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 Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:22 pm
To say Arias had been distracted lately would have been an understatement. He wasn’t one to share his problems if he could help it, and it seemed as though he’d been bottling them up for some time. It didn’t seem to be a burden that he couldn’t handle; he was still of good temperament and was functioning well enough, but sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, only to stare at the ceiling until his mind untangled itself enough to slip back into sleep.
Sometimes he seemed like his mind was far off; he could turn on a movie and, by all accounts seemed like he was perfectly engaged. Only, sometimes he would keep staring, through the credits. Through fifteen minutes of the menu scene.
Sometimes, he just seemed so engaged in a task that he wasn’t paying attention to the outside world. Vacuuming the same patch of ground for ten minutes, stirring batter for three times as long as it needed, tripping over things that he should have easily avoided.
He seemed in a good mood through all of it, but he never expanded on things beyond excusing the mistakes with a simple confession of a wandering mind.
Even now, he seemed oblivious to the fact that Nick had just arrived; he should have heard the greeting, or the closing door, but instead he was standing in the kitchen, eyes on a trio of freshly baked, decorated cupcakes. Each looked very different from the last—new flavor, not something uncommon for him to experiment with on his days off.
He held a bowl cradled in one arm and stirred the batter within it with the other. His lips were pursed thoughtfully as he mixed with such fervor that it might have seemed as if he were angry but everything else about his countenance indicated he was relaxed and at peace.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:28 pm
Nick often wondered if he were going crazy. That could have been the only explanation that made any sense. That was the only explanation that made sense, but…He didn’t have the energy to really dwell on any of that.
He should have spoken about this long before now. Should have talked to Arias about what had happened. Should have contacted Orah…should have…gone after that Negaverse lieutenant…why was it always the ******** Negaverse?
Tonight though. Tonight he was going to talk to Arias and figure this whole thing out. There was something to figure out…wasn’t there? It had been almost a month now but…
But there was still things to talk about.
He had entered the room as quietly as possible and had smiled at the brunette when he came inside, closing the door softly behind him. When his greeting wasn’t answered, the smile on his face faded some and his stomach began churning unpleasantly. Reaching up, Nick rubbed absently at the scar on his arm…the scar that might or might not have been caused by Newgrange attacking him…but…
But that didn’t matter…right?
Quietly he walked over to the male and wrapped his arms lightly around him, resting a cheek on his shoulder. “Hey, Love. Can we talk for a little while? I have…I think…I think we should.”
Nick never wanted to talk…never about serious things but…
But he still didn’t know what had really happened…and what hadn’t.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:34 pm
Arias seemed briefly startled; he stiffened and his eyes immediately found Nick. There was a strange defensiveness in his expression for the split second it took for him to register that it was his boyfriend. A smile split across his face and he relaxed almost immediately.
“Oh, Nick,” he greeted. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
They had planned this; he knew he was coming over. The clock in front of him was perfectly on time, and Nick had arrived within three minutes of when he said he’d be there, so there really wasn’t any reason for surprise. Arias should have expected him, but instead he’d been distracted, again.
Not so distracted that Nick’s words didn’t almost immediately cause a bit of worry to twist in his gut.
Talks, talks that they needed to have, always seemed like they could go either way. He immediately wracked his mind to try and deduce if he’d done anything wrong recently, but when he came up short he simply offered a more reserved smile.
“We can talk,” he assured. With little regard to his project, he set the batter down on the counter.
“Now?” His eyes wandered to the couch and then to Nick inquisitively.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:48 pm
Nick nodded, planting a soft kiss on the other male’s neck before pulling away enough to take his hand and guide him over towards the couch. “Yeah, now seems as good a time as anything. I guess…we should have talked when…when it was over but I wasn’t…I didn’t know how to bring…”
He let out his breath in a loud sigh and fell on the couch, drawing Arias down on top of him.
“I couldn’t tell…what was really real and what…what wasn’t…I…”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose, looking pained. We…were married? And…in the circus…but it wasn’t real. None of it was…”
It wasn’t…it wasn’t all a question. He wanted it to be a question but…
But he really thought that…
There were parts of his…vision? Dream? Chaos induced acid trip? Whatever it was…there were parts that he wished had been real.
