Backdated to June 2017
“This is for you.”
It was a normal night at the end of the June, a random Thursday after a completely mundane week. Nothing sentimental about it. They were at the Mexican place near work, one of the occasions in which their schedules happened to line up, so they could treat themselves to dinner out instead of returning home separately to eat whenever they got tired of waiting for one another. It wasn’t even expensive (less than ten dollars, if they were conscious of what they ate), and the atmosphere couldn’t be considered romantic in anyway, considering how loud it was with a toddler screaming two booths away.
Which made it perfect, actually. The less that could be misread about this situation, the better.
With his eyes stubbornly fastened to his plate, Lovely slid a box across the table, small and square. It wasn’t anything fancy, just brightly colored cardboard. This one was green, picked at random when Lovely made the purchase a week or so ago. It looked completely innocuous, except that Ilian would probably recognize it as a ring box from work.
“Wear it,” Lovely grumbled, “and for once in your miserable life, think of me when you’re out doing stupid s**t at night.”
---
There was half a taco shoved into his mouth when Lovely decided to pull out a tiny box to set in front of him, and Ilian nearly choked. It was almost impossible for him to say anything for a solid minute, because he was trying to dislodge the crunchy shell from the back of his throat without having to do anything too drastic. Naturally he’d already finished off his water and there had been no one to come by for a refill since they’d received their food. He reached over for Lovely’s water instead, quickly chugging it and trying not to dribble it down his chin and not quite being successful.
“What?” Ilian gasped hoarsely, still coughing slightly as he stared suspiciously at the box. The implication that he was supposed to wear it and think of Lovely was uhhhh….
“Uhhhh…. What?” he gaped again, concerned hazel eyes lifting from the box to Lovely’s face and -
Oh god, why was his face red like that?? Did he have to look like there was about to be steam coming off his face??
“What is this?” he frowned, still not reaching for the box because he was also starting to flush red, and it was not from trying not to choke.
---
“Shut. Up,” Lovely seethed.
God, the choking was awful. Could Ilian have had a worse reaction? Stupid question. Yes, he could have. He could’ve gotten all sappy about it. Or teary-eyed. God, that would be revolting. But the choking was almost just as awful, because choking drew concern, and Lovely didn’t want anyone looking their way. Which should probably have encouraged him to do this at home instead, but he rather liked the noise. And the fact that they weren’t alone, because even if he didn’t want anyone to see, he also didn’t want the awkward silence that probably would have fallen over them at the apartment.
The apartment would have been too intimate. Lovely didn’t want intimate. He wanted… this. Totally random, and totally unromantic. This was about being pragmatic. It didn’t have anything to do with feelings.
Except he did occasionally want Ilian to not do dumb s**t, and if thinking of Lovely was what it took to get Ilian to consider his own life with more ******** it.
“What do you think it is, you dumb ********?” Lovely said, in as low a voice as possible. “Wear the stupid thing and stop doing dangerous s**t by yourself. For ******** sake, I only tell you that all the time.”
Was his face red??? Lovely was trying very hard not to notice. He kept his eyes fastened on his rice and did everything in his power to look disinterested. Of course he failed, because he was tense and looked like he was two seconds away from bolting for the door.
---
What was happening?? He and Lovely had been living together ever since Lovely had broken into his apartment to make sure Ilian wasn’t dead. Instead he’d just been kidnapped and tortured, but Lovely had stayed to make sure he was recovering well enough after that. And it wasn’t as though he didn’t think of Lovely as his friend. And they did do things, but this was completely… unexpected, especially from someone like Lovely who didn’t seem at all interested other than making sure he wasn’t stuck in the Negaverse alone.
“I don’t know what it is. What is it supposed to be?” he asked, still not opening the box. Ilian didn’t want to know. Maybe it was just a necklace or dog tags or something. A bracelet that said “if lost return to--”.
Slowly, because there didn’t seem to be any more reason to avoid it, Ilian reached out to take the box and slowly opened it.
A ring.
Lovely was giving him a ring.
Not just any ring, but it was a silver band with a square, light blue stone. Aquamarine?
If Ilian hadn’t been red before, he was definitely red now.
“You just… want me to wear it?” he swallowed back the nervousness that surfaced, not entirely sure what he was doing. Maybe this was just a stupid joke. This was Lovely after all. There was no way he would make anything more sentimental than he had to, if at all.
---
Except Lovely didn’t joke about things.
