|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2018 5:04 pm
The door clicked shut behind the three visitors. On cue, the frustration that had been building up released itself in tears. A hand fisted and he punched it down alongside him on the bed with a muffled thud. The first initial feeling when the three...four, had come in was one of hope for some sort of connection or understanding. The group had come to see him after all. They took the time but…
That small sliver of hope had been dashed and crushed underneath Faustite’s boot as if it was nothing more than a mere nuisance. It hurt. It hurt more than he thought. Probably more than if they hadn’t even made an appearance at all.
Reaching up he wiped away at his eyes and cheeks to wipe away the salty tears. Why does it matter so much? Why did he desire companionship, any kind of companionship? Why could he get over it? Why, why, why? It was so annoying and so...crushing.
A click of the door opening and Helio sniffed as he rubbed at his face again. Eyes expected to find a nurse dressed in her scrubs to check on him but instead he found someone he had not expected to see until he was finally released. He couldn’t help himself from staring, body tense, as the other young man stood there looking back at him. Mouth opened before closing again, unsure what to even say while he mentally worried if his watery reaction to the previous visit was visible.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2018 1:09 pm
The door shut with a much duller, softer latch than when they first entered the room. Alone now, Reven stood an unimposing presence with his small frame and smaller expressions. His gaze crossed the room first — they found the white pot left behind by Yuuri, Lauri's chair still sat at the bedside, the sheets rumpled and tossed by Tiberius, and the bed stubbornly crowned by the bullheaded Aelius himself. To this, Reven issued no greet or explanation; his sights dropped to the floor, then the door, then he finally parted from the entryway to join the distraught teen.
Reven was no stranger to adversity. He did not begrudge Aelius all the experiences he didn't — or couldn't — have. The other teen would never know the troubles of living in a body that fought him endlessly, or his sequestered life away from society, or his commanding officer's domineering nature, or what it meant to lose his family in quite the same fashion. There wasn't a need to draw those comparisons or lord his hard-earned accomplishments wrenched with bloody hands over Aelius' feeble condition. Aelius would only respond with the same tired drivel spat moments earlier. And Reven, ever the cautious one, would tip his hand for no benefit. With the cards of his life spilled to that of a pitiful boy, how could he then demand respect?
Reven took his seat with quietude, and his lips remained still as one knee crossed another and hands laced over thin legs. A red battlefield of bitter tears arose in Aelius' features — his skin so often inflamed with great passions — and his eyes stood too-bright, glassy-white against dark lashes. Their visit paid him little good.
As an officer, Faustite was at a loss. His subordinate answered poorly to praise and more poorly to punishments. He showed no useful obstinance. He fought bitterly every order that came forth, and rejected still more harshly when trusted with the opportunity to cultivate a positive opinion of himself. Then came his split-second, half-hearted attempt at a death, and now that problem came once again to the fore. How could he lead someone that chose not to live? How could he trust them? How could he foster teamwork in someone who so profoundly misunderstood their relationship to those around them?
And as Reven, or Elex, he faced a second loss. A bleak, opaque wall constructed between them in the name of proper Negaverse order. Erected out of selfish-selfless concern. Maintained out of mixed fury. That wall, he knew, could not come down at that moment. Even if Aelius was faced with who he sought, the damage would prove exorbitant. As a weak will and faint heart, Aelius would buckle. Break. His hands were tied to the help he could offer.
So he waited. No words said, no judgment expressed. He waited.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 4:54 pm
The silence sat heavy in the room between the two occupants. One weathered the silence well while the other, buried under the light but warm blankets provided to him, seemed much less comfortable with the current arrangement. The purple haired young man as he watched his commanding officer with wary eyes as if he expected a set of fangs to reveal themselves from the glamoured occupant and sink themselves into already pain-riddled flesh. After all, why else would Faustite have come back but to say more scathing words and chastise his wayward subordinate. To Aelius, the half-youma had made it very clear there was little interest in the well-being of his senshi.
Long fingers weaved themselves into the blanket covering his lap. Without the puff of Tibby to work as a distraction, the blanket was a poor substitute. A hand, most visible to the visitor, fisted the white material, the honeycomb texture pronounced against Aelius’s palm. Eyes shifted from Faustite to the wall straight ahead, the silence almost becoming overbearing. Unfortunately, Aelius was also well aware, with the way Faustite had perched himself so carefully upon the visitors chair, the other young man had no intent on breaking the looming silence. That left it to Aelius who really, had no interest in whatever new game it was that Faustite wanted to play.
