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 Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:15 pm
Evan had spent nearly an hour and a half sitting by the impeccably clean, probably unused bathroom he’d claimed as his own. The vomiting had only lasted, violently and unapologetically, for about fifteen minutes, and then intermittently for the next half hour. Even after there was nothing left in his stomach to purge it didn’t stop, as if it could expel his emotions and doubt and hurt. He was exhausted and had started crying again somewhere after the twenty minute mark. Tobias has found him by then, and had used barrettes to pin up his hair and keep it out of the way. He had a cool cloth that felt heavenly when Evan could make his mind work enough to actually appreciate it.
By the time his stomach had stopped twisting and churning, he was exhausted. His head was pressed against the cool ceramic of the toilet tank. His eyes were red and agitated, his throat burned, and his mouth tasted like death. Maxim was lying on his foot, looking up worriedly at him. Tobias was sitting on the floor next to him.
He hadn’t said anything out loud since he’d come in here, not except for small assurances that he was fine, no he didn’t need anything, yes he was okay, I’m so sorry, love you too.
He didn’t want to get up from where he was sitting; he could sleep here.
If his stomach wasn’t still giving him grief.
Only, as if just throwing up wasn’t bad enough, now it was growling menacingly, demanding to be fed.
The expression of misery was plain on Evan’s face and, while he didn’t have the energy to cry, his eyes were still leaking moisture. He reached up to rub at them again and mumbled another apology. He draped his other hand over his stomach as if to silence it, but the groaning didn’t stop—and didn’t seem like it was going to stop any time soon.
He would have just gone to sleep if it wasn’t hurting.
He needed to eat something, now.
There was probably food in the house but he didn’t want to wait to cook it. He needed something warm, something salty.
Fast food?
Disgusting. But convenient, and Evan was already so disgusting that he didn’t care. He could do it, tonight. There was a burger and fry place maybe five minutes away, if they walked fast. It would take just as long to drive there, but if they went together they could enjoy the cool breeze.
The fresh air might do him good.
His eyes drifted to Tobias miserably. “…Can we please go get some fries?” he croaked.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:17 pm
Tobias was utterly miserable. Once upon a time he wouldn’t have stayed by Evan’s side. Once upon a time if he saw someone throwing up, he would have laughed and gotten out of the area before he himself got sick from the smell. But...once upon a time was over.
He had remained with Evan, stroking his back, moving the hair from his face, wiping him down with a cool washcloth, keeping poor Maxim away so he didn’t get in the way...Evan was obviously special.
Too special.
When the boy looked at him and asked for fries, Tobias nodded slowly, giving a little smile. “Fries sound good, babe. Do you want me to drive or do you want to walk over, I know it’s not too far of a walk, but I can see why you wouldn’t be up to it.” Slowly, Tobias stood up, holding a hand out for Evan.
“I’ll buy you all the fries you can eat, honey. But not too much, okay? I don’t want it coming back up again.”
This was love, though. Staying with someone who was sick. Caring for them. It was not what Tobias had ever thought he’d be doing in a hundred million years...and yet...here he was.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:18 pm
“I don’t want that many,” Evan promised; he didn’t take Tobias’ hand but pushed himself up by himself. He kept his head down, like he was still ashamed of everything. Of his sickness.
Of himself.
He washed his hand in the sink, splashed water on hi face, and rinsed out his mouth but it was only after his hands were dry that he reached to take Tobias’. He had been concerned that he’d made a mess, that he’d thrown up on himself. He hadn’t, but the fear and humiliation of dragging Tobias down further with him still scared him.
“I just want some salt. And some fresh air. And then we can lay down again and finish the movie? If you still wanted,” he suggested meekly.
His eyes drifted to Maxim, who watched him with barely open eyes. The dog had been curled up next to him, but as soon as Evan stood, the dog had rolled over to bury itself in a towel.
“…And he can stay here, if we take a quick walk.” Maxim didn’t know the word yet, so Evan didn’t worry about tempting him with it. “…If you’re okay with him in the bathroom. He’s still getting potty trained, but I’ll clean up any mess. I just.”
His chest hurt, his throat hurt, his face hurt.
Everything hurt.
“It’ll be a quick walk. And I can hold your hand if we do that.”
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:18 pm
Tobias smiled down at Maxim and shrugged. “He’s a good boy. He’ll be okay for a little while alone.” Stroking the back of Evan’s hand he tugged the boy out of the bathroom, and after a few more steps--fully out of the house.
