You can meet many people throughout the year. Some you remember fondly and still greet and see to this day. Others… Well, animosity can grow, even when one doesn’t mean it. Perhaps it is the strong scent of pine and cinnamon in the air as you walk down a snowy path, or the twinkling lights above you that glitter and dance in the dim light of sunset, somehow a sense of regret fills your heart. Whether it is the desire to forgive, or the desire to be forgiven, you feel the desire to reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time. A long overdue talk is needed. But it is up to you to respond to that burden on your heart.
The night was chill as he moved, snow crunching under his boots unusually loud in the quiet openness if the woods. There was a vague dip in the snow that indicated a deer oath that lead to the open space beside the cabin and with it, he went walking home. Warm steam wafted off the neck of the limo rabbit in his claws, but he didn't feel a sense of pride. Instead, in the quiet, he was left alone with his thoughts.
It was the end of the year. The end of the trial period between him and Laven. Their tentative dip into a romantic relationship only had a few days left till it's conclusion, and he had a deep seeded worry that there would be a decision between them to continue. Not concern for his otherwise still Shakey confidence in the field of dating and past skeletons (though they were almost always present,) but because of what was tainting all if this.
The fact that since he met Laven, he had never once mentioned purification. As it stood, Laven was secluded in her contact with other officers. With Lopezite and Wolframite being her main points of information, purification could never come up or could take months to do so, but it could also come next week. While he selfishly wanted Laven around, her ambition to grow and b come stronger meant she had to be informed.
He didn't want to test her. There was no need for it. The fact she hadn't taken her own life was a testimony to many things. But if he wanted to have her, he couldn't continue past this point and confidently agree to continue daring her while hiding this from her. If a senshi or knight ever offered it to her on the field, he didn't want them to be the ones dragging her away.
It needed to be said.
Looking up through the barren trees to the sparkli g sky above, he wished he could have never brought this up. He wished he could continue to shield her from the truth and shield himself from the moral responsibility and reaction.
Th cabin was nice though. They had some fun time together. Regardless of anything, he would treasure that.
His eyes settled to the warm, Amber glow of light that spilled out of the cabin windows onto the blanket of snow outside and summoned the will to move to the door. Stepping inside, he shook the snow off himself and summoned his clothes to normal. Walking across, he grabbed a bowl and set the rabbit there before putting it in the fridge. They could roast it tomorrow.
Washing his hands, he dried them and took a breath. There was no easy way to go into this.
"Laven?" He called out to her.
Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 11:21 pm
“In here!” She called from the living room where she sat beside the fireplace, a thick knitted blanket pooled around her as she read a book.
While he was out hunting, Laven had taken the opportunity to put an apple pie in the oven and set a large pot on the stove to boil some potatoes. She had added some seasoning to the water for flavor and also use in making some gravy once done.
“You look cold,” Lifting the edge of the blanket she wordlessly invited Wolframite to come to sit either beside her or in front of her so she could wrap her arms around him to help him get warm. “Are you ok?” Her brows knitted in concern as she almost got up and walked over to him instead.
The man that had walked into the room was not the same one that had left to go hunting. His entire demeanor and body language had shifted from that of confidence and excitement to someone who seemed either depressed or carried with them a heavy weight upon their shoulders. “Did something happen while you were out there?”
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Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 6:08 am
He could have blamed his dropping tail and ears, but he knew that Laven was more observant of how body language as of late and chalked it up to essentially living together. He didn't even need to speak for her to take on look and be alert to something. He almost wished she wasn't that sensitive to his moods and yet he also wished he wasn't more able to bluff that things were fine.
The offered blanket was inviting and yet he was concerned. Now didn't seem the time to cuddle by the fireplace but the temptation was almost enough to convince him to delay the conversation one more day, but he knew himself better than that. One day would go a few more and then it would be more months of him pushing it off. Something about now felt like it had to be done. That he somehow had enough courage and a tinge of panic to do it before something could make it even worse.
