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 Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:36 am
January froze as the sun went down and chased people, both powered and not, into coats and hats and mittens, and Hopeite was no different. Her uniform was hidden by a tawny knee-length trench coat, perhaps a bit too light for the current weather, but it matched and Hopeite was nothing if not vain. If she had to be out, powered into an identity she was tired of, then she was going to look good while she did it. Right down to the dark leather gloves and cream knitted headband to warm her ears. Really, the only thing that gave her away as an officer was the aura that she knew anyone from the other side could feel. Hopeite hadn't powered up for a few weeks. Her quota was deliriously behind, she hadn't seen another officer outside of their nearly weekly home visits to threaten her, and it was only when one presented her with the option of youmaglia that she finally powered up and did the absolute bare minimum. And now, with that done, Hopeite shoved her hands in her pockets and headed home, still powered up in case some miscreant would try and harass her on the way home. Breathe in, breathe out. Exhale and inhale.Hopeite took a greedy drag on her cigarette, the tip glowing red in the looing night. As the smoke and nicotine filled her lungs, she imagined the miasma crowding out her doubts. Doubts that she hadn't felt before, but was incapable of escaping now. Whispered voices, all sounding infuriatingly like that saccharine little girl reminded her of her own shortcomings as an officer. Months without powering up, her constant disregard for her own quota, the fact that she had failed, in all her years as an officer, to form any kind of bonds with any other officer, ducking meetings with the superior officer that she was forced the work under. The lingering love for that candy-sweet child who had saved her. The thought nearly made her bite through the filter of her weapon. In truth, she'd never really thought about it like that before. Harmonia had saved her despite everything that Hopeite had done, and she was grateful, no doubt. Confused and irritated, but grateful. But she had never named that feeling love. So why did she now give it that name? The question began as a low murmur and soon grew and grew to drown out everything else in her mind. So consumed was she with that question that she never noticed the shockingly powerful order aura who was drawing ever nearer.
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Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2019 1:08 pm
Camelot was glad the holiday season was tappering off, and all the strangeness from the inevitable odd magical incidents were, hopefully, over. Of course, he could never be too careful, and was still on patrol to make sure nothing else popped up out of place. Or maybe he was just feeling guilty about the whole stealing a car thing.
That would teach him for trusting a drink stand in one of Destiny City's events.
Noticing the aura of a Negaverse soldier nearby, he opted to investigate. Thankfully, his armor was not exactly the coldest outfit out there, and the addition of his heavy royal cape made the night more than bearable on that front. He was not troubled by the weather, usually, anyway, as his focus was more on what he was doing rather than things he could not control.
He managed to walk up to the Negaverse soldier without her actually seeming to... notice him. Odd. He saw her coat and wondered if perhaps she was trying to pretend to be a civilian.
She knew he could feel her aura, just as she could feel his, right? And it wasn't like his was subtle.
"Not up to trouble this evening, I hope," he said, clearing his throat. Never one to start a fight before it was absolutely necessary, the Royal Knight opted instead for, what he hoped, was a casual conversation. Anyway, she looked troubled, and that always caught his attention.
Even if she was on the side of Chaos, he was still curious if he could offer her some help.
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 2:02 pm
By the time Hopeite pulled herself out of her own mind, the strength of the order aura closing in on her slammed into her bones like a comet. And it kept on growing. Panic began to replace the vague irritation from before and spread over her nerves, making them jump and vibrate. But she stayed where she was, muscles jumping despite her struggle to control her reaction. Every iota of her being was screaming for her to run, but she refused. Instead, she stood her ground as a figure came into view. She noticed him vaguely, but measured her expression and carefully only allowed herself to show mild interest as the older man swept into view. He seemed important if his regalia was any indication. Quite literally a knight in shining armor, and at another time Hopeite would find herself annoyed at his uniform. Now, however, she was just wary. Even when he asked her was she was up to like she was his miscreant teenage daughter, she couldn't muster any annoyance. There was just... awareness of the difference in their levels and the contingent caution. And fatigue. Bone-deep, soul-crushing fatigue. "So what if I am?" She tried to inject her voice with the same measure of vitriol that she had previously coated her tongue in, but the effect came out muted and forced. Was that... fatigue she heard in her own words? She covered her own disappointment with a drag on her cigarette and a light cough. "No doubt you're up to stopping that trouble tonight, right? Well I hate to piss on your parade gramps, but I've already gotten my quota. You're too late."
