(( Not finished as of 2.2.18 || Words: 1013 ))

It’s been a weird few years since she’d been down to the beach. Feana had children in a pride near by, the Bahari. She had a lover there, well an exlover...If he even stuck around. Still, the gray and pink lioness settled upon a hardened, dead log that was half buried in the sands. Blue eyes closed as she listened to the waves crash on rocks, the shore, and occasionally she heard a piece of wood smash against the harsh rocks.

Normally she would have avoided this area, but something just brought her back. A tugging in her heart she couldn’t deny. Now that she was hear, the pain lessened, but didn’t disappear. Maybe it was her subconscious trying to get her into joining the pride again and not leave her children to the mercy of others. Or maybe it was simply motherly nostalgia and longing to visit.

The end result of this whole situation was she was going to see her kids. Maybe not all ten of them, but at least one or two. She wouldn’t leave until she did.

Did they hate her for leaving? 

They didn’t understand she hated staying in one place for a long time. It made her anxious and irritable. She ended up resenting the lions she was around. Everything about the Bahari had started to irritate Feana when she fled.

Of course when she joined she thought it was going to be a good fit for her. It was brand new, the beach, things to hunt and explore. There had been so many individuals, the pride was so busy. She thought she would never grow tired of the view, of the constant stream of lions coming in and out. There had been huge litters popping up. She had ten within the same week her cousin had ten. It had been a crazy time in the pride for everyone. The cubsitters had their work cut out for them, and Feana had to figure out how to keep ten mouths fed and ten kids from seriously hurting each other when they took play fighting too far.

Of course she had a mate. But like everything else in her life, she’d grown bored. Bored of being a stay in the den mom, bored of the pride life. 

The roguelands proved better for her, and worse at the same time. 

She had the freedom she wanted, but Feana was so lonely.

Since her last litter, Feana hadn’t taken a lover, hadn’t thought about joining a pride. She only held a conversation with one or two individuals before she wandered off yet again.

Sometimes she felt like she was cursed with wanderlust. Or that aching for a home she’s never been to and can never get back to. Cursed forever to be alone.

Maybe coming back to the beach was her way of finding closure with a part of her life she just abruptly ran from. It was hard to tell right now. But the storm of emotions rumbled through her. The sigh she let out sounded as if she had the weight of the world on her and had no relief. That’s what it felt like.

Adjusting herself, Feana licked at some fur that wasn’t smoothing down. Well really it wouldn’t, there was a constant breeze going from the beach, which meant her fur was going to be full of salt until she properly washed off, meaning her fur was going to stick in every direction. It was futile, so she gave up trying to tame it after just mere moments.

Maybe that was another factor of why she left. She just never felt like this place was home. She has yet to find it. Her sons and daughters were still here, weren’t they? They found this place home. Two litters she had here, one from her first days of joining as a heavily pregnant female, the other after she found who she thought was going to be the love of her life. Unfortunately Are’nui left her just as everyone else did.

Did she have commitment issues? Is that what was happening to her? No one had ever committed themselves to her, so she’s never done it back. Even her children weren’t except. Sure she left when they were adults and could take care of themselves, but..

Her thoughts were going in circles.

Feana got to her paws now and gave herself a hard shake. No, she didn’t need to be here. There was nothing for her here but pain and memories she would rather be forgotten.

She made her way off the log and back down the winding sand path she took until her paws were once again on the more solid dirt and grass.

“I tried,” she whispered to no one really. “I tried to come back.”

There was no way she was sticking around to live here again. A day or two was fine, but there was no reason for her to live here again. She’d just be interrupting their lives and making them more confused and made if they were.

She glanced toward where she knew the pride was and shook her head. The opposite direction is where she’d go. Feana still remembered where they hunted about this time of year. Maybe she’d run into someone then. Maybe one of her twin daughters. That would be easiest. Especially Madhura. Madhura was her little shadow before she got older and became more and more sarcastic.

Her paws took her swiftly and silently to the hunting area. No sign of them out yet, but she had a feeling they would be here one day soon. So she would settle herself in a den that looked dug out years ago by some desperate lion hoping to join the Bahari. She could only guess at that, but the thoughts were amusing as she started to dig out more of the den. The wind had pushed so much into it over the years, it’s like the walls were trying to close in on her.

“This is home for a few days….”