Dinner had gone by quickly, the ride home safe and uneventful. They were met with no resistance pulling back into the parking garage-- a good thing, really. He assumed it had something to do with the fact that he was driving Courtland's car and not the other way around. He appreciated knowing that the night time security guard knew him as he was waved past.
He unlocked the door once they were upstairs, leaving his wallet by the door, shoes slid off beneath the small table on the foyer. “Ice bucket for the wine?” He glanced over his shoulder to Courtland as he continued into the flat, attempting to keep up the pretense of normalcy that had settled between them over the remainder of dinner and the drive home.
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“If we're going to drink it, yes.” He tugged of his heels, leaving them I the foyer before going to set the bottle on the counter. “I'll be on the sofa once you're done.” He ran his fingers along Hals arm before going to settle on the couch.
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“Do you need me to bring you anything for your arm? Ice?” He called from the other side of the bar in the kitchen. He didn't know how fresh the injury was, inwardly cursing at that fact as he pulled the ice bucket out of the freezer.
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“No, it's fine.” He settled on the sofa, watching Hals move move around at the edge of hips vision. He wanted to stay angry at his friend but with the way he looked it was getting harder and harder to stay angry.
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“You can be honest with me-- if you’re just saying that so I won’t fuss, I’d rather you be up front.” He stuck the bottle into the ice, getting two wine glasses and the bottle opener before heading over to the sofa to join him. “I can try-- the whole…. Not interfere thing.”
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“They're a few days old so unless you intended to be rough with me i'll be fine, promise.” He tucked one foot under himself as Hals joined him. How voice was light, mostly teasing. “If I am honest ...i haven't enjoyed you not interfering.”
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“Is that so?” His brow quirked as he settled onto the end of the couch opposite his friend, keeping some of his usual smugness out of his voice. “Rather take care of my bruises than your own?”
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“It does make things a bit less painful.” He huffed out a quick laugh, words having a bit of extra meaning he wasn't sure Hals would even catch. “Besides, you don't bruise as easily.”
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“Who’s saying I don’t bruise just as easily and you just don’t notice it because I’m generally wearing black and blue?” A light smirk touched the corners of his mouth, the expression almost making it up to his eyes this time.
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“Because you sleep in your boxers and you fall asleep faster than I do most nights.” He had seen plenty of bruises on his friend but knew that, just due to their different lives, he bruised easier.
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He didn’t mention that he only slept in his boxers when he had company, otherwise preferring nothing between himself and the soft feel of the sheets. “I wasn’t aware that you paid that much attention to me when I was sleeping, Court.” His tone remained teasing enough, trying to find a bit of himself in the conversation.
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“I do when you're being an a** and won't tell me where you're actually hurt.” There had been a few times he'd been upset Halston was hiding injuries that he only found after they went to sleep.
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“So what you’re saying is that if I’m intending to be an a** I should be more obvious about it and wear layers to bed?” He teased as he reached over to snag an ice cube from the bucket, popping it into his mouth.
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“Then I'll just know you're being an a** on purpose. Wouldn't get you anywhere. You know I can, and will, call you on your s**t.” He raised a brow slightly as he looked over at Halston. He had been doing it most of the night already.
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“I enjoyed dinner. The latter half of it, at least.” He spoke softly, ignoring the look he was getting from Courtland as he shifted forward on the sofa. His fingers wrapped around the neck of the wine bottle, shifting it in the ice before reaching for the bottle opener to play with the twist.
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“That’s how things are supposed to be, perhaps with a few minor alterations but mostly that.” He leaned against the arm of the sofa, watching Halston. He could tell the other man was still trying not to say whatever he was thinking, still trying to avoid things, and he didn’t like it. He tried to resist the urge to push for the moment though waiting to see if Hals would actually get there on his own before he got entirely frustrated.
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“Life isn’t like a suit or a dress. You can’t just take it to someone to get it tailored to your liking.” His words were simple, accompanied by a light shrug of his shoulders as he leaned forward once more, this time shifting enough to make it easy to twist the opener into the cork of the wine bottle as he reached for it. “Things don’t work that way-- they’re not that easy.”
