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Three days hadn't seemed like that long. Levi expected that maybe she would come to see him after work in a week, maybe two, that she would give him long enough to really stew over how stupid he had been that night in the club and then tell him that she had just been too emotional. Yet, as he walked out of the shower at the gym with damp hair and a towel draped over his shoulders, he was surprised to see her name printed on the lock screen of his phone. He had paused only long enough to trace the name and revel in his shock; in the end it took him considerably less time to reply than it had for her to send it.

The day of had been more troubling. He stood staring at himself in the full length mirror of his bedroom for quite some time, changing out trousers and shirts, trying to find the best one to show off the fact that he had been working to put weight back on his body and making a conscious effort all around. He was in a strange middle point between lanky and healthy - he'd regained most of the actual weight he had lost but a lot of his frustration and distraction had been placed in the gym. He was leaner than before, more sharply cut, if still healthy.

What that meant is that very little of his actual clothing even fit properly since it had always been tailored to his lanky frame.

Eventually, he pulled on a v-neck tshirt, fitted trousers, and a pair of pointed boots all in black. They were all materials that fit well enough and, to make it look like he wasn't simply in mourning, he pulled on a finely made camel top coat that broke up the dreary coloring and suited his mossy hair tone. Topped with a fresh cut clipped short at the sides, a new cologne, and his favorite watch, he thought he didn't even look like a man that had just wandered out of rehab a few months before.

By the time Jade's text buzzed in the pocket of his coat, he was already sitting in the parking lot, waiting.

[Text to Jade: I'm here.]

There was no point in pretending he wasn't. He swung open the door of his car and climbed out, shoving his phone back into the pocket of his coat as he did. He didn't know the cafe but it didn't matter; he just leaned into his door and waited for Jade.

It was a combination of his name and the click of her heels against the pavement that drew his attention away from his people watching and to the unfairly beautiful woman that was making her way towards him. Part of him realized she was speaking to him while the rest of him was simply too distracted by the rest of her to acknowledge it. His eyes drank in the bright line of her red lips, traced where it met her perfect skin, and then fell shamelessly to the sight of her legs.

Why had he ever taken her for granted?

All he wanted to do was slip his arms around her and kiss her but instead, he cleared his throat and looked down at his feet so she would not catch him staring so openly. It was unfair. By the time he looked back up, he had stepped away from his car and pulled a tight smile to his face despite how terse she seemed to be. He didn't know why - she wouldn't have invited him here if she did not want to, right? Maybe it was just something else.

"Well, I'm trying that whole being accountable thing. It's harder than it seems." The smile on his lips deepened with humor as he shrugged his shoulders, playing off how hard he really was trying. "You look good today."

The almost laugh on her lips made his smile brighten, especially once coupled with that shameless rake of her eyes down his body. It made his brows rise in a silent question and for a moment, he considered turning in place so she could get a better look - it wouldn't have accomplished much with the jacket, though.

"Yeah, well, I've been working pretty hard at that too." But this wasn't the time to brag about his gym routine or his diet. He'd always hated people that did that and he was not about to start doing so now.

He stepped up to the door and pulled it open for her like a proper gentleman, then followed her inside and up to the hostess' booth. The girl that greeted them was cute, if a bit young, with dark, inky eyes and a thick head of black curls. Levi smiled at her, polite, as he stepped up.

"Just the two of us today, please."

In no time, they were winding through a semi-empty floor, passing between tables of small families, older couples, and everything in between. The table they got was a quaint booth, tucked into the corner of the restaurant with a live basil plant set as a centerpiece. He slid in and took his seat as the hostess dismissed herself, then opened the small menu he had been handed.

"Sooo," he started, a little awkward now that they were alone, just the two of them, on a lunch date, "do you come here often?"

Levi's gaze flitted across the menu, trying to decide what he was in the mood for. Truthfully, he had been sticking to a fairly strict diet meant to maximize his vitamins and proteins while still building weight. It was hard, being a man with a sweet tooth, but at least it gave him some control over something for now. People always said that all or nothing was never way to approach a diet but he had no choice; it really was all or nothing.

"Mmm, well, yes and no," he said, he drew out the words with his eyes still locked onto the menu, "I had plenty of places I liked before, well, before rehab. Now I've kind of separated myself from them. I'm trying to find places with actual food."

He glanced up over his menu and offered her a playful smile, trying to show her that this was still lighthearted - he could talk about this and not be upset or regretful. Being honest with himself and the people he cared about was important, it was a tenant that his therapist had drilled home time and time again.

"You know, not just cupcakes and donuts."

