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 Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 3:40 pm
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Ever since talking with Benitoite, Whisler had been feeling off balance. Again.
His months of abstinence from members of chaos all counted for seemingly nothing when one meeting with someone he wasn’t…wasn’t even…lusting after could cause his resolve to crumble away.
Maybe a sex addiction wasn’t the only thing he suffered from. Maybe there was some sort of awful chaos addiction there too. Somehow.
He wanted to talk to someone about this…but he didn’t want Arias to know. He couldn’t let the worry and doubt creep back into the brunette’s expression. Couldn’t stand to see the disappointment he would have. Sure he would try to hide it, but Whisler would know…and it would utterly ruin how nice the past few months had been.
Maybe Alya? He was always such a good listener…but…but then hadn’t Whisler just name dropped him to Beni? Hadn’t he pretty much handed him over to the Negaverse on a silver platter?
The knight was pacing, his overnight bag sitting on a bench. He was in his park. The park where he always ran into Ashanite…and he knew tonight wouldn’t end like that, he didn’t know how he knew but…he just did.
Finally, Whisler moved to his bag and pulled out a pen and a piece of paper, hurriedly scribbling a note.
Ida,
I know this is short notice, but I need some advice and someone to talk to…and I do remember us talking about a nice trip to my wonder…if you can, meet me in the park near the big department store. I’ll wait for another hour, if you don’t show up, that’s fine I’ll go alone…but I really don’t want to be alone right now, and I would appreciate your company more than I can say.
He read over the note once more and then added a hasty post script.
PS. Bring blankets if you want. Or a sleeping bag if you have it. It’s a little cold at my wonder, at least until I get the fire going.
Satisfied, the knight wrote Ida’s name on the outside of the now folded piece of paper, and placed his ring against it, watching it disappear.
Now all he could do was wait. Either he would have the company he wanted…or he’d be going alone and would deal with the consequences of that.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2018 8:58 pm
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Whisler had been about to give up hope. About to leave and spend tonight on his wonder alone, when he heard her voice.
Turning, he broke into a huge grin when he saw the beautiful glowing senshi hurrying towards him. She had come. She had cared enough to drop whatever she was doing and come to help him. To answer some questions and maybe give him the support he needed not to…
Well.
Swallowing hard, Whisler crossed the space between the two of them and flung his arms around Ida, squeezing her gently, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “Thank you. I really…really needed this tonight. I needed to not be alone I…” He drew in a breath and pulled away.
“I’m sorry. I just…” The knight gave another grin, though this one didn’t seem quite as genuine. “Let me hold that water, then please take my hand and we can talk. I have a lot I need to say and…and please don’t judge me too hard, Ida.” He wanted her good opinion of him. She…was everything that he thought of Order. She was sweet, and kind and just…good. She was the very epitome of anti-chaos and…
“I need help.”
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2018 4:04 pm
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Ida made a small, surprised noise as she was enveloped in arms, her face pressed into a warm coat that smelled of the man that wore it and her hands still full of her burdens. She laughed after a moment and wrapped them around him, returning the hug as her form relaxed to accept it.
"Whisler..." She murmured as he kissed her hair, and she could feel the strain in his voice when he spoke. It eased the smile off her face and her look was entirely serious, if sympathetic, when he pulled back from her. Whatever was going on, the knight needed a friendly face right now to be there for him, and she was both secretly awed and warmed that he would to come to her for that. She always seemed to be the one needing a friend's support.
"Of course." Ida said as she handed over the water and enfolded her hand in his larger one, her darker fingers twining with his. "I'm here, and I'm not going to judge you, I promise."
At least, not visibly, and not without some deep thought about it. She was human, after all. Still working on the jumping to conclusions thing.
"I'll help you however I can." She promised.
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2018 3:30 pm
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Despite the things that had happened to her, it was hard for Ida not to hold Whisler's hand and look at him with absolute trust. The idea that someone could take advantage of her generous nature was so far removed from how she wanted to be, who she wanted to be... so she stood quietly beside him, nothing but concern for him on her open face, and waited to be transported to his wonder.
She'd never been to Polaris before, and there was much to distract her when they arrived. The air was warm, for a planet she had assumed was cold by the uniform it's knights wore. The air smelled like water too, though the source of that was easy enough to find in the hot spring she saw when she turned.
