch didn't make him any more accustomed to it. Pillow or not, he heard it. He'd been listening for it. Trying to give her space while also making sure she knew he was there for her wasn't always easy but he did his best.
He pushed off from the counter and pocketed his phone. He had been in the kitchen to get himself something to snack on but the platted of cheese and crackers served another purpose now. It was the perfect excuse to drop in and do whatever he could.
He grabbed two sodas from the fridge and then moved to her room.
"Knock, knock. Figured you'd been in here working for long enough you could take a break. I brought snacks, can I join you?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2020 11:36 am
She stiffened when she heard Jett’s voice and cut off her crying quickly. “Oh…Um!” Quickly, the raspberry haired girl looked around, wide eyed and confused as she tried to find some way to make it look as though she hadn’t been having yet another breakdown. Jett was going to think her utterly and completely weak…and she didn’t want to lose his high opinion of her.
Honestly, it was one of the only things she was really still proud of. And she always had been.
Finally, after frantically scrubbing her face with the blanket, she drew in a breath and opened the door, making an expression that she hoped would pass for a smile. “…Yo! What’s up…?”
It wasn’t that she wanted to lie to Jett…but…she couldn’t be weak. Not now. Not when she needed her strength more than ever. When she was still utterly unstable.
“…I’m not really hungry though, but yeah…you can join if um. You want.”
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:14 pm
Jett's instinct was to snort, and maybe he did--just a little--but his expression was still gentle as he walked in with the platter of food.
"You barely had anything to eat for breakfast. You'll get hangry if you keep an empty stomach. Probably not easy to think without any food in your system too."
He knew she'd been crying; he could have been blind and still seen it. He wasn't going to treat her any differently; she was a strong girl and he wondered how much worse it was making things because she kept thinking she had to be strong instead of just letting herself process these emotions.
Jett sat down on the edge of the bed, setting the cheese and crackers and neatly sliced meats between the two of them. He handed her the drink.
"Lot to go through," he said, eyes skimming through the books. There were a few names highlighted in each of them from when he and Raven had been picking out names. "Have anything in mind yet or are you still working on picking out the perfect one?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 26, 2020 7:35 pm
She shrugged and got back onto the bed, moving the tear stained pillow out of Jett’s view and tossing it onto the ground on the other side. “I don’t know. None of them…none of them feel like…like me. But then…I don’t even know if I know what I feel like anymore so…”
Sighing heavily she quickly rubbed at her eyes. “I think I’m honestly in a state of perpetual hanger so…what’s one more skipped meal, you know?” Though after a moment, she raised herself to her knees and took a piece of cheese from the tray before flopping back down.
“All of these names are strange, Jett. Either strange or just…painfully normal. I had a cool name. A unique name. I…” She swallowed hard and worked to fight back the tears that had decided to make a return appearance. “...Now I don’t have any name. Unique or cool. And I’m no closer to figuring one out, either.”
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Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 3:17 pm
Jett watched her still and left the food untouched despite his own desire to snack on something. "It's not like there's a time limit to these things. And you can try out all sorts of names, if you want. But if you're having a hard time picking a name..."
He glanced at the baby name books in front of them and then just shrugged. "Maybe these names are too boring for you. You've always been special. Why not look somewhere more exciting for names? You don't have to limit yourself to just these. Why don't you..."
He paused, contemplated, and then suggested, "Why don't you pick something from Star Wars? You talked about it so much with me that I'm sure even I could think of a few names to suggest. But you should remind me, if there are any that you like, first. Just in case."
He couldn't imagine messing up a Star Wars name in front of her. He'd always tried to listen, but half the time it was like another language.
Still, he managed. For the most part.
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Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 5:01 pm
She watched him, thoughtfully for a long moment, and finally reached over to grab another piece of cheese. “…Star Wars, huh? I don’t even…really like it anymore, you know. They ruined it with these new sequels. They’re horrible. My perfect boyfriend…” She stopped herself, Orin’s face coming up into her mind. “Ah…my perfect…fictional boyfriend…they turned him into a whining neo-nazi and it’s not cool at all. My Jacen was a complex and wonderful character who had a progression the Dark Side…not a…not a whiny emo brat who…decided to go bad for…reasons. I still haven’t even watched the last one. It just makes me angry.”
