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 Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 6:19 pm
It had been over a week and Caleb thought that he was doing better. The apartment had been freshly cleaned, and he had taken the time to carefully go through everything and figure out if Xi-Wang had left anything behind with his hasty flight from the apartment.
There were a few things left behind of course, a few stuffed animals and a blanket or two…and a pair of socks that Caleb wasn’t sure were his…regardless, he had enough of a reason to send a quick text to Xi, to send a quick text and hopefully clear the air…that would be a good thing, right? Benji had suggested it and…
Well.
It seemed like an okay idea.
Slowly the brunette opened up his phone and scrolled through his contacts, opening up Xi’s and hesitating before sending a quick message.
‘Hey, it’s been a little over a week, and I think we’ve both had more than enough time to calm down…but, I would like to talk, if you’re interested. I have some things here that you didn’t manage to pack up, so if you’re interested, please come over, if not, just shoot me a text and…we can arrange a place to meet. I would like to see you though.’
He hesitated after sending the message and sighed. It was too late to take the words back now, so…he would have to deal with the consequences.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 7:39 pm
Home was, for someone his age, a constant in life that never seemed to end at least it seemed that way. He supposed he was just being dramatic, and his professors just a bit too happy to pile on the work. It was one of those college things though and he accepted it, as most good college students did. He'd been sitting on the living room floor working his way through his pile of homework, most of it already done, when his phone started to vibrate, as he had the sound turned off. Picking it up without noticing the contact id he unlocked his screen and opened the text which he'd gotten.
The message wasn't expected, nor was the sender, and reading it once and than reading it again sent his stomach into a fit of knotting up while he felt just ill. He didn't know what to do for several moments but he decided to respond, it was the first thing he needed to do. Talk the other said...that would be good, even if he felt nervous and guilty and just unwell at the idea of talking.
Fingers moving across his screen he sent a text back to the other, no going back now - right? It was sent and he couldn't unsend it, couldn't make the other not see it.. Though it made him feel sicker as he fidgeted where he sat as he waited.
'Yeah, I think that would be a good idea. I can be there in ten minuets, fifteen if I get held up. Can't wait.'
He didn't mention the items he'd left behind, he didn't think it a good place for him to do so, and honestly he could wait - a life time if how sick he felt was anything to go by. But this had to happen. Standing, slowly, on legs which felt suddenly too weak to hold him up Xi-Wang headed to the kitchen, after ripping a blank sheet from his notebook and scribbling out a note, the paper was left on the fridge before he went to get a hoodie on since it was still a bit chilly out and he pulled on his sneakers at the front door before leaving, house keys in his back pocket.
This was, as far as he could remember, one of the few times he'd gone out without his henshin pen since he'd awakened as a senshi. It was sort of odd in a way, as his fingers sought out the comfort the item would offer him right now as he headed for Caleb's. He didn't figure it would be good to walk about Destiny city with a plushie in his arms, however much the comfort would be appreciated right now. All he had to fiddle with was his cell phone, and he did just that.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 8:37 pm
Caleb breathed a sigh of relief when he got the return text, the conformation that Xi would be over soon…it was almost comforting, in a way…knowing that perhaps…things could be worked out. Perhaps they could end up as friends, if nothing more.
And…Caleb figured that he wanted that. He didn’t…he didn’t not want the other male in his life…he had been upset. Justifiably so, but…
But there hadn’t been any way to change the outcome of their last meeting…well…perhaps Xi could have stuck around until morning at least and they could have talked then…but such a thing didn’t seem to really be in the cards. Not then at least but…
But nobody could tell what the future held…so.
He drew in a breath and grabbed two sodas from the fridge, placing them on the coffee table and hesitating before hitting the reorder button on his pizza app. If things went well…they could have lunch together…and if things went poorly, well…he would be able to stuff his face and drown his sorrows in food and become a fat miserable adult quicker than anticipated.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:06 pm
Nervous, to the point of shaking and feeling sick, he stood in front of the door a little over ten minuets later as he hesitated in knocking. One good thing about this city was the public transportation was pretty good, although he really didn't feel all that safe in taxis in this city, he was confident in the subway, bus and train system when it came to being on time most of the time and it wasn't out to kill him either - unlike taxi's and their drivers who were at times rather rude or nosy.