The bed was surprising though. She chose not to comment on it, because really, why assume it was a public hot spring he'd brought her to? And even if it was, since he was the only person on the Wonder, why not just set up next to the spring? It was perfectly logical, wasn't it? Or so she told herself even as he drew her towards it by their linked hands.
Just a place to sit and talk. Ida tucked a foot under her as she sank down on his bed, half turned so she could watch him while he talked.
"I don't really know how to swim." The senshi admitted as she lifted and dropped her shoulders. "But maybe." The water did look nice, but there was some logistics to figure out in what to actually wear in it...
Whisler finally sat and the hand she held, she drew into her lap and cradled there in her own, offering the warmth and comfort of touch. He was obviously bothered by something and she found out rather quickly that whatever she had been expecting, it was not this.
"Make it stop?" Ida asked in surprise, her brow wrinkled in confusion. Why would you want to make it stop? She felt such fulfillment from her bond with her planet, with the comforting safety of the protection around her starseed, it was hard to comprehend not wanting that.
"Did something bad happen? If I can help, I want to..." How she could possibly help with something of this nature, she had no idea, but for him, for anyone, she would try.
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:24 am
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Whisler blinked, seeming somewhat surprised, his thoughts derailed by her confession. “You…you don’t know how to swim? That…really?”
It wasn’t the kind of thing he had ever expected to hear from Ida, and the though kind of made him feel better about himself. Perhaps nobody was perfect. “Well, the spring’s only about eight feet at the deepest point, but most of it is around four feet, and there’s a lovely stone ledge that’s perfect for sitting and relaxing, so swimming isn’t going to be something you really need to worry about here…besides. I wouldn’t let you drown, Ida. Not ever.”
He pressed his lips to her hair and gave a wry smile at her sudden outburst of confusion from his question.
Quietly, Whisler gave a small shrug. “It…nothing bad happened…I just…it’s a curse a lot of the time…I…”
Slowly he drew in a slow breath and sighed. “I think…I think I just…” There was no good way of saying it. She would be disgusted. Repulsed. Horrified. “Chaos calls me…it’s been calling me for a long, long time, Ida. I have no idea still why I ever purified but…” Swallowing, the knight looked away, unable to face whatever expression might be on the beautiful glowing woman’s face.
“I thought it was just a guy. Just an infatuation with this General that I have but…but it’s chaos as a whole. I still…I still crave it…and I can’t do anything about it. I’m trapped here. Trapped behind these glowing snowflakes…and I don’t like the feeling. I mean…”
He reached out and began playing with one of the strands of jewels in his hair and shrugged again, still unable to look at Ida. “If I just don’t power up and can’t be tempted…I’m fine. But…even then…If I don’t power up, I get sick. I feel sick and tired and weak so…either way…I think it would be best for me…to be rid of this…but I don’t know how…”
Finally he looked up at the senshi, pain in his eyes. “Please…don’t hate me…”
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:17 pm
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There was still a frown on her face as Whisler kissed her hair, her gaze turned inward as she struggled to process what he was telling her.
She didn't understand this... trapped feeling he had. Certainly, the sickness that came with not visiting her planet regularly was unpleasant, but under normal circumstances, she wanted to go. It was comforting there, a get away all her own.
"You... never told me why you purified." Ida said slowly, working through her thoughts as she went. Chaos didn't call her the way it obviously did him and she couldn't really grasp what could make it even the littlest bit inviting... but it was clear that it was different for him. Her eyes searched his face as he looked away, her fingers gently squeezing his.
"What is it that draws you to it? I don't blame you, for having feelings for someone who's on the other side, to be clear. They're still people, worth being loved." She kept her voice gentle, encouraging. "But if its more then that, then what about it makes you want it so much? Its okay to explain it to me, I'm not judging you, I just want to understand."
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:35 pm
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The sheer fact that she didn’t recoil from him...didn’t push him away, didn’t...didn’t demand to be taken back to the city gave Whisler a little bit of hope. Finally he managed to turn back towards the sensh, sighing. “I think that’s part of the issue. I don’t remember why I left. I...I have all of these people trying to champion my return, one of who was my old General, and he claims it was his fault that I purified, but I don’t...think that’s the case. Neglect...has never really bothered me before. Sometimes people just don’t hang out, that wouldn’t push me to abandoning everything.”
