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Knot was a new patient of hers. Dr. Shikora Mjoli did not know a lot about her yet, but this was how she would learn about her. Talk to her. Learn what made her tick. Learn how to help her.

Of course, something with how eager this woman was made the doctor chuckle. She wasn't terribly used to people being so enthusiastic about launching into therapy, but at the same time, the enthusiasm was nice. It was good when people wanted to talk to her. It was good when they poured that enthusiasm into wanting to improve their lives, help move towards healing what ailed them to the best they could. Shikora would only encourage this.

Even if that meant having a chaise lounge in her office for just this kind of patient.

In her hand she held a pen, in her lap, she held a small notebook. It appeared she wanted to take notes on their conversation, perhaps to help her figure Knot out, perhaps to help her help Knot.

Usually, she started out her sessions asking how the other was feeling, or what they wanted to talk about, but it seemed Knot just wanted to get things started on her own.

... Daddy Issues?

"Daddy Issues?" voiced Shikora, out loud, momentarily thrown off by that assumption. She grabbed that thought down and buried it, continuing, "What makes you wonder this, Knot?"

Illegal jobs? Dr. Mjoli kept any question of what those jobs might have been off her face and off the paper in her lap, though she did make a mental note to herself to watch out for any further hints on what these jobs may be. Patient Privacy was overridden in a case where it became increasingly likely someone may have been actively harming someone else.

Of course, illegality had all sorts of levels, and murder was not her first assumption.

The frankness was, in some ways, refreshing. Shikora had all sorts of patients, from the ones who did not speak to her for many sessions, to the ones that split their guts every time they walked through the door. Every patient was worth caring for, but sometimes, it was nice when one gave her easy things to work with. If anything, it let her save some of her energy reserves for the harder patients, for the ones that were quieter, more stand-offish, more afraid...

By the same token, self-diagnosing and assuming 'Daddy Issues' when one just seemed to be attracted to two very different men did not necessarily make things easier.

After glancing over the notes she had taken, Shikora turned her attention to Knot, who was grinning like a cat that ate a canary. "It does seem like you are drawn to strength, and perhaps to recklessness, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have daddy issues," remarked Shikora, with an amused quirk of the brow. "Issues is such a strong word. There's nothing wrong with being drawn to men on opposite ends of the spectrum, as you said. Is there a reason why you see one as a paternal figure, and the other as a," she paused, and offered the term, "love interest?" in case it was the wrong one. "Is it simply the situations in which you met?"

Shikora was hoping to get her to think about what made them different, and perhaps, what made her draw to them differently.

Far too kind? Dr. Mjoli was just trying to do her job. Sometimes, now, she could be accused of devoting too much time, too much energy, to that job. Sometimes she didn’t realize she was approaching burnout until it hit her, until a sibling called to scold her, until it overboiled.

Knot seemed to be having fun with this, with the way her eyes were dancing. Shikora liked seeing that, but she couldn't help wondering more about her motivations. She had already noted her as a spritely type in her scrawl, made another note about how she seemed to be enjoying the experience with a small question mark next to it. She kept her eyes off the notebook which was tilted towards her, kept her gaze focused on Knot as she talked.

Amnesiac?

That was unexpected. It was hard to keep the surprise off her face, but she certainly tried. Shikora made sure to note that down.

Could she really not remember anything prior to December? What could have caused that? There were very few things that could cause complete retrograde amnesia, if anything, really. Had something traumatic happened? Though, perhaps no specific trauma had caused it, as she had been hearing of an uptick in these cases from her colleagues and the community outreach groups... "I'm sorry to hear that, but it is good to hear it's not bothering you." Was it really not bothering her? If she was trying to fill in holes, perhaps there was something deeper happening there...

Thoughtfully, she crossed one leg over the other.

"You could be trying to fill in gaps in your life, for certain. Especially in a situation like that, where you can't remember your past. Does being a romance novel heroine," she chuckled lightly, "or assisting the roguish type," now she was just playing along, "feel like it fits? Do they both feel right to you?"