Finally, after taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, he knocked and then sort of stood there. For a moment he fidgeted in spot but then his hands, always the first thing to go, started to toy with the hem of his hoodie. He really hoped that this went well, whatever this was going to be. This talk just...oh god did he want to be sick. Biting down on the inside of his cheek he found himself fidgeting and shifting his weight and just waiting for the other. Was Caleb as nervous as he was? He almost hoped so, just so he wasn't alone.
But once the door opened, and he knew it would, what should he say? How should he speak? He didn't want to add to the awkwardness which would surely fill the apartment the moment that door opened and he stepped inside. (Also, figure he just, like a day or so before, had a hair change in style. Gotta do the rp for it but yeah:  Minus the part which keeps standing up, it lays flat for Xi. And still black hair. Don't know how to get a gif to show on gaia. ::terrible:: )
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:19 pm
For a split second, Caleb thought that it was going to be the pizza delivery person. They had made great time!
He had managed to grab the money that was going to be used for the tip and shoved it into his pocket when he suddenly realized that no, perhaps they hadn’t made great time in which case…
Swallowing he moved to the door and opened it, his heart skipping a few beats when his eyes took in Xi and his new haircut.
It looked good. It suited him.
After a moment’s silence, Caleb stepped aside and managed a smile. “Hey there. Come on in…I put a soda out on the coffee table for you, and if you’re hungry, I ordered pizza, it should be here some time in the not too distant future.”
He was calm. On the outside at least…inside he felt as though he was in the midst of a raging storm and there was no way to stop it or save himself or anything…but…
Outwardly, he was acting like there was nothing wrong. “I like your hair, Xi. It suits you.”
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:30 pm
Slowly, feeling a bit outside himself, he nodded his head and a smile turned his lips upward. "Hey, umm thanks." Not sure what to say, his nervousness was obvious. He'd never been good at hiding it, or anything really. It wasn't his fault that he was an open book, he just was poor at hiding things...naturally so. "Pizza sounds good...you didn't have to though." It was honestly more than he expected, a lot more. They hadn't parted the other nigh ton good terms so this was already better than he expected. Talking was one thing but food as well, though he supposed he maybe should have expected it. It did, at least for him, mean this talk might just be a long one.
"Thanks, it was a suggestion from a friend annoyed with how much I was brushing my hair from my face." Smiling, even laughing a bit, he was trying to not seem so stiff or silent...and he felt like he might be babbling instead.
"You look good..." Well at least better than he himself felt. Stepping inside slowly, for a few moments he just wanted to give into the urge to hug the other. Something familiar and that he'd done for how long? But they weren't dating and it would just make things more awkward he was sure.
"You said you wanted to talk?" Oh how they needed to talk, had needed to for a while.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:41 pm
Caleb nodded, his eyes slowly taking in the rest of Xi-Wang’s appearance. “Well, your friend has a good sense of style for you, you look…I don’t know. I like the hair a lot though, I know that much.” His hand twitched as though he was going to reach up and touch it…he wanted to reach up and touch it…instead he softly stepped around the older male and shut the door with a small click.
“Thank you, I’m…starting to feel more like me so…that’s a good thing. It’s really all I can ask for right now, but I’ll take it.” Gesturing to the couch, Caleb walked over to the corner and picked up one of the stuffed animals that the other boy had left behind, as well as one of the blankets. “Here. I figure these might make you a bit more comfortable as we talk?”
Maybe not…but Xi always had liked his things…and if they could get through this with as few tears as possible…the better off they would be.
