Welcome to Gaia! ::

ttps://i.pinimg.com/originals/e0/ee/4f/e0ee4fabae4fc1292fb71617fe7b9117.jpg -- for my own reference later

It had been a month since Jett had handed Rhona the deed to the burnt out old church and since day one she had been slaving in the wind at the cold. A labor of love, she had called it, getting the old rotted out fence out of the ground and replacing it with a new one before the ground froze. Pulling off siding that was too damaged the be salvaged and painting what was left the same white as the fence. Every night after her quota was filled, Rhona bundled up and came directly here, passing through a mirror that she kept stashed in the all-but-ruined back room that would be storage someday. Tonight was the same as the 29 before, and as soon as Acubens melted away into Rhona Lee, she picked up a hammer and began her work. Lumber had been delivered for the siding during the day and was sitting just inside the entrance, waiting for her. If everything went according to her plan, Rhona could have the siding on the widest wall done tonight, and spend the rest of the day tomorrow working on the other three sides. Lucky for her, it was just replacing rotten boards and not siding from scratch…

Next to the mirror was set up a table saw that she had only a cursory understanding of how to use, but that was what youtube was for, so she picked up the tape measure from beside that and the pencil and paper that it was sitting on and went outside into the quickening darkness to start her work. It was only four in the evening, why was it getting dark at four in the evening? Kicking on the spotlight, Rhona took stock of the damage she had done the day before. When she finished working, it didn’t look so bad but now… entire sections of wooden siding had been proclaimed too rotten to keep on the walls and had to be pulled off. What wasn’t taken off was loosened to make the removal easier. Anything else was in desperate need of paint… rhona allowed herself only a moment of despair before she set to work. Three rows of siding to begin with, one slat 2 feet 3 inches, the second three feet flat, the third 1 foot ten inches. She marked it on her pad and moved on the to the next. Four slats, the first two would need four feet three inches, the next needed three feet six inches, and the last would need two feet four inches. On and on until she had each gap measured and recorded. Behind the pad of paper was a picture of the side of the church that she was working on, siding removed where necessary, and each bald spot assigned a number. Her system of organization. Ten groups in all, and so she laid out ten sheets of paper all numbered and weighed down with rocks and set to work in the back room, cutting what she needed and dragging it back out.

Four melted into five and five melted into six and by the time seven rolled around Rhona finally had all of her siding measured out and piled into ten neat groups on the ground in front of the wall.

“Not so bad, not so bad,” she muttered to herself, ignoring the three slats of wood that she had mis-measured or cut at an angle. They would make good scrap for something else, she was sure. Antique looking signs or something perhaps. Those would be okay cut at strange angles… But that would come later. Now she kicked on the air compressor and flipped on her tunes to drown out the sound. With her hair tightly caught in a wild ponytail behind her head, she could begin on the siding at long last. The guy at the store had warned her to brace herself with the nail gun, but he had not, however, warned her that the sound of the tool would frighten the living daylights out of her and cause her to make the most comical sound of alarm she’d ever heard in her life.

Hopefully no one would be around to see it.

A voice over the sound of the nail gun and the air compressor caught Rhona’s attention. She looked around, unseeing from the repeated shock of the nail gun doing its job, before her eyes landed on Lavender. Her stomach hit the floor so hard, Rhona was certain that it had made a sound. She kicked off the air compressor and pushed her safety goggles up onto her head to better see the other woman. She hadn’t expected to see her here… or ever again. Lavender had made it clear during their talk at the coffee shop that she wouldn’t be making the first move, and after the disaster with the spiders, Rhona was sure that she wasn’t going to do so either. And even if she was to call on Lavender, it certainly would not have been when the other woman was made up with a full face of artistry and Rhona was sweating ehr d**k off in the snow with her hair quickly unraveling from her sub-par ponytail.

With a nail gun in her hand.

Would Lavender think that she was trying to kill her again?

Rhona pushed the thought and the memory of Lavender’s frightened face away and gently set the nail gun down next to a pile of wooden siding.

“What brings a pretty girl like you all the way out here,” she asked, trying to keep the tone light despite the sick feeling in her stomach. “It’s a little off the beaten path, isn’t it?”

And then she spied the gift in Lavender’s arms.

s**t.

If Rhona wasn’t expecting Lavender to drop by, then she certainly wasn’t expecting her to drop by with a present either. She hadn’t gotten her one… honestly, she figured it would just hurt Lavender more than make her happy. And after all that she had put her through, that last thing Rhona wanted to do was hurt her some more. Not after… well… everything. But she ignored the clawing in her stomach and the fluttering in her throat and the weakness in her knees and stopped about three feet away from her visitor.

