Her plans had been simple; get up early, somewhere around six, eat something small and take off to the trailhead. Everything had been packed and ready to go; a camel back with ice water, Cliff bars to snack on, trail mix, Ipod and earbuds as well as a mini first aid kit. She was all set until her phone rang at 7PM.
I shouldn’t have picked up…
It was her district manager calling to see if she could cover for her co-worker, Ashley. Apparently she got food poisoning and couldn’t come in. Mei knew it was a lie; the girl was too into gaming and wouldn’t stop talking about some pre-launch event that was going on and apparently today was the day the next expansion went live; not that she was going to rat her out and tell the DM. Even so, the woman on the other line sounded exhausted having just pulled a double, and in desperate need of help so, like a dutiful employee, Mei agreed to come in but not without a quick text to Ash saying ‘You owe me…’
Because of the unexpected night shift, Mei had gotten home at almost 3:00 AM and just passed out. By the time she finally came to it was after 11:00 AM. Too late to find any decent parking at the trailhead but not late enough for her to abandon hope of going on a run. It just meant that it would be more local.
The interurban trail wasn’t far from her home; it was about twenty-five miles long and lead straight into the heart of downtown Destiny City. While there was significantly less treeshade it would have to do.
With her ipod strapped to her upper arm Mei put her earbuds in and pushed play just after buckling the backpack straps around her waist. Each step she took fell in tandem with the rhythm of the music. Picking up speed then leveling out as one song flowed into the next. Before she knew it four miles had already flown by when city streets and small shops became more frequent.
There were more people out then she had anticipated but the reason for it didn’t become clear until she saw the road closure signs up ahead. There was a street fair going on today, at least four blocks had been closed off to vehicular traffic for craft booths and farmers market stalls. Mei would have groaned at her luck if it wasn’t for the fact that it wasn’t physically possible to do so at this time.
Ten minutes passed before the pinching sensation in her sides began to intensify. The warm air burned her lungs as if she were sitting in front of a campfire yet she still continued to press on. A bead of sweat ran down her spine as she turned a sharp corner, dodging a small group of people that had just finished paying for parking so they could go look around the event grounds.
All she wanted was to get away from the masses, but when did anything today go as she had wanted?
All he had wanted to do today was disappear into the masses. To be just another face in the crowd and blend in with the rest of the world. He wanted to pretend for a little while that he wasn’t Jasper Pennington, former DCU student, track runner, player, flirt, annoyance to most women until that had all been put to a halt. He wanted to be...nothing.
It was why he was with the crowd today downtown. Jasper had come alone with no place as a destination and no set path. He had stumbled into the craft fair and was spending time just losing himself listening to the voices of others when his eyes caught sight of something.
No. Someone.
He knew that stride and mop of hair anywhere.
Air caught in his throat and for a second, Jasper was sure he had not only stopped breathing but that his heart had stopped as well. “Mei…” The word was just a whisper on the wind as he saw her dodge around a group of people before finding her way again. The interurban trail. He knew it from a prior life well enough. Knew it from running it with her.
Lavender eyes watched her from, her stride, and her face. She wasn’t pleased, he could see that. Not that he blamed her. Running through a crowd like this was never an enjoyment especially when all you wanted to do was vanish into the run.
He wasn’t wearing the right clothes to run let alone the right shoes. He hadn’t been training since the accident and was out of shape. But watching her, seeing her, Jasper felt something stir. His legs were moving before he realized he was sliding around people. Several his knocked and they sent gestures his way but that didn’t stop him. Didn’t even slow him down as his feet found a stride.
It was slow, rusting and un-trained. Parts of his body hurt as he tried to slip through the crowd following her shadow and her skilled form. Why was he doing this? Why was he chasing after her?
Because he just wanted to see her…
For several moments it seemed as if Mei would forever remain out of reach until the crowd thinned and her breakneck running slowed to a steady jog for about half a block then transitioned into a slow walk. Maintaining that speed for so long left her feeling lightheaded. She should have stopped sooner, taken a break and got a drink if not from the camel back then from one of the stalls. But for some reason being around so many people made her feel claustrophobic; as if she was lost in a maze where the hedges kept growing taller and thicker until there was nowhere left to go. She had to get out.
It had to be because of the lack of sleep, there was no other explanation because normally she actually looked forward to going to these kinds of events; at least when she knew they were happening. But not today.
A few stores down the street Mei spotted a concrete bench with planters on both sides, a good place to sit for a few minutes and give her body time to rest otherwise she was bound to collapse any moment. When finally she took a seat Mei leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees with her face buried in her hands. “Breathe… just breathe.” She told herself as she drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
He was basically panting as badly as a dog. His sides were killing him and his shins were going to be screaming at him in the morning. But Jasper pushed through it all, pushing is way through the people until he turned the corner and came sliding to a stop.
