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 Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2020 2:29 pm
It had been a while. Longer than Hopeite really liked to think about. A year had slipped by and she had only come out to make quota so that people stayed off her back. Other than that... her energy stores were gone, and the only starseeds she had were sitting on her mantle like a cruel joke. When she would normally indulge in a few months ago, now they turned sour on her tongue and stuck in her throat. What was the matter with her? Of course, she knew what the matter was. It was that terrible and horrifying understanding which had come to her in the dead of night weeks ago. That bitter truth that had lighted on her shoulder and slowly weighed her down until she had begun to walk with a pronounced stoop. What some called "hope", Hopeite called "The Burden of Knowing." She looked into it herself, those cases of officers who had left their ranks. She knew the costs. And she found herself wondering over and over will it all be worth it? She kept weighing the costs over and over in her mind. Losing her mother, and what that would do to the old woman. Losing her sweet Amanda. How would the pup react to losing her momma? Losing her bookstore. Where else would Abbot find meaning and solace? Losing -- no, abandoning all that... for what? For her? Would it not simply be easier to just not power up? It was that question alone that had propelled Abbot into her uniform and out her door. She prowled the city night after night in search of that overpoweringly good aura that had ambushed her with mercy that night all those months ago. Had it already been a year? An aura blinked to life on the edge of her senses. Powerful, though from this distance she had no way of knowing how powerful it was. But the closer Hopeite drew, the more powerful it got until it threatened to bowl her over entirely. "Lance..." she growled, half in relief and half in irritation, as she picked up her pace. But when she got to the library... there was no one in sight. Just the aura of a being so powerful it was dizzying, making it difficult to pinpoint the exact location of the course. "Lance I... look I need you, okay?" Her voice was weaker than she wanted it to be.
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Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2020 12:01 pm
Camelot stood atop the library as he always did at the beginning of his patrols. He would wait there for a little while, usually around an hour or so, just so anyone that needed to find him could come to him in a regular place. It was like his office, and he kept his door open after class hours. Usually it was knights that came looking for advice, but every now and then, like the case with Merlinite, he had some Chaos soldiers coming to him for various reasons. Thankfully, no one usually came to him looking for a fight, but he imagined his powerful aura and rank had something to do with that. He wondered, sometimes, if that kept others away, as well, out of fear or doubt. Sensing a Chaos aura now, Camelot looked down over the edge of the roof. His sharp hearing and the stillness of the evening helped him to hear some words, though they were distant. He heard his name. Well. A name he had grown accustomed to answering to, anyway. It was strange, of often people called him other random names from Arthurian legends, as if that was somehow easier than just calling him Camelot. Not that he minded. At least they weren't insulting or rude. Though he got those nicknames, too. Leaping off the roof, he landed with a heavy clank of armor on the sidewalk, turning to look at the source of the aura and voice. He offered her a warm smile, nodding in answer to her call. "Good evening," he said evenly, though he immediately noticed the strain on her face. "Are you okay?"
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2020 8:02 pm
Lithiasaur Sorry about the wait, we don't have to back date this. It can happen during the summer. Abbot would have laughed were she not sick to her stomach with the feeling of his energy. "Of course I'm ******** not," she growled, stepping back when he got too close and covering her nose and mouth as though that helped the way his aura wrung her stomach out like a dishtowel. "I haven't been okay since we met. And I think you know that. That was your goal, wasn't it?" Again, composure slipped from her grasp as the words she had tried to make sound disinterested came out... frightened. Normally, she would have summoned her weapon, but lately, she found that it lacked a certain kick in the a** she was craving to cut through all the bullshit swirling around her mind, so instead she pulled a pack of real cigarettes out of her pocket and lit up that way instead. As she took her drag, she considered him through narrowed eyes, still keeping her distance as she searched for the next words she needed. "What even the ******** was up with last time anyway, Lance," she asked suddenly, smoke billowing from her mouth and nostrils as she spoke. "That kneel. Very dramatically effective. Nice going with the melodrama, but I've been wondering since that day what the point was." This wasn't how this was supposed to go. It wasn't what she wanted to say. She had wanted to ask him what was real. What rumors had she heard were true and which were propaganda? Why had she fallen back into... this? "I'm chain-smoking now. Which is new. But what else am I supposed to do when the options are purify or die, right?"
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Posted: Sat May 30, 2020 11:16 am
Camelot noticed her struggle with him, and while he was pretty sure he did not smell as strongly as her reaction indicated, he imagined she was likely responding to his powerful aura. Not that he could blame her, as he knew the otherside of the feeling, back when he had been face to face with a general royal without matching their power. It could be a bit overwhelming. "I don't tend to be dramatic for the sake of it," he said gently, letting her yell at him and watching her calmly. It sparked a memory, and he could recall the night in question. "I'm a bit too old for it, really. But I am a knight. Kneeling is just a very visual way to make a promise. It seemed to have worked, even if you don't seem too sure why you're here." He meant that in a broader way that just why she was standing in front of him, but he doubted he needed to spell it out. "Are those your only options?" he asked plainly, watching her smoke and trying not to give her too disapproving a frown. At the moment, she did not need him playing a Dad and telling her that smoking wasn't good for her. She was clearly aware of that, and beyond all that there were much more pressing matters for him to focus on. "Why is it that you feel so hopeless about it? If I can help ease your mind in some way... I am still at your service."