“I want to finish the movie, I want to do whatever I can to make you as comfortable as possible...I love you, Evan. You know that.”
The walk to get the fries was nice, uneventful and quiet, and the fries themselves were utterly delicious.
It was on the way back that the trouble happened. It started as just a simple rustling in the bushes. Tobias did try to ignore it, gently tugging Evan to his other side and making it seem like he just wanted to twirl the male around, and when the creature crawled out, looking dangerous with it’s long talons, he was very glad that he had done so.
With a sigh, Tobias glanced around, wondering if he could just put Evan somewhere and take care of the youma...it wouldn’t be too hard to just dust it, especially not with his weapon.
But...if he couldn’t. Quietly, he pulled Evan behind him, his eyes on the creature. “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll kill it. It’s not going to hurt you, I swear. Don’t be afraid.”
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:18 pm
Evan had been quiet, complacent for the most part. The fresh air did seem to help a little, and he had even seemed too tired to be his usual paranoid self. He went through some of the same motions—tiredly scanning the horizon and seeming particularly aware of every little sound, but he didn’t seem so jumpy.
He was too tired for that.
Too tired to be afraid of the youma.
But, there was Tobias, trying to keep him safe. Trying to be the hero that Evan needed. If it had been for anything else, he’d have been relieved, but seeing the youma just made him go cold.
“Tobias,” he said immediately, hand reaching to grab his wrist. He held it strangely tightly and kept his eyes on the youma. He almost seemed a little dazed as he stared at it. His pen was on him, he knew it. It was in the messenger bag he’d brought with him, just in case they’d needed to get extra food.
But what was he supposed to say? ‘Don’t defeat that evil looking creature before it hurts someone?’
It looked menacing, but looks could be deceiving. Or, at least, that’s what he told himself.
“Don’t hurt it,” he said immediately, eyes locked with the youma’s. “…It doesn’t know what it’s doing.”
No, it was a base instinct—a drive that it couldn’t control or process. No different from a bee spreading pollen and returning to the hive.
But they had to take care of it before someone got hurt. There was a stick not too far away; he moved slowly, as if not to disturb the youma or give away his intentions. Secretly, he hoped it would run away. He wasn’t in the mood to fight; he hoped it would see that it was outnumbered and would scamper out of sight before he had to bash it to death. He couldn’t power up right now, not without Tobias seeing—and he didn’t want to risk leaving him alone in case this thing was as dangerous as it looked.
“…We’ll just…make it quick,” he rasped, like it was a struggle to get the words out.
There was a human in there. Maybe one that remembered being human, or maybe one who had already been eaten away by the chaos. Evan looked at the youma and wondered if it could be saved.
But then, he looked at Tobias and knew that if he had to choose one, his answer was already locked in. He knelt slowly, fingers curling around the branch. It was thick and heavy and felt powerful in his hand; he stood slowly, gripping it.
Dust it, said the little voice in the back of his head. Dust it, because it’s not killing. It’ll come back. Maybe it can be saved next time.
Maybe.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:19 pm
If Evan had suddenly sprouted wings and turned into a fairy, Tobias wouldn’t have been as surprised as he was now. But, he supposed he shouldn’t have been, not really.
This was Evan, after all. The one who had never done what Tobias predicted.
When first he stopped Tobias, perhaps that made a little sense. Perhaps he thought that the youma was a dog...and with having recently gotten Maxim...he could understand but then…
But then he had picked up the stick and talked about making it quick. Did Evan know what this was? How to stop it?
Quietly, Tobias plucked the branch from Evan’s hand and sighed, moving in front of the male again, his eyes still on the youma who was crouched down, just watching the two of them.
“I’ve got it, Evan. I’ve got it. If you want to look away, you can. I’ll make it quick, I promise.”
And he did.
It took two good whacks, but the small youma turned to dust with a soft trilling noise and Tobias sighed, tossing the branch aside and hugging Evan.
“It’s gone, love. It won’t hurt you now. I promise. I’ll always keep you safe...but…”
Drawing away slightly, Tobias looked at the male. “...why did you tell me to not hurt it? It was a monster…”
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:19 pm
Evan wanted to look away. He didn’t want to see Tobias take care of the would-be, could-be, might-be human trapped in the body of a little monster.
…But he couldn’t risk that something was going to go wrong and Tobias got hurt. So he watched, with grim determination, as Tobias dusted the creature. It hadn’t put up much of a fight, and it just made something in the pit of Evan’s stomach shrivel up with guilt. The soft trilling drew tears to his eyes, even though he knew it had to be done.
