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 Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:47 pm
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 Boulder paced awkwardly by his den. It wasn't a new sight to behold. He was often scrambling around in panic. However, it felt new to him. He had never once had the guts to actually explore the topic in his head, and now that he was finally settled it was time.
Invisible Shade had been by his side his entire life. His best friend was like an affectionate shadow, and while Boulder had begun to realize his heart quickened when the other was too close (which was often), he always had excuses to avoid thinking about it. They needed a home. Needed shelter. They were too tired. Excuses had piled up and Boulder was able to hide from any commitment to his feelings.
Only, now he couldn't. They had a home and pack of their own. They were safe for the most part. They weren't homeless. They had shelter. They weren't tired. Nothing could stop him, and now he had been tormented by his thoughts. He knew what it all meant -- he liked Shade. But, that was scary in itself. What if Shade rejected him and it ruined their lifelong friendship? Boulder could do with being rejected, but not if it meant he also lost his friend.
However, he had a feeling he'd lose Shade if he wasn't honest. Shade had always valued their communication and Boulder was sure eventually it would become obvious something was up. Heck, how many times had Boulder flinched in surprise when Shade was close this week? At least five times. It was noticeable, and he wasn't dumb.
He was terrified, though. He didn't want to lose Shade. He didn't want to lie, either. And what would happen if Shade... accepted? Would it be natural to just settle into what came after? Would Boulder be good for Shade? Was he worth finding his anchor?
Or did Shade deserve more?
He paced anxiously, a whine caught in his throat. This was too much. It was easier to try and ignore his feelings, but that was no longer an option. He was scared. Afraid to lose his best friend and terrified to acknowledge what he had kept behind closed doors.
He was so scared.
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Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 1:37 pm
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Ever since Invisible Shade and his best friend Boulder had found Hornfels Hollow, it felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off the dark wolf's chest. He could finally breathe again. And it felt blissful, here in his new home with Boulder by his side.
Shade tried his best, throughout their adolescence and the entire time spent traveling, to ignore the nagging feeling tugging at his heart whenever he caught Boulder's bright blue eyes. He'd rarely met any she-wolves outside their own families, so he wasn't sure if the feeling was comparable to that of a male and female who loved (or lusted after) one another - he'd never had the chance to see if he felt that way about a girl. However, a large part of him - a heavy part of him - felt that it wouldn't matter. He never looked at females that way. It just wasn't in his heart. But what was in his heart? Boulder. That much was for sure.
Even so, Invisible Shade felt content, for the most part, to go about his days as Boulder's best friend. Well, best friend that constantly got a little too close for friends. He knew that it felt good, and he wanted to keep that going - besides, he doubted Boulder had the same stirrings in his chest, so why rock the boat? Shade was content enough to push the strange feelings down. For now, at least.
Mulling over that fact, Shade shoved it away as he neared the dens. That was when he spotted his friend, and his face immediately brightened. He was about to call out when he realized Boulder didn't look so well. In fact, he looked anxious. Scared. Stressed. Tilting his head and holding his tail aloft, Shade quickened his pace, striding up to the other male and immediately barking out, "Boulder! Boulder, what's wrong? Why do you seem so... off? Do you need to lie down?" Ever the doting one, he just wanted to ensure that this wolf that he loved - platonically or romantically, he just wasn't positive - was alright.
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Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 2:43 pm
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Boulder almost fainted right then and there. The very wolf he was fretting over had, of course, sensed his anxiety and arrived. He shouldn't have expected less, honestly. This was one of many reasons Boulder felt the way he did. He gulped audibly, settling onto his haunches.
Should he say it?
Nervously, the tiny male lowered his ears, eyes locked on the floor. He cleared his throat before allowing himself to at least feel the situation out. "Shade," he began, feeling his throat constrict. "I... I have a dilemma. I..."
He paused, clearing his throat again. Great, how painfully obvious was this? "Say... if you like someone, like, really liked someone but you didn't want to upset the other in case they didn't like you.... what would you do?"
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Posted: Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:15 am
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Worry furrowed Shade's brow, concerned about the state that his friend appeared to be in. That was, until he started speaking, and Shade slowly began to realize what it was that was worrying Boulder so much.
He liked someone. Like, like liked them. But... Shade's mind whirled, confusion and disbelief clouding his brain all at once... who else did Boulder really know but him? Could it be?
Invisible Shade gulped, mimicking Boulder's stance, before springing back up tohis feet. "Boulder, I..." he gulped, uncharacteristically nervous. Then his eyes looked up and he found Boulder wracked, staring at the ground in front of him, unable to look Shade in the eyes.
On his paws, Shade decided to step a few steps closer, so that he was breathing the same air as the other wolf. Gently, he slipped his muzzle underneath Boulder's, forcing the yellow and gray wolf to look up. He then took a step back, forcing him to lock eyes, and a large, sloppy smile pasted itself onto his face.
"I don't know many wolves, but I'm... I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I think about that... I think about that every day. Every moment of every day, really. It... it's not that it's been bothering me, really, it's just been... nagging at the back of my mind. You're my friend - my best friend - so it's natural for me to be attached to you, but..." His smile faded, then burst back onto his face. "But you mean something more to me."
Breaking eye contact, Shade looked away, a bit embarrassed. "Is... is that okay?" He huffed out, glancing over at Boulder again. He'd just word vomited a lot, but if Boulder was saying what he thought he'd been saying - and truly, he had to be referencing Shade - it was as good of a time as any to vomit up some cold, hard (warm, soft?) truth. Now that they were safe and home, it was the opportune time to explore these feelings. Only, if they didn't work out things were bound to get messy... but Shade only saw a future with Boulder. And he hoped his friend (friend?) felt the same.