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2019 9:43 am
Camelot did not miss the sad sigh in her tone, arching an eyebrow slightly as she spoke. He could see something was wrong, though he had never met her before. It was not hard to see that she was upset. It was difficult for him to know how to proceed, though, as all Chaos soldiers were different in how they responded to his efforts to be kind.
As far as he was concerned, they were people first, and his enemies a distant second, and only if they pushed the issue that far.
"I'm not quite a grandfather yet," he said, feigning defensiveness, then shrugged. "I suppose I have no reason to fight you, then, and you have no reason to attack me. We could talk instead, if you don't mind. You look tired. Are you injured?"
Maybe she'd gotten into a fight with someone and was still recovering? Or maybe there was a less physical and more mental reason for how down she seemed. Call him a softie, but he couldn't help but be concerned. He was a dad, after all.
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2019 11:45 am
Oh, there was the irritation. No, they couldn't talk. There was no way she was about to let her weakness, or at least the true extent of her weakness, show to the enemy. And there was absolutely no way she was going to expose Harmonia's sympathies to a supposed enemy like that. No matter how passive he seemed. And there she was again, instinctually protecting that girl like they were friends. Hopeite gritted her teeth together to keep the growl behind her lips. Who in the hell did Harmonia even think she was, worming her way into Hopeite like this. Maybe she should tell the knight about Harmonia's treasonous sympathies. Get her punished the same way she was being punished. Maybe then she could get the kid out of her head. Out of her life. She turned sharply to the knight before her and opened her lips to do exactly that but... her voice caught in her throat instead. The words wouldn't form in her mind, let alone allow themselves to be spoken into existence. Instead, she latched on to a different bit of information to try and divert his attention. "Yet? You gotta kid that's expecting?" Damn it.
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2019 8:48 pm
"Not quite yet," Camelot said, with an easy smile, "but I suppose that's not too far off, if they choose to start a family. In any case, my home life is not really of that much importance, is it? I guess I still wish I was younger than I am, so you all would stop commenting on it."
He sighed, but he was more than used to people pointing out that he was older than most of the other combatants in the war. It was not his fault he had become a knight a little... later in life. It was just when his powers decided to awaken in him, that was all.
It was definitely not a reflection of his ability. He wasn't so old that he couldn't keep up with a fight, if one broke out, after all. He just chose to avoid them, whenever possible.
Talking was not only a lot easier on old bones, but on his conscience.
"And what about you? You don't look all that old, in counter to me. Yet you look like you have some very serious troubles resting on your shoulders. Is there anything I can do to help?" he could see a shadow in her gaze that was not cast by Chaos itself, but rather a conflict he thought he almost recognized. He had seen a lot of troubled people in his time as a knight, of course, so it was unlikely that it was the first time he saw it. Still, without context, he could only assume it was something important to her, and that she was unlikely to want to divulge it to someone that was her enemy.
Not that he had any intention of proving himself to be an enemy at all.
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Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2019 10:15 am
"A lady never reveals her age," Hopeite returned blankly, suddenly very interested in the horizon. Was it going to be midnight soon? Hopeite found it hard to keep track of time now, the moment and hours seemed to blend together. She spent more nights either gathering her energy quota or in a fitful state of half-sleep. Neither resting nor roaming, but rather hovering in a strange twilight haze somewhere in between. She looked older than she was, she knew, and so she wasn't surprised when the knight asked after her troubled visage. Still, it wasn't like she could say anything. Harmonia still held her heart in a choke hold against her own breast. "You look like you've been in the business of this way for a long time, I'm afraid I'm beyond help, even yours." Another sentiment that she hadn't breathed life into until that moment, and it stole her pulse. It froze her. Oh god, she believed it. With all of her heart and mind and soul, Hopeite believed that she was damned. And she didn't even know it until that moment. Sure, she'd said that she couldn't be purified, but mostly that was to get Harmonia off the scent of it but now. Now... Now it was true. Her words had shaped her reality and she was too bloody and broken to be fixed. Hopeite's eyes watered as she stared at the far off horizon, her breath coming in uneven shakes. "I'm beyond help," she repeated weakly if only to herself. "Even yours."