Moving over, he sat down beside her and turned to her, eyes as bright as the crackling fire. "I was thinking about something. For a while now actually. I don't think it's something Lopezite has ever told you about and - as long as you have been here and with me, I think you need to know it. That it will come up one way or another. I just, need you to hear it out as it's important."
He took a breath. "Laven, have you ever heard of purification before?"
Shanyume
Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 2:42 am
She looked at him, head canting to the side in confused curiosity.
Laven’s brows furrowed in as she combed her mind and memories for any recollection hearing that word spoken of before. “Purification?” She repeated the word, testing the sound of it. “I feel like I may have heard the word once before but I couldn’t tell you the context of why it was said or who said it…”
Her lips pressed into a thin line. “Maybe not… I don’t know...I could be thinking of something else though...” she proceeded hesitantly, wary of where this was going. “At least I don’t recall Lopezite ever talking to me about it before.” Or Tinaksite for that matter.
The time spent with Tina was far more recent and Laven had little difficulty recounting each of their conversations. Lopezite, on the other hand, she had known for nearly a year now which meant that some of their earlier conversations felt a bit vague.
Shrugging, she gave him a bit of a rueful smile. “Why do you ask?”
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Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 3:17 pm
"I didn't think so or else...." He stopped there.
"Anyways. I want to tell you something about it because it is something you need to know about the Negaverse. About me." He said, feeling the iron-clad grip he had on this piece of information being pried out through his own willpower.
"You know that a normal person has a basic starseed in them. When a Negaverse office corrupts someone, they hold that starseed and put Chaotic energy into them. A little can either make a knight or it cane make a unawakened senshi a dark senshi." He held up a finger, one for a starting point, and the other finger moving a step to the right to show the progress towards Chaos. "Too much Chaotic energy makes them into half-youma. Us." He said, and he moved the one finger further right. "And too much of that makes a youma." And to this he moved the finger even further.
"But....they are a mirror of each other on Order's side." He moved the finger back to the center one with the other. "A Negaverse officer would be a knight if their chaos is removed from their starseed." He moved the finger that had been on the center and moved it left.
"And a dark senshi would become a senshi." He added.
"Negaverse officers can corrupt Order members to our side. That's called corruption. Generals can do this."
He took a breath. "And there is a reverse to this. Purification. Royal Knights, Princesses, and Princes can do this."
Shanyume
Posted: Thu Jan 02, 2020 12:00 am
“It sounds like a scale trying to balance itself out. I know that they have Pages, Squires, and Knights where we have Lieutenants, Captains, and Generals.” They had come in contact with several of them back when the shadows and pulled them into the darkness. Granted everyone was more preoccupied trying to find a way to escape while fighting a dragon to be concerned with each other. But she was definitely familiar with the different aura’s even if it was overwhelming at the time.
“But I don’t understand why you’re bringing this up all of a sudden. Did you run into someone while you were hunting?” She hadn’t felt anyone else out here but her sensing range was a lot shorter than his.
Laven leaned forward, a look of concern knitted her brows together as she brought her hand up to the side of his face with the back of her cool fingers. His cheek felt warm but no more than usual which made her even more concerned.
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Posted: Thu Jan 02, 2020 6:14 am
"I'll get to that."
He watched her a moment before pushing himself to continue. "Remember I told you of the Blood moon court and what they did. How angry I was that the Negaverse made them our allies. And how I still attacked them and was punished."
"I didn't stop there."
His claws curled I to the old wood of the floor, his eyes fixed on hers. "I wanted revenge. I wanted blood. I wanted a sense of Justice and I knew that in the confined of the Negaverse, I couldn't do it with all the earnings I'd been given. So Bismuthite and I purified."
"About 3 years ago, I asked Princess Ganymeade and Royal Knight Camelot to remove Chaos from mine and Bismuthite's starseeds."
"It - was supposed to be a new start. Bismuthite wanted a peaceful life. He didn't like the power the Negaverse has over him. I tried too. To leave it behind. But that didn't work out. None of it did."
