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 Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:31 pm
Nadia had felt a little more stable and better, now that she had seen Sedna in person. Though the corrupt didn't remember a thing about her, and had told her things....Negaverse lies, the woman was more than happy knowing she was alive. Between patrolling again, as Methone and returning to a ballet scene in destiny city, as well as managing time to be with her brother AND Hurst well....
The woman had been filling in all the empty voids that people had left on her. She had yet to hear from Auguste, and though she lived in a new flat, she would welcome the small other piece of her if he wished. Colin had been even harder to reach and she chalked that up to what distance did to each other. He had other lovers and friends, just as she did.
The most empty spot in her heart had always been Lorne. Her other half, her best friend. The light in her life. The darkness that she carried. Lorne was, still was, her everything though she hadn't heard from him since her time in Russia. It hurt.....it always hurt, but she didn't know what happened to him. Was he even in town? Was he corrupted like Sedna....Olga now and he didn't remember her?
She had spent enough tears wondering about that, and Hurst had helped her, with being as honest as he had been, and telling her that one day it would work out. Hurst had been a good friend and a good lover.
So she had taken the polaris squire's advice to heart and kept living her life, and she would search for those she lost as she went, but not dwell on what ifs. Even today, at the bright early hours of 6am, dressed for summer heat and jogging in tight shorts and sports bra. Black hair messily tied up and headphones placed in.
She took to the park and hadn't been paying attention when she ran into a huge form, knocking him, herself and all his belongings over. Limbs tangled together, because she was sure the man was trying to save her and she was trying to do the same.
It all felt too familiar. Like she had done this before. Like Deja vu. Like she couldn't forget Lorne's body and her body tensed as if it was in its presence again. Headphones popped out and she tried for a beaming smile, pale blue eyes raising up to meet whoever was fortunate to get their hands all over her this morning. She would apologize of course, flirt and then be on her way. FrayedFlowers It's time....for some feelings
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Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2018 6:57 pm
Even if he’d done it before, different place, different time, Lorne felt anything but ready for this today. He told himself it was just the nerves, the raw anxiety trying to get to him like it always did, always burrowing and biting beneath the skin. He’d gotten past it the first time, though, and he was sure he’d get through it today too. First days really didn’t get easier for anyone, right? It hadn’t been so hard to find a job. Destiny City wasn’t exactly the most desired teaching location in the world. With a certification and some experience under his belt, he was more than good to go. He was dressed the part today too, not too formal because children were still children, but with crisp and ironed clothes including shades of gray with shoes that shined. A long way from his high school days, that was for certain... Breathe. Just breathe. He liked working with children. This was a job he enjoyed. He had to remember that, more or less chanting it as a mantra to himself when suddenly - Bam. Flying went the blank notebooks in his arms, and more than a few sticker sheets took to the air. Thank goodness he had most of the heavier stuff in his bag, mug included, but the rest was just - it didn’t really matter though. More importantly, “I - I’m so sorry, I - “ he sputtered, making an attempt to steady her whether she needed it or not, immediately red from shame because he hadn’t been paying attention at all, really. “I didn’t - “ And then he looked at her, and swore his heart stopped entirely as any words he might have offered turned to chalk in his mouth. Nadia. He couldn’t even say it.
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Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2018 11:15 pm
It was hard to focus thoughts, when the voice brought a stopping skid to anything in her mind and in her heart. She knew that voice, she KNEW this body. She knew everything about the man that she had landed on AGAIN and yet....She knew nothing at all.
It was a slow realization she was coming too. He was alive. He remembered her, so he wasn't corrupted. There was sticker sheets around them. He was dressed....well. In a tie. In crisp ironed shirt and pants. Hands flexed, as her gaze rose to his mouth, then to his eyes. Hurt, so clearly and plainly on her face, quickly faded into the only thing she knew how to do.
She wanted to ask, 'where were you?', 'what happened?', 'why did you stop talking to me?', 'Did I do something wrong?', 'Was the distance too hard?'. Was it like Colin and Auguste? Where had they gone?
She struggled with words because she just wanted to kiss him but something told her not too. Every fiber on her body moved and gravitated to him, but her mind.....
"I think we've been here before Handsome." She carefully said, before moving to get off him. Unlike their first meeting, she wouldn't be lazing on him. No. She didn't feel right. Something felt off.
