The interaction with the corrupt senshi stuck with Ida for days, a sense of unease and guilt gnawing at her. It hovered in the back of her mind at work while she tended patients and she worried it over and over like a dog with a bone as she patrolled.
As much as she picked at it, she couldn’t really place a finger on what she had done wrong. Her heart told her she had been a bully, forcing the weaker senshi to do as she wanted. Her logic said that she fought officers all the time to rescue the star seeds and energy they had stolen. All that made this different was that she had attacked while the other had been passive. The end result had been the same, and she had done minimal damage to the girl. She’d been far kinder than other senshi or knights might have been with her.
Thraen would not have felt such moral qualms about it, she was sure. Or Castor, probably.
It reminded her of being a basic again and the hard lessons she’d learned then. Of being a sixteen year old girl with no idea that any of this was happening before a youma attacked her on the way home from school. She could have died that day, if Chaonis hadn’t been there. She could have died many times before she managed to reach Super. Her awakening as a senshi had been another youma attack and a fateful meeting with a cat, and not so long after that, a run in with the first terror of her life, Painite.
She still bore the scar of that meeting, the twisting, jagged line across her ribs now sporting tattooed flowers. She’d been no match for her, just like Vanth had not stood a chance of resisting her in return. It could have been the same outcome, if Ida had wanted to truly hurt her. Maybe there was some grace in what she had done, that she had never truly wanted to hurt the other, and had only done as much as she had needed to.
There is a balance, between the care a corrupt senshi deserves as a person, and the care that innocent people deserve. She thought as she sat on the swing in the old park, the same one she had been sitting on when the cat had appeared. It creaked as she pushed gently, rocking herself back and forth in idle motion. One was actively hurting the other. Without consent, or knowledge. Even if it hadn’t been much hurt, or done without violence.
She knew the logic of it, the weight of the scales in her head. Dark eyes stared at her white boot tips, rocking on her gold heels.
Doing something wrong means you aren’t excused from consequences. But did that mean she had the right to be the one to dole out those consequences?
Ida had never really been a leader. She had always felt more comfortable as support, as part of a team. She’d never been comfortable assuming she was good enough to be someone others followed. The PSSG had been a spontaneous decision between her, Athene and Tsui. A team where all were equal, there to support and protect each other. Even if she’d only been super at the time, they had given her as much respect as she’d given them, and soon enough they’d all been equal in rank too. Teams were still a good idea, even if she did more alone these days than with even one partner. Their goal had been good too, and she had to wonder who had stepped up to take over their roles as circumstances had pulled them away.
New senshi were still appearing in Destiny City. They still needed help and guidance, someone to teach them how to survive and how to protect the city. It had been one of the most fulfilling things she had ever done and she had met so many new senshi through it… people she felt she had helped, at least a little bit. Given them the tools they needed even just to keep themselves from harm, if nothing else. She was proud of that, whatever else she had or hadn’t done in her time as a senshi. Without guidance, without support and protection, senshi could end up like Ate. Like Sandrine. Their loss was still a pain for her. They had been good senshi, good friends… now they stood on the other side with no memory of meeting her, or as far as she knew, the good they had done. Shackled and slaved to Metallia.
They were part of her failures, things she would always be struggling to repent for. Maybe they hadn’t been directly her fault, but she had still failed to keep them safe. Like she had failed to keep everyone safe in the memories of the future. Becoming a princess in those memories had never been about her own status and everything about how much she could do with the power granted to her. She had started the hospital when they’d needed it, and worked herself to the bone to keep it running, supporting and healing the soldiers in the end stages of their war. She had purified those who wanted freedom, and stood strong for those who needed that… all while watching those she loved fight without her, protect her and her charges. Her death had come at the end of it. She’d watched each of those she cared about cut down in turn until finally it had been hers. Her chest ached, remembering the bite of the sword that had ended it all… and brought her back here. Alive, unharmed. Everyone still there. A new chance to try better this time, to be better. To do what she had failed to do before.
Protect the innocent and those she cared about. Rescue those she could. Bring life back to her planet, its mark curling across her skin. She traced those marks with idle fingers, feeling warmth welling up inside of her. Her precious planet… alone out in space, peaceful and sleeping. She wanted to see it thrive as much as she wanted to see Earth do so. Some day it would be a home again. A safe place. A sanctuary for those who needed healing.
Ida rose to the jingle of chains, brushing her hands over her skirts to knock the dust from them.
If she wanted to do any of that, she could need to stay strong. Being tormented by Painite, betrayed by Bischofite, captured by Alkaid… all the horrible things that had fallen on her over the years… they had taught her she could be strong. She had survived each of them with scars, but she had survived, and she had done so with her morals intact, even as often as they had been tested and nearly lost. She could have killed Bischofite… maybe. Had wanted to, at least. But she hadn’t. And she hadn’t brought more damage than she had needed to, and there was something to be said for that. She was a healer, a supporter. But she was not a push over, not any more.
The guilt flowed away and Ida let it go. She didn’t have to be cruel to see justice done. She had a duty to protect, and she would, as best she could. She was human, she had to cut herself some slack.
The swing slowed to a stop in its pendulum sweep behind her, sunset light coloring the park golden.
Word count: 1263
