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 Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:28 pm
Sleeping in the chair hadn’t been the most comfortable thing that Tobias had ever done, but he didn’t really regret it. Evan hadn’t gotten hurt, and neither had Zac who had stayed on the couch all night, a reassuring presence there to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.
And he hadn’t.
Tobias had dragged himself to the kitchen the moment the sun decided to greet him by shining right in his eyes, and managed to make what passed for chocolate chip pancakes...there wasn’t even any smoke this time. He was becoming a better cook, slowly but surely.
He deposited a plate of the steaming things in Zac’s lap and gave a little grin, before taking two into Evan’s room, shutting the door softly behind him. There was a lot to say...and things were always easier to talk about when there was food to eat while talking.
Slowly, Tobias made his way to the bed, putting his plate on the bedside table and bending down to kiss Evan’s soft, dark hair. “Good morning, love. I hope you slept okay…”
His lips had remained against Evan’s hair as he spoke, and he wasn’t able to stop the laugh from slipping out as the hair tickled his face.
“I made breakfast, and again, I didn’t burn the house down. I think that means I was successful.” Things had to be okay. Things had to get back on track, and he had to talk to Evan now before it was too late. There was so much to say...and it felt as though there was no time at all in which to say it.
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 4:22 pm
Evan sighed heavily—the first sign that he probably hadn’t slept very well. He had passed out when his body was overwhelmed by exhaustion. At first, he nuzzled into the kiss—and then, he seemed to remember what was going on in his life.
He sighed again and reached to rub at his eyes.
“…It’s morning already?”
His voice was tired, raw. He wasn’t a morning person, but it seemed like he was slowly working to be awake at least. The smell of pancakes was somewhat rousing—more so for Maxim than him, though.
The puppy rolled away from Evan to sniff at the pancakes; he didn’t try to take any but it was clear that he was invested and waiting to be offered his own.
“I’m not really hungry,” Evan mumbled, but he forced himself to sit up anyway. His hair was a mess and he looked exhausted—but he didn’t look afraid of Tobias, and he didn’t try to pull away. “I’ll pick though, if that’s okay. My stomach still feels a little funny. Sort of gave me some problems last night. Maybe it was the fast food.”
Or the fact that he had all that stress to deal with.
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 5:31 pm
Tobias should have anticipated Evan’s refusal of the pancakes. He shouldn’t have made quite so many but...he had been so excited. So happy for how things would go. He swallowed, forcing the smile to remain on his face. “Sorry, Maxie, I put chocolate in these, so I can’t share today…” He reached over and stroked the dog’s ears lightly, nuzzling against Evan once more.
“Zac is here, Ev. He spent the night...I...I spent a long time talking to him. I think him and me might be...on the road to being friends. Kind of. Maybe. I…”
Tobias blew out a breath, shaking his head. “I know a lot happened yesterday, but I’m still...i’m even more sure about my decision. I’m going to purify. I’m going to get out, just...give me a few days to get some things together...I have to talk to Laurence and I have to figure out what to do with my money...I’m thinking I’m going to just dump it all in your bank, if that’s okay.”
He couldn’t see why it wouldn’t, but honesty was the key right now.
Shoving the plate that was on the table over, Tobias put the second up there, adjusting his position and wrapping his arms around Evan, holding him gently. “You’re...my everything, Evan. I hope you understand that. I hope you know that...I will never hurt you, and I’m thinking that by this time next week...I’ll be out. I’ll be...not Andalusite anymore and you and me can continue on with our lives.”
He grew quiet for a moment, a few doubts surfacing that he couldn't quite push away.
“Ev...if I forget you...if I don’t remember anything about who I am...you’ll remind me, won’t you? You...you’d want to continue with our relationship…?” Tobias’ voice was soft, and there was a large dose of fear hidden in it. He wasn’t sure just what Evan would want to do...and honestly...he wouldn't really have blamed him if he wanted to use this as a quick and easy way to separate from Tobais.
...After all, Zac had said that Evan had never wanted to be with him in the first place.
