Backdated to mid-January
Follows the Negaverse Tournament


With a gasp, Yuuri’s eyes snapped open and he blinked away the tears that lined his lashes. The images of his dream were already darting away, but not fast enough for him to not know what woke him. The room was dark. Blurry. It took a few moments for Yuuri to remember where he was, the violence of his nightmare holding fast to his thoughts.

He felt sick again, but whether it was a side effect of using up his energy, or his seemingly perpetual anxiety, or even his dreams, he wasn’t sure.

The cot was not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, and it creaked and groaned as he pushed himself up to sit. He tugged at the collar of the long sleeved shirt he wore, the cold sweat that drenched his body making the fabric stick to his skin. He was feeling overheated now and was tempted to pull the uncomfortably damp piece of clothing off, but the discomfort he felt over the thought of someone seeing him without a shirt outweighed all others.

Somehow Lauri had convinced the nurses to not only let Yuuri stay with him, but had arranged for the cot to be brought out for him. Yuuri doubted he would ever understand how Lauri seemed to be able to charm his way into getting whatever he wanted, but by this point Yuuri wasn’t going to question it.

In fact, he’d been too overwhelmed when Lauri insisted that he stayed, Yuuri hadn’t been able to do much more than blubber incoherently and then quietly sat and watched whatever Lauri put on the television until Lauri dozed off.

Yuuri rubbed at his eyes, wiping the sweat and tears from his face as he waited for his heart to settle. He couldn’t see what time it was. He couldn’t see much of anything. Enough to be able to stumble his way to the bathroom if he needed to, but definitely no fine details. Along with anything else that was needed for an overnight stay or two, such as toothbrushes, Lauri had also managed to procure a cheap contacts case and small bottle of solution for Yuuri.

By now, it was no secret that Yuuri wore contacts, and if anything Lauri was probably not in the mood to deal with Yuuri being miserable about his eyes hurting because he slept in them. Again.

He sniffled quietly, and then groaned uncomfortably along with the cot as he lied back down.

At least it was a private room, courtesy of Kian. A private room meant that the staff were much more willing to make exceptions for charming patients, though not nearly as many as they were willing to make if they thought the crying wreck of a man at your side was your significant other. Which they did, now. Lauri had no scruples in lying to those outside his pack to get what he wanted, so it cost him precisely nothing to tell the nursing staff that Yuuri was not only to be allowed on his visitor list, but was his partner and he would appreciate if they'd allow him to stay.

He'd provided a list of 'family and loved ones' that would assure his pack was given access. Kat was family, after all. She should be treated as such. Archer wouldn't come, he knew that, but his name went on the approved list as well as several others. Just in case. Not that 'visiting hours' meant anything at all to the Negaverse - if they wanted to come at four in the ******** morning, they'd come by at four in the ******** morning, rules be damned.

Lauri was resting fairly comfortably in the hospital bed on a cocktail of medication when the sounds of Yuuri muddling about roused him and he used the bed controls to raise his upper body enough that when he got his water to sip at it didn't spill down his entire front. "Everything still tastes like blood..."

His voice was raspy and kind of bruised sounding from intubation, but thankfully Lauri no longer sounded weak or like he was going to die any time soon. Just felt a bit like it. Especially his midsection, though the Negaverse officer that worked as a surgeon had assured him his body had healed a lot of the worst damage by the time he'd come in, so it hadn't been nearly as awful as it had seemed. That last star seed had done a good job of keeping him from jumping the mortal coil - he'd no doubt have some interesting scarring, but would heal just fine.

"Did you take out your contacts?"

Yuuri immediately sat back up when he heard Lauri messing with the controls, concerned that he might need something. Maybe he ran out of water, or was in so much pain that he needed more medicine. But Yuuri settled some, watching his packmate’s blurry form in the dim light of parking lot lights that filtered through the curtains.

He turned away to frown down at his hands, absently picking at one of his nails. Yuuri was lucky Lauri allowed him in his room at all, what with how obnoxious he’d been about wanting him to go to the hospital before his second match. He could have told Yuuri to go home and let him rest in peace, or maybe he preferred other company, such as Kat or any number of people.

Stop.

Lauri hadn’t told him to go home. He’d made sure Yuuri had a place to sleep and even requested he stay. He was letting himself think too much about the worst case scenarios and he needed to stop before it got out of hand.

“Yes I did,” he quietly mumbled, feeling a little guilty that the noise he’d been making had woken Lauri. He at least sounded a little better, although the comment that everything tasted like blood was concerning. Yuuri opened his mouth to maybe suggest calling for a nurse, after all it would be bad if Lauri was bleeding internally. More than he already had been. But he shut his mouth, knowing Lauri was quite capable of making that determination on his own.