Well, he did. Sometimes. But never about s**t like this. He mocked people, mostly. Tried to humiliate them in front of others. Or he insulted them, one ugly word after another, coupled with a nasty smirk. That wasn’t really what people normally thought when they imagined someone joking, because no one really laughed when Lovely did it. Just Lovely, and only if he felt particularly pleased with himself.
This was definitely not anything like that, aside from the foul language.
“Yes, I want you to wear it,” Lovely grumbled. “********, how many times do I have to say that?”
So what if it was a ring? Lovely owned plenty of rings. Okay, so, yeah, most of them were cheap, tacky fashion jewelry, like the kind shitty teenagers stole from the store. Not the sort that obviously came out of a glass case. Like this one. This one was worth at least a few hundred dollars. A sizeable portion of one of Lovely’s paychecks, actually.
But that wasn’t the point. The point was that Lovely owned rings. He was wearing three at that very moment, as a matter of fact. Necklaces, too. He liked layering those. So, really, it wasn’t so strange that he bought another piece of jewelry. Ilian’s wardrobe could use some improvements anyway.
“Do you have to make such a big deal about it?” Lovely asked into his half finished plate. “It is what it is. I saw it. I bought it. It’s yours. Think of me the next time you put your ******** life in danger. That’s all.”
Yeah, he definitely felt the warmth in his face ********, that was so lame.
---
Lovely wanted Ilian to think of him.
That was just so… weird. Not because Ilian didn’t think of or care about Lovely, but… Lovely wanted Ilian to think about him and not, like… Jericho or anyone else. At least no one else was included in the statement.
“Okay…” he said finally, pulling the ring from the box and sliding it onto the middle finger of his right hand, because what else was he supposed to do with it? It was a little tight around that finger, but… that was okay, right? It just wouldn’t fall off.
“Thanks… I guess…” he mumbled, feeling awkward and stupid and overheated because this definitely could have turned into something else. But it wasn’t. He was… he didn’t know if he was glad or a little… not disappointed but underwhelmed now that everything was settling and Lovely clearly didn’t mean anything more by it.
“Yeah, okay… I just… thought you were going to say something else,” he admitted, poking at the ring and twisting it around his finger to try and get used to it.
---
Lovely chose to clamp his mouth shut instead of correcting Ilian about the ring placement. Let the idiot get it stuck on the wrong finger for a while. He’d eventually figure it out on his own. It would be a much more comfortable fit on his ring finger. Lovely made sure of that the week before, when they were kidding around before the store opened and Lovely had Ilian try on some of those cheap, tacky rings in the Fashion Jewelry department.
“What the ******** else would I say?”
Again, stupid question. Of course Lovely knew what Ilian meant. That was the entire reason he kept staring downward instead of meeting Ilian’s eye. He simply didn’t want to explain himself any more than he already had. There wasn’t anything to explain, really. It wasn’t as if this was supposed to be meaningful. It was just a thing that seemed logical. Because Ilian did stupid s**t, and Lovely hated that Ilian did stupid s**t, and it would just be convenient if he had some sort of control over the aftermath of that stupid s**t. Or, better yet, served as basis for Ilian not doing that stupid s**t in the first place.
But since he doubted Ilian had that much restraint, the aftermath was what Lovely chose to focus on with his next statement.
“Once you’re eighteen, it would be better if we could file a joint tax return.”
Well… yes, that was true. Still, not entirely what he meant to say.
Lovely’s face burned a deeper shade of red. At least the frowning and the glaring meant he looked more angry than mortified.
“I should be able to decide to pull the plug on you after a Senshi bashes your ******** skull in,” he added.
---
Ilian didn’t know what else Lovely would say. He thought he would say something about… sappy stuff… like marriage. But that was crazy.
Until he brought up the whole… turning eighteen thing.
“Uh,” Ilian blinked, staring at the way Lovely’s face seemed to turn even more red than before. “Wait.” This was… not what he was thinking of, right? Lovely didn’t really mean…
No, it was just because Ilian was thinking too much into it, right?
“You want…. To be able to pull the plug on me…” he repeated, staring across the table, the rest of his taco forgotten. “You know that means… we’d have to… get married, right?”
That was absolutely crazy! Ilian twisted the ring nervously on his hand again, his own face still red.
“How much did you spend on this thing? It feels… not cheap. You didn’t actually buy me a fancy ring did you?” he asked, his voice rising higher in the octave the longer he spoke.
---
“Is that what it means?” Lovely asked. “******** if I know how any of that s**t works.”