Dr. Mjoli could tell that Knot had to stop and think about what she asked, which drew a bit of a smile to her face.

Sometimes, it was all about asking the right question, even if that question may have seemed too simple or too obvious to someone else. Sometimes, the easiest things were missed. Shikora noted down that Knot definitely seemed to be a curious type, motivated by new things, new thrills, new experiences. Perhaps that was part of why she was drawn to two such different men. They both gave her new experiences, in their own way.

That seemed to be consistent with what she was saying, too. She nodded in acknowledgment of this. "And there doesn't have to be a right or wrong." She offered a gentle smile, setting her pen down for a moment. "It sounds like you enjoy new experiences. Perhaps you are drawn to both of them because they both give you new experiences? I don't think that means you have issues, as you said."

At that, she smiled.

The question wound back to amnesia once more, in someone who was disguised as Esther. She was going to assume Esther was a proxy for Knot, as different people in similar situations often were. Or, perhaps, Esther was a proxy for what Knot used to be, as she truly did not seem to know.

The question was an important one. It was almost a philosophical one, as well: what made a person who they were? Was it the sum of their experiences? Was it nature? Was it nurture? Was it just the way certain genes lined up, certain connections in their brain? Did the method of memory loss involve some damage to the brain, resulting in the loss of neurons, the loss of connections between those neurons?

Dr. Mjoli had to take a moment to think about what the proper response was, there.

"In some ways, yes. If there is no true way to access those memories, those things that shape what Esther knows, how she feels about certain things due to what she has done with them, then Esther will be experiencing these things as if she never has before. However," Shikora smiled, "a human being is not just the sum of their memories. They are also the sum of their DNA, the sum of those other little connections in their brains that go beyond just memory, the sum of their experiences that affected their very being. Those are all still there, and will all continue to be there. If Esther once had the muscle memory for playing the violin, she would still have the muscle memory for that even if she can't recall having ever played it."

She tilted her head.

"The experiences Esther goes through may change what she was, but she isn't necessarily starting at a tabula rasa state."

The doctor resisted her temptation to remark that using such serious words to describe oneself could still hold mental consequences. After all, there were times she didn't take her own advice...

Perhaps if it became clear that Knot was bashing herself, she would broach the subject, but that didn't quite seem to be the case here.

It seemed that Knot wanted a different answer than the one that she provided, and Shikora sat back, taking a few notes on the response she was given. There were elements of things she mentioned that were certainly not entirely physical, but she understood what Knot was getting at. Of course, it could be argued that the very foundation of memories was also physical, built in electrical impulses and neurons and mental connections that could not be so easily severed, retrograde amnesia or not.

Of course, if there was something that prevented access to those on a permanent basis, it could be argued that those connections were severed so as to become irrelevant. But yet, they still existed.

She clicked her tongue to the roof of her mouth.

"Esther herself may feel like a completely new person." And that much seemed to be true. If there were no memories there, no experiences there, nothing to build up the existence of that person from their original start, she imagined it would be much like feeling like a newborn baby in an adult body. Perhaps it would be like feeling like a foreigner in a country they had no connection to, or perhaps like a foreigner on an alien planet. They would have nothing to anchor them there, nothing to base themselves off. And yet...

"In theory, those mental connections would still be there, if obfuscated," offered Shikora, thoughtfully. "So, in theory, Esther is still Esther, deep down. But if she's been stripped, she may feel like she's starting over, and she may behave as she is. She may gain new experiences, she may reshape who she was based on those experiences. And her friends may not necessarily recognize the person who comes out on the other side."

Though she supposed that was true of most anyone who was trying to readjust after a major change in their lives...

"But perhaps they may recognize pieces of them. Perhaps Esther becomes a bit more relaxed, but the devious glint she always used to get in her eye is still there on occasion, you know?"

And who was to say that life was fair? Life often wasn't, and the case of what seemed to be permanent retrograde amnesia was especially unfair.

