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 Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 5:27 am
Evan had left the house in a huff, but he hadn’t been particularly loud about it. He didn’t know if Cambria knew he was still inside or not, and he had no desire to check his phone. It was on mute, shoved in the bottom of the bag he’d haphazardly packed. He walked with his head downcast, avoiding people wherever he could. His muscles ached and his body protested, but stubbornness made him ignore everything.
Maxim seemed to understand that something was wrong, and despite having all the energy of a puppy, he didn’t once try to wriggle from Evan’s arms.
Evan held him tightly, tucked in his jacket. He had spent the walk trying to suppress his feelings, trying to bury all of the turbulent emotions. Trying to ignore the conversation, the fight.
In an hour, all he’d really managed to do was put more stress on himself. He hadn’t cried like he felt like he needed to, hadn’t rested like he needed to, hadn’t worked out his thoughts like he needed to.
But, he had shown up on Tobias’ doorstep and, without even realizing what he’d done, he rang the doorbell.
Only then did he realize, with grotesque horror, what he’d done.
There should have been time to run; he tried to turn away, but his legs wouldn’t move. Anxiety swelled within him, but his body betrayed him. He trembled on the doorstep, eyes wide and petrified, wondering who would answer the door. He half prayed Tobias would show up before he could run, and he half prayed that no one was home.
He didn’t know what he was doing here.
He didn’t know anything, anymore.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:35 am
Tobias had been getting ready for bed. It was early, he knew but...it just had seemed like a night made for lounging around in pajamas, and that was what he fully had intended to do. He had gotten out of the shower roughly ten minutes ago, and was brushing his teeth when the doorbell rang, and of course he made his way over, damp hair, PJ pants and toothbrush hanging from his mouth be damned.
When he saw Evan, he broke into a smile and the toothbrush fell out, clattering on the floor lightly.
“Aw s**t,” Tobias reached up to wipe away the toothpaste that had dribbled from his mouth and coughed, having swallowed the glob of it he had been brushing with.
Disgusting.
“What’s up, Evan?”
For a moment, he hadn’t realized that anything was amiss, at least not until he turned his attention onto the boy again, his eyes flickering up and down his form, taking in the bag and the red eyes and finally the blue haired male frowned. “What’s going on, honey? What happened?”
He held his arms out to the younger boy, toothbrush forgotten.
“What can I do to help?”
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:38 am
When the door opened, Evan’s heart had stopped. He didn’t know who to expect, but he prayed it wasn’t Tobias’ parents. He would have bolted, right then and there, and maybe he never would have come back.
It was a tempting though, but one he knew was impossible; he couldn’t stay away from Tobias forever. He was here for a reason, even if he couldn’t rationalize it.
He opened his mouth to say something but words were few and far between. He didn’t manage to actually answer any of Tobias’ questions; it was all he could do just to keep from bursting into pathetic sobs. He couldn’t run forever, and he couldn’t run away from his emotions.
Evan’s head was bowed and his bangs were covering his eyes when he managed to speak. It wasn’t much, but he forced the words out, slowly. “Can I please spend the night?”
He knew he was a mess and didn’t move from the spot he’d rooted himself to, not even to accept Tobias’ hand. He didn’t know why Tobias was even bothering; his hair was disheveled, he was trembling, his bag was poorly packed and blood was smeared on it and his hands.
He was nothing but trouble and if Tobias didn’t know it before, he’d know it now.
Evan was ashamed of everything, but right now he just didn’t know where else to turn. He didn’t know how to explain any of this, and he didn’t really want to.
But he couldn’t be alone right now, even if it meant he had to tell Tobias everything.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:39 am
He had no idea what was going on, no idea at all, but at Evan’s question, Tobias reached out and took the bag from him, holding it tight in one hand, and taking Evan’s hand with his other. “Of course you can spend the night. You can always spend the night, you know that. My parents are out of town again, so it’s just you and me for at least a month. They’re over in Europe right now.”
Tugging the male inside, Tobias shut the door and locked it securely, not caring that the toothbrush was shoved outside in the process.
He could get another.