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2022 11:55 am
Hopeite regarded the Knight sharply, exhaling forcfully as though that would push all of the anxiety from her lungs. "So that kneeling thing..." she waved her hand vaguely in front of her, "that was... that was real? I... I kidnapped a kid, Lance. I held her hostage. I... I hurt her. And when she said I was worthy of being saved I hurt her more." Her voice broke as she spoke and Hopeite tried in vein to keep her cheeks dry. Why was she crying? Was she mourning herself or Harmonia? Was she touched or broken? Both? All of those things and more? Emotions kept Hopeite in a vice grip as they swirled like a hurricane around her mind. When she closed her eyes to steady herself, she found that she was more blown around than ever. "And then she saved my life and I just..." Hopeite shuddered as she recalled the day she was taken apart. The way she crawled bleeding and sobbing to Harmonia. The way Harmonia held her and took her... somewhere else? To space? She'd called it a homeworld but... that all seemed too fantastical to be real. "I'm hopeless because... whos going to want me after what I've done, Camelot?" She finally met his eyes, her own bloodshot from tears and endless nights awake. "I'm afraid that this..." she motioned to her uniform, "is all I'll ever be worthy of. I'm trying to believe you and Harmonia but I just..." She stopped a moment to steady her breathing and her thoughts. She closed her eyes and though the world tilted and spun around her, she tried to focus on the sickeningly sweet feeling of the Knight before her as grounding. It worked well enough to steady her thoughts. "Let's say I believe the two of you. And that after all I've done, I'm ready to..." she glanced around, trying to make sure no one could hear her. "purify. What exactly does that... entail?" Lithiasaur I'm so sorry orz. I get if you don't want to finish or else we can end after your post.
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2023 11:28 am
Camelot listened quietly, as he was very skilled at doing these days. He did not mind her sharp tongue or defiance, understanding what was fueling it without needing to dig too deeply. He sensed a kindness in her that she probably could not feel, especially considering how surprised she was by her own emotion. There were many things Chaos could do to a person, and not just what a person wielding Chaos could do. In the end, he often felt the impact Chaos had on the starseed it infested was far more cruel.
"Your life was worth saving, for her, and it is for me. You're not hopeless: you are simply so lost you cannot recognize what hope is any more. But you have it. You wouldn't be speaking to me at all if it wasn't there. This pain, it's hope, as well, because you know there is something better. Something that doesn't make you feel like a monster."
"Underneath every Chaos uniform is the heart of a Knight, just like me, that was tainted before it could blossom into its true potential. If you're ready to free yourself of Chaos, all it would take is opening your heart to the White Moon. Purification, unlike corruption, can only be willing. The chaos in your starseed would burn away, and you would be given a new name and life. It might be a lot to lose, all at once, but that is a choice you have to make for yourself. I can guide you, and there are many people within the White Moon system, knights and senshi, with resources and open hands and arms for those who might feel overwhelmed or lost."
He offered her a warm smile, gathering up some of the copious fabric that made up his uniform and tearing off a piece of golden dragon emblazoned on pure white. He offered it to Hopeite, to dry her tears.
"It won't mean all is forgiven, but you would be given a place to start making amends. To stop hurting yourself, too, because you are a victim in all of this as well."
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Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2023 3:51 pm
Camelot spoke and Hopeite understood the majority of the words... separately. But then he started stringing them all together into sentences and Hopeite lost the plot entirely. The heart of a knight? Like him? Ignoring how hokey that sounded, and how much Hopeite was still struggling to belive that, there were still more questions. Would Hopeite look like Camelot? No offence to him but... she kind of hoped not. He was fine and all, and she supposed his uniform was... it was fine. But it was significantly and decidedly lacking in terms of style. Not that she would say so of course, not when Camelot seemed to be Hopeite's only way out of all of this bullshit. And then there was the use of the verbiage "burn" which had absolutely not escaped Hopeite's attention. She was by no means a b***h... she'd lost a damn ear, for ******** sake. But that didn't mean she was a huge fan of it. She wasn't kink shaming it was just... no thanks. She'd been in enough pain for one lifetime, thank you very much. She took the fabric and dabbed at her eyes, careful not to get too much of her smudged mascara on it. Her uniform regenerated when she powered up each time, and she suspected that the knight before her was the same, but there was no reason to make an unnecessary mess. Once she'd cleaned her face to a slightly-less-offensive set of raccoon eyes, she folded the fabric neatly into a small square and passed it back with a small, "thank you." So many questions. So many questions. What did the heart of a knight mean? Would she look like him? Was the word "burn" used metaphorically or should she be bracing for immolation? In the end, Hopeite decided on t he biggest issue at hand. The one that truly was make or break. "Willing?" She asked after a moment. "What do you mean willing? I sit enough to just kind of... want it? Or do I have to do something to prove myself?" Because depending on what that thing might be... she might have to count herself out of this one. If she needed to dress in drab brown and cream than so be it. But if she needed to bring someone's head well then... purification might not be for her.
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Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2023 4:38 pm
Camelot tilted his head thoughtfully, then shook his head.
"No, nothing complicated. We just can't jump out of a bush and force you into purifying if it is not what you want. But I think when a Soldier is ready, the process of coming to a Royal on the White Moon side is probably enough of a test of will, don't you think? You don't need to do anything more than decide to purify, and want to do it. That's more than enough of a trial, and I know a few who are still struggling with that step. Maybe they will, eventually, decide, and maybe they won't. It's not my place to decide for anyone."
He offered her a reassuring smile, shaking his head slowly.
"What I can do is give you some advice, based on my own experiences. It's always different, for everyone. It can be very overwhelming at first, and scary, but you'll never be without help. You've met me, after all, and I am at your service now." He bowed his head a bit, then continued. "It's not something to rush or try to force yourself into feeling: it is quite literally life changing. But if you've found something worth protecting, something worth fighting for or, at the very least, to stop hurting for, then it's worth considering. The option is there. You are not as trapped or lost as you might feel: and there are many people just like me, who will offer the same thing."
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