Megrez had taken a little too long in between planet visits, and she was starting to feel antsy. The natural solution was to get away from it all and sequester herself on her planet for a day. The time “taken off” helped her more than it didn’t, and it made her feel silly for not going up there more often.

The planet transfer had spat her out near the egg-fruit tree from a while ago. Over the year or two since she discovered it, it had begun to very slowly sprout more leaves, flowers, and fruits. She had not tasted either the white or yellow fruits yet, and she thought that now was the time to give it a try. Hoping that size was indicative of ripeness, she picked a white-skinned fruit and bit into it. To her surprise, it tasted something like a hybrid of an orange and a mango, with the mango’s thick skin and citrus flavor and the orange’s juicy partitions. Through the bite she had made, she could see some almond-like seeds. She remembered the warning the priest had given when she first discovered the tree, and so she had decided to skip trying the yellow fruit entirely.

Someday she’d try the yellow fruit’s seeds, though. Surely the visions would be interesting, at least? Maybe she ought to drag someone up there to watch her in case she really went off her rocker.

As Megrez munched on the egg fruit, she found herself doing some self-reflection. Her conversation with Corvus had dredged up some memories that she thought she was over. She had not forgotten her bloodstained past; how could she? The nightmares, the mental imbalance, the outbursts could all be called on in her memory at will. They never stopped existing. They had only been covered with a frail layer of dust by time and distance; a slight breeze could bring them all back to light. Everything existed just under the surface for her.

Her happy-go-lucky facade was a relatively new invention, though it wasn’t a very hard mask to wear. Perhaps, if she hadn’t been through what she had, she could even honestly say that that was her true personality. It was fun, pretending there weren’t any problems, but she knew that sooner or later she would have to crack and reveal her true self: bloodstained, drowning in remorse and fear of consequences. She scanned the glowing feathers lining her arms and was no longer so sure she deserved them. Back when she first got them, she really laid the crap about love and forgiveness on thick, because it was what she needed at the time. She needed to believe that Melantha’s ability to forgive and heal from anger was in line with hers, and that it would lead her to absolution.

Megrez felt she needed to re-evaluate what she really believed in. She was redefining the terms of her beliefs, in a way. She did not believe in “love” anymore as much as she believed in “faith” and “life.” Faith applied to the self, to others, and to the world. To the self, it meant trusting oneself to do the right thing, and helping oneself to help others. To others, it meant trusting others to help in a time of need, and helping them in turn. To the world, it meant believing that life would go on, that the world would not suddenly cease to exist, and that change would come with the passage of time.

It all fell under the umbrella of a belief in life itself. Life encompassed time, possibility, action, change. A flowing, alive world filled with all kinds of experiences, good and bad, was always better than a static world where nothing bad would happen. Megrez wanted to fight to protect life and the ability to act, choose, and grow. Chaos was a force that could smother all of those.

That was why Megrez fought, she decided. She was going to defend people’s ability to make choices and grow unfettered. She felt the tension slip out of her as the resolution slid into place in her mind. This was a resolution from the heart, new and updated to fit her current view and knowledge of the world. It did not feel as simple and shallow as her earlier preaching of “love” and “forgiveness.” It made her wish she could do her transcendence over. Maybe, just for fun, she would try that anyway. She felt like she owed it to herself and to her planet to demonstrate her new understanding and maturity.

She looked down; apparently, in her reverie, she had just about demolished the egg fruit. Its yellow insides had stained her gloves, and the skin was just kind of laying flattened out in her hands. Whoops. It was good, though, and worth it, right?

Totally worth it.