When the two were inside, Tobias sat the bag on the couch and took Evan’s hands in his, turning them over to try and figure out where the blood was coming from, it worried him.
At least the cuts didn’t look deep but he wondered what happened to have caused Evan to clench his fists to hard...it was a worrying thought. He leaned down, kissing the top of Evan’s head and straightened his hair lightly.
“You wanna get a shower, Ev? I can get some food going or...I can get you some Pajamas and put Titanic in, you don’t seem like you’re in the mood to talk, so we can just stuff our faces and watch our movie, if you want.”
No pressure. He would never cause pressure if he could help it.
Not with Evan.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:40 am
Evan breathed a sigh of relief when met with the information that Tobias’ parents were gone, but it was somewhat short lived and he seemed to be having a difficult time keeping his emotions in check. He let Tobias tug him inside, but he didn’t seem like he was in any position to argue. He was exhausted and, after a few steps in the house, seemed to slump a little.
He let Tobias guide him, but it wasn’t until the other was examining his hands that he even seemed aware that he’d damaged himself. He stared at the dried blood on his hands for a long moment without answering, and then reluctantly nodded.
“Come with me,” he said after a few seconds, and it was clear that he’d surprised himself. They weren’t the words he’d wanted to say, and he wasn’t even sure they were the ones he meant, but he swallowed and looked from his injured hands to Tobais’ face.
“…Please,” he added weakly. “…Will you sit in the bathroom with me while I take a shower? I want to be alone,” alone in the shower where he could get cleaned and cry without anyone seeing him, but…
“But I don’t want to be alone,” because he didn’t want to be alone. It was safer if he had someone who cared about him nearby. Safer if he didn’t feel the crushing loneliness. Safer if Tobias could just stay in the room and talk to him, even if there was a shower curtain between them.
He didn’t know if it was an awkward request, and he didn’t realize how desperate he sounded until he tried to say ‘Please’ again, and his voice broke and trembled with the sobs that threatened to spill out any moment.
He was holding it together, but he didn’t have anything left.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:41 am
He hadn’t been expecting an offer to jump into the shower with Evan, and even though that wasn’t really what the male had been saying...the thought was there. “Of course. It would be my pleasure, Ev. I don’t want you to have to be alone either, that’s why you came over, isn’t it?”
Tobias kept his tone light and as gentle as possible and he gently guided Evan towards the bathroom with an arm draped around his shoulders. “You’ll get cleaned up and we’ll talk, and everything will be okay, I promise.”
He believed what he was saying, everything would be okay eventually. Maybe not tonight but someday they would be okay. He would make sure of it. He was Evan’s boyfriend, his lover and his...well. Evan was his best friend.
He would be okay in the end.
“How about you start the shower and I’ll grab you something comfortable to sleep in and some bandages for those hands, okay? I’ll be gone two minutes--tops. Or, you can come with me. Whatever makes you more comfortable.”
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:42 am
Evan was barely listening; his immediate response was a noncommittal, “Mm-hmm.” He manages to set the dog down on the ground and stepped out of his shoes just before he stepped into the shower. The water was on even as the curtain was settling behind him.
He hadn’t undressed, he hadn’t waited for the water to warm up. He didn’t care.
He wasn’t even sure what Tobias had said, but he was in the shower and suddenly he felt marginally safer. The water was cold—shockingly so against his heated skin. It chilled him straight to the core and his breath caught. For a few seconds, he didn’t breathe. For a few seconds, he didn’t move.
He forced himself to breathe again, slowly, and began to undress himself. His jacket dropped to the bottom of the tub and he tugged at his shirt shortly afterwards. His hands stung for the first time, and he washed as the water briefly turned red. The dried blood faded quickly, and he fumbled with his belt and pants for longer than it had taken for the last of it to disappear down the drain.
His body was cold and covered in goosebumps for a short moment before the water slowly heated up, and it was a full minute and a half after then before he managed to finish undressing himself. His clothes remained in a heap on the bottom of the tub and he half-assedly kicked them away from him.
Evan was tired; everything ached, and he suddenly realized just how much they hurt. His feet had blisters and his muscles burned. He felt like his body was collapsing in on itself and, in a haze of dizziness, he pressed his forehead against the tile.
