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 Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:08 pm
 Goldenleaf was hot on the trail of Littlepaw, who she assumed was in the medicine cats den. Really, when did that girl leave it? Ever since Dovetail had named her medicine cat apprentice the child had vanished into her duties. While it must have been a great honor for the Sun-cat Dovetail to speak to her, Goldenleaf did miss the excitable child.
However, right now she was grateful for Littlepaw's dutiful nature, for she had her own problem that needed attending to. Her stomach felt off, as if she had eaten a foul bird. That'd be funny if she had the chance to eat something foul anytime soon, really. She knew Littlepaw at least had to have something for nausea, and so here she was.
"Littlepaw," she called into the den, noting the sound of scraping paws. "I need your help, if you don't mind."
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:24 pm
 "Lucky for you, I don't mind~" The sing-song voice of a merry Littlepaw drifted from the den before her split-nose peeked out. The much smaller apprentice settled on her haunches, taking a second to lick a sticky paw clean. Herb mashing was a chore.
"Your eyes are so bright today! Did something happen?" Really, for a cat that needed her, Goldenleaf looked pretty healthy, all things considered. Perhaps even too healthy! Her nose wiggled absently, tail sweeping around her paws. She needed in on Goldenleaf's secret.
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 9:55 pm
Bright? Goldenleaf shook her head and let out an uncertain laugh.
"Starving must be good for the image," she joked, laughing at her own morbid joke. She didn't think the optimistic Littlepaw would enjoy it too much, instead focusing on herself with an abrupt cough.
"I've been nauseous lately and struggling to keep down food. The other day I nearly slept past the patrol call. I think my stomach is upset?" She dismissed any worry the other might offer her with a flick of her tail, nervously kneading her claws into the dirt. It wasn't like her to get sick -- was this her reaching the point of no return? When soon she'd become a skeleton?
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:05 pm
The tail flick did little to quell her worry, but what did Goldenleaf expect from the medicine cat's apprentice? She didn't laugh at the joke, instead sadly narrowing her eyes at Goldenleaf. She didn't like the joke, that was for sure. She didn't have any room in her to laugh about the lack of food, or how her friends were coming to her ragged and with a sickness she couldn't heal. But, for some, dealing with the frightening was easier with a joke, and she understood taking that from them would effectively remove their way to cope.
It didn't mean she had to laugh, though.
"Loss of appetite is rather serious," she murmured, eyes narrowing. While it was true a stomach bug could do that, it usually came with more external issues, as well. Vomiting, diarrhea, and certainly not that sparkle to Goldenleaf's eyes. She stepped forward, circling the she-cat before, after a soft 'excuse me,' she leaned forward to pat at Goldenleaf's body.
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:09 pm
You know, it felt pretty bad when even Littlepaw wouldn't give you a pity laugh. Her ears flipped down, resigned to her shame. Littlepaw began patting at her, which didn't exactly come as a surprise. She couldn't help, again, making a nervous joke.
"Careful, you might find my stash of 'n**." Somewhere along her youth she had heard of the cat who had thick fur and stashed little strains of catnip to later roll in. She doubted it was true, but it had been a fun story all the same.
"Has anyone else come up with the same problem?" Surely if it was kill then the pile was contaminated, yet she hadn't heard anything of others getting sick. Perhaps it was the water and the two-legs doing?
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:14 pm
Littlepaw scrunched her nose at Goldenleaf. Sometimes, the older she-cat had a habit of deflecting, although she wasn't quite sure what the issue could be. That, and she didn't get the joke, either. She stepped backwards, one ear flipping down as she considered the other.
"Not recently, no, but... I've heard queens mention similar symptoms when they were pregnant." It had been meant as a minor comment and was supposed to be left at that as she began to turn to grab a few herbs when the look in Goldenleaf's face made her completely stop.
Now that? That was the perfect expression of a guilty cat.
"Goldenleaf, you're not... wait a minute, you gotta tell me, did you...?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:20 pm
Well, yes, technically this was the face of a guilty cat. Goldenleaf's ears had flipped back and a look of sheer regret crossed her features. Well, there had been that time with Bloodoath, but she hadn't thought anything would come of it. It had just been to relieve tension! A nice evening alongside the river. It couldn't be that... no, not her! She was more responsible than that. No one had ever courted her before! She had thought, surely, nothing would happen from the first time she accepted someones advances.