"When you purify, you - you loose part of your memories. I forgot my human life. My name. My family. Where and how I grew up He forgot his Negaverse life. The officers he met. The time spent in uniform with me what we went througn. Our relationship wasn't the same, but I made it worse with going after the DMC. Because I still wasn't over it and I hated my life. Couldn't just drop it. I went behind his back. In the end, I went too far. I did what the DMC did and for that, I lost Bismuthite and my eyes. Well, I already wasn't close to him anymore and I didn't feel I should be. I guess I was too tired or selfish to try and fight more for it when I didn't want to be around. Faustite found me. Back in the woods that February in the woods. He took me back and the Queen corrupted me back. And I left Bismuthite."
He was quiet as he admitted how absolutely disgusting he was, and how weak and selfish he had been. How he mishandled, abused, and twisted a marriage to suit his own needs and then dropped it like wet laundry when he wasn't strong enough to work at it.
He watched her. "When I met you, I knew you didn't know about purification. No one seemed to have told you I think maybe to keep you from thinking about it. From going that far when you had no loyalty to the Negaverse yet. I did. You hated what you were. You weren't happy. You didn't choose this life."
"Because if you purified, you wouldn't be a half-youma anymore."
Shanyume
Posted: Thu Jan 02, 2020 2:06 pm
Laven slowly pulled her hand back and leaned away from him. It was as if suddenly she no longer knew the person sitting next to her, that the glamour he wore as Winter wasn’t the only disguise in his arsenal. That he wasn’t just selfish as he claimed to be, but also a master of deception and lies.
“So instead you decided to play God with my life?" For all the warnings he had given her, she should have been more prepared for this bombshell, but she had instead been caught so off guard that it took several moments to re-process what he said and in that time she just stared at him, lips partially parted as if she were about to say something else but nothing was spoken.
Unable to continue looking at him overlong, she shifted beside him, moving to put at least a foot, if not more, between them. Her hands came up to cover her face in utter disbelief and to hide the stinging burn of tears that threatened to fall from the lancing pain of betrayal that struck her very core.
“You knew…” She whispered quietly. “You knew how miserable I was. How desperately I was trying to hold onto my old life only to have it slip through my fingers.” Like water through a siv until not even a drop remained. “Day by day I lost a part of myself,” A whimper escaped her unbidden but she continued on. “You really don’t understand how close I was-” to ending it… again… She mentally added, not wanting to give voice to those darker thoughts.
Laven lowered her arms so her hands rested palms up in her lap, cold glacial-blue eyes traced the thin scars that ran the length of her forearms from when she nearly rend her flesh off her bones the day she emerged from the lake. “By no choice of my own I lost everything. I spent months trying to get back was taken...and yet… you had the answer the whole time?” Finally her gaze met his and the look in her eyes spoke of something worse than anger or hurt, it was an emotion that cut deep and left her feeling wounded and vulnerable.
The light in her eyes from when he returned from his hunt had been all but snuffed out leaving nothing but pure raw betrayal.
“You let me to believe that I had no other option, that this-” she gestured to herself. “The scales… the horns… the prison that’s been my dorm room for half the year, was the only choice I had to live.” She had come to accept her appearance and, at times, like how she looked. But then there are moments like when she made a girl literally s**t herself when she was swiftly reminded that at the end of the day she was no longer human but a half-monster, a creature of the night that was more suited for a freak show or to be hidden away as she already was.
Tears slid down her scaled cheeks, yet she did nothing to hide or stop them. “Everything I had was taken.” Her voice cracked as the lump in her throat swelled, cutting off her ability to speak for several moments.
“My family…”
“My friends…”
“My home…”
“My career…”
“My future…” Her heart wrenched knowing that the weight of that last statement was heavier than she could hold on to and had no inclination to explain what all that entailed.
There were things they had not discussed simply because their relationship had not progressed that far, but that didn’t change the dreams she kept carefully guarded when they used the earrings to link their minds. Even though she had been so career oriented for the years leading up to her awakening, there was a seed of hope that someday she would have a family of her own, a partner to love and child to hold. But all they ever were or would be was nothing but a dream.