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:13 pm
Evan’s breath hitched when Tobias mentioned Zac; the name alone was enough to wake him up. His eyes found Tobias’ with silent questioning and he was obviously on edge.
His expression flashed when Tobias softened; the fact that he didn’t linger on Zac meant that he probably hadn’t come by to cause trouble, and the fact that he wasn’t here, now, meant that maybe he wasn’t going to just barge in and try to force Evan to talk about things now.
“…If you forget about me,” Evan said quietly, “Of course I’d be here for you. If I left you, that—that would be so unfair, like divorcing your spouse just because they got into an accident and their recovery was going to ‘take too long’. I mean,” he faltered.
“I wouldn’t force you to stay with me, not if you didn’t love me anymore. But I wouldn’t just disappear and leave you without anyone. I’d—I don’t know,” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. He was too tired to cry but his eyes were sore and he was still trying to adjust to the light.
“I care about you. I’m not going to fall out of love with you. I want you to be safe. And I mean—of course, I don’t want to lose you.” His voice was quiet and he could feel his heart breaking already. He swallowed, but his face didn’t betray more emotion than concern and worry. “…But I know what the Negaverse would do to you, Tobias. I know what it would do to me. To us. And I know it’s a lot to ask, but…but I’ll always be here for you. Oh! But—uhm, no, you shouldn’t put all that money in my account.”
He looked a bit flustered. “If you do that, and then you go missing, they’ll think I killed you. I won’t survive in jail, Tobias. So it’s probably safer if we find something else. But…”
One hand lowered from his face to take Tobias’ and he rested against him.
“…I love you, Tobias. There’s not even a guarantee that you’re going to forget me. But—but if you do…I’ll be here. For everything. I will never leave you. I mean, unless you want me to, but…but I love you too much to just walk away. I don’t know if you know how important you are to me. If you weren’t going to purify, if you didn’t care about leaving the Negaverse…”
His free hand moved to rest over his chest and he rubbed as if he could soothe his aching heart. “…I don’t know what I’d do. But if you’re willing to do this, for me? …I’ll do anything—everything—for you.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:24 pm
Tobais watched Evan for a long moment before chuckling softly. “Zac did the same thing. With the emphasis on the if. I’m just...I’m just so worried, I figure if I plan for the worst and get the best...then I’ll be okay. But...if you still want me, then I have nothing to worry about.”
While Evan’s heart was breaking, Tobias felt as though his was swelling with more love than he even knew that he had. “I can’t imagine forgetting you, Evan. You are so much a part of my life. A part of my very DNA now, I just...forgetting you seems such a remote thing I just...it’s so good to know that you still want me.”
He was quiet for a moment, his fingers tracing random patterns on the backs of Evan’s hands. “...I’m not lying about anything anymore. I...I asked Zac to come over last night. I was having really bad thoughts. Like how easy it would be to just corrupt you thoughts...and he said he would kill me if I did, so I figured...it would be safest to have him here...and I made it through the night...and you’re still you and I’m not dead so I suppose...I passed the test.” Tobias attempted a smile, but he wanted to stop rambling on like this. Evan didn’t need to hear that he had wanted to corrupt him. That was the last thing that he needed but…
But now that he had started talking, Tobias couldn’t seem to stop.
“I’m a little scared, honestly...but I’m excited too. I’ll get to fight beside you and I can keep you safe...I mean...I know for a fact that you can keep yourself safe but…”
He swallowed, then grinned, his eyes lighting up. “But now I’ll be able to watch your back. You’ll never have to worry again and...and we’ll be together.”
For a moment he seemed a little lost and then drew in a sharp breath. “Evan, will you marry me? I don’t have a ring at the moment but I’ll go and get one I just...I want to be engaged to you when I go through with this. We don’t have to actually...I just...I just want to know that you said yes...I...maybe if I have enough memories I’ll…”
Oh god he sounded so stupid.
“I’m so sorry. I’m not making any sense right now…”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:26 pm
For a moment, Evan didn’t reply. When he did, his tone was heavy with more emotion than even his face let on.