She felt like a stranger to the only man she didn't want to ever feel like a stranger too.
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Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2018 9:23 am
If only she'd known the thoughts that ran through Lorne's head in a rapid fire assault. His hands were shaking, lower lip worrying already between his teeth as though that would do anything to help him form the words he didn't even think he had. What did one even say in a moment like this? Where did one even begin, where did - He'd honestly never expected to see her again. Not that he wanted it to be that way. But it just seemed to be the way things had been going, and she'd been so busy doing so many amazing things, and - it wasn't that the ache had left him. He hadn't moved on. That would be saying too much. How did one even move on from someone like Nadia? It was just... it was something he had learned to live with. There hadn't been a long string of ignored mails; there was a long string of unsent drafts sitting in his email, never sent and gathering proverbial dust now. Things he thought went better off unsaid. If she was happy, that was the important thing. The last thing he wanted was to hold her back. Really, it had kind of been an inevitability, right? Someone like him with someone like her... The look on her face was the first time in a long time he questioned that. Something unpleasant twisted in his stomach, and he looked away, and then back again. A bit of a smile tugged at his lips, a half-baked laugh slipping out of him. Say something. Say something.He'd gotten so comfortable with her; he'd had a group of people he was so comfortable and happy with, and it had been the first time in his life he'd felt such a way. It was all because of her, and her most of all, and - Lorne's hands were still there to steady her, he realized. They were shaking when he let them drop. "W - w - " God the stutter was absolutely killing him. He briefly squeezed his eyes shut to try and pull it together. "We - we must - stop bumping - bumping into each other like - like this, " and it was absolutely terrible. The last charming way he could have said it. The stupidest thing to say, too. Say something else, say something - "I missed - " Oh god, but not THAT. Even if it WAS true. "H- how are you?" Better. Slightly.
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Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2018 11:50 am
How could he be so utterly adorable and infuriating at the same time. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to hug him. She WANTED him to hold her and remind her that he was real and she was real and he was there for her. Her boyfriend. Her love. Her one true love. The person she had told Hurst that if ever came back, she couldn't be with the redhead anymore. Lorne was always the one with strings so tightly wound around her heart.
He was wearing a suit, as logic faded back in. He was probably on his way to work. He was so neatly put together and she was just in....jogging shorts and a bra. She was never ashamed of her body, but it was such a difference. She didn't even know what he was doing anymore. Where he was going?
She always was patient with him. Where he thought his stutter was annoying, she had found it endearing and honest. Where he thought his anxiety was bothersome, she had tried to ease him and show him. Perhaps.
Perhaps that wasn't enough.
"We use to do more then just bump into each other." She got up, brushing at her legs and closing her eyes. It was unjustly mean, and he didn't deserve it. Her heart ached in a way. He was so damn cute and she was so damn hurt and angry and would've been willing to throw it all away just to have him again, just to have him reach out and touch her face.
Her heart thudded again, even as he started to say how he missed her. Missed her? How could she be missed when she had always been there to talk? Was this her own fault too? Had she dropped the ball? His next question was even more loaded.
"I don't know Lorne." The tone was a bit snappy, just a bit on the edge. "Everyone close to me has left. I haven't heard from Colin or you in a long time. I have no idea where Auguste is. Olga...My friend was recently corrupted into the negaverse and I've never felt so alone in my life." She didn't want to hurt him, but every reminder that she had been left....."I thought you had been corrupted too. Maybe you forgot about me. You seem to be doing fine though." Oh god, she had to get away.
Tears started to form. Not out of truly sadness, but frustration.
"Sorry for knocking you over." She reached down, picking up stickers and whatever else was around. Frayedflower IIDK WHATS HAPPENING I HAVE SO MANY FEELS
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Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2018 5:25 pm
He was oblivious to the difference; for as nice as he tried to put himself together, he didn’t feel all that different. Now that Lorne could have known what she was thinking just then. The last thing on his mind was what either of them were wearing, too focused on her face and the emotions flashed in her eyes like an aurora. “I - “ He couldn’t remember her ever talking to him like that. She’d gotten angry before when he’d done some stupid things. But this was... why was she saying it like that? Why - hadn’t it been - ? He didn’t know how he expected her to react if they met again. Then again, he hadn’t expected to see her again at all. The snap, or even near to that, made him flinch. Lorne didn’t argue with it; he just accepted it, his eyes shocked and hurt at first but quickly becoming downcast. He didn’t say anything. He was too busy trying to process the sheer idea that maybe she hadn’t been as ready as he thought to let go. How he felt, then or now, didn’t matter half as much as knowing that was upset and in pain. To think he was a source of that - At first, he really just didn’t say anything, just slowly picking himself up off the ground with his face red and hair hanging down into his face. His hands were shaking so badly he was having trouble grasping a sticker sheet. “I - did not forget, “ he finally offered in the softest voice he had, not daring to look at her. “F - fine is - it’s relative, I - I didn’t - I thought - you were not alone. I - I’m sorry.” It was stupid. It was not enough. It was - Had he really hurt her?