The being married to Arias for a start…and if he could go back and…do it again he wouldn’t have the…
The other two. He would be faithful. He had the chance to be now but…
There was nothing stopping him…nothing at all. Nothing but his own foolishness and the fear of…of commitment. But…if he didn’t want commitment…then he shouldn’t have bought the ring that rested in his pocket. He shouldn’t have come over here with such intentions if he hadn’t…
If he wasn’t ready.
He had come for so many different reasons, each of them more confusing than the last. “I love you.”
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:55 pm
Arias tilted his head at Nick as he rested against him.
He understood what he was saying—or, at least, part of it. There was an oddness to the words and he knew what he was talking about.
The circus, where all the memories had blurred together. Where, for a short time, he’d had no comprehension of what was real and what was imagined.
When they’d been married. When Nick had two other lovers.
Or, at least, two other lovers that he’d known about.
A small twinge of bitterness blossomed in his heart but he kept a straight fact.
“It wasn’t real,” he said quietly, both to reassure Nick and to remind himself. “Just some trick of Chaos.”
He offered a soft smile and leaned over to kiss Nick on the cheek; he patted his chest reassuringly. “And I love you, too. What are you worrying about?”
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 4:05 pm
“I know it wasn’t real…” Nick’s voice was quiet and he managed a small smile of his own as he felt the softness of Arias’s lips against his cheek and the reassuring feeling of the hand on his chest. “I know it wasn’t real…but sometimes it’s…hard to remember that. I’ve had several days where I wake up and I’m so confused as to why you’re not by my side…and I don’t even want to talk about how long I’ve spent frantically looking for my wedding band…I…”
He swallowed hard, flexing his left hand into a fist for a moment, closing his eyes as if in pain.
“…Would you…would you want to marry me, Arias…? For…like…for real. Not some ******** up Chaos trick that we have no control over…but like…black tie wedding…Carlee as the flower girl or whatever…your parents…the whole thing. We can move in together…m-maybe adopt some kids I…”
A shudder went through the blonde’s body, unable to be suppressed. He hadn’t been okay since waking up again from that…nightmare. They had a future planned then. They would get children…have a family…and Nick wanted that so much right now that it…it physically hurt.
“But if you don’t want to, that’s fine, and I understand. I was just…just wondering. You know…? We haven’t…talked about anything really…deep since…well…since then.”
His hand rubbed over the scar again, looking away from the brunette, and finally just closing his eyes to try and escape. If he couldn’t see Arias…couldn’t see the apartment…then when this ended badly…he could just pretend it was nothing more than another ******** up dream.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 4:19 pm
Arias raised a brow. “I told you a long time ago that I wanted to get married. I waned to live in a nice house, with someone I love, with kids.”
Things he hadn’t really asked for in a long time.
It didn’t mean he’d stopped wanting them, it just meant that he’d stopped bringing them up. It wasn’t worth the disappointment, the heartache, the worry that he was going to drive Nick away just broaching the topic.
Even recently, when Nick was the one who first started bringing it up, he’d been cautious and afraid of being too overbearing. Too many months of locking those desires away made it hard to free them, but he was working on it.
“I’d want to make sure you were ready,” he admitted. “Sometimes I think you move too quickly. Maybe with me. Maybe with other people.” He paused, and then quietly added, “Well, especially with other people. I know we have our arrangement.”
Nick’s libido was greater than his. Nick had needs that Arias didn’t know if could ever sate. He had given Nick permission to take out those needs with other people, he just wanted to know what he was getting into. He wanted to know Nick was being safe.
“…But marriage is a whole other game. How does that factor into a marriage? I mean,” he didn’t pull away from Nick or give any indication that no was his answer, but he seemed to be genuinely considering the topic. His eyes drifted down to the area Nick kept rubbing and, after a few seconds, he slid his hand over to brush against the injury. “I’m sorry about that, by the way. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I really don’t know what was going on in my head. It wasn’t me. I would never want to hurt you. I do love you. And I like being with you. And I could spend the rest of my life with you.”
Probably.
There were flaws in his relationship, and Arias was aware of them—but he was also aware that Nick was making more of an effort than he ever had before.
It made him think that there was a chance for them. That, after Nick grew up a little more, matured a little more, they could settle down. There wouldn’t be any side affairs, just the two of them, in their little house, with their little family.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 4:37 pm
Nick shrugged weakly, feeling a mixture of relief and something close to disappointment at his words. He had wanted…He had wanted Arias to be excited. To say just how much he wanted it. How much he wished that their big conversation had been…real.