The idea of being forcibly corrupted honestly terrified him. The idea of one of them dying in the night horrified him.
…The idea of Zac coming over to make sure Tobias was okay and not somehow barging in on Evan to demand he listen to him?
Refreshing. And, confusing.
It made him hopeful.
But, he couldn’t focus on Tobias’ temptation to corrupt him; he couldn’t deal with that stress, that anxiety, right now.
Because, he had to deal with a marriage proposal. His face went blank and he seemed, like a moment, like he had completely forgotten how to speak. The seconds ticked on—too long, he realized, and he was suddenly afraid that Tobias would think it was a rejection.
“Yes,” he said after a moment; he stumbled over the word, overwhelmed with the idea. On one hand, he wanted the commitment, the stability, but it was too fast. He hadn’t even considered marrying Tobias—not seriously—so it was all out of the blue and was completely terrifying.
He could imagine spending the rest of his life with Tobias, but when confronted with the question he only felt like he was very small, standing in front of a very large wave about to crash into him.
He knew he’d be swept off his feet, he knew he’d feel the full brunt of the impact, but all he could do was stare.
Words trickled from his mouth in fluctuating certainty as he tried to wrap his mind around things.
“I would. I mean, I would say yes. We could be engaged.”
How could he say no? How could he say no?
When Tobias needed every strong, loving memory they could make, just to hope that he could keep the memories that mattered? It was selfish of Evan to deny him that, to deny him the best chance he could have to keep the parts of him that mattered most. To keep their relationship alive, and existing. Because—if Evan was the only one that remembered—did it really even count?
There was a budding lump in his throat, and he didn’t want Tobias to think he was anything but sincere.
“I mean, how could I not want you? ….You helped make me human again. You helped me get back into the world. You made me…me. Only, better. I can’t say that being a youma made me better—it didn’t. But…”
He seemed to struggle with a thought and then finally managed to force out, “Everything that happened afterwards. I wish I’d had that, a long time ago. The people that supported me. The people I love. The drive to do what I needed, to work towards my goals. To believe that I was good enough to have those aspirations. Those are things—Tobias,” he fumbled for a moment, but managed to squeeze Tobias’ hand hand, “Those are things I don’t think I could have done without you. I wouldn’t be where I am in my life without you. I want you in it. I don’t want to lose you, not ever. I need you.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:28 pm
Tobias’ eyes blazed and he drew Evan tightly into his arms, his lips searching for a moment before finding his, kissing him with as much passion and desire as he could muster, and pulling away after a moment, his forehead resting against Evan’s. There were tears, he hadn’t realized they had decided to come out, but his face was wet with them, and he let out a laugh, swallowing hard. “I love you. More than I can even begin to say, and I’m so sorry for putting you through this horrible roller coaster but...but it will all be worth it. I promise that it will.”
He kept his eyes closed, trembling slightly. “You’re my world. Meeting you was...literally one of the most important things that have ever happened to me...you saved my life. I would honestly be dead if it wasn’t for you. Getting to know you and falling in love with you...has been something that I can’t imagine ever losing so...so I know I’ll remember you. I have to.”
There would be a shopping trip that had to happen soon. “Oh god. Evan, what kind of ring would you like? Or can I just surprise you?”
Pulling away so he could look at the boy again, Tobias wiped his hands swiftly across his eyes but that did nothing to get rid of the redness that had come from the tears. He looked an absolute mess.
“We’ll get through this. You are safe. And soon...I will be too. You’ll...be my hero again. Just like always.” Swallowing, Tobias reached up and brushed at Evan’s hair. “...I wish I had known you before that too...I wish I had never been brought into the Negaverse to begin with...then this wouldn’t have happened and you would never have gotten hurt…”
Well...hurt due to Tobias’ lies. The youma thing would have still happened but…
...But this wouldn’t have.
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:31 pm
Evan had never worked harder to make a smile look real. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Tobias, it wasn’t that what he was saying didn’t strike a chord within him. It was just everything, all at once.