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2019 12:32 pm
"No one is beyond help," he began, but his words trailed off as he watched her struggle with whatever thoughts plagued her. His expression softened, and he ventured a little closer, cape sliding back as he shrugged it from over his shoulder. He reached his hand out and placed it gently on her shoulder.
He saw the tears in her eyes, though she was not looking at him, and he gripped her shoulder lightly, reassuringly.
"No one," he said again, slowly, "should be without hope. And no one is not worth helping. I think you should try to see the difference between the two, and understand that no matter how you perceive yourself, the world around you, there is always hope. I might not be able to fix all your problems, but there is nothing stopping me from offering to help you."
He had seen this sort of confusion before, and he understood how difficult it was, wrestling with the rules and dangers of Chaos, of the Negaverse itself, while wanting something else. Sometimes it was peace, or happiness, or a purpose they could believe in. Sometimes it was love, or friendship. Whatever the reason, when that doubt began to creep in, it was difficult to see a clear path.
In his way, Camelot wanted to offer a little light.
"Why don't you tell me what's troubling you. If nothing else, I'm good at listening."
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Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2019 11:22 pm
The touch, though Hopeite would never admit it, was comforting. "Hope it literally in my name, Lancelot," Hopeite said with a dry laugh. "But, I'm persona non grata with the negaverse right now, I'm afraid. Being seen with me might get us both in trouble." She could not, for the life of her, force any more edge into her voice. "I've already been threatened with youmaglia for insubordinace, can you believe it? For a faction called 'Chaos' we are annoyingly organized. And I can't be the only one to have recognized that, right? You've seen it too?" No one on her side seemed to see it, or if they did, then they denied it. Such was the hold their dear, faceless queen had over all of them. Before the lack of a true leader was liberating. Who would hold her accountable if there was no one in charge? But now... now it was yet another sign of incompetence in the negaverse. So they were to follow a voice in the abyss that only ever spoke once in a millennium? "I've been beaten, cut up, even dismembered to a mild degree. All by my own kind, and for what? For acting as my nature demands. Chaotically. With no rules and no retribution I acted out every single whim my shadow self ever had." Her lips curled into a wicked grin, but there was none of the former vitriol behind it. Almost as though her muscles acted on impulse alone. "I have 84 starseeds in a little jar on my mantle, Lance. 84 lives that I pulled from their hosts. All sitting like multicolored jewels in a jar on my mantle. My very own Jar of Hearts. People come over at they either comment on how pretty they look or they stare in horror and I know... I know what they are then. Eventually, I add those little gems to my collection. Every negaverse officer keeps a small collection, for sure but... nothing of that magnitude." She was spilling secrets, she knew. And there would be retribution. But now that she was going... she couldn't stop. It was like there had been this pressure on her chest before she began speaking and now that she had given a little, she had to give it all. "The negaverse made me into a monster, and so a monster I became. And what's troubling me is that I spent the last two years reveling in the fact that I was this monster. And now... thanks to one little girl... I'm not sure I want to be that anymore. "Do you know what it's like to be so sure of something... and then to have it all taken away from you in one instant? It's kind of like... you know that feeling when you look at the clock and you have over slept. That kind of dizzy, half aware feeling where your body only knows how to go. It's kind of like that. Except that it doesn't go away. Not ever." She took a deep breath, the cold air stinging her lungs, and watched as the pale curls of her own exhalation twisted and wound up into the stars like a prayer. "What do you think now, Lance? Am I still able to be helped?"
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2019 8:18 pm
"Camelot," the Royal Knight corrected patiently, though he did not look offended as she spoke. He was an old hat at this war thing by now, and very little startled him anymore. He listened with a deep serenity about him that could only come from experience, though his expression fell a bit as he understood how serious her situation was.
Still, her words did not make him angry. Nor did they cause him to pity her. If nothing else, they only reminded him how deeply a knight's duty ran, and how far that pledge of honor and service spanned.
No one was beyond his protection, should they have need of him.
"I understand that the Negaverse is run entirely through fear, under the guise of order, yes. You serve a leader that demands a lot, and you can expect little to nothing in return save only the promise of more power. To what end that power leads, of course, is just to provide more sacrifice for your leaders. Whenever I speak to young Negaverse soldiers, they seem intense and eager to please, but the older they get, the more they see, the less enthusiastic they become. I see a hollowness in the eyes of many of your higher ranks, and feel a fear that no one dares speak of out loud. You're not alone, I can tell you that. And I would never do anything to endanger you, or any of the others that speak to me. Trust is a large part of honor, which is a pretty big deal to a knight."