He shuddered, trying to breathe.
Within a moment, he couldn’t tell the difference between the hot tears rolling down his cheeks and the water from the showerhead, but it didn’t matter.
He couldn’t stand up anymore and slid down the side of the tub until he was sitting on the ground. He crossed his arms over his chest; his knees were drawn up and he pressed his forehead atop of them.
Evan was hot and cold and mixed up; the sound of the water drowned out the awkward sniffling—or, at least, he thought it did. He didn’t cry loudly, but the forced silence only made his throat burn. The sobs were silent and wracked his thin form; it took more energy than he had, but he couldn’t stop.
He couldn’t do anything.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:44 am
Tobias had rushed to get the pajamas, he rushed to get a towel and by now his level of panic was high. He had seen Evan distressed before…but this was a new level of it, and it scared him.
When he finally made it back to the bathroom he sat himself at the edge of the tub, reaching his hand around the shower curtain and placing his arm around Evan’s shaking shoulders.
“I’m here.”
It was all he could think to say, and his words came out a croak, the panic evident in them.
“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, Evan. I promise.” The words felt so…empty. He didn’t know what was going on…didn’t know what had caused this and he had never in his life felt so…helpless. Had someone hurt him like they had before? He would ******** destroy whoever it was.
If that was the case…he would be meeting his starseed quota tonight no problem.
Finally, leaning closer to the tub Tobias sighed. “Who hurt you, Evan?”
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:44 am
It took Evan a while to answer; he was ashamed of everything. He felt weak and stupid and still so angry. He was confused and couldn’t rationalize this.
Like some pathetic thing, he was just sitting there, crying.
And Tobias knew; he was touching him, he could feel every stupid tremor, every pitiful sob. No matter how quiet he was, or how much he tried to hide it, Tobias knew.
He wondered, vaguely, in the back of his mind if Tobias knew anything else. If Zac and Cambria would have told him things they wouldn’t tell him. Or, maybe if Tobias had been roped into this by them.
Hadn’t Cambria been the one that kept encouraging him to get out? Who suggested the library? Who teased him about his boyfriend? And Zac…
A pang of bitterness shot through his body at the thought.
Zac had never seemed to like Tobias, so he probably wasn’t in on anything.
He was probably just paranoid, but it didn’t stop the thoughts of betrayal and deceit from gripping him tightly.
Tobias’ voice was closer than he realized, but he didn’t draw away from it.
“No one,” he mumbled. The sound of falling water was enough to drown out his words and he doubted Tobias was even able to hear him.
“I’m fine,” he said, louder; it was a mechanical lie. Tobias might not pry, but it still pained Evan to think that he could be causing him any distress. He didn’t know how much he could say, but he forced himself to give his boyfriend some answer.
“I’m mad at Zac right now and I got into a fight with Cambria. I’m sorry. I just had to get out. I just had to…”
His voice trailed off; it felt so stupid when he said it like that, but maybe it was. He didn’t even know how to begin telling Tobias the depths of why he was so upset. He’d probably think Evan was some stupid brat.
Let him.
Maybe he’d be right.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:46 am
“You’re not fine but…” He grew quiet, feeling white hot anger when Evan mentioned Zac. That stupid ex of his that he continued to live with. It was…messed up and it always caused a horrible pang of jealousy that Evan seemed to always want Zac’s permission to see Tobias. Or to have Tobias over. It was stupid. Evan was an adult and…
“So ******** move out. You made the first step. You came over here when they pissed you off.” There was venom in his words and his own arm had a small tremor in it as he held Evan’s shaking shoulders. “You don’t need that crap. You don’t need people who make you tell them where you are every minute of every day. I’ll move out of here, I’ll get us a place and we can live our lives away from those assholes. ******** hell, what did that p***k do? I swear Evan, if I see him again, I’m going to punch the living s**t out of him.”
Getting into a fight with…with Cambria though…that confused him. That girl didn’t seem to have a violent bone in her body and she had always seemed so good to Evan but…for now, his anger included her…not that he would attack her or anything…but if she sided with Zac against Evan…
Well. Then she was bad news too.