Often, he felt like he spent his life tiptoeing across a frozen river. He knew it was stable, for the most part, but he never knew which step was going to be the one that cracked the ice. The one that he fell through, plummeting into the cold grip of an icy chill, where he’d be swept away, choking for breath and watching everything in his life just freeze over. Ice covered and out of reach. And then things went dark.
He spent his life tip-toeing across this terrain, one small step at a time—and then, in the past twenty four hours, it felt like he’d bolted, full force, straight down the middle of his frozen river.
He could hear the ice cracking in his mind, but he put everything he could into this smile, because Tobias needed to be stable right now, more than he did.
Evan’s stability ricocheted regularly, but Tobias would only have one chance to keep his memories, to keep everything they had together.
Evan had ruined a lot of things, but he wasn’t going to ruin that. Not if he could help it.
“I never thought I’d get a ring, to be honest. So I have no preconceived notions about what it’s ‘supposed’ to be. Probably something inconspicuous would be best. I’m not really flashy. But I mean, you’re pretty conspicuous and flashy, yourself so I don’t know. Do I get you a ring? I—I don’t, I’ve never shopped for one. I don’t know if I could afford something you’d wear.”
But he would try. He would do whatever he needed to if it meant Tobias would be okay.
He tried not to tremble, tried to stomach all of his anxiety and concerns. He smiled for Tobias, because he needed to be strong for him.
He wasn’t a hero, not by his own standards, but if that’s what Tobias needed to hold onto to stay Tobias…
Evan would be anything he needed.
He could pretend to be stronger, better, perfect, for a week.
Maybe.
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:32 pm
In Tobias’ mind, the smile was perfect. He couldn't detect anything wrong with it and he swallowed, returning it with one of his own. “Oh love. I’ll make it a nice one. I’ll make it simple but still as perfect as you...I...I have a few ideas, I think. Zac and me might go shopping sometime soon, I think it sounds like fun I…”
He was nervous, but stupidly optimistic. It felt as though he were invincible and it was a very heady feeling.
This was going to be okay...Evan was already on the way to feeling better and...and now they were engaged...well. Sort of. But...it was enough.
Tobias opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again, laughing softly and with some confusion. “I don’t even know what to say right now I...I’m excited. I wonder what kind of knight I’m going to be...I hope you’ll let me protect you. Let me be your knight…” His eyes were full of excitement and seemed to sparkle just slightly. “I’m going to write everything down that I can think of...Zac said that was what...he did...and…” Tobias cleared his throat and shrugged, remembering that the topic of Zac should have been taboo but…
It was his game plan too.
“I’ll be free from the chaos soon...and we can have an honest relationship...I think that sounds...utterly fantastic.” His hand came up, stroking Evan’s cheek lightly. “I won’t ever leave you. I’ll remember this. I’ll remember us. I promise. I am nothing without you, Evan. You are every good aspect of me. And...I can’t lose that.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:32 pm
Evan’s smile strained just slightly but slowly slipped into something more genuine. “I believe you,” he said, even if he didn’t. He wanted to believe it, wanted everything to be perfect and easy and good, but...that wasn’t the way things ever worked.
While it was true that Zac was still a sore subject, he didn’t seem particularly upset by mention of his name. His gaze wandered away after a few seconds and he glanced down at the corner of the room. He raised a hand to rub at the back of his neck, to fuss with the messy black hair of his. “I have to talk to him too, don’t I?”
It was rhetorical and he glanced towards his phone. “...I should call Cambria first. To apologize. When are you and him thinking about going out, or planning what you need to do?”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:33 pm
Tobias relaxed, nodding and letting his eyes close slowly, his body melting into what felt like a puddle. Just a loose lump of flesh. It felt as though all of the stress was gone for a moment, but just a moment. It all came back quickly. “Yeah…I think you should talk to him at some point, but not until you feel like you want to…if you want, him and I could drop you off at your place before we go shopping…I…”
He swallowed, suddenly thinking about Laurie. “…I should go and visit my brother…and…try to let him know that I won’t…be around anymore. I can’t just…lose him. Not when I’ve found him all over again…I…”
Tobias’ mouth felt suddenly dry and for a wild moment, he again just considered corrupting Evan and Zac so he could keep Laurence. It was stupid. Losing memories. Losing families…
He hadn’t asked to be corrupted into the Negaverse…and…
A cold shiver moved down his spine and for once, a trickle of fear seemed to make its way in.