After a cursory scan, he was pretty certain he knew what he wanted, and he let his menu settle back to the table. One arm slid up along the back of his booth and the other hand rested atop his ankle as he crossed it over his knee. He looked at ease in his skin and in the space he occupied, comfortable in a way that belied how dangerously close he had really been to losing everything. His eyes slid out to the room around them and took in the crisp linen of the table tops and the greenery interspersed through the restaurant. It had a feeling that he liked; light, refreshing.

"I like this place, though. I'll have to remember it for next time."

Levi had ordered an eggs benedict with a schmoozy sounding sauce; she had been right about it being just the right amount of hipster with just the right amount of variety. He hadn't even bothered looking at the side it came with apart from a cursory glance just to make sure it didn't have coconut in it for whatever reason. That always did ruin a dish for him.

"You don't think I can tell what a restaurant is like just from the atmosphere?" The corner of his lips quirked beneath a single, raised brow in challenge. Before everything, Levi had been good at his job once, which meant he could pick apart anything from a restaurant to a pretty youtube star and tell you how profitable it would (or could) be. With the drug haze, among other things, cleared from his system, his perception seemed to be a little more intact again. He reached out for his water and brought it to his lips long enough to take a sip, then set it back down.

"Besides," he settled back against the booth again, drumming his fingertips where they lay across the back, "I'm sure if you like it, it must be good. You aren't the type of girl to revisit something you don't like."

There was a lot of meaning in that single sentence and, though he hadn't really intended for it to sound so heavy so quickly, he didn't regret saying it. They weren't just here for the pleasure of small talk, after all.

An amused chuckle rumbled out of his chest as her straw flew sidelong and bopped gently against his cheek. The hand he had stretched along the back of the booth fell and caught it as it rebounded and fluttered low, crushing it between his fingers as he kept it from dropping to the floor. He had already begun to roll it up with nimble finger tips when her voice reached him and he realized, suddenly, that her tone had changed very quickly.

He paused, mid-roll, and glanced up to her pretty face as she gestured between them.

"Way to put me on the spot," he mumbled, desperately trying to hold onto the humor that had saved them from the awkward tension in the air. Thumb and forefinger rolled back and forth as he let his eyes drift out in thought, lazily creating a haphazard ball from the straw he had captured. After a moment, he could only sigh, and turned to look back at her pointedly.

"I don't really know what else I can say, Jade. Anything that I say is selfish because you deserve more than what I can, what I have given you. But I still love you and out of everything that I've given up and tried to let go of, you're the one thing that is always in the back of my mind." He melted back into his seat so that his head lulled atop the booth edge, letting his eyes rise to the dim, bare Edison bulb that hung from the ceiling. For a moment he looked young, uncertain, with all the pomp and circumstance stripped off of him. "I don't want to say those things. I want you to be able to be happy and I think, maybe, that for that to happen it has to be without me now. I don't know."

He was frustrated. The hand not gripping his ball of paper rose and rubbed at his eyelids. They opened on a sigh and as he looked at her again, imprints of the filaments framed her face in electric blue.

"I don't want to hope for anything because I really don't know if I'll survive losing you again."

What if I don't want that?

Levi felt his heartbeat thud so harshly against his sternum that he nearly keeled forward and pressed a hand to against his chest to stop it. There were a lot of things he expected from Jade - tears, anger, disappointment - but not that soft voice that told him she had no more made up her mind and moved on than he had. He could feel that tiny glimmer of hope then, the spark that he had been trying so desperately to smother every time his eyes fell on her. It was easier to keep it extinguished when she had been pretending like he didn't exist - but now, looking in her deep blue eyes, hearing those words? He was trying his damnedest to remain calm but his pulse had quickened and every bit of him wanted to move, to fidget, to do anything but sit here and try not to let her know how badly he wanted to touch her.

"What? Why do you think that you would-"

For a moment he seemed baffled. His thick, mossy brows drew down and his face wound up in a look of confusion as he tried to reason out what her panicked words were telling him. Did she think this was her fault? The realization dawned on him and flooded out every ounce of selfish wanting that had been building up within him until now he did not know if he could sit there calmly without reaching out for her; when she hurt, he wanted to comfort her.

"Jade, please tell me you don't think you caused some part of this," his voice was low but his eyes were full of panic and worry as they searched hers. He did reached across the table then, abandoning the paper ball and settling the long tips of his pale fingers against one of her wrists. He could feel her pulse beating against them. "This all started before I even met you, you know that right? It's my own damn fault. I wanted to be too much, do too much, and the mix of everything I had available to me just..."

Levi shook his head as his words trailed off. He didn't want to talk about what it had been like in the darkness, not just because it was difficult for him but because he did not think he could let her carry that weight to. He flexed his fingers against her wrist and then loosed them again, settling them against the tabletop.

"You're the only thing that made me want to stop. Why would you have anything to do with causing it again? I'm going to keep fighting for myself even if there isn't anything here anymore. Disappointing you once was enough for me."