“So…” Caleb sat on the couch, folding one leg under the other and letting his eyes rest on the darker haired male. “…Are you safe? Do you have a place to live?” That was the most important question, and he wanted to know that Xi wasn’t just living on the street…or that he wasn’t back with his b***h of a mother…
“I’ve been worried about that…a lot…you left so suddenly I…I don’t know.” He glanced away for a moment, trying to force back the anger and resentment that was threatening to overtake him. He was going to stay calm for this…and not fly off the handle.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 10:03 pm
"It's good to feel like you..." He wanted to say more, to ramble, but he managed to stop himself before he managed to make a fool of himself. I mean if you weren't you than who were you? It was good to be you, it was really good. He knew what Caleb meant by it though and he was glad for it, did that mean the other was getting over thing though? Somehow that bothered him but he was also glad...glad that the other wasn't suffering over it. It was one thing he had hoped for, he didn't want to hurt the other more than he had that night.
The items were a surprise, not that they were here or what they were but that they were being offered. The blanket was, for now, set aside but he settled onto the couch with the plushie held in his lap. His shoes had been taken off at the door, a habit he'd had since he could remove his own shoes as a toddler.
"Mmm, I am. Thank you for asking." The others concern was nice, though he did sort of expect it...it was like the other to care like that.
"I managed to call someone...and I didn't leave so suddenly. I don't think I left till much later..I just...wasn't in here." Swallowing around a lump in his throat, not wanting to admit to having been right outside the door for a while. He didn't honestly know how long he'd been outside the apartment door that night, just that he had been.
"I-I didn't..." Trailing off, unsure how or where to start, he took a few moments before he tried again. "I didn't mean for things to be taken as they were that day...for you to see and not because I was doing anything behind your back." At least not as far as dating or seeing anyone else went, he wasn't like that. All he'd done was make a new friend. "It really was innocent on my part."
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 10:23 pm
Caleb nodded almost absent mindedly and let out a relieved sigh. “Well, that’s good. I was worried…but…what do you mean you didn’t leave until later…where did you go because I was up almost all night and um…you were gone…”
He swallowed hard, closing his eyes again, trying to not let the way the conversation was going upset him. This was going to be fine. They would talk through this. This would just…lead to them being friends. That was all.
Though…at Xi-Wangs next words, Caleb’s eyes opened again and he watched the other male with a rather frosty expression. “Well…I am just confused, I suppose. How could you…not know that it was supposed to have been a blind date? I wound up at the museum by fluke, we just finished a unit on space engineering and since you had told me you had plans…I didn’t want to spend Valentine’s day alone in the house so I thought a museum would be the answer and it was this huge affair that I had no idea was happening and…and I saw you.”
Caleb’s hands had balled into fists and he tried to take in a calming breath, but it felt as though his lungs no longer wanted to work.
“And I didn’t want to believe that it was you because…well that would have just been crappy but it was you…and I just don’t understand…of all the things, Xi, why would you not tell me you were going on a date on a day literally made for celebrating relationships…when you were in a relationship? I just don’t…get it.”
He was almost strengthened by the fact that his voice had only broken twice and he hadn’t sounded…too angry. Perhaps he really would get through this without a meltdown after all.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 10:46 pm
"I was outside the door..." He didn't want to admit it, he had a feeling it might just add to things, but at the same time he didn't want to lie. He had a feeling that would also make things worse, really he figured it was a matter of which would make things more worse...that really wasn't a word.
"I didn't sign up for it. I told you...a friend signed me up." He whispered, squeezing the plush in his lap, keeping it just a bit closer to himself. He had said that the other night, hadn't he? He was sure he had. He wasn't the sort to cheat, it wasn't something he'd do. The fact Caleb thought that of him hurt, a lot. "They were helping me. It wasn't anything more than I said - I promise. I was there to make friends, I even told him I was dating someone." Rushing to try and explain, hoping the other would believe him. Now at least he knew why Caleb had been there, that had been something which had confused him that night when they had talked, or well..Caleb had talked. He'd just sort of bobbled his head and shuffled off.
Ducking his head, as he drew his legs up, he pressed his face into the plushie as the other continued. "I went to an event to mingle, to get out and socialize...I didn't mention it because...because there was nothing to it." Lifting his head, his chin propping onto his knees as he stared at the other. Swallowing again, and blinking his eyes as they started to feel a bit wet, he shook his head slowly.