What if Laurie tried to stop him? What if he told someone…? What if Evan got hurt…?
“So…yeah…we can take you home and then…you can talk to Cambria and come back here when you’re done? Whatever you want, Evan. I’m up for anything. We’ll fix everything. Together.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:36 pm
Evan’s expression softened and all the worry he’d had for seeing Cambria, about being in the car with Zac, melted as he listened to him talk about his own brother.
“He’ll understand,” he said softly. “And we’ll do everything we can for you, Tobias. I love you. I will do anything i can to help you. And,” he shuddered. “I think your plan sounds good. I just...can you tell Zac that I’m not ready to talk? I don’t wanna be rude but I don’t want any conversation about...you know, all of that. My head...”
He raised his hand to rub his temple. “It still hurts, just a little. I need a little more time.” His eyes sought out Tobias’ and he murmured, “I don’t want to be any extra trouble, though. I don’t want to make things awkward. I can try to do whatever you think is best.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:37 pm
Tobias nodded, smiling softly. “Yeah. I’m sure Zac will understand, but I’ll tell him you’re not up for talking just now. But…” He reached out, rubbing Evan’s head lightly. “Honey, if you just want to head back to bed, you can stay here you know. Max will protect you, and my house isn’t very scary. If you want, I bet Cambria would come over here to talk if you didn’t want to see Zac just now.”
That sounded like a good idea, and Tobias nodded to himself. “Crawl back into bed and get some rest. Yesterday…was way too much information for anyone to process…and you need time for you. Cammy knows where I live, and she is more than welcome to be here when you’re ready for her to come over…for now? Zac and I will leave you alone to gather your thoughts. We love you. All of us…but you know…I’m starting to think that Maxim loves you the most. The way he looks at you when you feed him…”
He sighed heavily, dramatically…sounding much more like his old self.
“I just can’t compare.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:38 pm
Evan debated for a short moment but Tobias had a good suggestion. He didn’t want to be out of bed, and even if he thought he would feel like he had a little more power or control over the situation if he went to Cambria’s, something about her coming here still seemed better. It meant he didn’t have to have an awkward car ride, or wait to be picked up or dropped off again if something wasn’t going well.
He didn’t hesitate to reach for his pillow, fluff it up, and then crawled back into the bed. He buried his face in the pillow and tugged up the blanket to his chin. He laid on his side and moved his eyes up to Tobias. “That sounds like a good plan.”
He trusted that Tobias’ house was safe, but then—he was too tired to really care. And Maxim was here, that was true. At the very least, he’d be something to snuggle and give him that little extra comfort.
A small smile appeared on his face, finally. “Well, don’t forget. You all give me that look when I feed you.”
It was tired, but there was some part of him that was okay.
“I’ll sleep for a little while longer. And then I’ll text Cambria to come over, maybe. We’ll see how late I sleep in, and how late you guys are out for. But,” his eyes were on Tobias’ face again, tired but perpetually concerned. “I love you. Thank you for going through all of this, for trying so hard to make everything right. I won’t give up on you, so if you need anything, let me know. I’ll be here for you.”
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 6:38 pm
Tobias nodded, smiling and smoothing the blanket over Evan before leaning down and kissing his forehead softly. “You’re right, as always. And I know you’re here for me…I’d be lost without you. So, sweet dreams and please don’t ever hesitate to text me if you need me. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll keep in touch.”
He let his fingers move lightly through Evan’s hair before picking up the plate he had brought in and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.
…It wasn’t perfect…but he was engaged now…and he supposed that was something.
Things would work themselves out…he just…had to figure out what to do about Laurence now…that was all.
…Hopefully confiding in his brother wouldn’t be his downfall…but he couldn’t imagine that being the case. Or…he didn’t want to imagine it.
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