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 Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2018 3:46 pm
Shopping with Zac had been…almost nice. There was less rivalry and more…well. More almost budding friendship between the two of them, or at least that was what Tobias had told himself. Right now Zac was his lifeline and the strongest barrier he had between actually going through with this…and wimping out and corrupting all of them, Cambria included. Not that he was sure that Cambria was involved…but he had a suspicion that she was.
Though…that didn’t matter.
Right now he was going to see Laurie and…and to say goodbye.
Honestly…he wasn’t sure what he would tell his brother but…but he wanted to tell him the truth. He deserved that…and maybe he could beg the male to purify with him so they wouldn’t lose each other…
Tobias felt his eyes already starting to burn and drew in a breath, knocking lightly on Laurence’s door and then rocking back on his heels.
It might be best…not to mention Evan at the very least…but…well, obviously he couldn’t tell him about Evan being a senshi but…
Oh damn. What was his story going to even be? Why hadn’t he thought this through better?
Maybe…he would get lucky. Maybe Laurence wouldn’t be home…and he could just…send an email or something…wouldn’t that be better? Less of a risk…?
Please don’t be home…
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:36 pm
Laurence didn’t ever feel like he had days off, but he couldn’t just up and walk away. Someone knocking on his door could have been anyone—including an impromptu Negaverse visitor. Keen to be the best that he could be, and with only mild fear of solicitors or neighbors asking for favors, he left the kitchen he’d been preparing a meal in.
Even on his off days, he somehow managed to look professional.
There was immediate recognition on his face when he opened the door, but confusion followed shortly afterwards. “Tobias,” he greeted, resting on the door frame. “…What are you doing here?”
He could tell something was wrong and immediately opened the door to invite him inside. “Is everything okay? –Do you want something to eat, drink?”
He suspected the worst, that he’d gotten in trouble with the Negaverse, that Evan had left him, that he’d embarrassed himself in public and his ego couldn’t handle it…
But, he was a good big brother.
It didn’t matter what it was, he wanted to be there for Tobias.
At least, he did now that they were getting along.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:42 pm
At the sight of his brother, Tobias felt a sudden sense of complete and utterly crippling loss. For a moment his resolve waivered, much more than it had any other time so far. Maybe…maybe he could…
No. Evan needed him.
Quietly, the male entered, and after making sure the door was firmly shut behind him, he hugged Laurence tightly, clinging to the older boy as he had when they were children. When Tobias had fallen off his bike, or had a bad dream. Laurence’s arms were always the ones he had run into, and it was no different now.
“I’m…leaving. I’m purifying and I’m not going to be me anymore, and I’ll most likely forget everything so…so I’m here to say goodbye…”
The words tumbled out, and once they were said, Tobias began to shake, tears welling up in his eyes. “…I almost hurt Evan. I almost hurt him I ran into him powered and I almost killed him and I just…can’t do this anymore, Laurie…”
It was a lie that was believable enough. After all, he had almost killed Laurence the last time they had met, hadn’t he?
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:44 pm
Laurence faltered, confused immediately by this response from his brother. The hug had been unexpected, but he had easily slipped into old habits and returned it just as protectively as he used to. His grip was stronger now, more reassuring; despite whatever grievances he’d had against his brother, instinct was quick to take over when Tobias needed him.
And it seemed like he needed him pretty badly, right now.
He had no reason to doubt the lie, but his heart sunk into the pit of his stomach and it felt like his intestines were choking the life out of it. He felt simultaneously overheated and frozen, and he drew his arms closer around Tobias.
He wasn’t sure if it was protectively or if it was out of a desire to stop him, and a few long seconds passed before he could even kick his brain back into gear and get his thoughts rolling again.
“I see,” he said, almost breathlessly.
He didn’t; the information came crashing down on him with such harsh pressure that it was difficult to get any comprehensive thought in.
Small bits slowly filtered through—powered up, almost hurt Evan…but he’d have known it was Evan. What would have made him try to hurt him? Clouded by Chaos? Distracted? Accidentally attacked a group Evan was in?
There were any number of possible scenarios, but the end result was still the same—Tobias had almost hurt Evan and that boy was important enough to his brother that he would give up everything…
Everything?
“What do you mean?” he had to ask; the thought was jarring and he kept getting stuck on it. “Forget everything—what? You’ll forget me?”
It felt like he was stuck in a mental landslide, like the ground was shifting below him and he just couldn’t keep up. “—I don’t—what does this mean for us?” he asked suddenly, trying to start at the beginning, at the most important part, and work his way through the rest of the thoughts as best he could manage.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:46 pm
When he felt Laurence’s strong arms around him, Tobias swallowed hard. He didn’t want to give this up. He didn’t want to lose this again. He…he didn’t want to be without his family. “…You could come with me, Laurie…we could get out of the Negaverse together…make our own way in the world.”