His thumb brushed over the back of Ida’s hand, his index finger tugging at one of the many bangles she wore, enjoying the soft tinging as they shifted.
“I wish...I wish I could remember. I feel like...if I could...perhaps I wouldn’t be drawn to it like I am...but right now, it’s just...this dark...comforting enigma, a hundred answers to all of the questions that I ask, but when I’m in my more rational frame of mind...I know that’s wrong. I know that I’ll only end up losing everyone I care about all over again...and I tell myself that if those people would just...corrupt with me, all of my longings would be satisfied and I’d be able to really be at peace...but I know that’s not a fair thing to ask...and even when I did I was told no so…”
Swallowing hard, Whisler raised a hand and rubbed at his face again, unconsciously spending more time on the glowing patches than was necessary. “I just...I just feel so lost. I know that I have so much, but I’m just selfish enough to want more...and I feel like that’s why the chaos really calls me. Because there’s still darkness in me and I’m just...I’m just weak, Ida.”
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Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 3:31 pm
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When he spoke, she listened with out saying anything, just watching his face and the way he shifted around uncomfortably. As much as the idea of someone corrupting willingly scared her, she tried to keep her mind in a neutral place.
She couldn’t help him if she didn’t know what was causing this or the details of it, right?
“You say it calls to you, offering more, but what more?” Ida said softly. “Is it power? Security? ... someone else being in charge, making decisions for you?”
Her fingers petted his hand soothingly, running across the glowing back.
“Forget for a moment what other people want, on either side. Look at what exactly YOU want, and why. There is something missing in this life for you, I think, that you think is hidden in that shrouded darkness. What is so appealing about it? Or is it that there is something about... all this...” She said as she waved a hand around at his quiet, lovely wonder. “That you want to escape?”
“You have a lot, you say, and you’re weak... but I’ve seen more strength in you than many others... and having doubts, being unsure, being drawn to something... it isn’t wrong it’s... human. And strength take more forms than just the obvious ones. Strength can be not having given in yet. Because you seem to have thought about this a lot, but you haven’t made any rash decisions. Not everyone is like that.”
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Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 5:29 pm
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Whisler swallowed hard, looking away from Ida and shaking his head. A small laugh bubbled out of his throat and he sighed heavily. “You…did I ever tell you just how I ended up transcending? I had a General King with his hand in my chest working to bring me back. But…I just kept thinking of the people I cared about. And then boom. Suddenly I wasn’t being corrupted and they were both attacking me…”
He moved slightly and rested himself against her, though paused a moment later and shifted so he was laying down, the jewels in his hair clinking as he made himself comfortable in her lap. “I hope this is okay…you’re very soothing.” Shifting so he could gaze up at her, Whisler managed a smile. “I…I don’t want to lose this place. This…this is home. At while I’m here…I am at peace. I feel happy and content…it’s really…It’s really just bad when I’m faced with someone who’s trying to bring me back…I don’t know if it’s a guilty conscious or if it’s me but…but right now I have no desire to go back to chaos.”
Whisler raised a hand and traced a finger over some of the glowing markings on Ida’s cheek. “But…at a time like this when I’m looking at a true Goddess…why would I ever want to turn my back on her.”
He grew quiet for a moment, simply gazing at her, a small smile playing about his face. “I think…you and I are a lot alike. Or, rather…I would like to be more like you. But when it comes to giving advice…I feel as though we’re on the same page…we just want people to be happy, and we can’t let what we want get in the way of their happiness…”
Maybe that was his biggest issue too though. That and the way he got swept away in sweet words. He could dish out the sweet talk himself…but when someone used it on him…he got lost so easily.
Quietly, Whisler closed his eyes and finally just let out a soft whisper. “I don’t want to corrupt…I don’t want to lose all of this. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what to do."
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Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:58 pm
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His story was different than hers, but she had come to find that all transcendence was different, in method and reasoning. No two were ever quite the same and she suspected the experience had different meaning to each of them.
Whisler shifted abruptly and Ida startled as she found his head in her lap. She hesitated before her hand came to rest on his hair, and as he talked, her cheeks reddened.
“It’s... it’s fine.” She murmured as he smiled up at her. He was very... casual about his manner and affections with her, but he always had been and she was starting to suspect he was like that with everyone... even people clever enough to take advantage of it. Which was probably the problem. Here with her, he said, he had no desire to corrupt.