What was she supposed to do with this?
"I-I mean, I- I didn't mean to. I'm not an idiot, I'd never plan this! Not now! This wasn't supposed to happen." Her heart hammered as she reeled backwards for Littlepaw, as if the younger cat had sentenced her to this. Having children during this famine was irresponsible. They'd die. Sure, they'd feed first, but there wasn't enough for everyone. The kittens would get the other cats illnesses. She wasn't strong enough to produce good milk, was she? She couldn't fathom why anyone would let themselves get pregnant during this.
Until now.
She felt like an utter fool, eyes wild and pupils contracted. She looked down at her stomach and then back up and around her, hoping no one had heard or seen. Finally, her eyes locked on Littlepaw, who was staring at her with a look she could only label as mild panic. Even Littlepaw was freaked, although Goldenleaf was sure it was due to her own public freak out.
"It has to be something else, right? Check again, maybe I got a bug bite."
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:27 pm
Goldenleaf was right, Littlepaw was utterly freaked. Pregnancy was, as far as she had been told, a good thing, but Goldenleaf's panic threw her off. Her head shook as she sat back, ears pinned against her head. Goldenleaf was a practical she-cat, she had come to understand this long ago. She had her set opinions and views, and she made them known. The she-cat, while spunky and playful, also feared the state their clan was in, and she was audible about her panic.
Was she scared for the safety of the kits?
Littlepaw shook her head again, mouth opening and closing. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't even old enough to have such a thing happen to her. She didn't really think of the consequences that it came with, other that she would never be allowed to have a mate and kids as an adult. That... was something she already was beginning to struggle to understand and accept, but Littlepaw was dutiful. She doubted she'd ever find a reason to be upset over the rule -- how nice it must be to be so naive -- and yet, Goldenleaf had that ability. Yet, she didn't want it.
Littlepaw didn't know what to do, no, but she reached out for the older she-cat. She stood up on her back paws to reach Goldenleaf, paws on the she-cats shoulder as she nuzzled Goldenleaf's forehead. A bold move, but something had to be done to calm the she-cat.
"It's okay!" she mewled, stepping down from Goldenleaf delicately, giving the she-cat her space. "We're a family, and you have me. You're lucky it happened now! I'm here! I may not yet be the real thing, but I'm here and Dovetail will guide me. Guide us. We'll figure it out. Your kits will be okay. We just had a recent birth, didn't we? And I wasn't even there! They're okay and ready to be apprentices soon. Now imagine how it'll be now that you will have a helping paw. Really, the other moms should be jealous."
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:34 pm
Goldenleaf wasn't quite in the head space anymore to articulate her panic. Her mouth parted, a raspy heave escaping her as her stomach felt heavy. How was she going to do this? How was she going to survive this?
How were her kits going to survive this?
Littlepaw's touch shocked her from her thoughts, eyes dilating as she tensed at the bold nuzzle. It was comforting, and warm, but it didn't fully calm the unsettle. Nothing would. Not until the kits came and were adults. If that was even a future to look forward to.
"I can't," she rasped, nails digging deep into the dirt, seeking any form of comfort. "They're going to die."
Suddenly, her morbid jokes weren't fun anymore. She didn't want this -- didn't want to love these kits and give birth to little lives destined to perish. A pitiful whimper left her as she suddenly felt so small.
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:43 pm
Littlepaw swallowed thickly as she watched Goldenleaf crumple before her. She wasn't going to lie to the older she-cat. All it'd do would be quell her fears for now and then crush her if something went wrong. Her duty as a future medicine cat was to be there for her clan and be true to them. But, she wasn't going to let Goldenleaf feel alone, either.
Littlepaw didn't know anything about birth. It wasn't something that happened often anymore, and Dovetail wasn't actively there to walk her through this. Sure, Littlepaw could pray to her and hope for an answer, but right now this situation was on her -- the apprentice who was still a child. She didn't know what to say to the broken she-cat before her. Dovetail would know, surely, but Dovetail had been an adult. She had experience and the ability to understand making a new life. Littlepaw couldn't even fathom yet letting a boy near her.
But, she could fathom the fear Goldenleaf had. Something was happening Goldenleaf couldn't control, and it was happening whether or not she wanted it. She felt alone. She felt trapped. Littlepaw could see that, and she could do her best to be honest and understanding.