One chance. He had this one chance to keep his brother. To keep his brother and to keep Evan.
“The Negaverse will tear us apart and…I mean, hell, Laurie…we’ve already almost killed one another how many times because of being in this organization? It pollutes you…and you’re too wonderful to be polluted by chaos anymore than you already have been. Besides, you’re a helper. You help people. You make sure they live…you shouldn’t be out taking energy and…starseeds and killing...”
He swallowed, trying to draw on some of the things Zac and Evan had said to him, trying to find a way to…sound convincing.
“I don’t want to lose my big brother. Not again. I lost you from my arrogance before…and I don’t want to lose you due to saving my neck…but…” Another pang of fear flashed through him. “…Please, Laurie. I need you.”
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:46 pm
Laurence stiffened; for a split second, he was calculating, trying to figure out how to make this work. How to keep his brother.
Not with the Negaverse. Just with him.
For a few seconds, he seemed to be able to form some functioning plan…but slowly, it began to slip away. The foundation on which he founded the illusion began to crumble when too many realizations began to factor in.
He’d lose Gale, first and foremost. Even if he somehow managed to keep her, Cavansite would figure out what had happened if he continued to date her. Everything he worked for would be gone. All of his schooling, his occupation. Every step he’d made to prove himself would be lost.
He’d never make his parents proud if they both disappeared. It would break their heart.
A pang of guilt flooded through him.
Losing Tobias would break their heart.
He held his younger brother a little closer, trying to force the negative thoughts away—trying to have a better argument to go along with it.
…But Laurence wasn’t a risk taker. He was comfortable in his life, even if Tobias had done an incredibly good job of seeding the thought into his mind.
“…I can’t do that,” he whispered, resting his chin on Tobias’ shoulder. He sounded sad, pained, but this wasn’t a complete no.
“…Not yet. I have too much to take care of. I can’t throw it all away. I’ll need more time—more time than what it sounds like you have,” he said, trying to talk out loud so Tobias could see where he was coming from.
“Gale is important to me. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know if I could explain this to her right now. I don’t have a plan, not like it sounds like you do.” His mouth felt suddenly dry and he tried to swallow, but it only made things worse. When he spoke again, his voice was almost even.
“I don’t want to lose you, Tobias. It doesn’t have to be like that. I’m not going to stop you.” How could he? He could go turn him in, right now. Probably get brownie points for it. The thought sickened him almost as soon as it passed through his mind and he realized just how depraved the Chaos might be making him. Hell, he was so ready to throw Tobias under the bus so he could have a win, just once, but even now…
Even now, he couldn’t do it. Tobias was his little brother. He was supposed to love and support him, and no matter how jealous he was, no matter how much they’d hurt each other out of pettiness in the past…
He gave him a reassuring squeeze.
“I can’t do that right now. But I’m not saying no. I don’t make rash decisions, I’m a planner. I have to make everything perfect. So I’m going to think about it, I’m going to do what I can. But…if you forget me…”
He swallowed and drew back so he could see his brother’s face. Tenderly, he looked at him and reached to stroke his hair. His brows were knit, worried from the possibilities and strained because he always tended to overthink things and expect the worst.
“What do we do? Can we stop that? I don’t…We haven’t had the best relationship, but I don’t want to lose it…”
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:47 pm
When Tobias felt his brother stiffen, he held on tighter, pressing against the male and just…hoping. Going so far as to even try praying, something he hadn’t done in the past few decades but…it was worth it if it would mean he could keep Laurence with him. If it meant he could save his brother from this stupid…
…From everything.
When Laurie held him closer, he drew in a sharp breath, his hope rising—
Only for it to be dashed a moment later.
For a moment, Tobias felt as though the world had shattered. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t focus on what Laurence was saying and could only press closer, beginning to shake his head slowly, pressing his face closer, trying to block everything out.
When he was moved and forced to look up at Laurence, his face was damp with tears and Tobais’s expression was nothing but a deep despair. “I don’t want to lose you, Laurie…” His words were soft, filled with an almost childlike fear and doubt in them. “If I forget you…that means I’ll have literally forgotten everything because…I won’t even…There’ll be no reason for me to even be around if I forget you…If I’ve forgotten you that means Evan will be gone too and…and I’d rather just be dead…”
He shuddered. “…I can’t lose you. I’d rather just not even…” Tobias broke off, looking away again. He couldn’t just not leave. He had to leave. He had made promises…rash promises and now he had to keep them.
Quietly, he looked back at Laurence, shaking his head slowly. “…Maybe we can email..? But…you just said not now…does that mean one day? You can come with me and we can be a family again…?”
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:47 pm
Laurence’s expression softened when he realized Tobias had been crying into his shirt. Tobias’ fears began to creep into his heart as well, but he was the older brother.
It was his job not to be afraid. His job to chase away the monsters, even when Tobias could be an annoying little brat.