Closing eyes, he heaved a heavy sigh. Hands loosened on the fabric as palms ran over it to smooth the blanket out once again. “Is there something else you wanted to say? I can’t imagine you came back here just to sit there and stare at me.” Golden eyes looked to the Captain from the side, half shadowed by lashes.
“Are you here to offer more scathing words? Perhaps you didn’t tell me that I was, in so few words, and idiot for my actions as if I didn’t already know it. But hey, you have to keep drilling away at what little self-esteem I have left, right? Make sure I won’t do it again since, even if I promised I’d be better behaved, it’s not good enough for you.”
A hand rose and ran through his hair, greasy from pillows and lack of washing. Fingers rubbed against each other at the feeling as he pulled his hand away from the locks. A look of disgust crossed his face.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2018 10:28 am
Reven sighed, his gaze reaching down to the fingers around his knee. Ever on defense, Aelius conjured attacks where none existed — where Reven tried to bar them from existing. He wondered, then, over the futility of his attempts. He knew they stood worlds apart as Rowan and Elex, as two boys with secrets too large for their skins. Their Cinderella game ended with those same travesties, only to spring up anew when Faustite traded his history away. This nameless tabula rasa held no such attachments anymore. What was there left to say? Even under the same heavy curtain of the Negaverse, a gulf sprung up between them.
This would mark his last attempt. All efforts afterward were to be Aelius' and Aelius' alone.
Fiinally his gaze found the teen again, expression cryptic, attention steady. Hands remained steadfast in his lap. When he answered, his voice carried clarion despite its low volume. "No." He expected that word to carry straight into the gulf, to drown in the incontrovertible differences between them. Looking upon the teen now, with his hair a mess in sick and sweaty strands, with his face shining oily in tepid light, his pitiable nature demanded acknowledgement. His was the hand hat got held when bleeding hearts came to visit hospitals. His was the room visited when therapy dogs wound their way through the halls. His was the name called by social workers when they looked for psych ward patients. People wanted to save a face like that. People wanted to rekindle the vibrancy owned by youth like him.
But Faustite was not a people. Faustite was not a friend, a man, a boy. He turned a civilian into a soldier, and that conscript never accepted his part. Never honored the yoke on his shoulders.
"No one wants to watch you suffer, Aelius. Not Yuuri, not Lauri, not me. Not Tiberius. Not the corrupted senshi that prevented your death." Even Schörl would bore of it after so long. "I ask this as a civilian, not as Faustite: please listen.
"Nothing was done to hurt you. That senshi risked his life to preserve yours. I risked mine to teleport you out. I risked Lauri's civilian identity — his livelihood, his residence, his history as Lauri Virtainen — to get you help. I gambled that he and Tiberius would be there. Lauri risked himself again to power up and bring you here. Schörl and I are paying your medical bills.
"Yuuri even brought you a plant," he added almost humorously. Reven paused as he reached light fingers to touch the span of leaves, wincing lightly with the twinge in his wrist. His hand returned to his lap.
"These aren't slights. These aren't guilt trips. These aren't actions meant to keep you down."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2018 10:30 pm
The single syllable echoed in the cold, white, sterile room. The gentle hum, whirling and beeping of machines nearly drowned out that single response, but Aelius turned golden eyes to look at Reven from their corners. Doubt and uncertainty furrowed brows. So much had been built on punishment and scathing words, that the teen found it difficult to want to accept that singular ‘no’. Still, there was a weak mountain spring of hope wanting to well up despite Aelius’s determination not to let his desires for acceptance take hold.
The silence between them extended and Aelius didn’t respond. Instead he shifted his gaze from the other teen to his hands which now sat intertwined in his lap. Perhaps there was an expectancy for Aelius to respond, but what was he to say? What was it that ‘Reven’ wanted to hear, because anything that Aelius had said thus far only received rebukes and admonishment. Why should he bother?
Reven was the one to break the silence again. Instead of leaving Aelius with his indecision, Reven instead replaced those emotions with shame. An almost overwhelming sense of shame that had the teen closing eyes tightly as he tried to reign in the flooding of reactions that wanted to present themselves like a stage show. Turning his head away for Reven, Aelius opened his eyes to stare at the floor. Each white tile was immaculate, perfectly clean, no...a soft grey scuff mark three tiles away marred the white ruining the perfect effect and drawing Aelius’s eye’s non-stop.