Mei had slowed to a walk and was looking...tired. He couldn’t put his finger on it but she seemed to be carrying a burden no one else was allowed to know of. Something in the way she moved, the way she dropped onto the bench and tried to calm herself. That wasn’t the Mei he knew.
Not that he could speak. He stopped being the Jasper she knew a long time ago.
Taking a step forward, Jasper felt his heart catch again. The pain in his shoulder flared to life and he looked down to see his entire arm twitching worse than it had in ages. Stepping back around the corner, Jasper leaned against the concrete building, his hand coming up to apply pressure to his shoulder. The strain from the run. It had to be…
“Idiot.” He hissed, hand releasing his shoulder as he smacked his forehead. “You knew you couldn’t...but…”
Poking his head around the corner, he glanced down at the bench where she sat. He had no words. He had no thoughts. Just to see her. To see the woman he had hurt so badly in a single moment. She had been everything and he had been…
Arm still shaking, Jasper made up his mind. Turning the corner, he moved in step behind a group of girls walking and talking. He moved with purpose though his shoulders were stiff to try a force his arm to still. As he walked passed one of the blooming crape myrtles, he quickly picked off a single bloom cluster.
Walking behind her chair, Jasper took one deep breath before releasing the bloom cluster to her side…
And he slipped into a store.
Startled when something bumped against her leg Mei scooted away thinking someone was about to sit beside her only to realize once she looked over… there was nobody there. Aside from a group of girls that were walking away she was alone.
Only when she looked down did she realize there was a cluster of flower that had not been there a moment ago. Flowers that belonged to a tree at least ten feet away that could have only gotten there if one of the teens had been carrying it and tossed it aside no longer wishing to carry it around.
Without thinking it over too much Mei reached over to carefully pick up the lovely pink flowers and cup them in both hands. Having an apartment of her own meant there really wasn’t much space for her to have much in the way of plants unless she put them outside on the deck. However, with the exception of a few plants in front of her parents home their backyard still remained her edible garden; unfortunately flowers only lasted for a short while before producing fruit and vegetables and while they tasted rather delicious it did mean there was a distinct lack of color in their yard.
Closing her eyes she brought the cluster of crape myrtles near enough to smell the pleasant fragrance and for the first time since the day began Mei actually smiled.
Jasper stood in the doorway of the store, off the the side of the glass door so he could see. He watched for a moment as she looked at the flowers in a questioning way before she finally smiled.
The simple look made him smile as well and for a moment, the weight disappeared off his chest. However it was brought back when a worker cleared her throat behind him. Startled and blinking, Jasper pushed the door open and slipped back onto the street trying to avoid either being sold something or having the cops called on him for ‘stalking’. But it wasn’t stalking was it?
Back on the sidewalk, he looked at her one more time before taking a deep breath, giving a nod and turning to join the crowd. She was indeed better off without the a*****e and failure that he was. Mei was light. Joy. Hope. He was darkness and nothing. She had tried to share that with him only to have her smile swallowed by the vold that was his heart. No, he would let the feelings from so long ago be buried away.
She deserved a white knight to whisk her away to a happily ever after. Not a black demon preying upon the weak to survive. “Be happy Mei.” He whispered.
It felt as if an unknown weight had been lifted from her shoulders; a burden she had carried for so long that she no longer knew what it was or where it had come from. Mei could literally feel the anxiety from before as she raced through the mass of people slowly begin to ebb. It was awe-inspiring how a simple discarded cluster of flowers could have sun an impact but that’s what made nature so amazing.
It was the sound of the storefront chime dinging when one of the patrons exited the shop that pulled Mei out of her thoughts and back into the present. Finally feeling ready to get back to her running she drew in one last deep breath and opened her eyes just in time to see the man step over the threshold and take a sharp left away from her.
One moment Mei felt as if she was ready to take on the world again, to not run away from something as she had been but instead towards a goal she hadn’t decided on yet. But that feeling was short lived as the world around came to a screeching halt.
Even though she couldn’t see his face Mei knew, without a doubt, who he was. Months had passed since they last spoke and even without his long hair she would always recognize him. Jade-pink eyes glanced down to the flowers held carefully in her hands and it was then she realized that it wasn’t the girls who had tossed it aside; it couldn’t have been. Coincidences like this just don’t happen; they were from him, in her heart she she knew it to be true.
Without thinking, least she second guess her actions and let him walk away, Mei stood up and hurriedly closed the distance between in a few long strides. Her body felt as if it was moving on its own accord as she reached out to take ahold of his good hand, stopping him before he could get too far away.
“Jasper,” she spoke his name upon an exhaled whisper.“Please don’t walk away.” Mei’s voice was quiet, almost distant. The hand that held onto his with a weak grasp shook slightly.