Did he tell Caleb the other reason for the event? That would look bad, really bad, but did it matter? Biting his lip he ducked his head again, not wanting to see the others reaction, he had to raised his voice to be heard though. "I also...sorta told my friend we'd been having problems - you were cold and just...it felt like two people living together and sharing a bed. I - I didn't know where to start or what to say. W-we thought if you knew I was out socializing." Because it wasn't dating, it really wasn't. "it might lead into some sort of a conversation...since I didn't know how to start anything." He'd never been good with confrontation and talks that involved any sort of stress, he was terrible at such.
"I didn't know what the event was, just that it was a social event and I planned to mention it later." It just happen to be a dating event and Caleb had seen and gotten the wrong idea, but it made sense why. But it meant Caleb thought he was the sort to cheat. He also knew, when he rolled it about in his head, how bad the idea sounded and how just...it didn't make sense. But he'd been desperate and needed to do something! He just...he couldn't on his own get a talk going...and maybe he honestly had wanted, and even needed, a new friend.
"I know it was a bad idea..but I didn't know what to do."
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2018 5:42 am
He…he had been outside the door and didn’t…
Caleb felt his control wavering and a feeling of despair threatened to overtake him. Xi had been more comfortable sleeping in the hallway rather than trying to work something out between the two of them? It almost felt like a slap in the face. He had given the other male a week and he had rushed around leaving as quickly as possible but…
“Xi, you know if someone else signed you up…why didn’t you tell me? I could have signed up too? We could have both gone to make friends, heck, we might have been paired with each other…I just…” He broke off, shaking his head. So. They had been having problems, hm? Well.
Well whatever. “So…because you thought we were having issues…you chose to go on a blind date to…’socialize’ instead of talking to me about anything…”
Caleb rubbed at his face and gave a short bark of a laugh. “I don’t understand. I really don’t understand it, Xi. And…my feelings are hurt. I was supposed to be your boyfriend. You should have talked to me if you were upset…because…I think I was too, and you just never seemed to want to notice or acknowledge it so…I just got more and more angry. You don’t notice much, sometimes and I think that bothers me. Did you not realize that you were ditching me on Valentine’s day? Didn’t you think at all that perhaps…”
He blew out a breath, counting to ten in his head, trying to calm down and reign in his emotions but it was proving very difficult.
“…And what really kills me? Is the fact that you still haven’t even apologized. You haven’t said sorry once to me…and I don’t understand. I didn’t realize you were so cruel, Xi…and I don’t want to think that way. You were so important to me, and over the past week I’ve tried to put the blame on me, I’ve thought of two thousand things to say to you, to apologize to you, to beg for you to come back but…I don’t feel like this is my fault, and you don’t see how you’ve done anything wrong.”
Caleb’s voice was finally calmer, though it had an edge of bitter sadness to it. “And I think that’s the real problem here…is that you didn’t mean for me to find out, you didn’t mean for it to be anything more than you ‘socializing’…but you don’t even seem to feel bad about hurting me…when I’ve been over here in agony about hurting you.”
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2018 2:07 pm
He hadn't? He couldn't remember everything from that night, he'd been too emotional, but if the other said he hadn't he'd assume the other correct. Why would Caleb say it if it wasn't true and he had apologized? "Aim you know - I am sorry. I'm so sorry that everything happened." Not just that night, or even that day, but whatever he had done to cause the problems between them in the first place, since at this point he was without a doubt sure it was his fault.
He knew there were things he missed, things he didn't notice or pick up on, but he also knew he tried to avoid confrontation of any kind. He didn't like to start conversations, he didn't know how to, and because he hadn't said anything whatever had been there causing problems had only gotten worse. He knew Caleb could have said something back then, maybe even should have told him when he'd first messed up, but he ignored that fact as it was easy to do.
"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you - I didn't know what to say. I just...I didn't know if somehow I'd make whatever was going on worse. I tried to just ignore it..." To ignore the coldness he'd felt and how stiff things felt at times. He'd hoped the other might say something, or that it would somehow work itself out, by accident or luck.