Shikora understood that Knot was digging. Knot wanted to find an answer she was looking for, likely for her own issue, not for this mysterious Esther. But it was always easier to talk about one's problems if one pretended they weren't their own problems, wasn't it? Shikora could acknowledge anyone else who worked themselves as hard as Shikora did was working themselves too hard. That didn't mean she recognized it in herself, but that could help her understand when she needed to pull back.

In this case, perhaps it would help Knot compromise who she was now with who 'Esther' was, before.

It seemed that Knot was acknowledging that the connections that caused those memories could still be present, but was arguing that if they weren't recoverable, perhaps they didn't matter. Dr. Mjoli could see the logic of it. If someone could not access something, was it still relevant to them? Was it still part of their identity as a person? Perhaps, it depended on how much other people's perception mattered to them--if people still saw them as who they were before, were they not them? Perhaps, it was about the history of that person--they were once Esther, and no matter what, that history of being Esther would always be there.

She pursed her lips in thought.

"What Esther once was would always be a part of Esther, whether that part of her is unknown to her or not. It's the little tics that may be similar; it's the fact that those around her know that history of Esther, identify with that history of Esther. It's the fact that their brain once made those connections that formed Esther. Ignoring DNA, of course, isn't entirely fair, either, as, on some level, our personalities are part of nature, not nurture."

Dr. Mjoli sat back. This was an unexpectedly complicated session, but that was okay. She liked to think. She liked to analyze. This was fascinating to her, even if she didn't truly have the answer. How could she? How common was a case like this? She knew she was talking about the woman in front of her, but she felt like she was speaking in theoretics.

"It's interesting you ask if Esther is obligated to continue relationships. I'd argue there are very few cases in which a relationship is something someone is forced to do, and fewer cases still in which this is a good thing. However," Shikora tilted her head, "while Esther shouldn't feel forced to continue those relationships, it may not hurt to try. Perhaps it might trigger something in Esther to interact with people she used to know. Perhaps it won't, but they can give Esther more context for her life. Perhaps Esther can form new friendships, because if those people were really that close to her before, perhaps they could be that close again."

Shikora sighed. "It's certainly not fair to either party that Esther no longer remembers who she was, and those who remember Esther may not truly recognize her. But those relationships are worth giving a fair shake, I think, at working once more."

Dropping the placeholder was a fair move. Shikora knew who Knot was talking about. Knot obviously knew who Knot was talking about. While talking around the problem was helpful, it was often best to confront the problem face on, especially after dodging the point for an extended period of time.

She kept quiet, listened, taking notes as appropriate. It was fascinating that in a city the size of Destiny City she continued to run into people she used to know, but she supposed it made sense. The base that made Knot was still the same. She likely, even unintentionally, kept to similar routes, kept to similar actions, continued in a way that was similar to how she would have lived before. That would result in her seeing the same people, even if those people saw something that she no longer was, no longer could make herself be.

It was a terribly unfair situation.

She wasn't sure she agreed with the feeling of obligation, but she would let that one go; whether these friendships were an obligation for Knot or not was not entirely the important part of this conversation. The is it right seemed to be the important part, and it was interesting. Did she mean was it right for her to continue to try? Was it right for them to be patient? Was it right for those connections to even be reformed in any way? In a way, it was a loaded question.

But Dr. Mjoli was used to receiving those.

"It's certainly unbalanced, and I can understand why it may feel unfair, or difficult." She tapped her pen to her lips in thought. "It's good that you're trying, I think. At the very least, you're giving those relationships a fair shake, and it's good they're being patient with you, too, and putting forth their own effort. If they start getting impatient, then that is especially unfair to you. You can't control this. This is who you are now, and if they still want to be friends with you, they'll need to work on building that new connection, right?"

A small smile formed on her lips.

"But is it right? I'm not sure if that's a fair question. Does it feel right to you? Do you feel okay doing this? Do you want to do this?"