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 Posted: Wed May 09, 2018 2:13 pm
‘Let’s not do this, Evan. It’s not worth it.'
Evan stared at his phone screen again, as if somehow the message would have changed.
This morning, he had texted his mother. He should have done it last night, before he went to pick up the special order of flowers he’d prepared, before he’d spent nearly a full hour carefully writing the handwritten letter he’d spent the better part of the week composing and rewriting. Before he’d planned an entire meal and set about preparing for the perfect picnic. Before he’d spent eighty dollars on the most amazing picnic basket, before he’d woken up at two in the morning to cook.
Realistically, he knew that he should have spoken to her before planning things.
But he’d been so convinced that things were going to turn out well. At first, he’d imagined all the negatives that could come o this—he thought he’d played out every situation in his head before sending her the text he’d painstakingly crafted.
And yet, despite all the horrible fantasies he’d prepared for, he still hadn’t expected her to say no.
It was still early morning; thick clouds and a dense fog covered the city but it was expected to clear up by noon. Evan had left to pick up the flowers as soon as it was light enough to safely navigate to the flower shop, and it wasn’t until he’d picked them up and confirmed that they were the most beautiful flowers that he’d mustered up the nerve to message his mother.
He waited until he was home, until the flowers were in a nice vase and soaking up water, and forced himself to copy the message he’d written in the notepad on his phone. His hand was trembling when he sent it.
‘Hi, Mom. It’s Evan. I know we haven’t spoken in a while but I really miss you. Do you want to meet up sometime? I can bring over lunch some time and we can talk? I can do any time that works for you. Let me know, love you.’
It was Saturday morning; he wasn’t going to tread on any plans she might have made on Sunday.
So, he waited.
The message was read in five minutes. She didn’t start typing for five after that. She didn’t send anything until ten minutes after that.
Evan had paced the whole time—quiet, because he didn’t want to wake Zac or Cambria; they’d been up late last night and he hadn’t even told them of his plan. He didn’t want them hovering over him, asking for updates, before he knew how things were going to go.
His stomach churned and he put his phone down, swallowing the lump in his throat.
They’d be up soon. They’d ask about the flowers. The picnic basket. He had to get out of here before they realized something was wrong.
Almost frantically, he picked up the bouquet and emptied out the water before stowing the vase under the sink. He pulled what of the picnic he’d had refrigerated and shoved it somewhat neatly into the picnic basket; when it was closed, he set the bouquet on top of it and heaved the basket off the table. He moved to the door quickly, trying to sneak out before he woke up the dog sleeping in his bed could hear him.
He didn’t necessarily have anywhere to go but his feet started moving before he really had time to process. Vaguely, he must have known that there was only one woman he could go to for the best advice and, worst comes to worst, she was the only other mother he knew anyway.
Bellatrix had mentioned that she was planning on spending her Saturday taking it easy so he knew she’d be home; it wasn’t until he was standing on her doorstep, knocking, that he realized he should have texted to make sure she was even awake.
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2018 5:47 pm
Bellatrix wasn’t used to visitors, especially not at this time of the day. She was sure that it must be someone here for Millie, but her daughter was still in bed, sleeping the day away.
Saturday mornings were her day for cleaning up the house, and so when she answered the door, Bellatrix was in her ‘cleaning clothes’ and looked…somewhat homeless.
The tee shirt had holes in it, and the pants were soft and faded, and upon seeing Evan, she blinked and began to smile, though when her eyes landed on the flowers and the picnic basket, she felt her heart begin to break.
She had been wrong. She had been wrong about everything and now Evan was here to either berate her or to cry or to just…give up. Quietly, Bellatrix reached out and took the basket and flowers from Evan’s hands, and without a word, set them both on the floor beside her. She drew the boy inside and wrapped her arms tightly around him, hugging him and trying to put as much love and affection that she could into the gesture. She would be a mother to him if he wanted. He didn’t have to ask…and she wanted him to know that.
Quietly, she kissed the top of his head and continued to hold him tightly. “It’s good to see you.”
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2018 6:05 pm
Bellatrix seemed to have a better grasp on how to handle things, but then, she had years of experience and a maturity that Evan hadn’t quite obtained yet. His stomach had been twisting in knots while he waited for her to answer the door but thankfully she hadn’t asked any questions or given him any odd looks.
If he thought there was anything odd or shameful about her attire, his expression didn’t relay this; it was hard to see his face with his gaze downcast as it was but he melted into the embrace immediately. He hadn’t fought when she took the flowers or the picnic basket, he just let her rid him of the things.
It took him a few seconds to appreciate the warmth, and a few seconds after that to find his voice.
“I should have called, or texted,” he tried to explain. His voice was muffled from the embrace, but he seemed so desperate for it that he made no effort to draw away. “I’m sorry. I know it’s early. But I was thinking, you know, you were talking about wanting to spend more time with your daughter, and the weather’s supposed to clear up a lot today. And I know it’s intrusive, and you can say no, it won’t hurt my feelings—” he wasn’t sure anything else could right now; he was feeling sort of numb, “—But I thought, since I’ve got all this food, maybe you guys could go have a nice lunch. I made good things, the best. I didn’t pack drinks, but it’s all good stuff for a picnic, and everything you need is in there. It’s got a blanket and silverware and plates even packed up. I mean, you don’t have to go on a picnic,” he pressed again, “It’s just, if you wanted to. And the flowers, I mean.”
He fell quiet again.
“I was going to get you flowers, anyway. They just weren’t going to be those. But I don’t know what to do with them right now, and they were too pretty to throw away.”