It was a youma.
He knew what they were capable of.
He let Tobias hug him, but didn’t return it. He wanted the contact but didn’t have the energy to contribute much to the embrace so he just rested against him and stared at the empty spot where the youma had been.
“They’re human, you know,” he whispered. His voice was haggard and seemed to catch in his throat.
He’d promised Tobias he was going to tell him, one day. He hadn’t expected it to be tonight, but after everythin that happened already he didn’t have the energy to keep up a filter.
“Or the used to be. I used to be one, you know.”
As soon as the words tumbled from his lips he became suddenly terrified that if he stopped talking, Tobias would look at him. Would leave him.
So he kept talking.
“For a year or so. Someone reached into my chest once, and they messed up everything that made me me.”
…Which was the exact ******** reason he was mad at Zac, but in a way it was cathartic to just let it out.
“And I was a stupid, hideous, brainless monster. And I don’t expect you to believe me. I know it sounds stupid. I know I sound crazy. I’m not. Cambria and Zac know, they took care of me. They helped me get back to being normal. But I was afraid to go outside. I didn’t want anyone to get me. I didn’t want to be reminded of how weak I was. I didn’t want to be found. I thought it could happen again.”
He shuddered and buried his face against Tobias’ chest.
“…I worked really hard to be normal again, Tobias, but I can’t just look at them and not think about what I was. And I can’t just look at them and wonder if they aren’t like me. If they aren’t just trapped in some small, evil little body that isn’t theirs, and that they can’t control, and they can’t talk to anyone, can’t communicate. They’re just stuck, following orders that maybe they don’t like. And you can’t die, not really. You just get hurt enough that your body breaks down around you, and you go back to this dark, cold, scary place, and you reform, and then you go out and do it all over again. And,” his voice was ragged. “And I can’t look at them and not think that maybe it’s not their fault. And they can’t all be saved, I know that, but if there’s even one innocent person, then…”
He swallowed. “…Then they all deserve a chance. And they don’t deserve to be tortured, because even if they don’t know who they are anymore, even if there isn’t anything of them left…they were still people. And maybe some of them still are, under all that chaos…”
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:20 pm
Tobias wasn’t sure how to process this information. It was a lot all at once, and for a long moment, he just stood there, his arms wrapped around Evan, feeling more protective of the boy than ever.
He dipped his head to place a kiss on top of Evan’s…and then another…and then another. After a moment, he was peppering Evan’s head with kisses and squeezing him as tightly as he could manage.
“I…I had no idea…”
His heart and body felt suddenly heavy and Zac’s words resonated in his head. The Negaverse turned people into literal monsters…Evan had been turned into a youma…that…that wasn’t something he wanted to think about at all. The very thought made him sick to his stomach.
After another long moment, he pushed Evan away as softly as he could and tilted his chin up to look into his face. “…Are you okay? I didn’t know any of that…I wouldn’t have…I’m so sorry…”
They should have just ran from that youma. He shouldn’t have dusted it in front of Evan like that not…not when all of this had happened…and…
Oh God.
Evan really would leave him if he knew just what Tobias was.
For a moment, Tobias just watched Evan’s face, and then pulled him close again, squeezing him as tightly as he dared, his body beginning to tremble slightly. “It’s okay. Maybe the next time we can…try to help one. Maybe they can be saved somehow, right? But…they do hurt people, Evan…I know they can’t help it…but that thing could have really hurt us…I…I got attacked by one once. It was…it was kind of scary, I’m not going to lie.”
And then he had been given the power to command them. Or rather…he had that power now…but…
But they were people? Any one of the youma he had seen could have just been another little Evan, scared…trapped and lonely.
The kisses started again and Tobias held on to Evan as though he would never let go.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:20 pm
Evan forced a tired smile, like it took too much effort to give some attempt at reassurance. “You don’t have to apologize,” he muttered, resting his head heavily against Tobias’ chest for as long as he could.
“I know they hurt people. It’s why I didn’t try to stop you. I don’t think they can all be saved,” he confessed. “…But I know some of them can, and trying is as much—as much as—Tobias.”
He couldn’t finish the thought and squirmed a bit under the kisses.
They weren’t unwanted, but Tobias’ hair kept tickling him. Evan was ticklish, but maybe it was the heightened emotions, or how strained his body was, but he had goosebumps and couldn’t help but wriggle—and laugh. It was a tired, wet sound.