“I want to apologize for yesterday,” he said after a moment, still looking down at his hands that now gripped at the sheets on the cot. “It was not my place to suggest you not fight.”

While Lauri had made it possible for his neurotic and anxiety riddled packmate to stay with him at the hospital, he really wasn't in any condition - nor mood - to navigate the labyrinthine corridors of Yuuri's psyche to comfort him during yet another round of the '200 Reasons Why Yuuri Sucks and Should Jump a Cliff' game, so it was quite nice when he didn't have to.

"Good." Forgetting for a moment that his nose was tender, the Finn ran his right hand over his face with a groan; his left arm was stiff and currently had an IV line in it, so he was disinclined to move it, but the right had only what he might consider relatively 'minor' wounds and was much easier to move around. So naturally he used that one to set off the abused nerves in his poor nose by touching them. "Ow, <********>--"
Yuuri would get no answer to his apology until Lauri managed to stop his eyes smarting and his body resettled against the bed comfortably. "No. It wasn't." Blunt, honest words, as ever. "You are my packmate, you are allowed to express concern that I not fight. But why apologize now, when it doesn't matter?" He picked his water back up and sipped it again, swishing the mineral-heavy water around his mouth to help change the resting taste from copper to something more palatable.

"Do you understand that not fighting was never an option, Yuuri?" Kamacite was never trained as Aue and Tourmaline were, as even Adamantine, Dia, Kian, and Wolfeite were. They were trained to stand, to fight. They would see things through to the bloody, bitter end, always - as ordered - because that's how they had been trained. Some discretion was used, of course, because a dead agent was utterly worthless, but the Tournaments were sporting matches.

Honor and pride, guts and glory. In those, there could be no backing down unless you were put in an impossible position. You didn't quit.

But you also didn't let yourself die.

Which was why he'd been relieved to have the match called, to be allowed to drop and be taken away for medical care. "There is...a difference. In prize fights like Aurostibite's Tournament, and what we do for survival. These have become ways of showing how strong your team is, how well your C/O has trained you more than 'fun sparring battles' as intended. If they were simple spars, no bladed weapons or youma would be allowed, there would probably be handicaps to restrict magic. It would be very different." At least, he imagined so - just as in martial arts tournaments there were illegal moves, so too there would be in the Negaverse one if it weren't meant as some sort of test of strength or proving ground.

Every ache and pain Lauri voiced, whether through groan or curse, had Yuuri tensing, fingers digging tightly into the sheets of his cot. There was nothing he could do to ease Lauri’s pain, nothing he could do to protect him from being injured during those fights.

But those fights had been planned and done for show, just as Lauri decided to remind him. If this had been a fight against a senshi or knight, what could he have done to help? Would Lauri expect him to get in the way? What could he do as Kamacite when he couldn’t even win his own match? If they were supposed to be showing off how strong they were as a team and how well they were trained, Yuuri had done a spectacular job of failing them.

That was not acceptable.

He was not a damsel in distress, he did not need or want to be babied. He’d never expected to be, nor had he been in his life before the Negaverse. As his packmate, Aue was his responsibility, as was Wolfeite. He’d almost drowned trying to stop Wolfeite from getting hurt. They were his pack, his family. He’d never had a real family before, and the pack, even Tourmaline and Tiberius, made him feel like maybe this was what it was supposed to be like.

His inability to fight or capability of handling things was doing no one any good, and he wanted to change that. He had to. He couldn’t let the scenes of his nightmares become reality.

More importantly, he wanted Aue to look at him and see an equal, not someone who needed to be protected and looked after because he couldn’t be trusted to take care of himself. Like how Wolfeite had apparently been following him in order to make sure he didn’t mess up.

And why apologize? Why wouldn’t he apologize when he was in the wrong, and Lauri obviously agreed and even said as much?

“Apologies usually come with the promise of intent to not repeat what required the apology in the first place,” Yuuri muttered mostly under his breath, feeling his face heat with embarrassment and frustration.

“Of course I knew it wasn’t an option. But you can’t expect me to not worry when you’re bleeding all over the place,” he continued, scowling down at his hands in the dark, sniffling softly again. His throat felt tight with emotion and frustration that he desperately, and stubbornly, held back.

“Of course I understand. If our positions were reversed, of course I would have kept fighting, too.” He hated that he immediately pictured himself losing to either Captain that Aue faced. “At least I wouldn’t have anyone nagging me to not fight,” Yuuri said grumpily, imagining how childish Lauri must think he was, and then getting even more frustrated because that was not his intention at all! He was trying not to behave like a child, and failing.