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Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 11:07 am
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His ears flicked upwards when Shade came closer, although his body physically leaned away a few centimeters. His heart pounded against his chest and his mouth dried painfully. He was terrified, and he wasn't dumb. He had been obvious -- too obvious. This was it, wasn't it? The moment when he'd ruin everything and be left with what he had when he was born; nothing.
He hadn't expected the touch, head unwillingly lifting. He wanted to shove it back into his chest, honestly, but Boulder met Shade's eyes despite the blood pounding in his ears. He tensed when Shade backed up, one ear flicking down. Was Shade leaving before even finishing his sentence?
And then the smile came.
Boulder was fairly resistant to a lot of things; accepting compliments, being proud of himself, and vegetables (ew!). Shade's smile was not one of them. He couldn't help the corners of his mouth from pulling upwards, although his eyes betrayed the absolute terror he felt. It was enough, though, to allow Boulder to clear his brain for a second and actually hear Shade.
Shade was lucky? He thought about that every day? Why? Boulder was the one who was lucky. Shade had come with him. Had chosen him. Boulder doubted he'd be here without Shade. It was Shade who had given him the kindness of his company. After all, Boulder had been about to abandon Shade and his family that one fateful night. Of course, it had been due to trying not to be a burden, but Boulder had willingly almost stepped out of Shade's life. It was Shade who chased him down. Not a day went by without Boulder remembering that moment and feeling guilt. Would he have forgiven himself for abandoning Shade? Probably not.
What did Boulder offer that made Shade feel that way? He was about to ask, about to self sabotage by claiming Shade must be mistaken, and then Shade said it.
'But you mean something more to me.'
His mouth snapped shut and he was left with a cold rush through his blood. Had he heard that right? The wolf felt something stir in his throat; a whine? A sigh? A cry? He wasn't sure, but his chest was heating and something similar to relief spread through his system.
He wanted to hear it again.
He needed to hear it again.
"Say it again," he choked out, his voice warped as he felt his eyes grow wet. "T-the last thing. Say it ag-" he cut off as he felt his voice threaten to crack, instead rubbing at his eyes.
Shade liked him? Him? The small and timid Boulder? The joke with a name that didn't fit? He rubbed harder at his eyes, sure he'd go blind. "Does that mean we'd-- that you want to be a family?"
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:33 am
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Upon seeing Boulder's absolutely precious hopeful confusion, a smile danced upon Shade's lips. He was right, Boulder had been talking about him. And now here the two were, almost too nervous to say the quiet part out loud.
"I want you, Boulder," he spoke, quickly. "Whatever that means." He shrugged once more, shuffling a bit so he could flick Boulder playfully, reassuringly, with his tail.
Deciding to make Boulder feel even better - he was desperate to calm what he assumed to be a very rapid heart beat in the other wolf - he continued on: "I know you've always wanted a large family, and we can absolutely make that happen. I'm sure there are some wonderful she-wolves who would help us out. There are ways to make that dream a reality, you know." Invisible Shade smiled once more, pressing his body lightly against the other's side, feeling calmed by the touch. He just hoped Boulder felt, well, the same.
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2019 11:38 am
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His ears flicked upwards as Shade continued, head snapping to look where he was flicked before looking back up at Shade. This felt like a dream, honestly. He wouldn't be surprised if it was, either. He'd had countless ones, after all, of almost this exact situation unfolding, but something felt real this time.
And then that feeling completely evaporated when Shade still continued. A family? Everything he had wanted was falling into his paws, and suddenly. Boulder had, at the time, assumed children were not a likely option. He hadn't though it through, honestly. No -- that was a lie. He hadn't positively thought it through. He just assumed it wouldn't be an option. Who would want to carry their children just to give them away once born? Wasn't it a lot of work?
Yet, if Shade believed it was possible then so did Boulder. He nodded softly, uncertainty plastered on his features despite his best attempts. They'd make it work, like they always had. They had somehow gotten here, after all. It was possible, wasn't it?
"You think so?" His face flushed at the thought. Kids. Their kids. He wasn't sure how to find someone to help them, and he wasn't even sure the logistics of it all. There also the, err, physical aspect of it all, but Boulder knew one night to produce a lifetime of happiness... well, it wasn't that bad was it?
"Where do we even begin? Do we just... ask wolves?"
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Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:33 pm
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Observing Boulder's changing expressions, Invisible Shade felt his heart full. He'd thought it had been full leaving his home and sacrificing everything he had for Boulder, but that was only the beginning. And he had a feeling, as full as his heart was, it could only get bigger.
At his questions, Shade scrunched up his face. Well, he hadn't really thought of that part, it kind of just... blurted out of his mouth. Even so, he meant it. He truly, truly meant it and realized, in those moments, that was what he wanted all along.
Thinking for a few beats, he opened his mouth, hoping he had the solution to Boulder's queries. "Honestly, this place... Hornfels... it's all one big family. I think when... when wolves find out what we are to one another, someone could volunteer? Or, maybe some passing rogue would be sweet and inclined? I hadn't really gotten that far," he admitted, a low chuckle emitting from his lips. "But Boulder, we can make it work. We really can. We've been through so many trials together thus far, I think this will be the easiest one of all. We really have each other now. That's something, right?"
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Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2019 8:00 pm
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Shade was right, and Boulder found confidence in the others words. That, and he realized how soon this conversation was happening. He just discovered the love of his life loved him back, and the first thing he did was cry and the begin talking about dramatic future decisions? They had time -- so much of it! His head raised to look at Shade, cheeks flushing.
His mate.
"I'm sorry, it's all so soon... I just, I'm so happy," he admitted softly, tentatively leaning closer before shyly nuzzling Shade's cheek. His mate, Shade. His tail wagged gently as his heart hammered, mind absolutely reeling.
"Should we head back? I... I feel like I want to tell everyone!"
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