prompt
At long last, your Holiday shopping is complete! Every last person is checked off the list, and you have time to spare. Maybe you deserve something a little extra special, too? Or is there someone you suddenly remembered? Are you just imagining that you’re done? What if you actually haven’t gotten everything finished? This time of year is always so stressful—how are you handling shopping at all?
For the longest time, holidays seemed to be the worse time of year for Shiloh. Yes, work was long and painful, his job cleaning the mall asking for more and more hours due to the sheer number of guests they had to handle. Guest with messy children, or spills of their coffee or just general chaos that lingered on in the bathrooms with people eating too much food or waiting too long to relieve themselves... Yes, the holidays had means work, but atleast then he didn't feel lonely.
It wasn't until the day before Christmas that the accidental isolation that Shiloh used to find himself in really settled in his chest, when work closed up early and everyone was sent home. Home to his little ragged apartment building, beaten up but lively with the folks living there having strung up hazardous lights to atleast pretend for a few days that they weren't as poor as they really were. Even within his apartment he could hear the cheerful singing and laughter surrounding him on both sides. One family was entertaining their grandmother, and another was a young man who's friends had come over to party with him.Such Joyous sounds went on and on and on throughout the night.
Yet no one ever came for him.
He was alone on Christmas Eve in that tiny apartment, the only signs of the holidays within were a fake, plastic tree sitting on a counter, but even then, whatever 'holiday spirit' that engulfed the rest of the building seemed to skip the young man. It was a simple task of celebrating back then. Come home, heat up a small premade dinner he had grabbed from the convenience store that unfortunately was still open that night, and then take a few sleeping pills to help sleep through everything. If he was asleep, then maybe that loneliness wouldn't plague him... Because atleast on Christmas day, he would spend a few hours smiling and laughing with his cousins before returning to his hope to wait out the end of the year alone.
Maybe what he did last year, curled up alone in his old squeaky bed as the sounds of excitement and gayness surrounded him but refused to touch. He remembered vaguely hoping that maybe next year would be different, that the booming fireworks that he could see out of his window would be enough to pass as sparkling stars for him to wish on. It took a few days after, but maybe the stars had heard him, because came New Years Eve, he had made a friend that had become the most important person in the world to him.
Alexei, even on their first meeting, had a way that made Shiloh feel real. Not that he hadn't been 'real' before, but often times it only felt like he was a ghost, drifting through the world one silent step at a time. It never seemed to feel like he left any impact at all on anyone, nor did it seem to feel like anyone noticed him as existing besides a few, passing moments. And for a long, long while, it didn't bother him, but as Alexei slowly came into his life, there was that realization that he very much craved to be noticed.
It was certainly strange at first, how much Alexei seemed to go out of his way to see him and ensure Shiloh was alright. And at first it made the young man uneasy. The differences between them were so vast and innumerable that at first it only seemed that it was pitying action on Alexei's part. Yet as time went on, it became natural to see one another, to call or text or arrange times to be together, to the point that it seemed almost incredibly worrying to be apart more than a few days at a time. The thoughts that he was at first being an inconvenience finally left and now it only seemed natural to not be apart from one another, to the point where he even moved in after that terrible incident with the Mirrors. And, well... At some point, the feeling of admiration and the desire to only ever wanting to make Alexei happy melded together into a sweet, gentle love that Shiloh could hardly put to words.
Some how, some way, Shiloh really wanted to express just how much he cared for his older friend. It always seemed that he could only do little things at a time. Decorating the house for the holidays, cooking a dinner that filled the house with delicious scents and lighting the fireplace to give the home that pretty, fiery glow were only a few things he could do. He never really had alot of extra money, but what he did have, he tried to spend it on little ways to see Alexei smile. How could he not try his best when the judge opened his home to him, taking him out of that lonely apartment, and brought him into a place that actually felt like a home rather than just a place to live?
What in the world could you give a man who could easily get anything he wanted?
It wasn't just money, or reputation that Alexei could use to get what he wanted either. He had this... This power, this way of being bold enough to see what he wanted and take the action to get it. That was the difference between the two of them, and often times it left Shiloh feeling small. Not in a really bad way, but it felt like he was a tiny little mouse staring up with wide eyes at a statue of Iustitia, grand and impartial to all those around. And yet that wasn't the case for him, for that impartial gaze often turned to Shiloh and changed into something gentle and kind. Just thinking about that gaze he was so often given made the young man's heart flutter now more than ever.
Yes, what he felt was love, and he told himself time and time again that it should be enough to only feel this way. What reason did he have to ask the other to return it more than he already did? Still, he didn't want to just keep feelings and words to himself. So... Maybe it was time to say things.
What bigger gift could he give than all of himself... Though even then it didn't seem like enough. He'd try though, and even if things didn't go as well as he hoped, atleast that feeling in his chest, would be relieved. They were good enough friends that even this confession wouldn't be enough to ruin that.
While Shiloh didn't have confidence in many situations, he had plenty of it when it came to their relationship. Even if it didn't go any further than just friends. All there was left to do was wait for Alexei to come home...
WC: 1157