“I am…” He paused. Took a deep breath and let it out. “I am confused. You confuse me.” He continued with little emotion tainting his words. One could say he sounded defeated or perhaps incredibly exhausted. “You talk as if I matter. As if...I am wanted, yet I am also the recipient of the most scathing remarks.” Swallowing hard, he turned his gaze back to Reven, forcing his eyes to settle upon his commanding officer. “I open up to you and am ripped a part for it. I admit I was wrong, and get words of admonishment. Yet, here you are telling me so much was put on stake for me, for a life I had, in my rash decision making, thought was completely worthless to you or anyone else. At least, that was the sort of impression I got, even if it wasn’t your intent.” Though, how anyone could thrive under a lack of praise is beyond me. It’s as if you expect me to be a weed and thrive under harsh conditions; push my way through the cracks of the cement with all lack of care.
“I don’t know what else to say besides thank you and I am sorry for the trouble I caused. I don’t know what else you want to hear from me at this point.” A wry smile accompanied a huff of breath. “I guess I want acceptance and some sort of companionship too badly. It’s...difficult to go from a life where I was loved, had friends, interactions, physical contact, a boyfriend to something completely and utterly opposite. A life that seems so cold and lacking any fulfilling purpose. I don’t know what you’re history is like, how you got entangled in all of this, what you left behind, if anything, but is it so hard to believe that someone could struggle with such a life altering change? Because, let me tell you, it’s...it’s a lot to take in all at once; Losing everything in one fell swoop.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:26 pm
Reven's gaze dropped again to his lap with a knowing smile. While Aelius felt his way through his words, Reven's hands formed a new lace around his knee and he straightened in his seat. Settled his attention once again on the patient. Watched through the remaining confusions.
"It must be hard," he answered as straight-laced as he could. Remaining so locked in place finally overcame him, and its difficulty broke him into a rhythmic twitch of the foot. It remained its own tactile rebellion to the melodic background of hospital sterility, of a life being monitored and checked and confirmed over their LED displays. Reven heard the changes in heart rate, watched the numbers stumble about like early-morning drunks, when Aelius finished his words earlier. "I could believe it. Several reacted the same way. Japanese Ceos leapt off their company buildings when they were exposed for scandal. Kids my age killed themselves over bad grades, over broken electronics. People died for less." They died for more, too.
Back eyes settled on the twitch of his foot, now a blurred fan for all its movement beneath the gurney-bed. "If you didn't matter, you'd be dead. The same applies to me. To Lauri. To Yuuri. To Tiberius. To Schörl. If we weren't wanted, we'd be dead." Or repurposed. "The Negaverse can pull a soul from its chest easily. That person dies. Their soul then feeds the war machine. Those teeth never stop gnashing. It's less a question of who goes in than who stays out. The lucky few do. People like us." People like the once White Moon Aue, who commands far more respect than I do.
"There's a lot implied in the Negaverse. That we admonish you implies worth. Faith that you can — and will — learn. Recognition that there's value to back further training."
Again he shifted, shoulders pinned back against the uncomfortable plastic chair. Strange how the chair yearned to press flush against his back. Stranger still was that spread of plastic fingers along the small of his spine. Distracting. But he raised his eyes to Aelius nonetheless, the smile long banished, and a solemn expression dawning. "If you want acceptance and companionship, prove yourself. Pull your weight. Others will come to like you." As long as you're human.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:54 pm
Aelius’s attention shifted from Reven’s dark eyes to the rigid stance his body took with laced fingers as the supporting attribute. The young man looked tense or unsure of what to do with himself as he sat there but Aelius wasn’t in much of a better position himself. As his visitor’s foot swirled and moved like boat propeller, Helio’s fingers knotted themselves in the white, lightweight blanket that covered him. He also was far too aware of his casted leg needing to have an itch scratched that was well beyond his reach.
“I suppose…” Reven made a point. If he wasn’t needed or wanted around someone would have seen to it that the corrupted Heliodor was no longer in service. Having experienced the use of starseeds himself, it was no surprise they were so valuable to the negaverse. It was terribly discomforting to think he had devoured someone’s soul. Would that count as some form of cannibalism? there’s no reason to think about that now. It won’t help matters. “It’s just hard to wrap my mind around. This whole situation, I mean. Growth via tribulations is a logical process. I suppose I’ve been looking for some sort of indication, even in words of praise or sympathy, that I am recognized as something more than a weapon. This is not a situation I ever thought I’d find myself in. There is a reason I never once thought of joining the military. That sort of environment never appealed despite the camaraderie that I’ve seen established.”