The heart and mind were fickle things and often at odds with each other. So while her mind scolded her for stopping Jasper when he obviously did not want to talk, Mei’s heart couldn’t help but hope.
Even so, she was scared...
Scared that she may have been mistaken, that his being there really was just a coincidence. Or that she had done something that would make him reinforce the walls he had built around himself. But what scared her the most was that if she let go he would vanish as if he had never been there and she would be alone again.
However, as the milliseconds passed her mind worked to fill her with doubt causing her body to feel numb and heart ache in grief. I should have left him alone. Mei forced herself to let go of his hand and take a step back should he wish to leave. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-” she began but abruptly cut herself off.
Be happy.
The words were still playing in his mind as he allowed the distance to grow between them. That was the right thing to do after all. Walk away. Let her fly once more outside of the cage.
So why did it feel as if his feet were slowing without him even meaning too. Why did it feel as if more people were passing him than he was passing? Why did it feel as if a weight of guilt was pressing down on his very shoulders causing him to go weak in the knees…
The brush of warm flesh on his hand stopped Jasper cold in his tracks. He could feel his heart nearly stop in his chest before it began racing again. Racing to keep up with the fact he had stopped breathing. She wasn’t supposed to see him.
He had planned to disappear. To vanish into the crowd and hopefully free her of the pain of his life. He had nothing to offer her. Nothing but an empty heart and broken promises.
“You weren’t supposed to see me.” His voice came out in a low, hushed tone. Jasper did not dare look back at the woman, did not dare wrap his fingers into her hand as she shook touching him. That was right. Fear him.
Fear what he could do. Fear that he would break you just as he broke. That saved everyone in the end from the pain that any other option brought.
Then why could he not just slip his hand away from her and walk away? Every corner of his mind chastised him for not moving on. This should never have happened. He should have just...walked on.
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…
The shaking in her voice and the release of his hand snapped something within Jasper. The hand she had been holding curled into a fist and before she could slip away, he released that fist, spun around and grabbed her arm to stop her from moving any farther from him. Eyes locked in on her own and he gave a breath before he yanked her close and placed his lips on her own.
A kiss.
Something he had always dreamed of doing but never believed he could. She was untouchable. She was something out of this world. She was an angel trapped within the hell that was Earth.
His good hand loosened its hold as his other reached for her hair. It was but a breath away before he dropped it back to his side and stepped back from her. Lavender eyes were empty as he held her face in his vision. Steel. He needed to steal himself for what he needed to do. “We never would have worked anyway. It was all a dream.” The words came out with a twisted half smile. He was saying them more for himself than anyone. More to drive that distance between them. Better to release her now than play her any longer. “I’m a demon and you a goddess. I would have ended up taking your life one day and I couldn’t clip your wings.”
Unable to meet his gaze Mei reached up with a shaky hand to lightly brush her fingertips over her quivering lips. It hurt to think about how cold and dispassionate his kiss had been. Cracked lips pressed firmly against her own in almost a bruising motion almost as if he was punishing her for caring.
She knew what he was trying to do, but reality was a hard pill to swallow. Jasper had taken from her one of the few things she had secretly wanted and threw it back at her face as if it meant nothing.
Mei’s head shook ever so slightly in disbelief as she stood paralyzed in front of him until finally she was able to draw in a ragged breath. Tears blurred her vision, distorting his form until he was no longer recognizable. You don’t mean that… she desperately wanted to reply but could not find the words nor voice to speak them.
But he did.
He meant every word and it hurt in ways that could not be described. Only those who knew what loss truly felt like could understand the way her heart ached. It would have been a far more kind deed to have had her starseed taken than to stand before the one person she had ever truly had feelings for and know that as she felt herself falling apart, he would not be the one to catch her.
A moment passed before she was able to finally look up into is vibrant lavender eyes and it was then she finally accepted the fact that the Jasper she knew and cared for, not just as a friend but as something more even though she never pursued the feelings, was gone. Although they shared a similar face he was not the same man. Her Jasper had died that day several months back.
Mei lowered her head as she drew in a deep yet shaky breath then leaned forward to give him a kiss of her own. Though, unlike his, hers was given on his cheek. “I’m sorry I failed you.” she whispered so softly as she pulled away even she wasn’t sure that she had actually spoken.
“I wish, I wish I had been the one on the bus instead of you.” Tears fell freely from her red rimmed eyes as she took a step away. There were so many things she wanted to say but the sand in the hourglass had long since run out of time she had just been too blind to see it all because she had been unwilling to let go.
You were more than just a friend to me. Mei yearned to say but the mere thought of confessing those precious feelings made her heart shatter into tiny shards. “I’m sorry…” She repeated again, taking another step away.
The cluster of Crepe Myrtle fell from her hand onto the sidewalk beside her as she finally found the courage to turn around and leave as clearly wanted her to do.
Sirene Naiads