He sighed, not removing his hand from her shoulder just yet. He watched her, eyes burning with the desire to help in whatever way he could. Even if it was limited to a simple conversation. It was a step. It was a promise.
"You tell me you're evil, beyond help, because you've collected all those starseeds. But you never gave them to the Negaverse to use for their purposes. Instead of putting those lives to further your own command, you kept them. Safe, in their way, though those lives are gone. Their memories are clearly still with you, and even that is a small sign of hope. I've seen monsters kill innocents without bothering to take the starseeds at all. People who delight in causing pain and fear. Yet even those people have spoken to me, in moments of peace and maybe in weakness, and I see their hearts for what they are. No one is lost completely. If you feel this doubt, then you're not
as much of a monster as you want to believe you are."
He smiled at her, warm and certain, his heart his strength.
"So yes, Hope. I do think you can still be helped. And I still over my service to you, if the day comes when you feel the same way as I do." He kneeled, releasing her shoulder and resting his arm on his own knee, bowing his head toward her as though she were the royal.
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Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2019 7:39 am
"Hopeite," the lieutenant corrected flatly, eyes still on the horizon, though no longer searching for anything. She was transfixed on the space between herself and something else. Or maybe it was what she saw in that space. Cotton candy hair and a smile. "I'm not so certain we serve anyone at all," she finally admitted, shoulders slumping as she spoke. "We're not allowed to look behind the curtain, and only a few people claim to have ever heard this woman's voice. I'm told we have a queen... Laurelite or something but... I've never seen her. She locks herself up in some tower in the citadel -- if she even exists -- and talks to herself. For all I know we never served anyone to begin with, you know... " She trailed off then, her gaze dropping to her feet. So many doubts. It felt like that was all she had. Like she had been hollowed out and never filled back up. Like hunger rolling back on itself, the stomach recoiling to consume itself. If she wasn't careful she would get lost. "They were trophies," she sighed, wanting to believe that Camelot was right, that she hadn't eaten the seeds because she was truly good somewhere in her heart. God she wanted to believe that. "It pleased me to have them, so I kept them." She left out the fact that she force-fed them as punishment to her victims. And out of curiosity. Why did she keep that from him? Wasn't she trying to convince him that she was beyond help? And, for that matter, why did she care what he thought? If she wanted him to believe that she was cruel, why not prove it? He's too strong...Then run. Why was she not running? The hand on her shoulder was just so warm and so anchoring, and she hadn't realized how scattered and ungrounded she had felt until she'd felt it. And Camelot's words were so kind and exactly as warm as his hand and she wanted more but she didn't deserve them. She'd done too much to deserve them. But then again, that was it. It wasn't that she wanted him to believe that she was evil. She wanted him not to believe that she was deserving of forgiveness. She hadn't kept those starseeds safe because she felt guilty. She kept them safe the same way someone kept their knick-knacks safe. She had kept those lives as chotskis. And the taking of those lives hadn't haunted her until she came back from Harmonia's planet, newly healed and fully restored. She didn't deserve forgiveness, she deserved punishment. Then hand fell from her shoulder as she realized this and she let out a breath that she wasn't aware that she was holding. Suddenly, she was floating again, like a discarded newspaper being tossed around on the freeway. "Listen, Lance, I -- " He wasn't at eye level. For a moment, she wondered if he hadn't left her... She should have been relieved but... she wasn't. He'd done what she wanted him to do, sure, but somehow she felt... empty... Until, that was, she glanced down to find him kneeling at her feet. Her heart stopped and the leapt into her throat. What was he doing? The way he knelt it seemed... reverent. Like she was worthy of... like she was worthy. Everything she had told him, and still he knelt to her like she was something to be respected. Cotton candy hair flickered int he distance accompanied with a smile so certain that Hopeite could be saved and now Hopeite could feel the hand on her shoulder again but there was no one behind her. Every muscle in her body tightened and shook, and she was torn between fleeing and demanding to know what he was doing and why. In the end her body made the choice for her. She ran.She ran and she ran and she ran, not stopping until she slammed the front door of her house behind her. And there, in the darkened hallway, Hopeite melted back into Abbot, sunk to the floor, and cried for the first time in years.
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