“You’re just as guilty as the officer that turned me into this.” The pointed accusation spilled out before she could reign in her emotions and yet she felt no remorse for saying it. “All for what? So you wouldn’t have a strike against you for telling a recruit that was forcibly conscripted into this ******** mess, who had no right nor skill to be here in the first place… Is it just that you didn’t want to be the one responsible for an officer leaving?” Anger seeped into her voice as she rose to her feet and took another step away.
“Have these last few months been just a game to you? Tell me, is any of this even real to you?” She wanted to believe that his feelings were true but it was a hard notion to accept when she felt more like a bird with clipped wings, a pet like the youma he kept in his room. Sweet kisses and gentle touches, wordless promises of a better tomorrow but she had to wonder if all that was for show.
“Just answer me this… Do you actually even have feelings for me? Or is this just a misery loves company kind of thing? Had things between you and Mali actually sorted themselves out would you have just deemed me a burden and left me to rot across the hallway or would you have told me then that I had an option to escape so I could decide for myself if it was a risk worth taking?” Or would death have been preferred as a means of escape. Because before he ran into her on the barrack threshold she had been withering away, suffocating in the darkness where Lopezite remained oblivious to her slow decline.
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Posted: Thu Jan 02, 2020 2:50 pm
There is no softening what he had done. He knew that. He also knew that he shouldn't try and make him seem like the good guy. He wasn't. He had kept something from her even after she had told him the things she had lost and how she had lost them. In the months, she had confined a lot to him, and he took a sick pleasure in being allowed to hear these things. Things that she probably shared with so few people, and it made him feel good. It made him feel special, and it made him feel closer to her. These were all things that he had access to by having Laven be, as she viewed it, stuck in the Negaverse due to her Chaos-mutated body and dependence on the Negaverse to keep her safe. It was here that he could monopolize her time, and as a half-youma, he was kin to her. Or so he appeared as kin to her as he too was here, but he wasn't in the same situation.
He choose this life. He had nothing else he wanted out in the civilian world and he had no one else to go back to. There was nothing that he would give up the Negaverse for, and he begged the Queen to make him into a half-youma knowing full well what it meant.
She had none of this information. None of these choices. And she had all to many things to loose.
The look of shock, anger, and betray frothed up into her eyes like steaming pools that bubbled and spilled down her face, changing the color of her features.
"I knew you wanted to go back home. I knew you wanted your parents. Your future. The friends and family you lost by being here that you couldn't see." He confessed, watching her move away from him.
And he watched as a suspicion came reality. Laven had been kind and optimistic. Despite what she lost, she tried to move ahead and make due with what she had. Maybe that's what was so nice about having her around. Despite how shitty of a person he was, she made due with having him as a friend. As a partner. A lemons for lemonade kind of person, and her world was bitter.
But despite all the things she had said, the reality was she hated being a half-youma. She hated seeing herself. She hated this life. She hated the Negaverse. All these months were just trying to make due with the hand she was dealt, but he felt inside she was cursing all of it. Hating all of it.
And he just gave her the Willy Wonka ticket to get out and go back to the world of simple living and generic ambitious. Where things like the latest movies, taxes, and semester schedule was the most pressing issues of her life. Where life and death were only concerns when it came to heart issues or drunk driving.
He embodied all the things that made up her current life she wanted to get rid of, and he knew that was why he never said it to her.
The last two months were you just enjoying the last shred of this make believe you two have been playing before the bubble popped.
"I didn't make you into this." He growled back, cut sharp by the accusation, and feeling the salt of his own rising up.
She she gritted her voice back at him, shouting her own frantic reasoning why he would be this cruel to her for all this time until now. Rising, she stepped away,
And he felt a sting in the questioning. Was this just to avoid marks against him? Did he feel anything?
It was a echo back to Mali, and he more and more wondered if it was true. How much of his humanity was gone that allowed him to keep this from her for this long? Did he just enjoy making others suffer around him?
Rising to his own feet, he swallowed hard the stone in his throat. "This wasn't a game! I was serious, I am serious."