“Welcome to my little project anyway,” she said, ignoring the annoying wavering in her voice. “It’s not much yet but… you should have seen it before. Rotten fence, over growth all over the place. She’s… she’s coming along.” What even was she saying? Why was she saying whatever she was saying? What did Lavender care about a church? She came for a reason, Rhona was too far out of the way to just be happened upon. And she certainly didn’t just randomly show up with… a gift… was she stalling the presentation of a gift that she didn’t feel that she deserved? Or was she talking so that maybe Lavender would get bored and leave again? Stop the hurt deep down in her lungs -- did lungs have nerve endings? That was a new place to feel pain. Maybe she was talking so that Lavender couldn’t. Whether it was to give forgiveness or place blame, Rhona wasn’t sure which was worse. So she avoided it all. She talked.

“I’m starting a… a Farmer’s Market come spring, when I harvest. Gonna sell other people’s merchandise too. Make it year round… can’t keep pickpocketing forever, I’m 24. It’s time for a career I suppose… though this won’t make as much as stealing…” s**t… did Lavender know that she used to… was currently, just lifting spare change from her victims? Cover it up cover it up. Keep going.

“Just um… doing some siding…”

s**t, she was Jewish? Rhona hadn’t known that. Chalk it up to the list of things, she supposed. Rhona rubbed the back of her neck and smiled sheepishly at her own confession, shrugging at the admission.

“I mean… It’s just tens and twenties from wallets. Nothing huge. I don’t like doing that but… when you corrupt you kind have… nothing. So I didn’t have much of a choice, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to accept any charity. Even if it was from Remarque who I think is secretly a good guy even if he doesn’t want to let that on.” She laughed at her own joke, but it wasn’t her usual, easy laughter. It never reached her eyes and died when Lavender presented her gift. Rhona curled her hands uncertainty around the box, accepting it like something fragile. She stared at it for a long time, trying to sort out what she was feeling, exactly. Guilt? Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. She hadn’t exactly been the best girlfriend, and even when she tried it blew up in her face. Maybe… Maybe since Lavender was blabbering on and on just like she was… maybe this time would be different? But then wasn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? Maybe it was up to Rhona ot not do the same thing over and over. That didn’t meant hat Lavender didn’t have to meet her half-way but…

“I’m abrasive, Lav. I’m selfish and I’m unthinking and I almost never have a plan. I fight too much -- I’m really fighty. I don’t… do things… well. But I try… I am trying. I just… need help.” She looked up and around, suddenly very interested in the pile of wood to her left. “I can’t self regulate if no one tells me when I’m being ******** up and hurtful. And I go to war too often. But it’s only because I’m the only one that I trust on the front lines between you and… pain. But I’m trying to not be… that way… anymore. It’s why I’m doing… this…” she swept her arm around at the church behind her with a small smile. “I’m putting down roots. Something to hold onto. Something to keep me… grounded.”

Where was she even going with this? Suddenly it was too hot inside of her coat and the cold air of the night was too painful and it bit her face too hard but what else could she do? She turned her eyes up towards her start -- she always knew exactly where it was -- and tried to find the right words.

“I’m not done… cooking… yet… there are still big snags that need to be worked out, but if you want, then I’d really like you to… um… teach me…”

“Oh god no,” Rhona clutched the gift to her tighter, suddenly worried that she was going to lose it. Her eyes snapped up to meet Lavender’s face. “It’s amazing and… more than I deserve. I can’t wait to make a million mistakes with it all!” So many mistakes… Lavender said that she made videos about makeup… did that mean that there were others who did that too? Maybe she could learn from them… she just… didn’t want to…

And then Lavender backed up. s**t! ********! s**t! She was doing it again! Rhona’s hamfisted brain got all broken whenever Lavender was around and it was hard to function and <********>. Rhona took a deep breath to stop the spinning of her mind and gathered herself.

“No, sorry. I’m trying to be clearer when I speak it’s just,” It’s just that you make me stupid, “It’s just hard sometimes. What I meant was… remember when I said that I would fix myself? Get myself to a better version of this,” she gestured to herself with a nervous smile. “Well… I’m not done with that yet… I still have a bunch of rough edges and parts of myself that I don’t like,” like the stealing, “but I’d like to… if you’d let me… try and… maybe… get to know you better. Not date again, I don’t think that we’re ready for that yet but… there so much I don’t know about you, Lav. I didn’t even know you were Jewish for chrissake.” What was she even trying to say? What was there to say? Out here in the frozen cold it was so easy to burrow down into her coat and pretend like this wasn’t as big of a deal as it was because she was still digesting what Raven had told her about her and Jett and they seemed perfect but they fought and bled for their stability and it looked so effortless to Rhona. It wasn’t.