Drifting his gaze to the plant that sat next to Reven, Helio grimaced slightly. “I am glad the two of them came to visit but…”He paused, wondering how to phrase it without sounding crass. “Well, it was obvious they didn’t much want to be here. Yuuri and Lauri. Not that I blame them. I certainly didn’t present a good first impression.” He huffed a small laugh. “Mother would have been terribly upset with me for not having put my best foot forward. Especially with people who appear as capable as they do.”
Eyes shifted back to Reven. “Or you.” Another pause and a frustrated sigh escaped him as a hand pushed back a few stray wefts of hair. “I am being terrible with my words. What I mean to say is, I haven’t really put my best foot forward for you either, or….anyone really here. I’ve been so focused on everything I’ve lost that it’s made it incredibly difficult to try and look towards what may be lying ahead.
“Have you ever experienced being lost in the past and forgetting the future exists?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 7:17 am
"We aren't more than weapons. Not to the Negaverse." I pulled you into an experience that informed me — we both know the woes of conscription now. "Fight well, accomplish much, and you're a valuable weapon. Lanuish and you're a rusted toy. You're parts. You're recycled to feed the better arsenal.
"But the officers are different. By the end of their day, they go home as people. As men, women, and others with hopes and jobs and wants and goals and friends. Hobbies. Interests. Families." Reven paused to collect himself. "But their jobs as officers call them to make cattle of men. Killing is common. Death is common. How welcome it would be to make friends so easily in that situation. But heartache is as common as death, and you expect men to be fond of you when they can't yet budget for another loss. It isn't a slight to you. It's self-preservation," Reven finished, shaking his head at the bedridden boy.
What camaraderie have you seen, Heliodor? You weren't on the stoop when Kamacite defended Aue to me. You weren't there when Uvarovite fought Aue and their general lost her composure over it.
"Yuuri and Lauri don't know you — or your story. You don't know them — or their stories. But stories aren't always the crux." Reven shifted back in his seat, flush against the ever-foreign chair back, and rested elbows on the thin arms. His fingers formed a delicate steeple to the quiet church of prospects he preached. Never did his gaze leave Aelius for long.
"I never lived in the past or forgot the future. I live in the present. Yuuri and Lauri live in the present. They see you as you are now, just as I do. I know who you were, but that's only a story now. A fiction informing Aelius Drayson." He whetted lips in a moment of contemplation. "That name must look like driftwood to you — Rowan Cameron. Son of Joellen Faure-Cameron. Heir to all the money you could want. But that part of you is an anchor dragging it down; let it go and you'll float. You'll stop drowning." You'll stop being so pitiful.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2018 10:42 pm
If this whole war was a board of chess, Aelius had no doubt he was nothing more than a pawn awaiting to create the wall to protect Metallia and everything she stood for. Captains and Generals weren’t much better off, but likely had better roles upon the board which upped their chance of survival. Why was it so? Why did this whole organization exist if it could be so….deadly?
Then again, if many were like him, they didn’t have much say in their joining of the ranks. With nothing else but to fall in line or die….well, it wasn’t too terribly surprising that many chose their lives. When one stared death in the face it was near impossible to not feel that pull -- that urge to keep on living. It was strong, and the very reason why Aelius was laying in a hospital bed with heart still beating strong.
“Families.” Aelius echoed the word the word woftly. His mind flashing his mother and Trey’s faces.
"Do you? Have a family, I mean." He paused a moment before realizing how personal a question that may be and quickly backtracked. "Of course you don't need to tell me." A single shoulder shrug. "You just seem to know a good bit about me already and I know so little about you."
He didn’t interject anymore as Reven continued on. Instead, Aelius listened closely, mind reeling with what was being told to him and heart wrenching that he had not once thought about what others around him may have needed or wanted. Childishness, heartbreak and frustration had been fueling an anger inside of him that still simmered, but was cooling to nothing more than coals.