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Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2018 8:19 pm
She would've been more hurt, as if he stabbed her in the heart and yanked it out, if she knew that he never intended to see her again. Perhaps fate was just as cruel to Methone and Nadia as it would be to Pix and Pix's love for Alphonse.
Destined to never be. What a curse they would've been given.
She hated that he looked down, away from her. Ashamed. Maybe he was ashamed he had run into her and she called him out? Or perhaps he was ashamed of her in general. Perhaps, she hated her brain, he had gone back to someone like Archer. Perhaps she wasn't enough for him. Perhaps.
"You thought I wouldn't be alone." She barely whispered the word, as shock settled in. As if the idea that her being in russia, away from him hadn't been lonely already. As if sometimes, when she finished shows, she desperately waited and seeked his letters like lifelines that reminded her that someday she would return to his arms. As if, without his love, she was anything but less than half the woman she could ever be. That should could find empty fillers. Even Hurst knew that she was only using him as a temporary replacement.
"I could not be more alone when the man I love no longer seeks my love anymore." She whispered, anger....sadness. "You're sorry." She hurt. He was sorry. For what? Acting like she was out somewhere with lovers on her fingers and at her beck and call? For not calling or sending her letters? For not....
She stepped over to him, placing whatever she picked up in her hands and tears, hot and embarrassing fell from her face, landing on stickers and papers. To think, she had loved him so much that she would've dropped the world if he asked and he thought she was nothing more then...then....
"You're forgiven." She choked a little because she hadn't really forgiven him. It was all empty words, "I guess this means you don't have to worry about me anymore, do you?" She wanted shake him. "If I wasn't doing enough, that was on me too. Long distance was hard. Hard on both of us." She was going to acknowledge this. "If you wanted to break up, you could've told me. Not disappeared. Not let me hold on to hope..." She brushed the tears away.
A small step back. She didn't know what else to say. She was...Did she dare fight for this? Did she go home and wallow now? Arms came up defensively around her waist. First it had been Auguste, then Colin...then Lorne. Olga's had been the cherry on the top. It made Nadia wonder if she was even worth the time anymore.
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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2018 2:30 pm
It broke his heart. It absolutely devastated him to see tears falling on those sheets of paper, and the tension in his chest was so much that it hurt to breathe. He felt himself growing more and more panicked, but he was desperately trying to keep his emotions in check. The guilt over having hurt her was suffocating, but this was not about how he was feeling - he had wronged her, and he’d been stupid enough not to realize. “I - I - I - “ He was trying hard, words trying to form in his mind and heart, trying not to crumble into more chalk dust before touching his lips. “I - I didn’t know you were - weren’t having - weren’t happy t-there, a-and - n-not that I wanted to - to - I thought - “ He made a soft, rather pitiful sound of frustration, because the words just weren’t coming out right. “I’m sorry, I - I wanted to - I - I didn’t - I was - “ Words were just failing, again and again, and he put the lightest of touches on her shoulder - as if somehow that would transfer understanding, or - or something, anything. “I didnt know...”
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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2018 11:43 pm
Words were hard for Lorne, and she should've known that perhaps she should've led the conversation in a more meaningful...constructive way. She couldn't help the tears. They were there. It was pent up emotions, worries.
His sound of frustration would've made her laugh if she wasn't mimicking the same sound as well. She wanted to shake him. How could he think she was happy in Russia without him?
Had she failed him? The touch on her shoulder made her flinch. She regretted the flinch immediately and then reached out for his hand. "You have somewhere to be Lorne." She wanted to confirm. "Maybe shouldn't be caught up with an old girlfriend right?"