He didn’t look at Tobias, just drew him back into a tight embrace. His mind was racing, trying to cover everything his brother had said. He didn’t have solutions, didn’t have answers. He didn’t want to lose Tobias but he didn’t want to see him cry.
“Hey,” he said firmly. “Calm down. Take a breath, Tobias. You’re not going to lose me or Evan. You just need a plan, and I’ll help you come up with one. And then, if you give me enough time, I’ll be able to make my own plan. Toby, you’ve had time to think this out, time to reach your own resolve. I’ve got too many things going on for me to just drop them all, but…”
He drew in a breath and forced himself to relax. “I support you. I’m on your side, for all of this. We’re going to make sure you remember me, and Evan. We’ll just figure out how. You’ve got my email, you can message me at any time. We’ll talk. I just,” he hesitated, “I just need some time. You have to trust me, Tobias. I’m not lying.”
He kissed the top of his head reassuringly and held him close. “You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:47 pm
Tobias did as he was told, unashamed for losing control in front of Laurence. He was the only one who wouldn’t judge him for such weaknesses. Slowly he managed to get control of his breathing again and began to mull over the male’s words, his fingers clutching the back of Laurie’s shirt tightly.
They could email. It might work…especially if Laurence was planning on…on joining him…eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later…and then they could have one another again. Go back to really being brothers. Closer than ever…a family that couldn’t be broken by anything.
He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, noisily, and finally he nodded, feeling rather exhausted. “Yeah. You’re right, Laurie. We will be okay…we’ll figure this out. We can get through this together. We’re family and something as stupid as…magical…whatever isn’t going to stop that. And when you’re ready…you’ll have a place to go when you come to the other side. I’ll be waiting for you, no matter if I remember you or not…but just in case…”
The male gave a rueful smile. “Write me an email, okay? Tell me who you are, what we are. How we’re related…give me something tangible to hold in my hand and read in case I lose it all…please? I would appreciate it more than I can say, Laurence…”
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:48 pm
Laurence looked at Tobias for a long moment and then nodded. “I’ll write you a letter tonight, I’ll get it all ready for you. I’ll write you everything you need to know, and my email address so you can reach me. If you forget me—which, you won’t,” he said, in a tone so confident, so firm, that it almost sounded as if he really believed such a thing, “But if you do, it’ll be enough that we’ll be able to reunite. I mean, you’ll remember part of me, no matter what—right? Andalusite knows Amesite, and you know me. So it’s not like we’ll have to start all over.”
He gripped his shoulder and gave it a firm, reassuring squeeze. “I’ll take care of this. I’ll take care of everything. You aren’t going to lose me. But,” he leaned forward and kissed his brother’s forehead. “It means the world to me to know that you’ll be there waiting. Besides, if you get settled in, I can just come mooch off of you. So you’d better have a spare room ready for me, just in case.”
He flashed a grin, trying to stay in good spirits even if his heart was throbbing in his chest and even if his nerves were tangled in his stomach.
He was afraid. He was terrified. He didn’t like the unknown, he didn’t like the idea of losing Tobias.
But he had to be strong. Tobias needed this.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:48 pm
Tobias nodded, resting against his brother and feeling utterly exhausted. “I’ll wait for it. And I’ll print it out…and I’ll read it and I’ll find you. I’ll find you and I’ll bring you home, Laurence. This is going to be fine, you’re right. There’s nothing to worry about. We’re brothers. We can’t just lose one another.”
His words were gaining strength, and he was almost to the point where he believed himself. This bond was stronger than his bond with Evan, and though their relationship had been a little wobbly at times, it was still a solid relationship. Blood ran deep.
Brothers couldn’t be parted.
He drew away finally and took in Laurence’s appearance, trying to commit it to memory. Trying to seal the image away deep in his heart, if not in his mind.
“We’ve got this…and now…I want you to take me to lunch, for I am starving. Tobias gave a little grin, his pallor receding just slightly. His eyes were still red and slightly swollen from crying, but he seemed as though things had been accepted.
“…I love you and…we’ve got this. I know it. I can’t lose my only brother. That would be stupid.”
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:49 pm
For a long moment, Laurence just looked at his brother and then, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he just laughed. He drew his brother into a strong embrace, this one filled with nothing but affection and playfulness. “Don’t ever change, Tobias. You’re already a perfect version of yourself. I mean, get out of the Negaverse, do that, but after that—don’t change. I like you like this.”
He tightened the squeeze, partly as a display of affection and partly to be obnoxious; he kissed the top of his brother’s head and then released him.
“You’re right, though. We’ve got this. We won’t lose each other. And I’m going to stuff you so full of food you’ll have a stomach ache for so long there’s no way you’ll forget about where it came from. So chin up.”
He smiled, despite not feeling like he should be able to.
He didn’t know what his future held—what Tobias’ future held—but he knew that he was going to try his hardest to make things more than okay.
Things were going to be good.
They had to be.
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