Nick had just wanted Arias to feel the way that he did…
“I’ve…like I said I just…I know that wasn’t your fault it just…it just itches sometimes. Or…I don’t know. But I know it wasn’t you. I knew it wasn’t you from the moment it happened…so…don’t worry about it.”
His hand slid into his pocket and his hand closed around the ring, squeezing it tight enough that the metal began to hurt his hand just a bit. Finally after another small battle with himself he drew his hand out of the pocket, fingers still curled tightly around the small piece of gold. “I think it sounds wonderful. All of it. A nice house…kids…I…I think I might have some sort of baby fever….I just…I don’t know. I keep seeing families together and thinking about you…and thinking about us and just…swinging a little kid between the two of us as we walk down the street.”
There was a small smile on Nick’s face, one that didn’t quite look as though it belonged there. It was too soft, too…sincere on the face which always had an issue appearing serious.
“I want those things. I want them badly. I don’t want…to be with anyone but you…I want…to grow old beside you…”
Slowly Nick opened his hand, revealing the ring resting gently against his palm. “…So if you would like to marry me…I…I’m asking. Unless your answer is going to be no…in which case…surprise honey, I got you a ring just in case your hand was feeling as empty as mine was…I promise it’s not cursed or anything so no great quests to burn it…”
The worry in his eyes was still plain to see, even though he tried to make enough jokes to get rid of it. He didn’t want the answer to be no…though he wasn’t sure that Arias was ready for it to be yes.
He wasn’t really sure about anything anymore.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 4:56 pm
For a few seconds, Arias was stunned to silence. And then, he laughed. It wasn’t mocking, or condescending; it was genuine. It was happy.
He reached out to gently caress the ring, as if he had to see it for his mind to comprehend that it was real.
“Oh, Nick,” he said softly, with such love in his voice. For a moment, it didn’t seem like he was burdened with whatever silent thoughts had been plaguing him these past few weeks.
He wanted to ask if he was sure. If this was really what Nick had wanted.
…But this wasn’t a decision Nick had made lightly. He’d had to think about it enough to know he wanted a ring. To save up to buy it. To plan to bring it over.
Nick had considered this for a while.
It was what Arias wanted.
Probably.
The stability, the trust, the strength that came from a relationship. He and Nick had been through their ups and downs. In a way, it felt like they were moving too fast—even if they’d been together for a while, now. And yet, even with the nagging voice in the back of his head, he couldn’t deny what his heart told him.
“I couldn’t say no to you. Even if the ring was cursed.”
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 5:25 pm
The laughter caused a pang of despair to course through Nick’s chest, though after taking a moment to just breath, he realized that it wasn’t…it wasn’t a bad laugh. And his next words caused the despair to change swiftly to a sudden, wild joy.
He wasn’t saying no. He wasn’t saying no…he hadn’t said yes…not in so many words but…but his tone…his tone was a yes, it was as much of a yes as Nick could have ever hoped for.
Quietly, he closed his hand gently over Arias’s, squeezing it before pulling away and slipping the ring onto his finger with a trembling hand. “So…so you’re not my boyfriend anymore…you’re…you’re my fiancé and we can work towards…towards that future that we both want…we can start saving for a house and think seriously about adoption…Oh my god, Arias…I want a family…”
He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut for a long moment. “I want to have a house full of children…I want to just…live the rest of my life with you by my side…there’s nothing that I want more than that…”
And in that moment…that was the full and complete truth. There was nothing that he wanted more than that.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 5:32 pm
Arias believed him.
It wasn’t like the sustained belief he’d put in Nick before, where he wanted to trust him so he did; now, he genuinely believed the words he said. Their thoughts and wants seemed to have aligned, and within that moment he forgot about any threat of anyone else. They could make anything work.
Nick’s needs, Arias’.
The problems they’d had were trivial when compared to the possibility of their happy future.
Arias wanted it. And he would fight for it.
He admired the ring on his finger, smile still glued to his face. He couldn’t contain himself any longer and leaned over to kiss Nick deeply, passionately.
When he parted, all he could say was, “Then we have to get you a ring, too.”
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