She placed a kiss on the top of his hand, and choked back on the feeling of letting go. She had him right here again. "I'll let you go." Was that what he wanted. What he needed?
She wanted to say he'd know where to find her, but she wasn't where she use to be. A new flat. A new place.
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2018 12:36 pm
Honestly, if he wasn't so shocked and overwhelmed, Lorne probably would have been crying along with her; instead, he felt like he was trapped in a nightmare, there but not, unable to say what he meant and his body betraying him at every turn. It got a thousand times worse when he touched her and she flinched. Any amount of angry words were one thing; to think that his touches were unwanted, that god forbid he was making her feel even a fraction of what it had been like with Archer, it was enough to make him want to vomit. The taste of bile in the back of his throat made his chest grow impossibly tight, like he was trying to breathe into a plastic bag. Even the brush of her lips again his hand should have warmed him, but it was so final, it seemed to ache like the cool steel of a blade. "I didn't - " He couldn't even move, all color drained entirely from his face now, making the panic in his yellow eyes that much more vibrant. "Please I didn't - I - I'm not - it's not - " Then it spilled out; not all of it, just a trace, like how the eyes go bloodshot when one was deprived of air long enough. "I - I was - I thought I was holding you back - and I wanted to hold you back - I never wanted to - h-hurt - and when you didn't write back, I thought - I thought I was right, I - " Then he immediately took it back, "I - I mean, I'm sorry, I really didn't, I really - I - I do have to - I - " He did have to go; but how was he supposed to just walk away from her? All he wanted to make her do was to make it right. He never wanted to make her cry like this, never.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2018 12:29 am
Hold her back? Lorne, who had let her go to Russia to pursue her dream of being a top ballerina, holding her back. He had been her biggest fan and biggest support. It was even more shocking to think he had been 'possessive' in terms of her. Lorne was never the one to be like that. It was Nadia and Colin that were like that.
She didn't even realize her own folly until he brought it up himself, distance and the lack of communication and all the misunderstandings dropped like hail from the sky. She had let him down, she realized, just as much as he had let her.
"You're so stupid Lorne." She sighed, and reached over to one of his papers, to his pens and wrote down the address and phone number of her new place and new phone.
"And I'm just as stupid. Go, and then....If you are ready, we can talk again." She tapped the paper. "If that's what you want Lorne. You're my heart and Soul. Don't ever think anything less. But if what you need is distance and time...." She pursued her lips.
"to wonder if I am still the same to you, I'll be waiting." She let the physical touch between them drop, stepping away. Had she stayed any longer connected, she didn't think she would let him go. Even if he was going to work, whatever it was, she had no right to ask him to leave it just because they bumped into each other.
Her heart ached with confusion and hurt, and maybe she too needed time to collect her thoughts and what she needed to say. She thought, a bit bitterly, if it came to it.....she would also need to prepare to say goodbye for good to the only man who could or would contain the purest form of her heart and love.FrayedFlower Wanna wrap.....MAYBE DO ANOTHER ONE?
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2018 7:22 pm
'You're so stupid Lorne, ' the words played back in his mind like an echo, as if they were in a cave instead of standing in a park. He flinched when he heard them. "I - I know, " he said in his quietest voice; it was like he hoped the volume would be a reflection on his stature. He felt about five inches tall as it was. Although he heard the rustle of paper, he was too busy staring at the ground, beckoning it to swallow him whole. 'And I'm just as stupid', and the words shocked him. Lorne's gaze snapped up briefly, if only for a second, wild and panicked through the dark veil of his hair. "N-no, you're - " That slip of paper effectively shut him up. What I need? All he could think that he needed was for her to be happy. That was all that had ever mattered. That's all that should matter. Just look at her. To hear she still thought he was her heart and soul... it was... He loved her. He loved her more than he'd ever loved anything in his life. That had never changed. But he'd hurt her. He'd hurt her without meaning to, and he'd been such an idiot, and - if he was too stupid to see that, then why did he deserve her at all? Lorne didn't want her to let go. He didn't want her to go, but he couldn't say the words to make her stay. Again. He clutched the paper tightly in his hand and tried to remember how to breathe. He had not realized how dark the day was until she stepped out of his sight. It was a wonder he did not fall as she left him, but he couldn't. For better or worse... he had a job to do.
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