Yuuri's snark pulled the pained slash of Lauri's lips into a ghost of a smile; each time was good - healing for his packmate after years and years of repressing his reactions - and even if the sass might cause him issue in the future, the Finn couldn't help being pleased it happened. "In that case, apology accepted." Not doing so would have insulted and further shamed Yuuri, it seemed.

"I had the fortune of facing two skilled opponents with only a small break between." To the detriment of his physical condition; Captain Seraphinite had sliced him up really badly, but Lauri was fairly certain he'd caused nearly as much damage to the other man with blunt force trauma and in smaller head wounds. He'd been the victor, after all. It was simply his poor luck to have taken on Uvarovite and his youma afterwards, with the Youma being far fresher than the other Captain. "It was a good learning experience, Yuuri." In the bed, the Finn shifted again, gritting his teeth at a fresh stab of pain that broke through the haze of medication floating in his system. "It was also incredibly damaging and stupid. I will be completely out of commission for at least two weeks healing. Possibly three."

He'd been lucky. Incredibly lucky. He was also hoping the accelerated healing factors would kick in and make things faster - but couldn't remember if the surgeon had accounted for that in his estimate on healing times or not. Lauri had been pretty fuzzy at that point.

"Yuuri." Would Tourmaline have allowed their packmate to continue? Would he have, if their situations had been reversed? Against Adamantine it had been bad enough - the Finn knew how she'd been trained, just as he had, but although Labyrinthite's expressionless doll had thoroughly defeated Yuuri, she'd not torn him apart. Against Seraphinite he would have been carved. Lauri was disinclined to believe that things would have gotten to the same point in such a match, but it bore further thought when he was capable.

For the moment, his packmate was upset and it wasn't entirely unsurprising. Lauri reached his left hand out, mindful of his IV. "Give me your hand."

Lauri being out of commission was not the best thing for either of them. Yuuri wondered how restless the Finn would be, being made to take things easy. Maybe he would be content with playing his video games for two to three weeks, or work on projects that required very little physical effort.

Yuuri, on the other hand, still had classes to attend. So unless he was absolutely needed, which he knew someone as stubborn as Lauri wouldn’t admit to needing help until that point, Yuuri knew he’d be sitting in class, distracted by the thought of Lauri having complications while he was away.

Maybe a blood clot that would break free and then stop his heart. Would he come back to the warehouse one evening to find Lauri dead? These things happened. And although Lauri had promised nothing would happen, and although Yuuri’s medication helped tame some of the anxiety he felt for the potential worst case scenarios, that didn’t mean those thoughts left his head.

The sound of his name drew Yuuri back from submerging further into the darkness of his thoughts, his breath, growing steadily with labor, caught in his throat. He couldn’t afford to have a breakdown now. Not when he was supposed to be making sure Lauri had everything he needed. His priority was Lauri’s recovery, not his own fears.

Focus.

Carefully, Yuuri pushed back the sheets and lowered his legs over the edge, biting back a hiss at the cold of the floor against his bare feet. Why Lauri wanted his hand, he wasn’t sure, but who was he to deny him such a simple request? Especially after Lauri had accepted his apology?

Everything was fuzzy without his contacts, and more difficult to see in the near darkness, but even without the light he could see that Lauri was incredibly pale from the amount of blood he’d lost. It made Yuuri’s stomach churn and throat tighten as he imagined the pain Lauri must be feeling, even with the drugs they gave him to dilute it.

The urge to cry again was there. He’d somehow managed to hold himself back over the course of the day. For the most part at least. He certainly could have broken down more than he had, but he wanted to be there for Lauri, to be someone he could depend on to handle things like this.

The urge to reach out put his arms around Lauri was there too, probably stronger than the urge to cry, although at that point it would probably end with tears anyway. Yuuri wanted to protect him, to pet at his hair and tell him everything was okay, to curl up next to him on that impossibly small hospital bed if only to be able to listen to his breathing and heart beat with proof that he was alive.

But that was ridiculous and impractical and would cause more harm, and would make it even more difficult to convince Lauri that he could trust Yuuri to rein in his emotions when necessary. And Lauri had enough to deal with. He didn’t need to try and take care of Yuuri while he should be taking care of himself and recovering.

Gently, Yuuri placed his own left hand in Lauri’s, making sure the distance he kept wouldn’t cause strain on his packmate.

“I’m getting stronger,” he mumbled quietly before Lauri could say anything to him. But Lauri above all people should know that already, as they’d been working on training for the past several months. “I know those were just tournament spars, but if they had been real…” Yuuri paused to bite nervously at his lip, his vision too blurry to be able to tell if Lauri was even looking at him or somewhere else. But that didn’t matter, because he lifted his own eyes then to Lauri’s, whether he was looking or not.