"Goldenleaf," she whispered softly, eyes locked on the panicking cat as she tried to articulate her thoughts. "I'm not going to lie to you. You might lost a kit. You might lose a few. It will hurt, and it will be horrible, and I don't know that kind of pain yet. My mom and brothers died before I could really understand what losing them meant."
She had thought about that a lot -- about how her father grieved alone. She had been too young and didn't know her family. It didn't mean she didn't hurt over the thought of what having them would have been like, and it didn't mean she didn't wish they stayed alive, but she couldn't understand yet the pain of losing blood.
"But, this is happening, and I'm here for you. Sunclan is here, and so is Mountainclan. You have the strength of two entire clans. And this time, unlike the past few births, you're going to have someone to deliver your kits. I'm not perfect, and I don't think I ever will be, but this duty means everything to me. I won't let anything happen that I can prevent. You will survive this, and we will do everything we can to ensure your kits are healthy and survive. And," she chanced a soft smile. "One day this will be just a story you tell. It will be a 'before', and your story will continue. It'll be okay. Maybe not right now, but it'll be okay. We always survive."
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:54 pm
Goldenleaf listened intently, eyes locked on the younger cat. She didn't know when Littlepaw had grown up. It had only been recently when she viewed her as such a child, but it seemed while no one was looking the child had grown faster than they had expected. She hadn't given Littlepaw credit before. Really, they never had to rely on a literal child before, but when she thought about it... it made sense, in a way. You can't lose the majority of your family, grow up in a dying clan, and meet a literal ghost and be selected by them without growing up in the process.
How much childhood had been taken from the current apprentices? How fast were the newest ones being forced to grow up? They were strong -- perhaps sturdier than even herself. They were growing up in hardship and were coming out stronger for it. Would her kits... do the same? Would they fight and claw their way ahead just like Littlepaw had?
She only could pray they would.
"I don't want to lose them," she finally mewled. It wasn't that she didn't want them. Or, in a way it was, but not out of anger or hatred. Kits... perhaps they would have been nice in another time. She had hoped someone would chose her as their mate and they'd have children during a healthy and booming time, but it seemed kits were here now. Bloodoath wasn't the worst choice, either. He was strong. She had seen how fit he still was. He was made of good roots and strength. The kits would inherit that.
But, she was still scared. Scared of growing larger and being trapped in a den, unable to see the others deteriorate. When she came back out how far gone would the clan be? How many of her own would time take? And her children... she'd love them, she knew that. She'd love and cherish them, and it'd make losing them so much harder. She almost wished she'd hate them -- wish she wouldn't care, but it wasn't in her nature.
She knew Littlepaw would fight for her. The cat had been dutiful in her cleaning the medicine den long before she was assigned her role, and she had tended to countless cats. She was clumsy still, but Goldenleaf trusted Littlepaw. Littlepaw had every good intention in her. One day she'd make an amazing medicine cat.
She couldn't do anything about the situation now, though. It wasn't like Goldenleaf could go back in time and stop this from happening. She could writhe in terror until the very end, or accept it and fight forward. She didn't want to grow weak in her fear and write a death sentence for her and the kits. She didn't want to fail them.
So she swallowed back her panic and need to scream. She stared at Littlepaw, finding herself in the most vulnerable position she had ever been. She was going to have to submit to this destiny and trust the child before her.
"I'll be in your care, then." Her eyes closed against the sentence, heart skipping once. She needed to tell Bloodoath. Needed to tell Sunseer, too. She opened her eyes again, noting the smaller Littlepaw. "I'm not ready to tell you who the father is. Not until he knows. But I am in your debt and paws."
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:58 pm
Littlepaw cracked a small sympathetic smile. She didn't need to know who the father was, honestly, but it didn't mean she wouldn't try and guess in her head. Any cat would be curious. She only hoped the father would also lend his help, but even if he didn't she would take their place and offer Goldenleaf any comfort they needed.
"Thank you for trusting me." Her voice was small as she realized the weight of such trust. This was the route a medicine cat was sent on, and she finally was getting a taste. Her head raised high, odd-eyes blinking back at Goldenleaf. She'd do her best and prepare. She'd be ready for when those kits came.
"In the meantime, I can give you something for the nausea. You'll feel good as new, I promise!" With that, she bounced into the den to locate said medicine. Aha! Finally something she did have the answer for!
[ F i n ]
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