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“Ah, but you can. Perhaps the sleeves never quite fit right on the jacket that’s the perfect color so you roll them up, the waistline never quite lines up on your favorite dress so you put on a belt to make it cinch where you want. Life is a compromise and sometimes if you want something bad enough you are willing to do what it takes to make it work. Sometimes you have to do the work so you can enjoy what comes out at the end.” He ran a hand through his hair as he sat up. “It isn’t always easy but it doesn’t have to be impossible.”
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He reached over and ran a hand along Halston’s arm lightly. “I would also like to not talk in riddles tonight if you think you can manage …. I will do my best to let you have the time to think before you talk.”
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He drew in a deep breath, releasing it slowly as he listened to the other man. He waited until Courtland was finished before giving the cork a wiggle, slowly working it back until it came free with a pop. He left the wine to breathe as he settled back against the sofa. “I make no promises, but I’ll try.”
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“You never did answer me earlier as to why you are so sure you know what I deserve from someone else but can’t seem to see yourself as being the one who gives me those things.” He was tempted to pour himself a glass of wine without really letting it breathe just to have something to do with his hands but refrained for the moment.
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The statement seemed like it was phrased differently than the question had been earlier. It caught him off guard for a brief moment and he handled that by busying his hands with slowly twisting the cork down off of the metal coil. “Because I’m your friend, Court. Friends are supposed to do those things-- Are you telling me you’re just out looking for friends when you’re fawning over someone at the bar?”
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“Halston, friends or no …. Do you really think you treat all your friends the same way? Shea? I am not stupid, I know I’m different.” He was ignoring the question knowing any answer would have come out assholish and it didn’t really deserve an answer. Hals knew that wasn’t what he was doing. “I just, don’t understand why you have … why you are so adamant everything stops there.” It didn’t seem genuine, as if Halston was telling himself it had to stop rather than that being something the other man actually wanted.
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“Of course you’re different. You’re-- ******** hell, Court, you’re you. Just because you prefer your things designer doesn’t mean you have to slap a label on everything.” From his experience, labels complicated things far more than they needed to be-- which was already happening, given the way things were starting to go again. “Would you prefer I throw ‘best’ in front of friend? Does that make enough of a difference?”
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Courtland sighed softly before straightening up so he could pour some of the wine into the glasses, taking one for himself as he leaned back. “I suppose it makes a difference.” He tried to keep the hint of sadness out of his voice. He had always told himself he wouldn’t push because of getting these very sorts of answers, of not wanting to get them and not wanting to know that really was as far as it went in Halston’s mind.
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“But not enough of one.” He snorted softly, running his fingers through his hair as he sank back against the arm of the sofa. “Do you want me to start treating Shea the way I treat you? He annoys the s**t out of me most days, on purpose more often than not, but I can try to tolerate him a bit more if that’s what you want.”
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“No.” He took a sip of the wine, letting it linger on his tongue for a moment. “I don’t want you treating anyone else the way you treat me.” He couldn’t stop it if it did happen but it wasn’t something he wanted.
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“But you don’t want me treating you that way either, which loops us right back to square one.” Which was frustrating in ways he couldn’t put words to, making it all the more tempting to get up and pour a glass of something stronger. He didn’t-- wouldn’t-- it wouldn’t help anything in the long run. Instead he poured himself a glass of wine, taking a slow sip as he huffed back.
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“I never said I didn't want to be treated that way. Just because I want you to let me do things on my own without freaking out doesn't mean I want you to completely stop caring.” He had just wanted to be able to prove he could do things on his own so Hals knew of they weren't together he didn't have to worry a much. “As for the other night…”
He sighed as he balanced the glass on his knee. “I wanted you to stop getting in between me and sex but the men I pick up tend to have one or more features in common with you and they're just disappointments anyway because they aren't you.”
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There were bits and pieces of what Courtland said that made sense, if he was paying attention to them rationally. There were other parts, however, that breezed right past him-- either because he didn’t want to hear them because it was easier not to, or because he was conditioned to let them roll aside. “Of course they aren’t me. No one else is going to waste as much time as I have trying to get this hair color right.”
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“Halston … that is not remotely what I meant.” He shook his head though there was a slight fond smile on his face. It was what he expected though. The other man had a habit of somehow not hearing, or not paying attention to, certain things he said.