“You don’t have to worry about them anymore. You just cry, love…and we’ll make plans later. But I’m here. I love you. And I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:47 am
“No,” Evan insisted weakly, frustrated that he wasn’t articulating very well. “It’s not like that.”
He picked his head up so he could speak louder.
“I don’t want to be mad at them, Tobias. I need them.”
Need. His heart felt like someone had stabbed it straight through.
He needed. Did they need him? Or was it supposed to be like this—suddenly they threw away years of friendships, years of memories.
The thought renewed the flow of tears from his eyes.
His voice trembled and he reached to rub at his face. “You don’t understand.”
How could he? How could Tobias ever understand, when all Evan did was keep secrets from him. And, wasn’t he a hypocrite, for keeping such important things from Tobias when he was so upset right now because Cambria and Zac had kept things from him?
He shuddered and deflated.
“I’ll tell you, I’ll explain it. Just not right now. Soon,” he promised. “I’m just tired and I don’t want to talk about it right now. But I won’t keep secrets from you. Not the important ones. You should know.”
He’d trusted him with secrets before. Trusted him with his most important, darkest secrets.
Except for the whole he’s a Senshi and used to be a youma bit, but those wouldn’t be secrets for very long. He just had to figure out how to tell him and not sound crazy.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:48 am
“Okay, Evan. Take your time.” Tobias still felt anger bubbling inside of him, and he was still going to punch the crap out of Zac the next time he saw the ******** a*****e but…but Evan didn’t need his anger right now. He needed support, and after letting out another deep breath, he squeezed the boy’s shoulder tightly, brushing a finger over one of the scars that resided there.
“I’m in no hurry. I know you’ll tell me. I know you trust me, just take your time, cry a little, or a lot…I don’t judge. I’ll be here for all of it.” His voice was calm again, reassuring and with another sigh that felt as though it was draining the anger out of him, he moved a little closer, resting his head on Evan’s shoulder with the shower curtain between them.
“I love you. You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me, and I can’t even begin to tell you how precious you are to me…”
They would get through his hiccup, just like they got through the other ones. Everything would work out. “I’m here. Okay? Do what you need to do.”
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:49 am
For a moment, Evan was quiet. He listened to Tobias’ words and let them fill his mind, his heart.
The world wasn’t so very awful; he knew that. He knew he had people who loved him.
Zac and Cambria loved him. He just…he just couldn’t stand the thought of them right now. But Tobias was here, and he loved him, and until he could figure everything else out he was just going to rely on him.
He rested his head against Tobias’, ignoring how the shower curtain clung uncomfortable to his hot face.
“…I love you,” he mumbled. “Thank you, Tobias.”
He drew in a heavy breath and rubbed at his eyes. He was exhausted and he knew that if he didn’t start moving, he could just fall asleep in the shower right then and there. But he didn’t want to make Tobias worry more—didn’t want to make him come in and get him.
“…I’m going to get out in a minute,” he decided, but he didn’t know how long it would actually take him to start to move, or to get dressed or to do anything.
“…You said earlier,” he mumbled, “Something about food?”
He sounded hopeful and hesitant. Grief and frustration and anger were only shadows that clung to his words; now he just sounded like he was asking some great favor. “Is that…is that offer still available, maybe?”
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 9:04 am
Tobias felt himself relax. Evan had already relented. Evan was actually listening to his words and they were getting through to him. Things were bad right now…but they would get better. Everything got better so much more easily now.
“Of course, Ev. I’ll start up some Mac and Cheese for you. The clothes are on the sink, me and Maxim will be waiting for you in the kitchen.” Tobias pulled away from the boy and stood up, keeping the still wriggling dog firmly in his arms. “Take your time, but don’t take too long or we’ll end up eating all of the food, okay?” His voice was light, and as Tobias left the room, he was chuckling softly.
“Just kidding. We won’t eat all of it, just most of it. See you in a bit, Evan…but if you smell smoke from my terrible cooking, just…leave, okay? I promise I won’t burn the house down this time. No fires for me.”
They could joke about things. They would get through this.
They would always get through everything life threw.
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