Hey, Rhea!
This looks pretty good to me, but I just have one small request! It doesn’t affect this profile because I was able to pull up the name Delvaux and find
this asteroid but in future quests, please link to the name so we can double check that it isn’t in play and is valid! (it saves us a lot of time and confusion down the road!)
For the magic, there are a few small tweaks I’d like to suggest before I can stamp!
The first is in her basic magic; while it is totally fine for her magic to last for thirty seconds, having residual effects of up to three minutes is a lot—especially for a basic stage! To keep things fair, I would recommend saying that instead of having some of the magic guaranteed to last for an extra three minutes, you could instead say that ‘At player discretion, the dampening of the senses such as smell and taste can last for up to three minutes after her magic ends’—that way it is up to the player if they want to use those side effects even after her magic ends!
For her super magic, this is supposed to be an upgrade of her basic magic but the way I am reading it now, it sounds like it is a totally new attack altogether. You could rewrite the magic to tie into her basic attack and be an upgrade of it and still have similar effects, though! For example, instead it could say:
Quote:
Shouting the name out of the attack, she summons a small sweetpea flower that glows and blows on it, sending a vortex of pink petals that overwhelms the senses with a very strong sweet scent and creates a pink hazy smoke screen. The petals also stick to the enemy and hinder movement. All speed and movements are temporarily decreased by 25% and it lasts for thirty seconds. A player may choose to have the effects linger for up to three minutes after her magic ends. This attack can be used twice a day.
I changed a few stats in the description and will go over those, but just wanted to give you an idea of how to tie it in to her basic attack and make this an upgraded version of it! I think, because it has multiple effects (the overwhelming of the senses and the decrease in enemy movement), it would be safer to reduce it by 25% rather than 50%! I also reduced the duration to 30 seconds instead of a minute because Senshi magic (Even at eternal stage) rarely lasts more than 45 seconds.
For her eternal magic, this actually sounds like something that could be her super stage magic, so I would suggest giving it an extra boost!
Rather than making it a single target, maybe this could instead affect every enemy in the area? You could say that instead of a single target, it affects every opponent within 15 feet of her, hindering the movement of all enemies in that area and overwhelming their senses for a total of 45 seconds? Because eternal magic usually lasts for 45 seconds and has one use, I would recommend changing the magic to reflect this! I would say that at this stage, reducing speed by 50% would be appropriate, though!
If you have any questions or make any changes, please feel free tom PM me or give me a quote and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible!
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