He had to get out. Had to leave. Had to. The thought followed him as he went from class to class. Nagged him, keeping him from being able to complete assignments or listen to the teacher. Drifted after him as he took the long way home, stopping in parks and having a late dinner. He wasn’t safe there anymore. He’d been given a form weeks, maybe a month ago. One to write down where he planned to go after he graduated. He wouldn’t graduate without completing it, they had told him. Make sure he filled this out and turn it in as soon as possible.
Foolishly, Cyril had been putting it off. He’d been so happy, getting out of the dorms, finding a family. Even Wade’s. . .odd behaviors hadn’t been much of a deterrent. Lately he’d even grown to like them a bit, even if he couldn’t figure out why they were doing them. So he’d neglected to fill the paper out, “losing” it somewhere in his desk. If he didn’t graduate, then he didn’t have to leave the house now, did he?
That desire had changed last week. Cyril had fled the house following the incident and nobody had questioned it. When he’d finally crept back home hours later, he hadn’t seen even a speck of Wade, but just being in his room made him tremble. He’d hidden in the closet that entire first night, fearful of them coming in again.
Nothing had happened. He’d fallen asleep unscathed and woken with a crick in his back from the awkward sleeping position. It had been a full week since then and that form was weighing heavily on his mind. Most of the week had been spent out of the house and he’d dismissed it when Waverly had approached him. He was fine, just studying, getting ready to graduate, you know, normal things. He didn’t think she believed him, but she’d left him alone as long as he continued visits with his therapist. Emilia kept giving him worried looks, but she hadn’t cornered him into talking yet.
They didn’t know what had happened. In fact, he hadn’t told anyone. What could he say? Who would believe him and not look at him. . .differently if they knew. Just thinking about it made him tremble and threatened to have his markings flashing. Conflicted feelings warred in him. Besides, it wasn’t like he had many friends. Wade had been pretty much it and now…
Stuffing those kinds of thoughts away, he pulled out the form and put a pen to it. He just had to do it. Asterion, that’s where he’d go. They had a history major and were at least a portal away. He’d apply to live in one of the dorms or something and visit home as little as possible. It would work.
Guilt tore at him. Emilia and Waverly didn’t deserve his abandonment. They hadn’t spent much time together, but she seemed like a good kid. She was cute with her girlfriend. Waverly had taken him in right at the end of his junior year, getting him out of the dorms and away from the bullying he’d been suffering from. (There were still a select few who would bother him, but now that he was older they mostly left him alone.) Cyril just. . .couldn’t stand to stay in the house for long anymore. Wade had approached him almost immediately after the incident to talk but Cyril’d ran and now he was terrified that they’d try again. What could he say? He’d freaked out and he didn’t know if he’d had a good reason not to. Couldn’t remember much of the last bit, just pieces. Some dark corner of him had enjoyed it but he tried not to think of that as much as possible.
Sucking in a deep breath and trying not to choke on it, he painstakingly finished filling out the form. Birthday, sign, name, major: everything filled in with neat small letters. He’d turn it in before his classes tomorrow morning and he’d be out of here before he knew it. A small nugget of him sobbed over it. Longing and regret filling him in equal measures. Waverly and Emilia were kind to him, but Wade’s had been the hand that took his and lead him here.
The stress of being there, the stress of not being there, he could only hope that they’d have somewhere for him to settle in quickly and that it’d be just him and his familiars staying there. When he’d first gotten this form, he’d been hoping that he could go to uni with Wade, even harbored the secret hope that maybe they could be dorm mates. Now though, he just hoped it’d be enough to have his familiars with him.
In the meantime, he’d find reasons to stay out of the house as late as possible. . .and possibly invest in a lock for his door. Setting the paper aside, the tear that hit the desk where it’d been moments before surprised him and he reached up a hand to touch his cheek. The fact that it was dry bewildered him as another tear joined the first. That’s when he realized, unbidden, his third eye was crying.
Lacy tears clung to his lashes, wetly clunging as he blinked. Even with proper training, he still used his third eye as little as possible and it was always a surprise to realize how many details he missed when he opened it to use it. He just. . hadn’t suspected that it could cry without his knowledge. It was almost enough to get him to stop crying altogether until he realized how much he’d craved having that bit of peace with him when he went to uni. Then he let it out, more tears slipping down his cheeks as he crumpled over the desk. Careful to keep silent, to not draw any attention to himself as he cried out his fear and panic and stress, mourning the loss of what could have been and everything that went wrong that shouldn’t have.
Word Count: 1,018