“I think perhaps you let your... love of people confuse you. It’s okay to love them, many deserve it. But... you can’t always put their desires before your own well-being.” She stroked his hair back from his forehead as she leaned back on her free arm. “To an extent, we all let others influence our decisions. What you have to be aware of is... what the other person stands to gain by influencing you, possibly making them ignore your best interests... and no one who really cared about you would want anything but what’s best for you. And then... you need to think about what is best for you. Chaos is... like a drug I think. It’s seductive and makes you feel powerful. But it comes with a cost, both for you and for many innocent people you hurt while serving it.”
She bit her lip as she thought back to when she had known him as Mariposite, though it had only been a short time.
“When we first met, you were still an officer, but you asked me what I knew about purification, if it worked. I didn’t know much and couldn’t tell you anything about it... but you told me that the more chaos flows into someone, the more they immerse in it... the more it changes them. That it corroded them. You didn’t want that to happen to you, and if I had to guess, that is why you purified. And if it helps, you wanted it so badly, you were willing to give up everything to escape it. Family, friends... all your memories and experiences, and trust yourself to the people on this side and a chance at a better future where you were still yourself.”
“It’s okay to be tempted and to feel unsure.” Ida said with a sigh, trying to ignore the feel of his fingers on her face. “But when you are tempted, you should try to remember all the good things you would lose... things you WERE willing to lose to leave it.”
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Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:09 pm
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Her hand on her hair felt wonderful. Somewhere between the touch of a lover, and the touch of someone who just…cared. Not quite a mother…but in that same vein of comfort and love.
Whisler remained quiet for a long while after she finished speaking, though his eyes had opened when she said she had met him. She had met him before he purified and he had asked her about it…
“You mentioned that when we first…first met again…about me asking you about purification…I had forgotten that.”
It had been years ago…but still…
It made him feel kind of warm inside. As though he had sank into a hot bath. He had wanted to purify. Had wanted to escape from the corroding darkness… “Thank you, Ida. I needed to hear all of that…I…I don’t want to lose what I love. Not again…I…”
He swallowed hard, closing his eyes against the tears that had decided to show up. “Ashanite is the one who keeps calling me. He keeps pulling all of the threads…and I tell myself sometimes that I’m only playing along so that maybe one day I can pull him back into being who he was…I was there when he corrupted and he’s been…using my guilt against me for years now…but I’ve fallen in love with him but…”
Nuzzling closer to her, feeling the fabric of her skirts against his cheek, Whisler sighed. “But I haven’t seen him in months…though I know when I do see me again, he’ll pull me right back under. I wish I could just focus on…I don’t know.”
He looked up at her and gave a soft, tired smile. “I’ll fall in love with you, too, Ida. Just be warned. I fall in love so easily…but it never cheapens my feelings. I…I just have a lot of love to go around and…I don’t know…When I find someone I connect with…It just blooms. It’s…blooming now, I think.”
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Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 9:23 pm
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Some of the warm light that had filled Whisler’s eyes dimmed as Ida looked suddenly flustered, tripping over her words and just seeming uncomfortable. He flashed a somewhat rueful smile and pushed himself up, moving out of her lap and leaning over, kissed her cheek with a feather light touch.
“I’m sorry. I know that I make you uncomfortable sometimes. I don’t have a filter and my heart’s always on my sleeve. I don’t mean to.”
He let his powered side fade and began slipping off the shoes and socks he wore. “I’m going for a soak in the hot spring. You’re welcome to join me. I have extra clothes, so you can come in wearing those, if you’d like. Or if you came in your senshi outfit there, all you’d have to do was get rid of it and power up again and it’ll be nice and dry, right?”
Nick’s hair was braided and he slowly began twisting the braid into a knot at the top of his head. “It’s a pain in the neck to dry, especially up here, if I have to go and get us some food later…if you decide you want to stay long enough to eat, it’ll freeze and be quite uncomfortable.”
Pausing, the blonde glanced back up at Ida, giving a little smile. “My name’s Nick, by the way. It’s nice to meet you. I know I told you my name before but…it’s different when you’re actually…you know.” He gave a shrug and lifted the shirt off over his head, finally standing there in nothing more than swim trunks.
“So…you want to join me, Ida? I promise…” He held a hand out towards her, some of the warmth back in his eyes. “I won’t let you drown. Not ever.”
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