Another piece of cheese disappeared into her mouth, and the young woman huffed, her blood up while talking about her former favorite subject.
“And they took out the literal best female characters. There was no Tenel-Ka, and no Jaina…”
She paused and sat up, hesitating. “…Jaina Draven…how do you think…I mean…how do you think that sounds? Jaina…was a bad a** and…so am I…and…I mean. Tenel-Ka is kind of better but…I can’t very well take that name…that would be too strange but…but Jaina…that’s…that’s normal enough not to be thought twice about? I mean…it’s better than some of the names that are out there now, right?”
There was almost excitement in her voice, almost that old spark that had been so vivid before.
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Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 7:09 pm
Jett had words of explanation on his lips when she started speaking--that he had only ever been into Star Wars for her, and so he didn't care at all for the new movies--and wouldn't have, unless she had dragged him to see them. He listened to her dissertation with a look of mild interest though, to be honest, he was more interested in the fact that she was eating, that she seemed animated, that she had a name in mind...
"I like it. It sounds a little like my name. I like the 'J'. Good, strong, powerful. Definitely suits you. Jaina," he tried out, letting it sink in for a few seconds. More naturally, "Jaina Draven."
Another few seconds, and then a solid nod.
He'd have supported her even if she wanted to call herself Tenel-Ka if that meant she'd smile again.
He repeated Jaina a few more times in his head and finally smiled. "I like it a lot. Sounds mysterious and powerful. Confident. Sounds like you."
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Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 7:49 pm
She swallowed and took another piece of cheese, nodding and listening to the name for a few more moments. “Yeah…than that settles it. Jaina Draven…I’ll…you can really help me get papers and a driver’s license and all of that?” Jaina hesitated, tucking a piece of raspberry hair behind her ear and finally reaching for the platter of food, sighing.
“Will you get me a car, too?” Her tone was almost teasing, though she wouldn’t disagree if he honestly wanted to get her one.
“Can we…can you and I go out to eat to um…” She tucked some more hair behind her ear and wiped quickly at the tears that had decided to make a return visit.
“Can we go out to celebrate me…not being a nobody anymore?” It seemed like something worth celebrating, and for a moment…Jaina almost felt a real stirring of hope. She didn’t like what had happened…but…now she had some lifeline to hang on to. Some identity that she could answer to. It was easier to figure things out when one knew that they were a person.
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Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:55 am
That made it all worth it. Jett smiled, relief and happiness quickly fading the concern he had for her.
"That sounds like a good thing to celebrate. I will let you pick anywhere in town, and we'll go celebrate, and talk about what you want your papers to say. I'll talk to someone about starting on things tonight. And once we've eaten like kings, maybe we'll stop at a few car lots on the way home. Just to see what they have. No promises. I'm not buying you a car until we find the perfect one."
He was still driving the same old Corvette he'd always had; a few thousand dollars worth of repairs here and there was worth it. He could have upgraded to a newer car but he found himself just a little too attached to the car. Financially, he was set. Between his investments and inheriting the Antique Store he was doing great, especially now that they'd moved onto an online platform as well.
The cheese and crackers could easily be forgotten, he'd go buy her steak or lobster or anything she wanted just to see her smile. He held out his hand. "Come on, Jaina. Let's go celebrate."
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Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:58 pm
Jaina laughed at that and moved to hug Jett lightly, closing her eyes. It didn’t seem all that bad in this moment. She wasn’t sure what the next few minutes or hours or days would be like, but right at this moment, she felt honestly…almost happy. Perhaps she would be able to continue down this road…she hoped that she would be able to, at least.
And he said he wasn’t buying her a car until they found the perfect one. That meant she would get a car if they found a good one!
She could never get her life back but…perhaps this new one wouldn’t be so bad after all. Thank goodness for Jett.
“Thank you. Let’s go now, I’m starving.”
Jaina climbed onto the male’s back resting her cheek against his. “Thank you, Jett. For all of this…and for everything. I love you.”
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