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Posted: Fri May 11, 2018 4:30 pm
Bellatrix kept her arms around the boy for a good few moments after he finished speaking and finally, finally drew away, though slid her hands into his, squeezing them gently. “Millie and I actually have plans for tomorrow, so we don’t really need a picnic today…it was a very nice thought though…but…”
She shrugged, squeezing his hands again and glancing down at the basket and the flowers. “You know, I might just have some drinks here, if you wanted to perhaps go on the picnic with me instead? I would love an excuse to spend some time with you, Evan. I really, truly would.”
Bellatrix let go of her hands and lifted the lilies off of the basket, picking them up and inhaling the sweet scent of them, sighing happily. “Oh, they’re so lovely. Thank you so very much, Evan. This means so much to me.” She knew what it meant though. She knew what him being here instead of having this picnic with his mother must have meant, and she knew that he must be hurting horribly.
She felt the guilt gnawing at her insides and sighed softly, holding the flowers close. “What did you make us to eat? I’m excited to taste your cooking again, kid.” There was no reason to let him know that she knew…that would only upset him more, she was sure.
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Posted: Fri May 11, 2018 5:04 pm
Evan knew.
Bellatrix didn’t have to say anything, but he knew she knew. He’d known as soon as she embraced him, as soon as her eyes landed on the flowers.
He tried to relax but his stomach was in knots and it felt like pins were prickling at his insides. He felt hollow around that, and heavy. He hadn’t cried, but he felt as exhausted as if he’d had a breakdown, and his skin tingled like it was going to peel itself off of his bones any second now. He had no appetite, but he stretched his stiff skin into a faint smile and nodded anyway.
He was tired in a way that sleep wouldn’t fix, and he could already tell by the pressure in the back of his head that even if he’d tried to crawl into bed he wasn’t going to get any sleep.
He could have gone to bother Cambria and Zac, but they both had plans for today. They didn’t often get the opportunity to go on dates, and if he crawled in bed between the two of them, he knew he’d ruin their plans. He didn’t want to make them worry about him any more than they already did.
“I made a lot,” he answered, relieved that he managed to speak loudly enough to be heard. There was a lump in his throat and he kept swallowing as he tried to push it away. “I baked a pie. It’s apple. I used too much butter, I know, but that’s what makes the crust taste the best. There are sandwiches. They’re huge, I put everything in them. Coleslaw. Strawberries and some dipping cream. Potato salad. Chips, that I didn’t make, but you’re supposed to have them at a picnic. Roasted corn. It’s cold, but it’s still good. Oh, and mac and cheese. That one’s nothing fancy, it’s just Kraft. It’s not like what I make at the food truck, it’s literally right out of the box. But it’s my favorite. Mom used to make it for me when I was sick or not feeling good.”
He drew in a shaky breath and tried to sound like he was still put together. “So it’s my comfort food, and I eat it more than I should.”
His eyes went to the lilies, and then to Bellatrix’s face, and he offered another attempt at a smile. “I don’t want to take any time you have away from you and your daughter. I mean, if you want to go, I can show you that place I told you about. The nice one by the lake? I went there yesterday to make sure it was still pretty. It is. And there weren’t any geese or ducks, so it should be safe.”
He was going through the motions, but he still felt hollow. There was a prickle in his eye, a sharp burn that mimicked the one in his throat. He knew what it meant but he wasn’t willing to break down. He hadn’t come here to be a sap in front of Bellatrix, he hadn’t come here for pity.
He didn’t know why he’d come here, except that he knew she was always easy to be around, and she’d made an effort in this endeavor with him. It seemed a shame to let all of this go to waste; he wanted someone to get something out of all the time and money and effort he’d spent on everything.
And Bellatrix had been so kind, so helpful.
She deserved more than second pick for flowers and picnics.
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2018 10:30 am
Bellatrix watched Evan for a long moment and finally gave a soft smile, drawing him back into her arms and holding him there for another indeterminate amount of time. “I want to spend the day with you. I care about you, and if your mother is foolish enough not to see what a wonderful, caring, talented boy that you are…then I’ll just have to adopt you instead.”
The words were as light as she could make them, and when she finally did begin to pull away, it was only to pick up the flowers. “Come on, let’s go and put these in some water, and we can get something good to bring with us to drink, and you can show me this wonderful park.”
Bellatrix made sure to take Evan’s hand in hers and tugged it lightly, not wanting him to run. Not wanting him to think this was all some trick. “And…if there are any geese or ducks, I’ll protect you, Evan. I promise. Nothing will hurt you on our picnic, son.”
She wished that she could do more. Wished that she could go and find this woman who didn’t want to give her own boy a second chance…wished that she could give her a piece of her mind…but…
That would have to come later, if ever.
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2018 11:22 am
Evan melted into the hug after minimal attempt not to; he craves the warmth, the comfort, and any embarrassment or fear was overwhelmed with his need for some sort of acceptance.
People usually made a mistake about here, but she didn’t. She used the right words, the right tone. She took his hand and gave him direction. She gave him hope.
She made him feel less empty, and he wanted to give her a chance. She was going out of his way for him and even if he expected some sort of joke or disappointment, she hadn’t given him any reason to give up.
“Okay,” he mumbled, and he could hear the emotion creep into his words. His throat burned and he was blinking rapidly, not sure if he was still upset about his mom or overwhelmed by how kind Bellatrix was being.
He gave her hand a squeeze and tried to pick up his head. “Thanks,” he said, and even though he knew his nose and eyes were red, he still managed to smile.
She had given him that much, today. He could at least try to make it worth her while.
He wasn’t a kid, he knew that. He wasn’t so young that he should have craved this much attention or support.
But, he did.
And he wasn’t going to fight Bellatrix if she was offering what he needed.
He drew in a steadying breath and offered a stronger smile. “That sounds like a good plan. I’d really like that.”
Maybe teasingly, maybe in response to the nickname she had bestowed upon him, he added, “Mom.”
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