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“I wasn’t trying to get in your way the other night, I just…. Didn’t think you’d appreciate it if I left without saying anything.” The amount of enjoyment he’d gotten out of going out that night had ended almost entirely the moment Courtland had left him at the booth alone to go flirt and mingle with others, becoming completely non-existent when the vapid blonde had approached him.
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“I wouldn’t have.” He didn’t like it when Hals snuck off elsewhere when they had gone out together. “Even if you weren’t trying to it does often seem like that is what you’re doing. You judge someone not worth my time and you make sure they go away.” Not that he was entirely complaining, Halston was usually right.
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“Court-- you said it was alright for me to come out with you that night. You could have said ‘no’. You could have said that you had plans. Instead you let me tag along so you could leave me sitting at a booth by myself. If you think I get in your way, why let me come along at all?” It didn’t make sense and that was something he’d puzzled over a bit on his own, still unable to make much sense of it.
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He frowned slightly, tilting his head a bit as he looked at his friend. “I left you alone because it seemed like that was what you wanted. You were barely responding to things I said and you were being more quiet than usual, which is a feat for you. I thought you wanted some space so Instead of chatting your ear off I gave you the space.” Hals had been quiet prior to that night for a few days and he had hoped going out would fix that but it hadn’t. “I don’t think you get in the way and I want you to come along because I want to be with you.”
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“What I wanted was to not be at that s**t bar anymore, and you went off on me when I came to tell you that I was leaving. You also left it pretty heavily implied that I was getting in your way and that I do so frequently… So I stayed out of it.” His shoulders rose and fell in a slight, irritated shrug.
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“Because you did it in a way that seemed like you were only doing it to make the guy go away, not because you actually wanted to leave.You could have told me you didn’t want to go there too, you’ve never complained about it before. Why is some place we’ve gone to plenty of times suddenly a s**t bar?” He set his glass down on the table so he didn’t slosh it around if he got upset.
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“Some twit had been chattering at me non-stop for ten minutes if not more. I would have gotten up and left sooner if I’d been there on my own.” He probably should have anyways, all things considered. It might have saved him some trouble and maybe things wouldn’t have wound up the way they had. “It’s a s**t bar because every time we go there I wind up with some brainless creature prattling on like I give a flying ******** about anything she’s got to say while you wander off on your own to see who you can talk into buying you a drink if not breakfast the next morning.”
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“Why didn't you send me a text that someone was bothering you? You know I would have come back a made them go away.” It wouldn't have been the first time he'd done it on request. “Never mind that I thought you don't want to hear me prattle on, which is why I left.” He shifted as he spoke, sliding over on the couch so he could settle against Halston’s side. Reaching up he ran his fingers lightly along the other man's jaw so he could turn Hals to face him. “You could fix that last problem you know.”
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“Because you were occupied and you looked like you were enjoying yourself.” He snorted softly, rolling his eyes as he lifted his head away from Courtland's touch before turning to face his friend on his own. “It's easy enough to remedy if I just don't go to the bar with you, which I haven't been doing.”
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“Is that really the only solution that you can think of?” He tipped his head slightly, fingers running lightly down Halstons arm. “I don't like you not being around Hals, it feels wrong.” It had felt wrong since that night and he wanted to fix things between them. He knew they couldn't keep dancing around things though, not if he wanted his sanity.
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“You’re trying to imply that I am more of a problem solver than I actually am when it comes to things outside of work.” He snorted, reaching over to lightly take hold of the other man’s hand. “I am, generally, a problem avoider.”
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“Yes, well, I am not about to let you avoid me because there might be a problem somewhere along the line.” He laced their fingers together before bringing their hands up so he could brush his lips lightly against Halston’s fingers. “it's not acceptable.”
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“From my understanding, it’s not that there might be a problem down the line, it’s that there is a problem-- enough of one that things exploded and here we are.” His brow furrowed as he watched the other man. He couldn’t say that he’d enjoyed the way the past week or so had passed, but he didn’t really see an alternative either.
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“Alright, it’s not my fault you’re incredibly dense and are still being so.” That was mostly Hals’ fault, and partially his families. “You are ignoring the very obvious solution to the problem, which is a talent you seem to have developed to almost perfection.” He let go of of Hals hand, slight smirk on his lip as he shifted to slide a leg over the other man’s thighs and settle in his lap. He reached up to rest his hands lightly on the other man’s jaw so he couldn’t turn his head and try to hide from him.