He took a step forward. "Laven. I like you. I like you a whole hell of a lot. That's WHY I wanted to not tell you. I don't know why I didn't say so at first. You were new and scared. I guess I'd knew you'd run, and I just didn't want that. You were the only half-youma that talked to me for more than a few minutes, and you seemed so happy to have me around. I liked that." And the more he talked, the more he wished he'd stop.
"Maybe I didn't want you to because I'd be punished, but - but that changed. I didn't want you to forget about me. I didn't want you to leave me. I didn't want you to go someplace I couldn't reach you. Someplace that would make me have to kill you."
And then she brought up Mali, and he stepped back. If he still had Mali, would his grip on her have been so tight? If he at least had someone, would he have let her go. Would she have been as valuable to him as she was now?
"It's not an answer, Laven. Purification takes from you. You wouldn't be yourself. You'd become different." He pushed back with his own voice, straining to gain any strength to his words.
She would become something else. A civilian. A knight. Maybe even the Laven before she came down to hell where she settled for demons like him. He wanted her to stay stuck in the mire with him forever.
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Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:29 am
“Regardless of your opinion on the matter, it was my decision to make. Not yours!” Only once had she ever growled at him in such away. Pupils pulled into tight slits she narrowed her eyes at him and the sound, though low, was a clear warning to keep his distance.
Her hands curled into tight fists at her side, sharp nails cutting into the palm of her hand but she was too angry to care about the blood that trickled down her fingers and onto the floor.
“You could have told me the day we met, or even after our spar once you realized how nieve and pathetic I was.” He was livid at both her and Lopezite for how ill-informed she was. “Could have washed your hands clean of me and been done with it.” But that went against his nature of the man he was trying to be and she knew it. The Wolframite of the past would have walked away no problem, turned his back on her as he had done his husband and their dog. But that was not the man, nor half-youma, that she knew.
That may have been who he was but not who he is. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have given her the freedom she so desperately needed, taken her places she wouldn’t have ever known existed in this life or the next, or protected her on more occasions than she cared to recount at this given moment.
Lopezite was by no means out of the woods or being given a pass because he wasn’t here. But she didn’t know whether or not he was aware of purification when he first found her or if he even knew of it now. She would ask him, eventually, once she managed to calm down enough to approach him, but right now she was simply a fit to be had.
It felt like someone had reached into her chest and grabbed ahold of her heart with a too-strong grip using it like a stress ball causing it to beat both painfully and erratically against her ribs. Her body, on the other hand, felt completely numb, like she was witnessing this entire altercation from another point in the room. In all honesty, she couldn’t really remember the last time she had been this angry and had to wonder how much of this was her and how much was it her youma nature rising up in agitation.
This isn’t me…
Sure she got snappy when irritated but this level of anger was so foreign it made her feel dizzy. Never would she have ever been this venomous with her accusations, then again perhaps she had never been pushed this far either. Using Mali against him in this way was petty and low, even for her.
He was good at that, seeing how far he could push her… And this time, it may have been too far.
In the silence, his confession rang in her ears just as clear as if he had repeated them aloud. I didn’t want you to forget about me. I didn’t want you to leave me. I didn’t want you to go someplace I couldn’t reach you. Someplace that would make me have to kill you. Laven wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, smearing blood across a few of her scales in the process unknowingly.
“You have friends on the other side of this war.” Her words were quiet now, the storm passing and yet it remained unclear if it was leaving entirely or if they were just wading in the shallows in the eye of it. “If you cared about me… Regardless of what side I was on... killing me wouldn’t have been an option.” Otherwise, the one promise they made together would have meant nothing.
The room felt suffocating as if the air had been sucked out making it near impossible for her to breathe.
“I loved you…” She admitted, taking another step away from him. “I didn’t want to admit it, not until I knew things between us-” Her voice trailed off. “You accepted me for who I am, including my flaws. You made me feel important. You gave me moments of my life back…” For as often as he teleported them out of the Dark Kingdom so they could do frivolous things while glamoured, staying out until their energy was near depleted and they fell on the bed in a tangled mess of limbs out of sheer exhaustion. For that, she did owe him at least a little benefit of the doubt.