At least Ilian was the first one to say the “m” word. Not that Lovely had any intention of saying it at all. Ever. Because that wasn’t what this was about. The “m” word was for people who walked down the street holding hands, or sat in random restaurants staring into one another’s eyes. Which Lovely and Ilian definitely did not do. Sure, they messed around, and yeah, they relied on one another, but that was it, really. ******** all that gross s**t about love and devotion. This was nothing more than a sensible merger for some handy benefits.
With some caution, Lovely’s eyes flicked up to study Ilian’s face. He looked away again just as quickly, staring back down at his plate and stirring his fork through the remainder of his rice.
“Who the ******** cares how much I spent on it?” he said. “It’s my money. I’ll do what I want with it. That’s not the ******** point anyway. If… that thing you said… if that’s what we have to do… if it’s what you want to do, because it’s practical or whatever… ********, just tell me, and we can do it and we don’t have to talk about it, and everything will stay exactly the way it is now anyway, except for the tax return thing…”
Lovely had to stop, had to pause and swallow and give himself a few seconds to get his thoughts back on track. He was hoping this would have been less painfully awkward.
He finished with a grumbled, “It’s not like I’m going to ******** off with anyone else.”
Because that was true. Ilian was really the only person he gave a damn about, aside from his family, but Lovely was more or less estranged from his family still, so he didn’t know how much they actually counted anymore.
---
”Wait,” Ilian tried saying, but his voice was weak. Lovely continued. “Wait, wait, wait hold on,” he tried, although he wasn’t really that forceful about it. If this wasn’t what Lovely meant… if he didn’t really want... to get married… because that was kind of the thing that was required before tax returns could be filed jointly… then.
“You’re asking me if that’s what I want? You’re…”
Ilian paused, because he wasn’t really sure what he was saying, or what Lovely was saying, or what he was hearing, and the ring felt heavy on his finger…
And it was in that moment that Ilian realized he was probably not wearing it on the correct finger.
Lovely was... for all intents and purposes… proposing to him. He’d just told him to tell him if that was what he wanted to do. He’d put it in Ilian’s court, so it was as good as a proposal. Weren’t they too young for this? This was… a big step.
But they were already living together, and Ilian trusted Lovely with his life, and Lovely had even almost died for him.
“Okay,” he said, shifting a bit awkwardly in his seat. “I mean… I guess. Because it’s not like I have any family to pull the plug on me if something were to happen, so… It’s practical, right?”
---
Lovely was not proposing.
He was absolutely, without question, one hundred percent not proposing. He was stating things. Things that made sense. Things that were logical. Because they lived together and worked together and risked their lives together and, honestly, it would just be… convenient... if there was something to that. It didn’t have to mean forever. It probably wouldn’t. There was a high probability one of them was going to die before “forever” was even an option. It was just… for now. While they lived and worked and risked their lives.
After that… if there was an after… they could decide what they wanted to do ********, that’s what I’ve been saying,” Lovely said.
His grip on his fork tightened. He scraped the tines along his plate so they made a loud noise. Then he lifted his gaze again to glare at Ilian.
That stupid ********, forcing him to ramble on like that when Ilian could have just gotten straight to the point.
“Stop being so ******** weird about it,” he continued. “It’s a thing. That’s all. Got it? We’re already… you and me. This is just you and me with extra perks. So… that’s what I… but the ring is just… ******** it, we don’t have to talk about that either. You’re an idiot. Eat your ******** taco. Don’t say another word.”
Hastily, Lovely looked down again, shoving a forkful of rice into his mouth before he could say anything else.
---
Ilian stared. He was still red. Lovely was still red. He had moved the ring from his middle finger to his ring finger. And they were still in the middle of a cheap restaurant and Lovely refused to say the word that seemed to get him all flustered to even think about.
But then why suggest it in the first place? There were plenty of reasons to just say ******** it and not bother, right? Lovely had bought him a ring to wear and to think of him.
The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. Other than Jericho, who had been like his brother even if they went their separate ways and had their separate lives, Ilian hadn’t really thought there would be someone he could rely on. At least until Lovely. And Lovely breaking into his apartment and staying with him.
Under the table, Ilian casually swung his foot so that it hit Lovely’s, but he didn’t say anything to excuse himself or apologize. It wasn’t anything cute or romantic. Just him kicking Lovely’s foot.
As requested, he didn’t say another word as he worked on finishing his taco.