Emotionally, he was burned out. The laugh felt good, but he couldn’t even muster the stamina to enjoy it. The messenger bag he’d brought with him slid off of his shoulder and fell to the ground but he didn’t try to pick it up.
He didn’t even look at it.
It hadn’t been closed properly—out of laziness or indifference, but the jostling had been enough to shift the contents of the bag. Not enough to make a mess—but enough for one small, seemingly insignificant little pen to roll out.
Just barely visible, his henshin pen glinted under the streetlight.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:21 pm
Tobias pulled away as the bag slipped, and kneeling down, he reached for the bag and hesitating, wrapped his fingers around the pen, his brows suddenly furrowing.
No.
No, what a dumb thought that was.
Just because he knew that senshi used pens to power up…that didn’t mean that this was…that Evan was…
What a stupid thought.
Quietly though, Tobias got back to his feet, wrapping the bag around Evan’s shoulder again and then holding out the pen. “…What’s this, Ev? I…It’s pretty…”
No secrets. There would be no more secrets. If it was just a pen. If it was just a normal, boring yet beautiful pen…that would be fine but…but if it…if he…
Tobias let out a breath, his mind suddenly feeling sluggish and muddled. “…No more secrets, Evan. Not from one another, please. You were a youma…and now…and now you’re…more than you’re admitting…aren’t you?”
He sounded tired, watching the male with an almost pleading expression.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:21 pm
Evan’s eyes were heavy as he followed Tobias’ movement. Again, he was met with the strange, unsettling calm. His emotions were depleted and he couldn’t even find it in himself to be afraid of having to explain this to Tobias.
It was just one more thing, on top of everything else.
And, he had promised he was going to tell him all of it.
Of course, tonight had to be the night for everything.
“It is pretty,” he mused, reaching out for it. He trusted Tobias, but seeing someone else holding his pen…
He felt the sudden urge to reclaim it, and easily pulled it from Tobias’ hand. “A cat gave it to me. But I suppose that sounds as stupid as me being a youma.” Which Tobias had taken surprisingly well, all things considered.
Evan was spared the urge to question just why Tobias had taken it so well, or why he had so easily discerned that there was still more that. He just went with it.
“I have more secrets. I don’t know where to start. I guess with this?” he lifted the pen and looked at it for a moment.
“I’ll show you,” he finally decided. “It’ll be easier if you see it. I can’t explain it in words. But,” he drew in a breath and focused—powered up—in front of Tobias.
Being Sailor Malus didn’t fill him with any more energy; even transformed, he seemed sleep deprived and sick and in a slump.
“I mean, we’ve met like this, before. You still wear my sash. Which terrified me at first, but after I got used to it, I thought it was cute. Mostly when I do anything with youma, it’s like this. It’s safer for me, like this. I don’t know. I have magic. I guess that’s cool. I’m supposed to fight crime and save the world and all that stuff, but I’m not strong enough, or brave enough. I hate going out at night, especially alone. I go with friends, though.”
Not that he had that many. He didn’t name Cambria or Zac, but—
Cambria or Zac.
He sighed heavily and reached up to rub at his eyes. The pit in his stomach sank lower, but the threat of vomiting was gone for now.
No more secrets. Secrets were what got him into this mess. Whether he liked it or not, he’d have to address Cambria and Zac. He should do it now, while he was too exhausted to be upset.
…When he got home.
His mind was wandering—a sign that he probably shouldn’t stay powered up and act as a beacon to any other powered individual looking for trouble, but he didn’t slip back into his usual form just yet. He lowered his hand and glanced at Tobias expectantly, as if waiting for questions or confusion.
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:22 pm
Well. Damn.
Tobias closed his eyes for a long moment, and then opened them again, and when he sill saw Malus standing there, he suddenly felt as tired and drained as Evan looked.
He sighed and let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head after a long moment. “Of course you’re Malus. Of course you are…because what else would make sense in this world…”
Tobias drew the senshi into his arms and kissed his lips softly, allowing his own powered form to encase him as he did so, and when he pulled away from the kiss, Andalusite stood there in place of Tobias, looking tired, and sad.
“No more secrets for either of us, Evan…Malus. Whatever name you want to be called.”
Slowly, Andalusite raised his hands in a small shrug and managed a small smile. “So. Now I suppose there aren’t any more secrets between us…and I hope…”
He hoped what? That nothing would change? Even now he was expecting to see the senshi’s face change to one of horror and to be rejected. This was too much…maybe he shouldn’t have just…come out with it like this but…
But if he didn’t…and Evan found out later he would never be forgiven.