“You make it sound so easy.” He commented with a gentle tone. “Discarding my past when it’s all i’ve ever known is...not simple. Especially when it was ripped away from me with no say on my part.” He heaved a sigh, leaning against the pillows he tilted his head back, the beeping and gentle hum of the machines the only sound filling the room as the teen stared at the tiled ceiling for a moment.
“But...if that’s the only way I can even attempt to move forward…” Teeth bit down on lower lip as he closed his eyes. “I don’t really have a choice. Not if I want to live. Not if I want to live with any semblance to that of a fulfilling life. I can’t really blame others for not wanting to even bother with me. Not with how I’ve been. Maybe you’re right and living in the present is what I need to do too. Learn to only focus on the here and now, not worry about was or what could be.”
Lifting his head he looked back at Reven with a resigned, yet sad expression. “It’s going to be...difficult. Changing my outlook on all of this, considering what I’ve lost. There’s….little I can see that I’ve gained since my conscription except heartache, loneliness, and a general sensation of being lost.
“You’re certainly a better person than me considering you were able to figure out on your own how to keep moving forward and not be so bitter.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:53 pm
Reven considered casting the question aside. What relationship would he want with Heliodor, with Aelius? This man was no more Rowan than he himself was Elex Yorke. Their times shared together were now incomprehensible to the present and yet ever informing their persons. Reven could not discard memories made between them so straightforwardly; his placement as superior officer demanded a modicum of discretion.
Aelius could not know Elex Yorke any further, for that boy no longer existed. The officer wearing his skin chose an identity separate from that. Separate from the quiet boy who ever stood at his mother's side, constantly watching, constantly waiting, as life ticked away its precious moments. But who Faustite was — who this nameless boy was — remained unwritten. Shapes and lines and vindications cast to the wind now defined him, and Reven knew the choosiness with which he should approach them ess. So after his silence, he chose to speak — and break somewhat further from Schörl's ever-effective, ever-efficient mold. Did you think of me as born a monster? As youma learning to become man?
"I was human once," he acknowledged with a nod. His attention drew to fingertips trim and precise, weighing the implication within his words. "I was well off. Traveled early. Went to a proper school for a proper education on how to conduct myself properly. Learned the right words to share. Made friends like everyone else.
"I was conscripted too. Made to eat souls after intensive training. Broke a lot of bones to justify it." Thin fingers traipsed over skin, turning the pages of history engraved over youthful limbs. His arms showed only the paler pains of surgeries past where his sleeves rolled upward. "One of the last starseeds I ate shattered my humanity; you would know about this if you read the Negaverse Training Manual. It hurt more than you would think. It takes your family, your friends, your routine, your body, your freedom. I wear a skin for a few hours to appear human. To sit inside without triggering smoke alarms. To show someone when I look at them, when I look away, when I roll my eyes. Three hours is all the time I have to play Cinderella. That's how I live as a youmafied agent," he finished, looking once again to Aelius. The familiar ache of earned independence settled under his bones.
"I learned to temper my bitterness. To put it to use. How you want to change your outlook is up to you, but you already know the stakes. What you gain is what you earn now — not what is given. So how does that shape Aelius Drayson?"
Hands again flanked the arms of the chair and he drew himself upright, wrapping his dignities about himself in a shroud of quietude. "Think about it." He turned from the other man, set to leave.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2018 8:38 pm
Like the marks revealed from a rolled sleeve, Reven was finally unveiling bits about himself. The story, likely pared down and glazed over, was more than enough to bring Aelius to silence. This Captain, this man, beside him spoke almost far too frankly about the turmoils he’d gone through during his time since entering the Negaverse. So much was there that Reven should be bitter beyond words with an organization that resulted in so much being taken away from him. How is he just sitting here calmly about this? Like all of it was just another normal day in the life of an officer. They took part of his humanity from him and he’s nonchalant.
Can I become like that? Can I harness my feelings to such an extent?
Needless to say, Aelius could do nothing but watch the man with a bit more respect. To think that all of that, likely just the tip of the iceberg, was the foundation to his Captain’s being. Really, it was no wonder that harsh words had been said and a heavy hand was being used. Truthfully, it was amazing that an explosion of words hadn’t happened earlier.
Before he realized it, Reven was moving to leave. Starting from his stare, since that what it was, a stare, Aelius leaned up from his position against the pillows, supporting himself with arms behind him on the bed. “Thank you.” He cleared his voice which threatened to crack. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I….had no idea about any of that. Thank you.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