The room blurred behind a veil of tears as she struggled to draw in an even breath. “I can’t be here... “ Lavendulan retreated back, powering up in the process as she backed away from him towards the kitchen. “I cant… be here.” She didn’t want to fight with him anymore, she didn’t want to be angry or say anything else that she would inevitably regret. But she couldn’t exactly go back to the dorm room either because they shared a room.
For the first time in months, she felt truly alone. Her friends were limited and she refused to call her captain for help. But what hurt more was that she didn’t want to be touched by anyone, least of all him. Wolframite made her feel safe, whether it was curled up beside him in bed or out on patrol with him taking the lead. But now, she felt badly burned and not even her magic could take away the sting.
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Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 7:39 am
He watched her move about, swing between angry to defeated and back again to the point he wasn't sure if she would break down in the floor or claw his face off. Whatever the result, he was paralyzed to do anything for her, stuck in the position of criminal and villian. He was in no position to help her or even make a motion to sooth her when he was the one who brought this upon her. You couldn't stab someone and say you were sorry, then console them. How ******** up was that?
"It was your decision. It still is. I just didn't want you rushing into a false promise either. It could go so wrong. You could change. You could permanently forget the people and life you had. Then you'd only have memories of the Negaverse you left."
"But I know I should have told you sooner. I just...." He was an a*****e and a shitty person who clinged to people so desperately that he broke them.
He followed after her, steps careful. "I didn't think you were ever nieve or pathetic. Just optimistic and not knowing everything yet. You were always looking at the bright side despite everything and you were so quick to firgive. I love that about you. But I took advantage of that to keep you here cause I didn't want to be alone. Spending time with you was so fun and - I felt good teaching someone what I loved about the Negaverse. The more time we spent, the more I didn't want you to go. I didn't want to wash my hands of you. I wanted to root you here with me - but.."
"I choose this. You didn't. I'm sorry. What - whatever you want I want to fix. But...I don't think I can still let you go. Even if I have friends on the other side, if I was ordered, I'd still do it." He would have to kill her. "And if you forgot about me. And if those knights took you. Turned you against us."
Hadn't he just promised her he wouldn''t seek out revenge. "I'd want to corrupt you back."
If it meant killing her or forcing her back to the Negaverse, he knew he'd pick corruption. He'd break her starseed to become a youma just to bring her back to him.
He stepped closer.
I'm a monster.
The youma in him hunched, stalking.
I loved you.
Loved.
How quickly that fell apart. How many people loved him for him to turn on him and sink his poison into them.
Did he like this?
I'm ******** up. Look at her. Look at what you are doing?
I promised to always follow. I'll stalk her to the ends of the Earth.
He was shaking as he moved closer to her. "Please don't go.
Shanyume
Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2020 11:45 pm
Laven watched as he moved closer, matching her step for step. His movements were slow if not calculating or cautious, she honestly couldn’t tell. Like a predator stalking prey, he followed her from the living room into the kitchen and for the first time since their initial spar she looked at him with fear in her eyes.
Out of desperation, her eyes glanced over to the knife set on the counter by the stove but quickly looked away from the temptation to arm herself.
Even now she didn’t want to hurt him, not physically anyway.
The need to fight or flight, two of the most primal instincts, were at war with one another. Her human reason versus youma nature pulled and struggled against one another so venomously it caused her to pause at the door.
Again her claws flexed at her side primed and ready to swipe at him if he so much as reached out to touch her.
Not here… Laven shook her head. She would not fight him in someone else home.
Swallowing thickly, her hands shook as she reached for the doorknob leading to the back of the house. “If you truly want to fix this…” The knob turned and the door opened just a crack. “Don’t ask me to stay,” she took a step backward over the threshold.
“Correct your mistake and let me go.” Laven turned, her body shifting to that of water. The door slammed behind her as she ran, like a swift rapid moving quickly downstream she utilized the speed increase grated to her by this unique form to pass through obstacles and objects that impede a normal person’s ability to track her through the given area.
Only when she could no longer sense his aura did she slow down but not before her magic had been completely spent.