“…I still wear your scarves because you’re my idea of a hero. They do make me feel safe…you saved my life, and I’ve never forgotten that…I suppose…it made me want you. Which is why I’ve…never shied away from you when we’ve met but…the more I fell in love with…with Evan the less…I wanted you but…everything is kind of moot now so…”
Andalusite gave a quiet, almost desperate laugh.
“…Don’t hate me…”
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:22 pm
The sudden, overwhelming sensation of a chaos signature made him go rigid; he drew away instinctively.
The calm he had slipped into shattered.
Like glass.
He could feel his heart pounding—sharp, stabbing pains that extended to the tips of his fingertips, to his toes. He could feel his heart throbbing in his teeth, his eyes. Uncomfortable and erratic.
He didn’t know how he had the energy for another panic attack.
But, of course.
Of course, his one good thing, his one stability, the guy he loved would be entangled in the Negaverse.
Everyone was, it seemed.
He stared at Tobias with an empty look. His expression was flat for a long moment, but the betrayal slowly crept in. The heartbreak. The desperation.
The fear.
He couldn’t find his voice. He couldn’t remember how to power down.
He didn’t know what to say.
Tremors plagued him and he shook so violently that he wondered if Tobias could hear his teeth clacking.
Tobias.
Andalusite.
He couldn’t manage much of anything. He felt a warmth in his eyes—tears?—but he was too dehydrated to cry any more.
Quietly, he said only, “Oh.”
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:23 pm
“I didn’t know, Evan.” Andalusite’s voice was soft, pleading. “I didn’t join the Negaverse to spite you. And I’ll leave. I don’t care. You are what’s important in my life. Not power. Not Chaos. Just you.”
He let the powered glamour slip away and Tobias stood there again, holding a hand out towards Malus. “Do you know how I can get out, because I’m not sure that I have any idea…but…” Sighing, his other hand ran through his hair and he let out a laugh. “I bet Zac knows. I powered up. I was thinking of killing him for him hurting you, and he just…was pushing my buttons in that way he does, you know?”
Tobias’ eyes were on Malus, trying to talk enough to break him out of this panic attack. If he could talk enough to distract him…
“Anyway. That’s why he slugged me. And…I guess I did deserve it. You shouldn’t just go into a conversation with the intent to kill someone and…that’s what I did…he said you’d be upset…I was hoping that he would be wrong but, I never expected you to be…to be Malus…”
He chuckled again, shaking his head. “…Always surprising me, Evan. That’s why I fell in love with you in the first place. You’re so damn unexpected…and I love it. I love you, and I’ll get out, okay? I won’t stay with them. I’m staying with you. You’re my life. My soulmate. I know that, Ev. But…”
Finally he reached across and cupped the male’s cheek. “But I need your help. Please. I can’t do this alone.”
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Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:23 pm
It took a few seconds, but Malus’ form slowly shifted into Evan again, and he clutched the pen uncertainly.
“…You powered up in front of Zac?” he asked slowly. He had just assumed that Zac was being an a** and that Tobias refused to let him in. Vaguely he processed some things, but some just went right by him.
He didn’t need to think about Tobias going into a conversation with the intent to kill someone.
With the intent to kill Zac.
His heart clenched and he forced himself to shake his head. Tobias was still talking, he had to listen. He couldn’t focus on that. That wasn’t the point of this conversation.
He almost, almost, jerked away from the hand on his cheek. He didn’t think he wanted to be touched. All he could rationalize was that Tobias was…asking for help.
Tobias was asking for help.
He swallowed and allowed his eyes to meet his boyfriend’s. “Are you serious?” he asked quietly. “This isn’t some sort of joke? It’s not a trap, not just some…some trick to…”
No. If it was a trick, or a trap, or anything, Tobias could have just kept his identity a secret. He could have killed Evan in his sleep. Could have teleported in and killed Cambria and Zac.
He knew the thought was stupid so he let it die on his lips.
“…You can purify out,” he mumbled. He tried to force himself to focus on the conversation but he could feel his thoughts bleeding in all directions. His emotions were haywire; his heart was still pounding and he felt the strange urge to both run and to simultaneously just lie on the ground. He felt off kilter and out of place, desperate and with nowhere to go.
Words found him, but it didn’t even sound like his voice to him. “You can leave the Negaverse. If you want to. I…What did Zac say to you, exactly?”
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