“I didn’t think you ever wanted to see me again, Lav. I was worried I’d ******** too much of it up but… I’d like to be your friend… if you’d let me. I already know how to cook,” she laughed easier this time, sniffling as the cold made her nose run, “maybe I could show you that sometime while you… show me how to use… this?” She held the box out a little bit, smile spreading easily across her face. “I know I can learn online but I don’t want to.”

Rhona fell silent again, hoping that she hadn’t fallen back on old metaphors and evasive ways of speaking. If there was ever a time to be direct… it was now. Direct and honest.

“I miss you, Lav. I miss hanging out with you, laughing with you. Sure I miss dating you, but more than that I miss… I miss you.”

Hope.

A single, frail, glimmering ray of hope. And Rhona grabbed onto it with shaking hands.

“I know,” she admitted. “I tend to go off radar when things like that go down. Remarque and Lesath are never too pleased with me when I do that… That’s another thing I need to work on… not going off grid…” Why did she do that? It was a puzzle solve later. Right now Rhona had to tread lightly, think carefully before she ruined the tenuous peace that they had reached.

“I’m sorry about that. Both times. Next time Destiny City hits the shitter, I’ll make sure that I let you guys know where I’m at. Because, knowing this place, there will be a next time.” She laughed again, her laugh increasingly easier and more musical as time passed and she let the anxiety slip from her bones. Her stance relaxed and her shoulders slipped forward. Her grip on the gift even loosened, no longer white-knuckled from worry.

“It’s still pretty early,” she offered quietly. “Maybe if you’re not busy we can get some coffee and you can tell me what each thing is… what it does? Get some groundwork laid before we start really working on the makeup?” She would have to lock up first… put the siding away… But that wouldn’t take long at all, half an hour at the most. She can send Lavender on a head and clean up herself… if Lav even wanted to grab coffee, that was...

Like another godray of light, hope strained itself to meet Rhona’s face again, and she turned to meet it. Gently, it rested on her cheek like a butterfly before leaving all too soon. Her lips fell open in surprise at the sudden gesture, but she didn’t mention it, fearing that speaking might break the sudden spell that had come over them both. Suddenly her coat felt too warm, and she resisted to urge to shrug it off. Everything suddenly felt alive inside of her. Like her body was crawling out of winter itself and spring was coming early. Her limbs ached to move of their own accord, but she stilled them, determined not to scare Lavender off a third time.

It was going to be a posture… a bit of a dance courting Lavender again. It had happened on accident once… she had to make it deliberate this time. And as she went on about hot chocolate, Rhona’s easy smile returned to her, cheeks lifting to squeeze her eyes shut. She nodded as Lavender laid out their plan, adding, “hot chocolate sounds great. I need to lay off the caffeine at night anyway.” Not to mention the way Lavender had totally sold her on those marshmallows. And tons of whipped cream. And sprinkles. As black as Rhona liked her coffee, she loved her desserts with as many frills and fluff as she could pack on. Did Lavender know that? She considered the girl for a long moment with wonder in her eyes. She always knew that there was so much that she didn’t know about Lavender, she never once stopped to think about all of the things that Lavender didn’t know about her. Did she know that Rhona used to be a twin? Did she know that thinking about that still sent her heart down to the darkest pit of her stomach? Did she know that she wanted to have a home in the country and a subsistence farm? She’d been so in love with the idea of Lavender, that she forgot to find out who she really was. Which was, arguably, the most exciting part.

Why had she skipped it?

“Yeah, you go on ahead. And since you got me this lovely gift, how about I pick up the tab for the hot chocolate? Go ahead and order some food to if you want. I’ll be along after I clean this mess up.” She kicked the flood light off for good measure, the lingering darkness swallowing them both up along with Rhona’s twitchy excitement.

Lavender left Rhona with a warm feeling in her stomach. She didn’t power up, but somehow the lumber felt lighter in her arms than he had coming out. Her nerves buzzed and she longed to half-a** it and throw everything into a pile but she took her time. She kind of… liked… the nervous buzzing in her fingertips. It tasted like magic on her lips, like fire in her brain. Different totally from what she had felt before with Lavender when it was just blind longing… like her eyes were opened. Lavender lingered on her senses long after she’d gone, still clinging to Rhona like perfume as she stacked the boards neatly with their labels in the back room.

By the time Rhona finally did set things right for the next day, her nerves were practically screaming at her. They pulled on her, dragged her towards the coffee shop where Lavender waited for her. Let her order two of everything. Let her order the world if she wanted. Rhona would pay for it. The image of Lavender sitting, pensive by a snowy window with a cup of hot cocoa warming her hands flickered to life in Rhona’s eye and she smiled. It was the warmest that she’d felt in a long time.

Rhona buttoned her jacket up and took the long way, enjoying the smoldering excitement that burned on her fingertips. If she got to the shop and Lavender sat on a throne of pastries bought on Rhona’s tab then so be it. It would just make seeing her all the sweeter.