-----
Courtland didn’t settle in his lap often. When he did it was either after a show when he was still dolled up in full drag and being over the top was entirely expected at whatever venue they were at, or it was nights when he and Shea had been out late enjoying himself to the point where sitting down anywhere probably seemed like a good idea. He’d never dropped or dumped Courtland out of his lap before and didn’t intend to start now, reacting to things as coolly as he could. “And what solution would that be?”
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“Really can’t think of anything?” He raised a brow, not really expecting an answer but pausing for a moment anyway. He didn’t wait too long though before he pressed their lips together, making sure it was firm enough it couldn’t be mistaken for something just ‘friendly’ but not hard enough Halston couldn’t pull back if he wanted to.
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He hadn’t expected Courtland’s actions, again. The other man had kissed him before, but it was often light and something that he would associate more as a friendly gesture than anything else-- likely due to the often open affections of the theater and spinning groups and circles that he traveled in. This was different, though. It seemed different in a way that he hadn’t expected.
He leaned forward into the other man’s touch, eyes closing a his own hands settled gently on Courtland’s sides. His head was reeling and he didn’t know where to go with it so he simply stayed still.
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Courtland had expected some sort of reaction from Halston and not getting one was a bit unsettling. The other man hadn’t pulled back, didn’t push him away, but other than leaning toward his initial touch there wasn’t a reaction. His thumbs brushed lightly against Hals jaw, tongue brushing lightly against the other’s lips before he pulled back slowly. Words hadn’t worked and now it seemed like touch wasn’t going to work either.
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As Courtland drew back he brought one hand up, lightly brushing the back of his fingertips along the other man’s cheek. “... That wasn’t one of your usual kisses, Court.” His voice was low, a part of it edging out as he tried to get a better grasp on things.
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“No, but it could be.” He spoke softly, leaning against the lightly touch for a moment. There were so many ways he wanted to be able to kiss Halston and he still wasn’t sure any of them would be wanted.
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“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he murmured, speaking so softly he almost wasn’t. His fingertips lightly brushed against Courtland’s cheek again as he leaned in, resting his forehead against the other man’s. His other hand lingered on Court’s side, gentle and uncertain. He hated how much he just wanted to bury his head against Court’s neck and disappear.
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“I like the idea of it far more than I like the idea of the last few weeks.” His hands finally moved, fingers brushing lightly through Halstons hair and along his neck in soft strokes. “I know, with everything we’re in, our lives are uncertain .. nothing is a given anymore but this, you, I’m not willing to lose just because I don’t know what is going to happen. I said something stupid because I was angry and upset and now that I’ve see what that version of things is I don’t want it.” If things just went back to the way they had been; the teasing and light flirting, curling up in bed after a long day just to have that familiarity there, quiet evenings at home or out, having all of that was more important than anything else.
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“You said it because right then and there you meant it. You felt it had to be said.” His eyes remained closed, head tilting towards the feel of Courtland’s fingers. His friends touch was always gentle during moments like this, when he seemed to simply know that it was what he needed. Halston hadn’t ever questioned it, just assuming that maybe it was the way things were when you found a friend worth keeping around. “Told you that night that you deserve better, Court.”
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“Don’t think you can get me to admit I am wrong more than once in a night.” His voice was light and teasing for a moment, fingers tugging a bit at Halston's hair before his touch gentled again. “You already give me everything I deserve Halston, all those things you get mad about men in bars for not wanting or caring to give me, you already do. There are just a few things I want that get left out.” Things he could accept not having if it meant he got everything else. “But nothing I need.”
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“You don’t think you should have everything you want?” He tilted his head up towards the tug, opening his eyes to peer to the other man. “I’m a ******** mess, Court. I don’t… I don’t know what I think about anything right now.”
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“If I have to sacrifice one thing so I can have a hundred others?” He raised a brow slightly before brushing a soft kiss against the other man’s lips. “You’re always a mess, I’m used to it. So how about this,” His hands slid through Hals hair again, this time trailing down his neck until the stopped lightly resting on his chest. “You can let me borrow a shirt to sleep in and we can curl up and go to sleep and you can see how you think about things in the morning.” He had a feeling Hals hadn’t been sleeping on that well so a good night’s sleep was probably in order anyway.
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