“I would fight by your side until the end,” he said slowly, softly, trying not to choke on the wave of emotion he’d been holding back. His face felt hot and he was tempted to pull his hand back before Lauri commented on the way it trembled.

Even in the low lighting, it was obvious that Yuuri wanted to cry. He looked fragile and scared and completely upset. I should have him take an Ativan… but Yuuri knew he could take those, he had his daily medication and then the Ativan to take when things got too overwhelming: his 'breakthrough' medication. That he hadn't taken it was probably due to wanting to be available should Lauri need something, the Ativan tended to make his packmate sleepy.

"You are." Lauri's fingers closed around Yuuri's hand, drawing it in to his throat where his pulse could be felt, strong and steady. It might have been less awkward to put his packmate's hand over his heart, but there were EKG feeds there that he had been admonished to not fuss with by no less than two technicians and one nurse. So the throat it was. The place where Yuuri would be able to tell for himself that Lauri, despite losing over three pints of blood from having been sliced up like a Christmas Ham, was very much alive.

"Feel that? I am alive, Yuuri. I will be fine." He held Yuuri's hand to his throat, gaze direct. "If they had been real battles, I would not have been alone." It was the most obvious thing, wasn't it? Had he not been part of a sparring tournament where fights were set up to be one on one, he wouldn't have been facing either captain singly. He would have either been out with Kama, Tourma, or Vana. He might have even been taking Mab, Cursa, or Cornetite. Faustite, Tiberius, or Bob. But he certainly wouldn't have been alone. That wasn't how the Pack worked, it wasn't how he preferred to work.

It wasn't tactically sound.

'I would fight by your side until the end' It didn't take light to tell that Yuuri had gone red, nor did he need the contact with his throat to feel the trembling. If all he'd gotten was to hear those words, Lauri would have known. Yuuri was never direct like that, even when he was expressing displeasure at something he absolutely hated - like licorice - he was extremely Japanese about it. For a moment, the Finn couldn't say a damn thing, his brain was just absolutely over-done from both the day and the drugs.

Then he sighed and shifted in the bed again, making space so Yuuri could be on the right side, the less damaged side; he really wished Kat had agreed to bring him that beer when he'd asked. But no. "Come on, before one of those damn nurses comes in to poke me again." He was suddenly very glad all the tubes for IV and catheter were on the left, it made life easier. He'd had to demand it, since that arm had been sliced open, but it was actually easier to move it than one might think. Probably because of the drugs.

"You can settle for sleeping at it, for now."

Being able to feel Lauri’s pulse was like a balm to Yuuri’s overactive mind. He was obviously alive and speaking to him, but there was something about actually feeling the steady thrum of his heart under his fingertips was a relief. And Lauri must have known that it would help Yuuri, otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered.

Still, Yuuri wished that Lauri wouldn’t have had to worry about comforting him when Lauri was the one injured and in the hospital, even if he appreciated it. Part of Yuuri wondered if Lauri knew just how much he meant to him, and part of him was perfectly happy not knowing.

His mind was quick to remind him that Lauri was Lauri. He wasn’t controlled by emotion, listening to logic instead. And logically, it would be better to keep his packmates and allies happy and under as little distress as possible.

Yuuri didn’t want to know how Lauri felt about him, as a packmate or whatever, mostly because he didn’t think his mind could handle it, positive or negative. As long as Lauri knew that he was willing to fight by him and die for him, nothing else mattered. At least that was what Yuuri convinced himself.

But he hadn’t expected the offer to share the bed, even if it was for a short while. Yuuri stared, blinking tears from his already blurred vision, unsure of what to think. Was he hearing Lauri correctly? Seeing him move to the left side for him?

His hesitation only lasted long enough for the words to properly register in his brain, before he carefully pulled his hand away from Lauri’s throat and turned to tug one of the blankets off the cot he’d been trying to sleep on. Climbing into the bed without pulling on any of the cords or making it uncomfortable for Lauri was difficult, and Yuuri muttered half sniffled apologizes as he made himself as comfortable as possible on his side against Lauri’s…

Before ducking his head under Lauri’s arm, face pressed against his ribs as he sobbed into them. It was more than just the fear he felt for Lauri’s safety, but relief as well. Lauri could have dismissed him, but he had always been considerate of his feelings, whether it was logical to do so or not.

He’d held back trying not to cry for most of the day that now he couldn’t help it. He felt bad that he was saddling Lauri with his emotional turmoil, but Lauri at least didn’t have to do anything. Just being there, alive, was enough for Yuuri.