That wasn't true, though he didn't say it, he had meant to tell the other about the event...just afterwards. The whole plan had been...poorly thought out and he should have gone about things in another way, he knew it, but he could admit he hadn't been thinking straight or known what to do, aside from the obvious which he just wasn't capable of really. Never mind the fact he was here talking to the other now, it wasn't something he'd started though.
"Please...don't be...don't be upset for me. I messed up, this is really all my fault." Somehow it was, he knew it, he just didn't know what he'd done but he knew the first thing, what had started this all, was something he'd done. "I don't think I deserve it with what I've done..." Honest and staring up at the other. He didn't want the other hurting over him, it wasn't right. "I messed up...I think I deserve what I'm feeling." Swallowing as he spoke. Lifting his head off his knees he let his legs unfold slowly. The other didn't think he felt anything...that he wasn't hurting. That was ok...he didn't want the other to know, he didn't want to somehow add to the others hurt.
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2018 2:22 pm
When Xi apologized, Caleb relaxed and some of the tension inside of his chest seemed to loosen. “I forgive you, Xi.” The words were just above a whisper, but they had a lot of emotions behind them. “I’m sorry that I didn’t start any talks with you either…I should have. I suppose I’m just like you too…I just wanted the issues to go away but I kept getting more and more resentful…and I am sorry.”
He shook his head slowly and reached out, hesitating for a moment before leaning forward and embracing the other male, his arms wrapping around him the way they had been all but aching to do for the past week. Caleb gave a tight squeeze before drawing away. “Well…this is a good step for us, right? I think…I hope that you and I can be friends again, I would like that at any rate…a lot. I miss you being around.”
Benji had been right…this felt better. He felt better after this talk. It had helped fix a part of him that he hadn’t quite realized was broken…and when Caleb smiled at Xi-Wang a moment later, the expression lit up his face, unclouded by grief or guilt. It felt good.
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2018 4:10 pm
"It's ok." He shouldn't have expected the other too start any conversations, it wasn't right to place that on the others shoulders and just expect something from him like that. He knew starting talks, like the one they'd needed to have, wouldn't be easy. But he'd not tried and just tried to ignore it or leave it to Caleb to handle. He shouldn't have done that.
It felt nice, though it was a surprise, to feel the other embracing him. He didn't know what he expected when the other leaned in close but a hug certainly wasn't it, he really didn't think he deserved it...but then again it was likely something the other wanted, and it wasn't for himself. That was ok, this wasn't just about him. As far as he figured it was more about the other really, since he'd done wrong and hurt the other and had been thoughtless.
Leaning back, slowly, reluctantly he found himself nodding slowly. "It is, it's very good." Long overdue as well. "I think we can do that." It might be awkward at first, maybe even a bit odd, due to what they'd been to each other and the hurt which had taken place. But they could make it work - right? He could make it work for the other, and for them.
Watching the others face light up with a smile, something he hadn't seen in a long time, he felt better. He'd done the right thing, for the first time in awhile, and he was glad he could do something good.
What now though? It felt..weird now and he was afraid of the silence which may just fall over them now. He didn't know what to say, or do, and what else could be said? What else needed to be said?
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2018 4:46 pm
Nodding, Caleb leaned back as well but hesitated a moment before moving just a little closer towards Xi-Wang, at least until the doorbell rang causing him to jump. “Ah! The pizza’s here, good…I’m hungry. Honestly hungry…might be going on starving, actually.” Getting up, Caleb let his hand drift almost lazily over Xi’s hair as he made his way towards the front door.
He had a quick chat with the delivery girl and gave her the money in his pocket, then came back cover to the couch, placing the food on the coffee table and moving to the kitchen to get plates. “Help yourself, Xi. Or if you want, go pick out something to watch and we can maybe have a nice afternoon if you’re not too busy…”
He paused for a moment, pulling the plates down from the shelf and giving a silent sigh, wondering if he would want to stay or if he would have already had plans.
Honestly…he hoped that he would stay. He hoped that they would be able to continue talking and would finish the day out closer than they had been in a long time.
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