She awoke with a start. Breath heavy, heart racing. The images of her nightmares were slow to dissipate, but the sensation of a solid, warm form beside her helped ground Gwen. Instinctually she curled herself against the person beside her. An arm draped across a pale, slightly hairy chest. In response to the touch, her bedmate stirred and rolled towards her. Deep brown eyes opened slowly to focus on her, brows creasing heavily. “What’s wrong, babe?”


“A nightmare.” Her voice was raspy. Had she been talking in her sleep? Had Darren heard her?

Her foot reached out, seeking his own leg before to intertwined her own with his as she pressed up against him. Skin made contact with skin, the thin sheet that had been covering their modesty had long been kicked off in the summer heat.

A hand reached up to brush away hair from her face that was sticky with sweat. His eyes searching hers before he propped himself up onto an elbow. “Seems like it was more than just a nightmare. Want to talk about it?” He looked dead serious. Worried and genuinely concerned for her. Her heart beat fast again, this time for reasons much more pleasant than the after effects of bad dreams

I don’t deserve any of that. Him. Or his love. The thought came unbidden and unwanted. It completely encompassed her.

“No. No, I am alright. I don’t really remember it anyway.” She forced a smile as she turned her attention to the one thing she knew she could do to help herself stop the dark thoughts that were beginning to boil up. Fingers slowly traced designs on Darren’s chest. Her nail scratched lightly at skin and hair before a trail of kisses began to follow. “Why don’t we. Enjoy ourselves.” More kisses followed. “Since we’re awake?”

Really, Gwen wasn’t giving Darren much of a choice in the matter, but Darren had absolutely no qualms with the route things were going. He did try and act like a proper adult for a moment though. “Or...we could go on patrol for awhile. We’ve not done that in awhile.” But his response to her attentions said he wanted otherwise.

Why bother? You’re pretending. He’s pretending. Gwen worked hard to shove those thoughts away and they continued to berate her. Push her down. Make her feel like the worthless trash she knew she was, but physical activity and pure pleasure eventually overrode those thoughts. Carnal pleasure was her temporary relief.

She needed this. Needed him. Needed everything that made her forget.

Eventually Darren fell asleep, but Gwen’s mind was still haunting her. The thoughts and voices came back with a rampage. Leaving the bed and Darren she moved to the living room on quiet toes. There, she grabbed a blanket and wrapped herself in it despite the heat of the night. Letting herself fall onto the cound she brought knees to chest and wrapped her arms around her legs and braced her forehead against her thighs. There she wept. She wept as anxieties and depression began to overwhelm.

It was happening too often. How many nights had she ended up in this position on this couch? How often has she cried, hiccuped, and gotten lost in the myriad of thoughts and emotions?

Coping was becoming harder. Even the pills, her usual salvation that currently sit in a drawer in the bedroom, could only help her so much.

“What am I going to do?” She whispered between tears as she pulled her legs closer and buried her face, hair cascading around her in a messy, red veil.